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Thread: Me Vs Kink - what do I do?

  1. #1

    Default Me Vs Kink - what do I do?

    I wonder if anyone has any advice on how to get different aspects of my identity to work together?

    Let me explain: I have an ABDL side (hence I'm here). It likes nappies, Disney films, play parks, getting messy with mud or paint etc and can be quite cute and can be quite naughty. So far so good.

    I also have a very strongly developed big/dom/kink/adult side. I have a fetlife account projecting that side of me, and it's into a lot of BDSM stuff dominating people, sometimes involving nappies and sometimes not (I shan't go into any further detail to try and keep things PG13.)

    The two sides do not like one another. At all.

    My dom side finds my ABDL side embarrassing. In some ways that's good because my ABDL side likes humiliating punishments, but it also means my ABDL side is too self-conscious to get anywhere near full-on littlespace. Being cute is definitely off the cards, especially as my dom side is trying to cultivate a strong/tough/controlling image.
    My much more sensitive ABDL side is also holding back my dom side; I've got the empathic/caring part of dominance in spades, but the assertive side needed to actually control somebody is severely lacking.

    And both sides are holding each other back from getting stuck in. Would a sub respect me if they knew I liked humiliating nappy punishment? Would they even sub to me at all? And how is a daddy/mummy going to react to a little who knows what they want to the point of being pushy?

    TL;DR: The two sides feel mutually exclusive at the moment and I'm not getting anywhere with either. Does anyone have any advice?

  2. #2


    I've seen others struggle with this and I know from my own experience that acceptance is a process, not a destination or completed thing. What I can say is that the people I have observed appear happier after embracing their contradictions than trying to fit some preconceived notion of how they must be. That has been my experience as well.

    We talk about sides (I do as well) but there really aren't sides. It's all just us. Maybe look for small ways you can cross pollinate to start and just understand that while it may feel strange at first, it's in service of a better, happier you.

  3. #3


    Perhaps a simpler question for now, should I be open about my ABDL tendencies on other sites (like Fetlife?)

  4. #4


    yes. its a wasted oppurtunity to be open and not share on fetlife.

    lets say you meet someone on fetlife, but now you have to figure out how to tell them about abdl, is that really how you want things to go? as opposed to being up front to begin with?

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by teasel View Post
    Perhaps a simpler question for now, should I be open about my ABDL tendencies on other sites (like Fetlife?)
    It seems sensible to me. You're going to turn some people off. The ones who are fine with it are the ones you want.

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