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Thread: Am I psychotic, or am I dissociated?

  1. #1

    Default Am I psychotic, or am I dissociated?

    [Warning this may be a bit dark lol]

    Due to my bullying when I was younger, I think I've either become psychotic or dissociated because of it.

    There are times, where I feel some sense of identity, where I feel female, I connect with my past, but other times, It's like I have literally no personality, I myself am I nice person, because it benefits others for me to be nice. but most of the time I feel literally no emotions, with the exception I sometimes randomly connect with my emotions whenever something from my past flips up, like a song.

    I think the best way to explain this, is nothingness, like a robot, I still feel guilt, and empathy, but there usually things that don't come along until later on, It's a really messed up thinking.

    Like, when it comes to family members dying, I usually don't care I just see it how it is, nothing i can do can bring them back, things happen.

    Though I'm sure I'm not psychotic, as some times I do connect with my emotions, like after 6 months of losing a pet, I actually had a dream and felt a bit sad about it, but for that whole time, I felt no effect, nothing felt different.

    Although I never act on my thoughts, I'm literally suicidal 24/7 every day of a week, I sometimes relive my past with flash backs, and my traumatic memory randomly spring up, for hours on end.

    Or maybe my depression has gotten to the point, that my chemistry is totally whack.

    I often, feel a huge disgust for my self, It's gotten to the point that I don't really care if I live or die, but I don't want to cause myself to die, as that will cause more pain.

    It's even sadder because I know what my father actually thinks of me, he thinks I'm a lazy scumbag, he never approves of anything I do, even with my qualification he saw it as a joke, never applauded me for anything I've done, I know that he does care, it's just his brain chemistry is messed up. When it gets to the point that your lonely and not even your family approves of you, it's quite sad.

    Complains I don't have a job, and that I don't do nothing, yet I'm trying my best to improve my future, but at the same time having no hope, because no body approves of anything I do, I feel like a loner as I have literally no friends.

    Hmm.

  2. #2

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    My first guess is that you have depression. That can bring about many of the symptoms you've expressed. There can be other causes but you really should see a professional therapist because none of us are in a position to diagnose you, and we could inadvertently, give you bad and incorrect information.

  3. #3

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    Have you talked to a Psychiatrist, having flashbacks and the emotional issues sounds to me pretty classic PTSD, no you don't have to have been in combat to have PTSD , these days they lump most forms under just PTSD, I have two different ,completely different PTSD types , one is from a line of duty shooting, the other is from a really horrible experience in the ICU , although the ICU induced PTSD is very poorly understood at this point but it's getting much research and they are trying to figure out ways to combat it , there are ways that the effects of of PTSD can be treated, one of them is EMDR , 1 st is getting diagnosed, then certain treatments can help you reintegrate some of these intrusive memory's and learning different techniques to lesson the flashbacks or learn how to ride them out with much less effect on your mental health , your mood and your day to day living . I wish you well

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  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shybug View Post

    Due to my bullying when I was younger, I think I've either become psychotic or dissociated because of it.
    [...]

    I often, feel a huge disgust for my self, It's gotten to the point that I don't really care if I live or die, but I don't want to cause myself to die, as that will cause more pain.

    It's even sadder because I know what my father actually thinks of me, he thinks I'm a lazy scumbag, he never approves of anything I do, even with my qualification he saw it as a joke, never applauded me for anything I've done, I know that he does care, it's just his brain chemistry is messed up. When it gets to the point that your lonely and not even your family approves of you, it's quite sad.
    I feel like this very often too. *hugs* It's not psychosis, it's depression. In your case mixed in with some PTSD possibly, I think. For me there was a clear trigger event, and then all the color just went out of the world. I don't know how else to describe it. I had no feelings, no ambitions, no real interests other than just getting by... I very much lost myself. It has come back, slowly, little by little. My family was literally no help at all in bringing it back...

    Among other things, the fact that I'm trans is a big secret to the family and only my mom knows, and she's... not against it in principle, but doesn't think it's right for me. And never will. And has amazing powers of selective perception. Anyway... >.>

    I know how you feel. I echo dogboy's suggestion that you see a therapist (and be ready to bounce around through a few of them if you don't judge them to be helpful or a good fit).

    Take care of yourself,
    ~S

  5. #5

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    I can empathize with everything but flashbacks, I'd definitely find a therapist. But also (I don't know what people think about substances on this forum), but I have heard that psylocybin mushrooms in a study has shown to be effective in treating and curing almost 80% of patients suffering from depression, so that is always an option. I've also heard MDMA in low doses can help people that suffer from PTSD. I don't know how one would get these elements, but I'll link the studies.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/30/o...epression.html

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/29/us...a-ecstasy.html

  6. #6

    Default

    Shrooms have also just been shown to be incredibly effective for cancer survivors they used them and did brain scans and stuff and night and day difference.
    MDMA or pure medical grade ecstasy has an underground network of psychotherapists using for PTSD , it allows people to reexperience the trauma without all the harmful stuff and literally talk it out , the people that do it ,because it is helping people, because there is no FDA approved indication they can not do it openly, although there is science behind it after Mk ultra and all that was rolled up the science has been largely hidden behind walls of classification,despite MK ultra being openly discussed and declassified the stuff and MDMA has not, imagine all the people who suffer and spend billions on FDA approved quick fixes that don't really address the problem however big pharma can't make money of off healthy people , many practioners use it across the border in Canada where there is much more acceptance and access to it. Many many previously labeled as "no medical value" has been proven to have medical value Anslinger and his need for a job turned science and research back decades , the one thing that we are sure about is Cannabis was held back wrongly but it psychoactive properties still very much elude us a synthetic cannbinoid was being tested last year year in a French drug study with healthy volunteers and 9,people died of brain stem lessions .There is a medical grow going in up the road from me that is set to be a cannabis study incubator as well as out in another part of the county a business park is under consideration for zoning approval for a grow by Illinois investors trying to cash in on our recently legalized medical use in PA , however PA has very tight limitations on what forms of cannabis is going to be available, for anyone who is not familiar with PA'S alcohol purchasing that is done through state run stores , so cannabis is probably going to be even stricter , my girlfriend has MS so I try to keep current on what's happening and where, the study incubator only got approved because of massive armed security and cyber security such as the use of biometric security,and the city's need to generate jobs and get the hammer mill paper plant Re occupied with lucrative tax paying business.

    Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

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