Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Coming out to wife after 8 months of marriage.

  1. #1

    Default Coming out to wife after 8 months of marriage.

    Hello all,

    I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.

    I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).

    My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.

    She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.

    Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.

    Cheers,

    Disco Diaper

  2. #2
    Asher

    Default

    If she really loves you (which I assume that she does), then I think everything will be okay. : ) Emphasize that it has nothing to do with children or anything else that might continue her stance on it being "odd."

    For example: I did tell my girlfriend about it. I was frankly honest about it; I just told her. I elaborated that it wasn't about children and that I wasn't a pedophile. I also emphasized that we all have those things that make us unique and how there are many people like me as well. I also showed her some info. sites (Bittergrey's Den in particular) and described more about it, and how it was "mostly normal." She took it well, accepted it, and we're still together to this day : )

    I wish you good luck; I'm sure it will be fine!

    -Asher

  3. #3

    Default

    Well first off I wouldn't ask online for advice about how handle your wife. Mainly since YOUR married to her, we aren't.

    2. Build a time machine

    That's all the advice I have.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by discodiaper View Post
    Hello all,

    I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.

    I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).

    My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.

    She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.

    Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.

    Cheers,

    Disco Diaper
    AB and DL are different. As I'm sure you are aware.

    I personally would start it with a general discussion about fetish and fetishism. Dropping bombs on people has unpredictable consequences, and I don't advise it. Keeping secrets from your betrothed is also not a good idea either. This is a delicate issue, and yes, this should have been mentioned before you got married.

    Diaper fetishism opens you up to a whole new level of ridicule that other more "mainstream" fetishes don't do. Even those within more hardcore elements of BDSM tend to have a negative view of ABDLism.

    This is something that you should break to her over time. I would first see if she's open to other kinds of fetish play, light bondage, etc. Even though you aren't aiming for her participation, engaging her in other kinds of fetish play will give you a foothold to explain your personal fetishes.

    The "ick" disconnect comes when you are using diapers for their intended purpose. If all you do is wear them for the sensory experience, then the "ick" reaction is not as pronounced.

    I think the most important factor here is not to make excuses for what you like and want. You didn't get to pick this thing, it chose you and you simply have to deal with it.

  5. #5

    Default

    I told my wife a year ago and it worked out very well, but our situation is quite different from most others. We've been married long enough, that my wife's health has declined. Since I help get her on a dialysis machine every night, she is very loving toward me and very appreciative of what I do for her. All marriages are made up of give and take. Only you can know how your wife is likely to take this bit of news, but you did say she was not very receptive toward the adult baby lifestyle. Like others have said, I would go very slowly on breaking the news. I would maybe give or suggest one aspect at a time, and see how the reaction goes. You could even say something like, "When I was 16 I sometimes would want to wet my pants," or something along those lines, maybe something less incriminating. You don't want to ruin your marriage over this. For many years I did exactly what you are doing, and that is simply waiting for those times when I was alone for a few hours. I know it's not easy. Good luck.

  6. #6

    Default

    thats why you tell them before hand I told my gf pretty much right in the beginning she also told me her secrets. Its best to get everything out in the open so you can see if they truly love you for who you are and wont want to change anything about you. Thats true love.

  7. #7

    Default

    Disco-

    Have you told her yet? If so, what was her response?

    If not, I guess I don't have much experience from which I might derive some useful advice. I've seen some good advice in another forum (which dissappeared a while back--quite mysterious). From what I've read (from those who've been there), it's all in the delivery. Confidence appears to help, even if you have to fake it. Clear definitions appear to be critical--something to think about before 'coming out'. Coming out as...what? AB/DL is pretty heterogenous, and pretty esoteric to our SO's.

  8. #8
    FullMetal

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by discodiaper View Post
    Hello all,

    I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.
    I am sure she will understand why you would keep this particular secret.



    I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).
    I would try to really not just write it down and expect to remember everything. It's a common based mistake when saying how you feel, you think that if you write it, you can get everything out just right but it doesn't work that way. She will appreciate it more and you will be more emotionally attached to the subject if you just know the points you want to talk about and then go from there.



    My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.
    It's a fetish, somehow I really doubt that she doesn't have some type of fetish and I am sure she will understand if she loves you (which she obviously does by the whole 'I do.' thing.)



    She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.
    That is a really good point to drive in, but you have to explain why you are just a DL and not an AB because those fetishes get mixed up quite a lot and most people just jump to conclusions.



    Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.
    Just be honest and get ready to answer some questions she might have. Maybe direct her to a site if she has any questions or wants to check on the fetish for herself. Keep in mind that it is not the smallest thing, so you might not want to tell her everything at once, but it is also not the biggest thing and you should be worried about a lot more pressing issues when marriage is around (I made a funny...laugh.)

    Other than that, I wish you the best luck and hope everything goes well, which I am sure it will!

    FullMetal

  9. #9

    Default

    Well, I certainly am not experienced when it comes to relationships, but I have told a couple people. It's never an enjoyable experience, but it generally pays off.

    Without meaning to be cliche, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I'm assuming that she will have questions to ask you if she isn't entirely freaked out by the idea (so be prepared), but don't expect her to respond to favourably to this at first. It may take her a while to warm up even to the idea of it, so don't throw everything at her at once. I think she will at the very least appreciate your honesty in telling her this. The delivery is crucial; be honest, be clear, be genuine. Also be confident in your delivery, but make sure that she knows that telling something as personal as this takes a lot of courage. There's some scrambled advice for you. I hope this goes well for you!

  10. #10

    Default

    In my experience, most women do not react favorably to being with a man who wears diapers. How open minded is she? How macho are you? If you're a man's man, she may fear that the person she fell in love with has suddenly changed. Let her know that this is not the case. Let her know that you just really like diapers, but are not going to start wearing dresses tomorrow. My wife understands I use diapers for incon reasons, but does not care for the fact they are also a turn on for me. Go very slow with her. You'll want to explain why you haven't told her sooner and the reasons you probably became a dl. She may be more angry about the former than the latter. Also, in general, even though it is a big deal to you, try not to make it so much.
    Spaz

Similar Threads

  1. Connecticut and Gay Marriage
    By Little2Roo in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 28-Oct-2008, 19:34
  2. wife dont like me wearing
    By lingerie69 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 13-Oct-2008, 15:19
  3. gay marriage
    By Target in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 02-Feb-2008, 17:22

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.