Abusive family vent

I'm sorry to drop this on you but I really just gotta vent.

I love my mother, there's no doubt about that. However I know that she was the cause of the first divorce, I never blamed her for that though. My earliest memories were when I was about 4 or 5, I remember that as a child the world seemed so great and innocent. My parents fought at lot, screaming, doors slamming and things breaking. I remember sitting in my room trembling, waiting for my mother to work her way up stairs to scream at me for any reason she could think of. My parents divorced when I was around 5, it didn't get any better after that. I felt like I was being forced to choose which parent to side with. Everyday I felt like a reminder of my father to my mother. Years later, after a failed boyfriend, when I was 9 my mother married again. The screaming and door slamming continued. To this day they are still married after 11 years, how I'm not sure. I respect my step father's restraint.

Something recently happened that opened my eyes, after a horrid night out, my mother who was upset over a belligerent movie goer behind her, over reacted as usual. We were in the car and my mother and step father broke out into a fight screaming at each other in the middle of town square. My step father got out and walked home, while my mother went from the back seat to the front, and in the proses she had hit me. No big deal I knew I could take it, but my concern was for my little step sister in the back seat. After we got home I walking in to talk to my step sis, who was sitting on the couch, and make sure she was alright. After hearing the tremble in her voice I assured her it wasn't her fault. However in my mind I thought "my god thats me sitting there on the couch".

I could see that the same thing that I had experienced, she was going through. Today my only memories of my childhood are of the constant fighting and fear. Today I have anxiety issues and hate yelling, it's not hard to see why. Conflict doesn't belong within Family, it rots you to the core. The hardest part is not knowing what to do, all you can do is stand there and take a beating with out saying a word because you know if you don't it'll only get worse.

Our oldest son is actually my wife's nephew. We adopted him when we moved more than 400 miles from his and my wife's home. He grew up in a horribly dysfunctional home. His father, my wife's brother, was divorced from his mother. He was supposed to have him on every other weekend, etc. He was supposed to show up and take his son to a movie, or to his place or whatever, but he never did. He'd just leave his son waiting, because he was out somewhere getting drunk, stoned or laid.

His mother was a complete welfare idiot. He has several brothers and sisters, all from different fathers. But here's the thing. He grew up to be a very successful provider as he is married and has children of his own. He became the world's greatest father I think because he didn't want to be anything like his birth mother or father.

There is nothing you can do about your mother or birth father, but there is plenty you can do about the person you want to be. Learn from their mistakes and be just the opposite. You can make a difference in the lives of the people you touch and that will make you the better person.

Let your past make you better not bitter. I wont allow these thing to affect me, it's just trying to live with it at the momemt is no easy task. In a year I'll be done college and I can move out, create distance, breathing room.

The story of my life! I always heard rows growing up, I always got a smack when I misbehaved and they took it too far and I was scared of them, this is why I am scared of misbehaving! I got yelled at for irrational things, got called ugly when I cried and I can't think because my brain is trying to block it out again, I can't think of anymore

My wife and I separated when my son was about 18 months. It was the hardest thing we'd ever done but all we'd ever do was fight. Nothing physical but lots of screaming and yelling. We knew it was affecting him and we knew we weren't right for each other.

Everybody acts like divorce destroys families, and it does to some extant, but it's so much healthier than staying in a toxic environment. We're still technically married, but have been separated nearly 3 years.

The only really hard part still is that I only get to see my son a few days every other month or so due to the distance between us and the cost of travel (about 3000 miles).

Your story is so incredibly common and it's sad. Just know that many of us can relate and empathize. You can never change the past, but you can always be there for your step sister and make the conscious decision to be aware of how you treat others. Most importantly learn how to identify a potentially abusive relationship early and get out before it gets too bad. I realize this happened when you were growing up so you couldn't just get out of the relationship, but you can help prevent your own kids from going through it.