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Thread: Wish I could open up to friends

  1. #1

    Default Wish I could open up to friends

    So this going to be a bit of a self indulgent post. Just need somewhere to blow off some steam.

    In the last few months after regular dating failed me I started using swinger and hookup sites. Using them purely to meet people to have fun with that is not to find anything serious.

    Since I became more comfortable with and accepting of my ABDL tendencies I've found I've opened up the floodgates so to speak. I'm now feeling more comfortable about exploring other fetishes and lifestyles that I've long been interested in but scared to dive into.

    It got me thinking I do enjoy the thrill aspect of having secrets from the majority of people. But at the same time it would be nice to open up to at least a few of my close friends but I really don't know how they'll react so I can't

    Why are so many alternative lifestyles and kinks etc still viewed with such disdain and suspicion in today's modern society?

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyBobby83 View Post
    It got me thinking I do enjoy the thrill aspect of having secrets from the majority of people. But at the same time it would be nice to open up to at least a few of my close friends but I really don't know how they'll react so I can't
    A couple of my elementary school classmates are still good friends of mine. Only last week, I was chatting with a guy I've known since the second grade. I was into diapers even before we met, and still, more than 30 years later, he has no idea. Why haven't I told? Well, actually, I've thought about telling many times. And each time, when I role-played the conversation out in my head, I concluded that the timing just wasn't right. Being "out" was, by itself, not all that interesting or useful. Even if he knew about them, my diapers were unlikely to be a topic of ongoing conversation. He wouldn't be seeing them or asking about them. I didn't want him to get involved, change my diapers, etc. And I especially didn't want him to tell anybody else! So what would I have actually gained by telling him? Practically speaking, not a lot.

    And then, not long ago, this friend and I went out to grab a bite and he ended up telling me about his struggles with sex addition. I'd known that his relationship with his wife was a bit strained, and he'd decided it was time to tell me why. Apparently he'd been masturbating to porn every night and had been caught by his wife. He was then caught looking at porn while at work, and was fired. (He'd previously mentioned losing his job, but hadn't mentioned why.) I took it all in and then gave him my sympathies, told him I'd provide whatever support I could, and we went on to talk a bit about the counseling he was undergoing, both for the sex addiction and for his marriage.

    (His marriage seems to have survived.)

    The reason I mention my friend's disclosure is that, when I think back, that was probably the closest I ever came to the Right Time to discuss my diaper fetish. It might have helped him to know that I, like him, had a secret struggle. It might have reciprocated the trust he'd showed me by sharing his own tale of woe. But I didn't do it, and that was that. It seems unlikely that another similar opportunity will come along anytime soon, but if it does, I suppose I'll be ready. Maybe.

    So if you were to tell, what would you have happen? I think, a lot of the time, people just don't want to keep a secret, so they imagine that dumping their secret on somebody else will make them feel better long-term. That seems wishful, though. Once the somebody else knows, what would you have them do? And since they're friends: How might knowing benefit them? I'm sure the answers to these questions also depend on what flavor of ABDL you manifest. My own decisions were certainly influenced by the fact that, for me, being a DL pretty much means masturbation with diapers. There's never really been a social side to that, which certainly limits the potential value of being "out". For you, things may be different.

    Society's views aren't necessarily relevant here, fortunately. The glorious thing about conversations with old friends is that any learnings can be put into context. Conversations on first dates? Not so much.
    Last edited by Cottontail; 18-Dec-2016 at 16:07.

  3. #3

    Default

    I've told a small number of friends about being ABDL, and for me it's been great. One friend is even doing a bit of mommy role-play for me these days (non-sexual only, but I'll take what I can get). My experience may not be the same for everyone, but I can tell you what led me to share it, why I thought it would be okay, and some things that worked pretty well for me.

    So, the first time I told someone else was purely seflish. This was a point right after I'd finished up with school, moved cross country, and bought ABDL diapers for the first time. And I really thought at the time that hey, maybe I'd crossed some sort of line, that I was doing something wrong out of loneliness or fear or even depression. So I needed to talk to someone about it. I picked a close friend who I'd known for several years, but who was also not living nearby (we chat by Skype daily) and I told her over Skype and asked her for her reaction and her thoughts. I thought she was a good candidate to tell because she had always been a warm and supportive person, and I knew from some of her background that she'd been interested in BDSM at various times, so I suspected that she'd be understanding. Even with all that, I had totally irrational fears that she'd freak out, sever all ties with me, or look down on me as somehow less of a person for sharing this secret. And...she didn't. Her reaction was basically "that's it? That's the big dark secret? Sheesh, you're fine."

    What worked well, I think, was mainly getting some time of her undivided attention. Before I shared any sort of detail, I simply said that I wanted to talk about something that was hard for me to talk about and did she have time to go through that and give me her full attention? Doing that setup really helped because 1) it put her in the right mindset to listen and be prepared for something and 2) it made it way harder for me to chicken out since I didn't want to lie to her face.

    Second friend was to help them. The person is transgender and in a position where they're not able, for various life reasons, to get surgery or hormone treatment. Sharing my secrets helped them talk about their issues, and helped us become closer to each other and support each other. What worked well there was letting everyone explore. We were both honestly interested in learning something new in that conversation and we agreed at the start that we'd be free to ask any questions and would make clear if anybody was uncomfortable talking about something.

    Third friend was my oldest friend that I've known over half my life. I told her only recently. The reason I told is because since I moved back cross country, she's been a regular visitor to my home. I wanted to both stop having to worry about making sure everything was hidden when she came over and also to be more comfortable while we were hanging out. So I told her about it. She wasn't all that interested in exploring the details, but didn't think it was bad either and was perfectly fine with me wearing a diaper under normal clothes while I was in my own home and we're chatting or playing games. I think what worked well there was just being honest about what I wanted and why I was sharing. It was about a very specific thing (reducing anxiety for me when I had her as a visitor) and she understood that and was cool with it even though the topic itself wasn't one that she really wanted to explore.

  4. #4

    Default

    Its a bummer we cant be more open..... I can totaly under stand that people find it disgusting that I like sitting in a stinkey diaper. I shoure wouldn't want to eat in a restaurants with someone smoking a stinkey cigarette next to me..... So why should I think they should haft to put up with my stinkey diaper....... But its the . Assumption that we're all bunch of child molesters that bugs me...

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