I drunkenly told my friend I'm a DL. I was honest but also lied....now I'm super stressed

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Boopa

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OK...so yeah. On Thursday I got exceedingly drunk and ended up texting my friend who is across the world that I'm a DL. I'm actually not ashamed that I "came out" to him as a DL because we've been friends for almost 10yrs now. So I was going to tell him anyway at some point.

My problem is...that in my drunkenness I made an attempt to justify my being DL. I lied to him. I made up a story about how I was a bedwetter into my late teens and spent my childhood wearing diapers to bed. And then as an adult, found myself wanting to relive those times. I made it sound like my being a DL is a psychological thing.

So I mixed the truth with a huge lie....except he doesn't know I lied. For all he knows, I was a chronic bedwetter and it has affected my life. But I wasn't a bedwetter. I told him that in order to make myself not sound like a creep.

But it's been tearing me apart. I've been so stressed, full of anxiety and making myself sick because I lied to this person. If I'd have just left it at being DL, it would've been fine. But I took it to another level and added the lie.

As of now....I have no idea what he thinks of me as a DL, much less the lie that I am a former bedwetter. I just don't know what to do. Should I move on if he accepts me as a DL? Should I confess my lie or just continue on with him believing my fake past? I'm freaking out so bad right now I don't know what to do
 
if it really is causing that much anxiety, i would tell him, in your defense, you where drunk. however, sometimes, sticking with a lie is the best policy.
 
I know this would be more difficult, but maybe you should talk to him on the phone. Yeah, most people understand we say stupid stuff while drunk so if he's still a good friend, he'll understand.
 
Since you are freaking out over this, I think you should tell him the truth and you do have a bit of an edge - you were drunk!

We all know that when someone has had too much to drink, the are prone to talk too much.

So...just explain to him that you were drunk and that you were rambling on and then just repeat the basic facts and move forward.
 
I think I'd let sleeping dogs lie. Or at least wait for him to bring it up first. If it's something he's open to discussing, then I don't think most people would be that worried about little white lies like this, so you could come clean if it helps you feel better. Otherwise I'd just try to forget about it...
 
Boopa said:
OK...so yeah. On Thursday I got exceedingly drunk and ended up texting my friend who is across the world that I'm a DL. I'm actually not ashamed that I "came out" to him as a DL because we've been friends for almost 10yrs now. So I was going to tell him anyway at some point.

My problem is...that in my drunkenness I made an attempt to justify my being DL. I lied to him. I made up a story about how I was a bedwetter into my late teens and spent my childhood wearing diapers to bed. And then as an adult, found myself wanting to relive those times. I made it sound like my being a DL is a psychological thing.

So I mixed the truth with a huge lie....except he doesn't know I lied. For all he knows, I was a chronic bedwetter and it has affected my life. But I wasn't a bedwetter. I told him that in order to make myself not sound like a creep.

But it's been tearing me apart. I've been so stressed, full of anxiety and making myself sick because I lied to this person. If I'd have just left it at being DL, it would've been fine. But I took it to another level and added the lie.

As of now....I have no idea what he thinks of me as a DL, much less the lie that I am a former bedwetter. I just don't know what to do. Should I move on if he accepts me as a DL? Should I confess my lie or just continue on with him believing my fake past? I'm freaking out so bad right now I don't know what to do
I've been to the points of coma drunk never told anyone, not saying this to encourage that kind of drinking... saying it to ask, "was it really an accident?" I told my brother on the day I learned my mom was never going to talk to me again over bourbon... not cause I was drunk... but because I was ready.
 
You know, I've never understood why a lot of people feel bad if they lie. Anyways, if you feel so bad about it just tell him you made it up and that you were drunk.
 
Odds are, you're overthinking the situation and he doesn't care. Just back away and go forward as if it never happened. If he starts treating you differently (ie avoiding you) or makes it obvious what you said had an impact, then you should address it. Otherwise forget it and move on.
 
demonic2786 said:
You know, I've never understood why a lot of people feel bad if they lie.

The hardest part is keeping track of them. If he's known this person and talked to them for ten years, then they'll probably be talking in another ten years. He's going to have to take on a whole new past persona here, and just for one person.

Enough lies and suddenly your life is really difficult to manage.
 
honestly it's really none of your friends business. You told him part of the truth but the "lie" isn't important IMO. You told him that you're a DL....the exact details of how you came to be a DL are irrelevant in my opinion. I'd put this solidly in the little white lie category and move on.

IF it's really causing you that much anxiety I'd commit to waiting at least one month before coming clean with him. You might be surprised by how you no longer care after a month.

- - - Updated - - -

demonic2786 said:
You know, I've never understood why a lot of people feel bad if they lie. Anyways, if you feel so bad about it just tell him you made it up and that you were drunk.

Depends on the lie. Literally every single human being tells little "white lies" whether they'll admit it or not. But major lies are significant moral lapses.

Lying to your boss about being a half hour late to work by telling him your 1.5 year old son was up crying ALL NIGHT which snowballed and screwed up your morning routine isn't a big deal. White lie. Telling your spouse you're working late when you're really out banging the new office cutie is a major moral failure. Beyond the marital infidelity, lying about such a major thing to someone you vowed to be faithful to (in all respects) is it's own major moral failing. If you don't understand that then that's pretty terrifying.

The OP's situation, in my opinion, falls squarely in the "little white lie" category. Funny that your suggestion to alleviate the OP's guilt for lying is to make up another lie though, haha.

Only a literal psychopath/sociopath lacks the ability to feel guilty about lying, so I'm not sure how serious your blanket statement "I've never understood why a lot of people feel bad if they lie" is.
 
Um, first. Being a DL is psychological. It is a mental need which makes up a part of who we are.

Second, would telling your friend the full truth help or benefit him in any way? Will not telling him hurt or hold him back in any way too. If not, then doing so would be completely selfish of you, and will likely not help your friendship either.

On the flip side, you did mention this is to the point it is holding you back. Not telling him could end up hurting you, even if only by stress. This in turn could end up negatively hurting how you see him as a friend. With this in mind your best action for you would definitely be to tell him, even as selfish as it may, be. Your best outcome would be it has no negative effect to your relationship. Your worst outcome is it gets damaged by either/both of you.
 
mikejames said:
Only a literal psychopath/sociopath lacks the ability to feel guilty about lying, so I'm not sure how serious your blanket statement "I've never understood why a lot of people feel bad if they lie" is.

If you paid attention to the mature topic forums you'd know I made a post regarding things that made me think I might be a psychopath/sociopath about 3 weeks ago lol.
 
demonic2786 said:
If you paid attention to the mature topic forums you'd know I made a post regarding things that made me think I might be a psychopath/sociopath about 3 weeks ago lol.

fair enough hahah....wasn't aware of that thread.
 
I'd just tell him. You already told him you are a DL. I can't imagine telling him that you included a little fib in trying to explain it will do any harm. I think admitting to someone that you lied to them and explaining why is actually more likely to strengthen your relationship because it shows him that you care enough about your friendship to admit to lying despite the possibility of facing some sort of backlash from him. Also, if he starts asking questions, you are either going to have to admit to the lie, or keep lying. I think it is better to make that decision now and explain it the best way possible rather than having to make that decision in the heat of the moment. And, you were drunk. I think just about everybody can understand someone lying when they are intoxicated. Good luck!
 
Depending on your relationship with this friend I would probably just let it be. You lied, but it's not like it affects anything. The less you talk about this the better.
 
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