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Thread: How to Start the 'Conversation'

  1. #1

    Default How to Start the 'Conversation'

    So I haven't been active on here since 2008. In a way my DL attraction was almost non existant which i find hard to understand because this past month ive found it impossible to not think about them!

    My question is.....how should i engage the conversation with my girlfirend who ive been with for just over 3 years? I feel like i literally can't go on anymore as its constantly at the front of my mind!

    At the start of the relationship she saw that i had watched a couple of diaper vids on the net and its safe to say she kind of lost her shit with me but i managed to brush it aside (god knows how). Everything has been dandy up until late summer this year when i was having trouble at night and was constantly needing to wee. Literally like a dozen times a night and it was causing no end stress. The reason being was because i was taking some gym pre-workout supplements and i suspect it wasn't agreeing with me so i no longer take it but thats by the by. Anyway i kind of hinted and tried to put into convo that maybe I need a nappy to help me sleep because its making me anxious at night always thinking i need a wee etc etc. She most likely considered it a joke and a laugh but i followed through and said im actually gonna order some. So i ordered some abu cushies on ebay and told her but i can only imagine she saw this as a bit of a laugh. Said package arrives a day later and she immediately opens them and laughs hysterically. She said i had to put one on which unbeknown to her i did willingly. Within 20 seconds of putting it on she basically said take it off. I explained to her that i liked it and that it was comfortable to which she just said you look weird. She had plans to go out so she was a bit rushed but basically said that she wanted it off by the time i got home which i did.

    Next scenario was the night after when typically i couldnt stop going to the loo and excuse the pun it was driving me potty! At this stage i had no idea it was potentially this supplement. The mrs was going mental because i was up and down like a yo-yo so i kind of said well this is what ive bought these for so im gonna use it otherwise im having another night with no sleep again! She was highly against the thought and sajd i was not coming to bed with that on, therefore i was relegated to the sofa -_-. By morning she was understandably very off with me and she was stating how she 'doesn't know what to do' and that we were 'very different people'. Given the chance i should have spoken about it then but i tried to brush it off as usual and made out that i didn't know what she was talking about. We patched up our little argument and i threw out the pack of cushies.

    Nothing has been mentioned since about the matter but since trying one of those cushies on i have struggled not to really think about it at some stage. Is it possible that my girlfriend has an idea that im interested or do you think she thinks its something of nothing and hasn't clocked? No one in my life knows about this and i'd find confessing to be the hardest obstacle in my existance. The concept of her freaking out about it teriffies me because if we were to break up she may tell everyone why. We've been together over 3 years, we have our own house and we love each other very much but i don't think this is something she would accept given the previous past incidents.....

    Sorry for the essay but felt like i needed to get some of these thoughts of my fingertips.

  2. #2

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    She seems to have been clear on her position that the diapers are not acceptable. Only you can decided if you want to stay with someone who will not accept you wearing diapers, even if it makes your life easier.

  3. #3

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    Unfortunately I have to agree. It's a real shame you've spent the last three years investing in your relationship, while hiding this part of who you are from her. Now you're left with the choice of trying to deny yourself the diapers you need (mentally, and physically by the sound of it), or to risk breaking off your relationship because you managed to brush it off for so long.

    I'd say you best option is to first see if you can get her to back off on you wearing diapers. Try and get get to understand this is something you need. Next, get her to understand that wanting diapers is also a part of you, and that her rejecting them also feels like she is rejecting you. Also tell her you don't expect her to participate with or change your diapers in the least, but you do hope she can at least adjust to you being in them.

    If not, well then you've just wasted three years of your life with the wrong person. It may be hard to hear this, but it's possible you might have. At least now you see why I always say not to wait too long to tell your significant other. Thee dates is usually about right, maybe six at the most. Certainly not three years, and definitely not till after you've already gotten married (which thankfully you didn't do that).

    Ps. You're in the classic binge purge cycle right now. You've been avoiding diapers for so long (three year purge) that they are now dominating your thoughts in what's about to become the binge part. You need to work towards a healthy balance of wearing a diaper when you really want to, while not wearing when you're fine without them. Not as you've been though.

    I have to say a three year purge is amazing though. That must have taken a lot of effort. Too bad it was for the wrong reason/person.

  4. #4

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    It took me 3 years and a lot of her freaking out but now she wears them. It was a very hard struggle tested every limit of our relationship and now we are married. I found patience is key I would wear them when she wasn't home to to de stress from the week and every few months I would bring it up again. I found the worst thing to say is that it's a forever thing it freaks them out they think of their future with you and think they will have to babie you in diapers when if you had kids together. It got to a point were she said if you truest love me then you can stop wearing diapers. The next 6 months were hell trying to reform who I was a person falling very distant in our relationship to the point of me going out at night with friends just to get away from her and then getting to the point were I tried to break up with her. She wouldn't let me said it was not fair to her to break up after 2 years and had a long day talking together. I told her I tired my hardest to change for her but couldn't, that I lost connection with her because every time I thought of her it started to make me thing how could I ever be with someone so closed minded and got me drepressed. Long story short she agreed that I could do it for a few years but must stop when we have kids. At first I would wear one under my clothing but found out it was a bad idea not to tell her before hand that I was going to put one on. I pretty much had to prove to her that I was no less of a man when I was wearing one. Then slowly I would take off my pants and let her look to see me in a diaper would look like freaked her out a little at first then waited a few weeks before I showed her again until she became more comfortable with me in them. My whole point was they are just underwear I like to put on when I get stressed out to help me in wind. Her point was why cant she just help me unwind and why do I have to wear a diaper, I told her she does help me unwind and diapers just kinda amplified it.i would then start wearing a diaper with out pants until a few months went by and I asked her to help me put on a diaper then another few months went by with her helping me I convinced her to wear a diaper and got her some girls goodnights. Another few months later she wears goodnights when she's on her period and Bambino magnifico for our movie dates. The past 2 years she has become totally accepted with diapers not being as wierd as she thought and is totally ok with them and see them and cute underwear that I will always be into. If you try to get her comfortable with diapers patients is key.

  5. #5

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    You have to decide which needs are greater, her love or your dependence.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by rennecfox View Post
    You have to decide which needs are greater, her love or your dependence.
    In such stark terms, I think it's as fair to say she will also have to decide whether her disgust or her love is greater. Obviously, this is likely to lead to situations where no one is happy. This is not a huge part of me but it is integral. I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't at the very least accept it was there and that was okay. That still leaves a wide range of lattitude for compromise on how this is expressed or accepted. Discussion seems like the only reasonable approach to me.

  7. #7

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    Appreciate the response. Its fair to say that I am happy and i dont feel ive wasted 3 years. As mentioned my thoughts about dl over the past 3 years have been near non existant. In fairness id rather spend my time with my girlfriend as i love her as she does me and i would rather make her happy than worry about myself. I think i can deal with my urges fairly well however as mentioned here, i could quite easily buy discreetly. I work shifts and she doesnt so we do spend a large amount of time apart when im on nights or lates. Its also possible that if i was to do this i might become more relaxdd and a better boyfriend for her as well as my mind will be more chilled.

    Would anyone suspect that she may know about the current situation given the previous episodes? I'd like to think shes not that naive and may have an idea but has chosen to say nothing...

    If i was to say something or she found out.....i wouldnt want her to partake in anything, nor would i want her to be around whilst doing so. I consider it the largest secret in my life and wouldnt even venture out of the house! Its something that i would want to enjoy in my own personal down time.

  8. #8

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    I had a slightly different schedule than my wife, and wore diapers on Fridays for years. It was only after she retired that I told her about my desire to wear diapers. It turned out she was very accepting. Give your future wife some time. This is a lot to digest all at once, but it becomes less weird as the months and years role by. Like you said, you can wear when she's not home. It worked for me quite well.

  9. #9

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    For quite a few years, I hid diapers from my wife in similar fashion. It was corrosive to our relationship. At times I felt as though she knew it was happening; other times I felt as though she simply knew something was "off". When we ended up talking more about what I was doing in secret, I found that she didn't have it on her mind nearly as much as I imagined she did. Even after we came up with an agreement that was good for the both of us, I have routinely been surprised by how little she thinks about my diapers. It is on my mind all the time, but on her mind hardly ever.

    My guess is that if you're sneaking around, she has a hunch something is wrong, but might not guess exactly what. I tend to agree with the others that you really have 2 viable options: go without and do your best to come to peace with that, or you're probably marching down the road toward a split. I'm of the mind that secrets over time irrevocably erode trust. Different relationships function on different levels of needed trust. Some can survive, but they certainly won't be very intimate. A third option - and perhaps a hopeful one - is that maybe you can come to a compromise with her despite the 3 years of 'covertness'. I and many others on here have found that our previously unaccepting spouses came around after seeing us struggle with unending desires for years. It wasn't until my wife saw my despair at my inability to kick the habit/desire that she decided to try for some middle ground with me. Best wishes.

  10. #10

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    This is an interesting one. Normally, these kinds of questions are from people who have been hiding it completely from their significant other and the discussion is about how to bring it up safely, test out the waters, and figure out whether the other person is accepting. This one, on the other hand, you've already let her know about it in various ways. None of those ways quite approach the truth, and she's taken it as humor and also been intolerant in some ways, which is not a really great sign.

    That said, I don't agree with the folks in this thread who are posing the situation as one that's already figured out and telling you that it's a choice between the girlfriend and the diapers. I don't think you've really figured that out, even though you've gotten some hints that this will be tough. In my opinion, the thing to do is to have a tough conversation with her, where you say "no, really, this is something I need. Really need. Can you be okay with that?" And maybe she laughs, or gets mad or dismisses it and tells you that she's in charge and no you can't have any diapers. And you've got to look her in the eyes, tell her you're not joking and she can't just tell you no, and ask her to really think about whether this is something so difficult for her to handle that she can't tolerate it at all, or whether there might not be a way to compromise. I'm not even sure that's one conversation. It might be a conversation, and a break, and another conversation later, and then another chance to think, and then a third conversation. People don't just, like, rationally solve problems instantly, they need time to think, adjust, and cope to something they don't like.

    So, that's my advice. Have the conversation and have it in a way where you're not giving her the power to just laugh it off or tell you what you can and cannot do and see if you can make it work with her. If you're not willing to do that because you really think she'll make this the issue that breaks up your extended relationship, then pretty much your only option is to never indulge, I think. Sneaking around is pretty tough and since she already knows about your diaper needs in a playful way, you have even less room than normal to sneak around because she'll be able to figure out what's happening.

    That's my
    Last edited by ArchieRoni; 10-Dec-2016 at 08:26.

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