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Thread: My mother passed on

  1. #1

    Default My mother passed on

    I haven't said much about it here, because we were hoping things would work out better, but we just got the worst possible outcome yesterday.

    My mother has been in the hospital for the past month battling cancer of the liver and tumours. We've been making arrangements to sell the house and get her into care.

    As of Friday, the doctor told us everything was going well, there was no immediate danger, and they were working on a plan to discharge her to a nursing home when a vacancy came available, so we all relaxed and went home. They called yesterday to say she passed away in her sleep. The part that is so, so sad is that none of us were with her in her most critical time and her final moments.

    As some of you know, I suffered a lot of abuse throughout my life from my father. I never felt a thing when he died. It was different with my mother. She at least understood my sensitive side, the fact that I was different, growing up gay at a time when it wasn't talked about in public. She tried to protect me as best she could, from bullying in school and, to some extent, from my father. She came from a very different generation and it showed in how she lived her life. She was an amazing artist specializing in oil portraits and landscapes, but when she got married and pregnant at the age of nineteen, she did what most women of her generation were expected to do: She put her own skills and career away in a drawer, and stayed home to be a mother of four children and to support her husband.

    I had inherited my mother's artistic abilities and when I decided to go back to school later in life, I was torn between choosing a career in art or social services. I know she was disappointed that I chose social services, but she always supported my decision and supported my work and, most importantly, the fact that I followed my own heart.

    My mother confounded people who advocate for a healthy lifestyle. She started each day with chocolate milk and trail mix. Aside from that she really didn't eat much and avoided any healthy food. We both had an aversion to vegetables and were proud of it! In spite of it, she lived to be nearly ninety and was healthy and mentally sharp as anyone half her age. Right up until two months ago, she would get into her car and drive up to Toronto or go visit her children. She was known in her town as a major event organizer and was involved in several local charity fundraisers. She also had an annual Christmas party which was attended by the whole neighbourhood. I enjoyed the fact that she loved good political discussions. She read a lot and had a sharp mind, and she loved a good debate but she always kept an open mind to what other people were saying.

    In short, she lived a full, healthy life, right up until the end, and she lived it with passion.

    A remarkable life has passed on and the stars will burn a little less brightly tonight.

    I'll be leaving town later this afternoon and will be offline for a few days.

    Last edited by Starrunner; 11-Dec-2016 at 17:19.

  2. #2


    Sympathy to you and your family.

    And relief for her that she didn't have to hang on indefinitely. A race with no definite finish line can be intolerable.

  3. #3


    My sympathy to you and your family Starrunner. May she rest in peace.

  4. #4


    I'm so sorry, Starrunner. *hugs* I don't even have words for this. What could I say?

    My mother is getting rather old as well, but I'm completely unprepared for her passing. I can't imagine what this is like.

    Take care, and know that you are in my thoughts.

  5. #5


    So sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have many positive memories of her to help you through the roughest days. You have my condolences.

  6. #6


    gosh, sad news to hear that. My condoleances to you and your family.

  7. #7

    Default My condolences...

    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    I haven't said much about it here, because we were hoping things would work out better, but we just got the worst possible outcome yesterday.

    [...]They called yesterday to say she passed away in her sleep. The part that is so, so sad is that none of us were with her in her most critical time and her final moments.[...]

    The usual condolences and awkward stammering... in looking for the right words, for which there really are none...

    I think, as Maxx eluded to... "the worst possible outcome" might have been, that she could have suffered more greatly, a torment, enduring much more time in quite poor condition...

    I might speculate too... that in your Mother's wisdom and, final act of compassion and dignity... Your Mother, may have 'chose' to or, by some obscure form of serendipity, wished; to pass, without the witness of you and your family... sparing you and, perhaps herself, that much still...

    Take the time that you need and,...

    Please don't hesitate to reach out for yourself in this time - My in-box is always open and, if you should like other means to contact me; simply send me a PM, requesting such...

    With much empathy,

  8. #8


    Sorry to hear Starrunner. You have my condolences to you and your family.

  9. #9

  10. #10


    Sorry for your loss and to your family and friends. Try not to beat yourself up over not being there. She knew the important things from you and yours. The closure is for us, and I wish you could have had it in that obvious way. I think it almost always exists with anyone we really care about and spend time with.

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