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Thread: My life Part 1

  1. #1
    MarchinBunny

    Default My life Part 1

    So, for a while, I have been a bit hesitant on whether or not I wanted to go over all of these things here. Ultimately I decided I might as well. However, I realize this is going to be a very long post. I assume this is going to take me a few days to fully write out. So I may even split it into parts. Maybe make a new thread a week later with the next part, so I don't flood the forum.

    So, I guess my best bet would be to start by giving a little back story to my family, to better understand who they are. So first up is my mom. She was born and grew up in Brooklyn, New York. I can't say for certain on exactly the sort of things she was involved in as I can only piece together a little bit from the things I have heard. However, she was pretty much a delinquent and lived on the streets. Some of her family were or possibly even still are involved with the mafia. So her personality is very much still like that even to this day. Solve problems by threatening or using violence. She is also religious, Christian.

    Now as for my Dad's side, there is not a whole heck of a lot to them. Most of them live in Long Island, New York. My Dad while was religious, (Jewish) he was pretty open minded. My Dad met my mom because she was looking for a job and would drop on by the pharmacy he owned pretty often. He turned her down many times, but she kept coming back, so he felt she was good looking and decided to hire her. Go figure, right?

    So my dad's side of the family hates my mom's side of the family due to the whole delinquent thing.

    Now to turn the clock back just a tad bit before my mom met my dad, she was with some mafia guy. Causing trouble no doubt. She was also pregnant with his child. Think she was 16 at the time if I remember correctly. I could calculate it, but I don't remember my mom's age. XD
    The point of mentioning this is because that child is my oldest sister, Jackie.

    There is a bit more I could write here, stories I been told by my mom while she was on the street causing trouble, but for the most part, it's irrelevant. Just know, she still carries that gangster personality even to this day.

    So my mom had Jackie and later got pregnant again quite a few years later. Another sister, Jennifer. She ended up having her before my mom and dad decided to move to Florida, where a year and one month later she had me. I suppose this is where it all starts, at least from my perspective.

    The memories I have of that time are very few. I do know I felt like I had the best family ever. I loved my mom and looked up to her. She just seemed so cool to me. We would go on family vacations often enough that I remember having been to Niagara Falls, Washington DC, New York, Blue Ridge Mountains, etc. From my perspective, we were a happy family.

    I don't remember much about potty training although my mom has mentioned an event that occurred. She claimed I was easy to potty train. She caught me lifting up the couch cushion and using it similarly to how one would use the toilet. Then she apparently yelled at me and said from then on; I was potty trained. Now the crazy part is I remember doing the couch thing ... and I am pretty sure I did that on purpose because I was upset about not being in diapers anymore. That is just speculation though as I don't remember entirely to know.

    Other fragments I remember, are of my dad throwing a TV remote at my mom while I was in her arms.

    I remember getting into trouble and my dad hitting me with the belt. My sister Jackie convinced me to take a bunch of bottles upstairs and hide them under my bed. They were medicine bottles. So my dad when he found out started screaming and I knew it meant I was getting the belt. So I ran and hid under my bed only to be pulled out by my leg and be repeatedly hit with the belt.

    We got woken up by dad as he is screaming at us to get dressed. My mom got in a car accident on the way home for work. It almost killed her. She was on crutches for a while. I was pretty scared.

    Now there are other bits and pieces I remember. Like I remember having accidents, but I can't quite remember when or how often.

    This last memory is at the peak of the mountain, right before the fall, where I lost everything. As a child, it's hard to understand what is going on. All I knew was my dad was gone, and something happened. He was in jail for sexually molesting my sister, Jackie. He did get out, and he came home with gifts. I couldn't understand where he had gone. Then, they got a divorce, and he was gone again.

    So something I learned about the situation was my dad was in jail, and my mom had my sister Jackie lie in court to get him out of jail. She did this so she could essentially extort money out of him. So he had to pay her a significant amount of child support.

    Now, I can't be entirely sure of my age when this all occurred. But I think I was around 3 - 4 years old. Maybe nothing was right, to begin with, and all the "great" times I felt was just from the perspective of a child who had no clue what was going on.


    So, every other weekend my sister Jen and I would visit our dad. Jackie could no longer see him for obvious reasons. Eventually, my mom started seeing a guy named Joe. He seemed somewhat friendly; he would often treat us to ice cream and McDonald's.

    Eventually, we moved in with him. Again, I remember having an accident at some point during this time and getting in trouble. I was playing video games while it happened. I was yelled at and called lazy by my mom.

    I also got this big Teddy Bear that my mom got, and she gave to me. Rather than sleeping on the bed I would sleep on the teddy bear off to the side. My mom thought the reason was in my room there was an air conditioner duct that you could see, so she thought I might have been scared of it. So they eventually filled it in, which made me feel I had to start sleeping in the bed, otherwise, I would feel bad.

    Now, I, for the most part, have always been a bed wetter, but I don't remember if I was at this time or not. I know there were the accidents from my memory, but that is it. I mean, I was relatively young, so most of these memories are just fragments.

    So my mom decided to get married to Joe, and we moved into a new house. Pretty big, two-story house and a guest house. Now this is where things started to change with Joe. He suddenly became more strict. No longer treated us to things like he normally would.

    (Edit: Oh, forgot to mention my mom took away the big teddy bear, she said I was getting to old for it)

    At this time I was around 6 - 7 years old. We started being forced to do chores around the house, and if we didn't do them exactly when he wanted them done, he would ground us for the rest of the day. The issue is, he would remind us to do them before we ever would get the chance to do it on our own. So it was like he purposefully was grounding us just for the fun of it.

    We had different levels of grounding. Standard grounding would be not to be allowed outside, talk on the phone, nor go out to eat if they decided to do so. Typically going out to eat would only occur with one of us grounded. Joe would do it to spite whoever he grounded at the time.

    The second level of grounding would be to our room, not allowed to leave it other than for supper and bathroom breaks of course. All the things that apply with the standard grounding apply here as well. So no phone calls.

    The third level of grounding was Joe sending us to the couch. This couch was out in a room away from anyone. Had just to sit there and do nothing. He did allow us to read books, but that was it and most of the books we had already read. This sort of grounding would typically occur if we didn't get a signature from our teacher, even if it was due to them being absent and having a substitute. It's sort of like a time out in a corner, but one that never actually ends as you have to stay there for the whole day or for however long he decided to ground us.

    Now, I mean these sort of groundings to me are not terrible by themselves. It was more the frequency that seemed to make things pretty bad. Joe would ground us any chance he could get.

    The other issue was he started picking on us too. I have always been somewhat girly even as a child. I would also tend to get excited and flap my arms in weird situations, though I have no idea why I did that. I realized it was somewhat of an odd thing to do later on. Joe started calling me a fairy. Now from my perspective at the time, I didn't even realize he was insulting me. Again, it's something I would learn later on.

    He would call my sister Jen fat all the time and tell Jackie how much of a loser she is.

    He also started hitting me if I cried too much; mainly slapping me in the face. He would also threaten to punch me if I kept it up.

    Well, this post is getting long enough. Think I will cut it off here and talk about this more at a later time.

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    Guessing it's too long for anyone to care XD.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    Guessing it's too long for anyone to care XD.
    Hey...

    I'm sorry I have to process things in small doses atm and I've been distracted by other things...

    Please don't think I don't care. I'm sorry I've been late getting back to this.


  4. #4
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    Hey...

    I'm sorry I have to process things in small doses atm and I've been distracted by other things...

    Please don't think I don't care. I'm sorry I've been late getting back to this.

    Ahh, I see. I was worried the post might just be too long XD.
    I wish I knew a better way to write this out without it being so long lol.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hello brabbit,
    It's good you share with us your story(here it's free compared to therapists). This needs to be said. Your mother must have had terrible childhood. She probably had a lot of issues herself which she was not able to cope with. Of course I don't want to defend her acts. Violence and threating must be very useful while dealing with mafia but rasing a child works different... Damn it, she should have known better... I just want to say your parents are not perfect. Parents of your parents were not perfect. We all have some kind of 'scar'. Remember the pain but do not remind it yourself all the time. It's important to learn the lesson and put it in use. Now it's your turn. Do not make the same mistake as your parents. You are young, healthy and strong. You have to believe in yourself.
    We care! It's just that...it's Christmas time, most of the ppl spend their time with family-disconnected. The response doesn't come immediately.
    Please complete your story.
    -Jacob

  6. #6
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabyJacob98 View Post
    Hello brabbit,
    It's good you share with us your story(here it's free compared to therapists). This needs to be said. Your mother must have had terrible childhood. She probably had a lot of issues herself which she was not able to cope with. Of course I don't want to defend her acts. Violence and threating must be very useful while dealing with mafia but rasing a child works different... Damn it, she should have known better... I just want to say your parents are not perfect. Parents of your parents were not perfect. We all have some kind of 'scar'. Remember the pain but do not remind it yourself all the time. It's important to learn the lesson and put it in use. Now it's your turn. Do not make the same mistake as your parents. You are young, healthy and strong. You have to believe in yourself.
    We care! It's just that...it's Christmas time, most of the ppl spend their time with family-disconnected. The response doesn't come immediately.
    Please complete your story.
    -Jacob
    Ya, I could imagine you must be right. Her childhood certainly couldn't have been all that great, but a lot of the things she did was done by herself. Like, she wasn't thrown out as far as I am aware or anything like that. Although, I suppose I could be wrong cause I am not 100% certain, but that is the way it sounded to me.

    While she had Jackie, she went to one of those places to try and get benefits or whatever it is to help her with supporting a child. She didn't qualify so she got pissed off at the lady she was talking to and stomped her way out the door, just to come back in with a trashcan and dumped it all over the middle of the floor and the went back outside and smashed up the ladies car.

    She apparently was also very tomboyish and would get into fights around pretty often.

    Thanks for the response, and I for sure will finish up. My life's story is pretty long and pretty crazy. So much happened at once, that I may even need to talk about side issues that were occurring during all the main issues.

  7. #7

    Default

    Hugs lots some time it helps us to talk about how things are or were.
    To get it out even if it brings up feeling emotional stuff .
    This world every one can be so deferent and yet the same .
    The biggest hug .
    From one little one to another little one .

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by foxkits View Post
    Hugs lots some time it helps us to talk about how things are or were.
    To get it out even if it brings up feeling emotional stuff .
    This world every one can be so deferent and yet the same .
    The biggest hug .
    From one little one to another little one .
    Thank you foxkits. =^.^= Hugs

  9. #9

    Default

    That's pretty brave of you for leaving this out here. It seems your life really took a turbulent turn for the worse around your potty training age. Some would argue here that age shapes whether or not we're "DL/AB" but there's also a larger remark in the realm of psychology that those are the years in which you form your opinion of control.

    I always found the term "anal retentive" to be in bad taste, but that's where that originates from.

    It really does sound like this was all an unstable foundation for you to stage the first orders of your life. I believe we all develop like buildings where some rooms are left empty, some foundations are rickety and some places are forever under construction. Sometimes, you, the person living in the building has to build lacking elements yourself.

    This is all kind of cool. I feel like a lot of us here are in a similar/congruent stage in life to support one another.

    I understand that kind of abuse Joe subjected you to, and its a conjunction of emotional/mental misuse... A lot of people don't have the courage to forage within for answers to themselves, and reflecting on your past is a vital start to healing. Most grow up believing the world is a nasty place and therefore, in turn, grow to be nasty people. People who are open about their negative experiences learn to distance themselves from the abuse and get closer to others.

    I wish you the best here.

    (Hug)
    Last edited by Reaper; 26-Dec-2016 at 04:38.

  10. #10

    Default

    Your parents don't sound very much different from mine (except my mom, who is just kind of clueless about everything but no mean streak).

    And I'll say for sure that making a child sit on a couch all alone away from everything ALL DAY is abuse. Isolating a child from everyone who cares about them (you know, for more than a 15 or 30 minute time-out) is just sick.
    *hugs!* I'm sorry that your childhood has so many parallels with mine.

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