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Thread: Ask me anything - Married 5 years, met my wife on Diaper Space

  1. #1

    Default Ask me anything - Married 5 years, met my wife on Diaper Space

    I just recently celebrated my 5 year wedding anniversary with my wife! It's a pretty amazing (an a little bit surreal) feeling to know that we've invested so much time in each other. This year, we also welcomed our son into the world... and despite all the political craziness, notable musicians that have died and other shenanigans of 2016... I've learned to find so much joy in my family.

    We have had many conversations over the past 5 years about my little side, nurturing, parenting, boundaries and the future... Many of these conversations were difficult to have in the beginning, but now are a lot easier than they used to be.

    I want to offer an opportunity for anyone to ask me questions about what it's like being one half of a marriage, how to have these conversations and support each other.

    So yeah, what do you want to know? Ask me anything!

  2. #2

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    Congratulation on an open relationship. Wish my attempts at openness could go as well.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by AWH2 View Post
    Congratulation on an open relationship. Wish my attempts at openness could go as well.
    Thanks AWH2 - my wife and I try to be very open with our feelings, and that keeps our minds open to new possibilities. Why do you think your attempts have not gone well? How long have you been with your partner?

  4. #4

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    This makes my heart warm to read about happy relationships and families, especially those involving being open about your little side.
    How do you balance being little with being a dad?

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by disoriented View Post
    How do you balance being little with being a dad?
    To be honest, the balancing act has been surprisingly easy to manage so far. I run my own business from home, so I have been very lucky to spend time with my wife and son while I work. My work breaks involve walking from my office to the living room, but I also have a playpen in my office for when mama needs to shower, run errands or just needs a little alone time to read or crochet. We seem to have found a good "groove" for splitting childcare duties by knowing eachother's schedule and low-energy times of day. Through this whole process I've discovered that childcare is a lot more about caring for ourselves with routines and communication.

    One of the best parts about being AB and having a child is being able to share all the toys I've collected over the years. My son loves my stuffed animals and we already had a library of 100+ storytime books before he was born. He just started crawling, so I spend quite a bit of time on the floor playing with him, which satisfies my little side a lot too.

    My little side enjoys playing on the living room floor, colouring and watching cartoons... but it's a lot different when you're responsible for a real tiny human. I intentionally keep myself out of my little head-space, so I can react quickly if I need to keep him safe... but it's still quite fun.

    My favourite part by far is being able to re-watch a lot of the little television shows I watched as a kid. Care Bears Family, Sesame Street, Barney, The Big Comfy Couch... It's so much fun to sign a long with the songs and see the grin on his little face when I do.

    Initially, I was REALLY freaked out at the idea of having a baby. My wife and I chose to get pregnant, so it wasn't a surprise or an accident... but when the reality began to sink in, all my fears came pouring out. In the first few months of her pregnancy, I took many opportunities to regress and build up a bank of mommy time, because I knew that I was about to become the second priority. She didn't always have the patience for me, with hormones and morning sickness playing a big role in that. There were a few times when I was promised storytime before bed and never got it... but I let it go because circumstances were very different than they had ever been before.

    It scared me a lot to think that we would lose our nights alone together... and I had tears over this a few times. I tried to express these fears as best I could, and I'm sure I sounded needy af most of the time, but my wife picked up on these cues and reassured me with lots of cuddles and affirmations.

    While I've definitely lost a lot of the little time that I used to have, but being a dad is one of the most rewarding compromises I have made in my life. Hopefully this optimism holds when we get to the terrible-twos.

  6. #6

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    Thanks for such an honest answer. It's so beautiful to think of being able to share toys and other Little loves with your small one.

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    Do diapers have any part in your little side? If so, how do you put that together with being a dad? How do you foresee your son moving beyond you age-wise, i.e., as he gets beyond the toddler years will you remain in your little persona? There is a lot of conflict in being who we are in the real world of those we love.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardener View Post
    Do diapers have any part in your little side? If so, how do you put that together with being a dad?
    Hi Gardener -
    Thanks for the question. So yes, wearing diapers and having my diaper changed are both things I enjoy when I'm little. I wouldn't say that I "put that together" with being a dad... my son doesn't see my wife change my diapers since that usually happens after he has gone to bed for the night, and I don't allow myself to fall into little headspace when I'm playing with my son, mostly because I need to be my adult self to keep him safe.

    During the day, if I choose to wear, I am usually responsible for my own diapers.



    How do you foresee your son moving beyond you age-wise, i.e., as he gets beyond the toddler years will you remain in your little persona?
    My son won't likely surpass me mentally... barring some catastrophic brain injury. I suspect that you assume my marraige is one of those "always on" mommy/little boy relationships. It's not. My little persona comes out for a few hours a day, sometimes several hours in a week... but I think you have to be either really rich, or really effin' kinky to live in a relationship that. I am an adult baby... which is equal parts adult and baby – so I don't have the luxury of living like that, nor would I want to.

    Balancing baby-time with adult-time is very much a ying and yang thing for me... My Big side has lots of hobbies that need to be induldged too – like photography, painting, cooking, discussing politics and going to the theatre. There can be cross-over from Big to Little hobbies, but whereas my Little side would enjoy finger-painting and puppet-theatre, I wouldn't mix politics with being little... well, maybe I'd call some politicians poopy heads!

    Sorry, really long-winded answer there... but I felt like I needed to clarify. There are things I very much enjoy as an adult that I wouldn't as a Little, so it's hard to imagine a situation where my son would grow up and I would stay little... that's bizarre to me actually.



    There is a lot of conflict in being who we are in the real world of those we love.
    I agree that many people are in conflict with the ones they love... but I don't think it's over diapers. I think it's because of deceit, of shame and fears. Now, I admit that I do worry a bit about how I may have to one day explain (in age appropriate terms) why dad is the way he is. I don't plan on lying when that moment comes... but I don't plan on being explicit either. I might choose to say that "dad just has a favorite pair of pajamas" or "likes to play dress up" ... as long as I follow up with "and there's nothing wrong with that..." I feel like I can raise a child that is tolerent of differences, without having to know anything about mom and dad's sexual escapades. All of us eventually grow up enough to realize that mom and dad have sex... but we usually refrain from making kinky assumptions about what their sex life is like... because doing so makes you wanna gag.

  9. #9

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    Thank you for a very complete answer. You sound like you have your head on straight, and your wife is amazing. I fantasize being changed, but can't imagine ever actually experiencing that. I have no "little" persona, so don't really understand that. The couple times I tried it, it was so artificial for me and didn't do anything to interest me in trying again.

    When I wrote about conflict, I was talking more about how our activity in private is so not in sync with the world in which most people live--including the ones we love, and they don't understand. Your wife is a rare exception being openly accepting. Good luck to you. You've got a good thing going, since I imagine, like me, you didn't choose this to be a part of your life.

  10. #10

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    Have been together for many years. My wife has a definite set of boundaries with regard to what is and is not acceptable. My DL side is well beyond her comfort level. She will not ever accept my indulging myself in her presence. She definitely will not participate. I recently found out that she was a bed wetter as a child. Maybe that has something to do with it. The whole issue has created friction in our life.

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