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Thread: What the heck!?

  1. #1

    Default What the heck!?

    My dad has suddenly said he is worried for me and he wants me to see a qualified physchiarist WITH him. I don't know what's going on, I thoihght i was doing just fine, I mean I am not the picture of mental health or anything but he was going on about it effecting my ability to find a job so I burst into tears and couldn't stop.

    He wouldn't go on about anything else part from my self confidence and my lack of vanilla friends. He was going on about me about thinking that people from age 9-25 are horrrible morons unless they like toys. But I literally cannot converse with those people because I have NOTHING in common with them and that why people have been avoiding making friends with me. I have been thinking something was wrong with me for years and there obviously is. He did mention he was concerned about me thinking my body isn't right for me with going through puberty.

    But he said he would talk about it in more detail tommorow but I can't help but wonder if he has found out about my "real" little side with the pacifiers and diapers. I am not sure if it's time I told him because he would then understand about my body image and what I need emotionally. It's a step I do NOT want to take and I am bricking it but I have till tommrow 3 o clock to decide until he comes back and tells me, I don't have a clue in the slightest what I am actually dealing with. I have a feeling my young little side is a huge part in this! But I can't guarantee his reaction, he Said that he and his girlfriend (not really girlfriend but really good friend that happens to be a girl) is back behind me 100% of the way but he will soon change his mind when he hears about my ABDL and little side. I have mentioned ABDL ism before and he has said that there is something seriously wrong with them. How can I convince him that Abdlsim is fine and is a healthy aspect or CAN be a healthy aspect of my life?

    He has also said that if I carry on I could end up in the physch hospital and he is trying to prevent it, I trust him and I am thankfull what he and his "girlfriend" is doing for me but I think it's about time he knew more about me and I have warned him that he may not like what I am going to say to him, he has warned me of that too.

    I am so confused as there is mental health problems that I don't know I have and he is going to tell me what he thinks is wrong and there is a possibility or an inevitable chance that I AM going to HAVE to tell him about me liking ABDL because at least then he is going to understand, but I am scared stiff of his reaction or possible reaction but it's better than him finding out I suppose, this is not a option or something i what to take lightly and one slip up and I have had it!

    What do you think I should do? He has said that he is very worried about me and it's effecting him badly too because I asked him if he was an so got a very unexpected answer. It was very awkward as I couldn't stop crying in front of his lady friend but she said she spotted something as well, but they might as well know every secret to me now, I feel very exposed! And I am certainly scared of getting thrown into a phychiartrist ward! I am not Sure what he meant and I was not aware it was that bad! I thought it was something that moving house and area and time would heal.

    What can I do? Would telling my dad about ABDL and my little side really help us? Would it wreak our relationship? Will it doom me? Is ABDLism and being a little a real problem? Dad had made out that me playing with toys is a temporary thing and that if would be concerned if he was asked for a barbie for Christmas when I was age 32! I don't he is going to accept this at all! Help I am scared offically!!!!

  2. #2

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    Remember that he loves you, and only wants what is best for you. If he has found your little stuff, be open and calm, and explain how it makes you feel and why. If he wants you to see a therapist then it's nothing to be ashamed, or embarested or scared of. I see therapists because of my anxiety and OCD and I think therapy is good for everyone. It seems that maybe your dad is worried about balance. Being little for me is very useful and therapeutic (and nessasary). But it is also important to function as an adult when you need to as well. Perhaps therapy would help you find that balance? It seems to me from what you have written that your dad really cares about you. With him, and with this community, let's find that balance. Little you is important, but maybe it's about finding ways to access grown up you as well. I think if you can find that balance, it will help you look after your little side, but also function in the grown up world too. Stay calm, remember you are loved, and know that whatever you talk about tomorrow can be the start of a new journey. Here if you want to talk.

  3. #3

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    Well, let me start with a couple of questions:

    Taking for granted that some sort of conversation is inevitable, what would you like the outcome to be?
    Taking for granted that there is some sort of problem worth addressing, what do you think it is?

    This is probably not the time to be trying to exonerate ABDL, in any case. It would be futile. If there is something wrong, then it will be natural for your dad to implicate the strangest thing he can find. Rather than preparing to defend ABDL, search yourself and be ready to talk about what is bothering you, what is preventing you from moving forward in life, making friends, etc.--again, assuming those things are real problems. Your dad seems genuinely concerned, so use that concern to your advantage and, if you feel like you would benefit from help, maybe open yourself to the idea. I'm fairly certain that the type of "age dysphoria" you describe is uncommon even among ABs. If you feel as though you're living in a "little" headspace 24x7, then talking to somebody about it probably isn't a bad idea. Because, truthfully, if you're unable to socialize effectively with others your age, life is going to be difficult. I say that very matter-of-factly and without any sort of accusatory intent. (Text is difficult that way.) Your profile suggests that you're on the autism spectrum, and if that's the case, then as I understand it, some social challenges are inevitable. There may be no way to "fix" that, per se. Certain things may never "come naturally". But if you talk to somebody--if you accept help--then you may find that there are tools for coping. Just a thought! I feel for you and wish you the best.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marting View Post
    Remember that he loves you, and only wants what is best for you. If he has found your little stuff, be open and calm, and explain how it makes you feel and why. If he wants you to see a therapist then it's nothing to be ashamed, or embarested or scared of. I see therapists because of my anxiety and OCD and I think therapy is good for everyone. It seems that maybe your dad is worried about balance. Being little for me is very useful and therapeutic (and nessasary). But it is also important to function as an adult when you need to as well. Perhaps therapy would help you find that balance? It seems to me from what you have written that your dad really cares about you. With him, and with this community, let's find that balance. Little you is important, but maybe it's about finding ways to access grown up you as well. I think if you can find that balance, it will help you look after your little side, but also function in the grown up world too. Stay calm, remember you are loved, and know that whatever you talk about tomorrow can be the start of a new journey. Here if you want to talk.
    Thanks matting

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    Well, let me start with a couple of questions:

    Taking for granted that some sort of conversation is inevitable, what would you like the outcome to be?
    Taking for granted that there is some sort of problem worth addressing, what do you think it is?

    This is probably not the time to be trying to exonerate ABDL, in any case. It would be futile. If there is something wrong, then it will be natural for your dad to implicate the strangest thing he can find. Rather than preparing to defend ABDL, search yourself and be ready to talk about what is bothering you, what is preventing you from moving forward in life, making friends, etc.--again, assuming those things are real problems. Your dad seems genuinely concerned, so use that concern to your advantage and, if you feel like you would benefit from help, maybe open yourself to the idea. I'm fairly certain that the type of "age dysphoria" you describe is uncommon even among ABs. If you feel as though you're living in a "little" headspace 24x7, then talking to somebody about it probably isn't a bad idea. Because, truthfully, if you're unable to socialize effectively with others your age, life is going to be difficult. I say that very matter-of-factly and without any sort of accusatory intent. (Text is difficult that way.) Your profile suggests that you're on the autism spectrum, and if that's the case, then as I understand it, some social challenges are inevitable. There may be no way to "fix" that, per se. Certain things may never "come naturally". But if you talk to somebody--if you accept help--then you may find that there are tools for coping. Just a thought! I feel for you and wish you the best.
    The answer to the first question would be: I what my dad to accept me for who I am and it may help him understand why I feel lonely and why I don't feel the age I am supposed to be.

    The second question I guess is that I have not been treated fairly by poeple growing up and I have a severe lack of confidence and sense of belonging and importance. I have been told repeatedly to grow up and my family has not allowed me to be a kid for long enough but I feel inside that i am and that this won't go away cuz i don't want my little side to go as i enjoy rather than feel wierd and think it's long term rather than short term.

    I agree I need to help balance my little and adult side more but I find it hard to motivate myself as a adult and it's a reminder of the hard ship I faced as I pretended to be that all the time since the depression and bullying I had.
    I don't want to be depressed ever again so I prefer the child version but of course I still act adult like when I have to be.

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    I didn't know "age dysphorira" is uncommon among abs and littles, but some poeple have said they feel out of place in a adults body. Maybe when I mentioned about my boobs and peroid that my dad got worried in case I would go for surgery to remove them or something. Even I wouldn't do that though, eek!

  5. #5

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    I agree -- it sounds like your dad really loves you and wants to make sure that you're okay.

    I don't know if any of this is as helpful as the posts above, and maybe I'm way off. I'm just throwing out a few ideas, so sorry if I get anything wrong... but...

    I think it's the ABDL side of things, and your being "little" so much that your dad is worried about, so I wouldn't tell him now. I reckon he's got a vague idea already. I think if you try to explain right now, he'll only think this is a bigger problem and worry more.

    It's not always the case, especially at your age when having the freedom and money to buy diapers is still fairly new and a real novelty, but sometimes I think the desire to be "little" a lot of the time is a kind of coping-mechanism for when you're stressed. Is it possible that your dad recognises this? Maybe he's seen a change in you recently and is just worried? It sounds like you enjoy being little a lot of the time, and maybe he's just worried that you're not spending time with more challenging activities that might be more social and stimulating.



    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    He has also said that if I carry on I could end up in the physch hospital and he is trying to prevent it, I trust him and I am thankfull what he and his "girlfriend" is doing for me but I think it's about time he knew more about me and I have warned him that he may not like what I am going to say to him, he has warned me of that too.
    I don't know your dad (obviously!), but I'd guess that he's at least half-joking about you ending up in a psychiatric hospital. He's probably saying that because it sounds really serious, and he wants you to understand how worried he is. He's probably also worried about what it is that you are going to say to him.

    To be honest, I think it would be a great idea for you to both see a therapist together. You could ask to speak to him/her in private at some point, and tell him/her about being little, and they could help you figure out how to explain that to your dad so that he understands and doesn't worry. Or you could just tell your dad with the therapist there to guide the conversation so it doesn't get out of hand. But it might be better to get to know the therapist first to make sure you trust them.

    I know it must be hard for you to get on with vanilla muggles in your age group, and to find other interests, but a therapist might be able to help with that too. Even if it just means chatting about why you don't like it or find it difficult, it's interesting to figure out how your mind works.

    A therapist won't (or shouldn't) force you to do anything you don't want, so there's nothing to lose by talking to them. I found mine really helpful in relieving anxiety and depression, and he somehow made me feel really normal about wanting to wear diapers. I think just getting a bit of acceptance made me realise that they're not such a big and scary thing, and I just naturally felt less "obsessive" about wanting to be little all the time.

    Sorry... I don't know if any of that helps... I'm really tired and just waffling on a bit...
    Last edited by tiny; 24-Oct-2016 at 00:02. Reason: Fixed quote tags

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    I didn't know "age dysphorira" is uncommon among abs and littles, but some poeple have said they feel out of place in a adults body. Maybe when I mentioned about my boobs and peroid that my dad got worried in case I would go for surgery to remove them or something. Even I wouldn't do that though, eek!
    Ha-ha! Yeah. I can see where your dad would be worried if he was left with that impression. If he still feels that way, you should probably correct his misunderstanding! But about 'age dysphoria': What I was trying to say is that most of us aren't hard-pressed to put on the adult face when we head out the door to go to work, school, etc. The ABDL thing is more of a lovely vacation destination than a primary residence--someplace we go to relax and re-energize after a period of 'adulting'. The usual adult aspirations are there in some measure--the drive to be independent, have a job, a steady relationship with a significant other (of whatever gender), etc. There is an understanding that accomplishing these things has tremendous benefit for our little sides, because we may then have the space, the privacy, and the money to indulge them. The two 'sides' enjoy a certain symbiosis. If you feel like one side is suffocating the other, then that'll be important to talk about or seek help with.

    About not being treated fairly growing up and all of that: Do you think your dad understands that or sees things that way? Or what does he think about that? If there are objectively traumatic experiences in your past that are easily recalled and discussed, then those are probably the best things to discuss with your dad or with a therapist. Obviously there's no changing the past, but therapists exist to help you get out from under the past, and maybe this is a case where that would be helpful.

  7. #7

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    From your dad's perspective he probably views your mom's recent passing and your struggles with your age and body as being related and wants to get you help with that.


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