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Thread: Why do I feel so guilty?

  1. #1

    Default Why do I feel so guilty?

    I know I have done nothing wrong but ever since the day my mom passed away 2 days ago I have felt guilt. I have called my mom bitch on a few occasions when me and her have argued, left her alone for a few hours and when I came back she was lonely, (she hated being left on her own unlike me who likes time to herself), I have ran away from her when she had an apelectic seizure a few times, she has sometimes really got on my nerves and now I really feel guilty about these things even though it was ages ago. When I was a child and even more recently she has said some hurtful things to me and my dad and I have memories of her slapping me that hurt emotionally to this day.

    On the other hand, I was there for mom, we always got over our arguments quickly and became friends again (my mom has always said that your best friends is always your parents) and she was right, I could tell her everything but being a little even though I hinted a few times but she kinda got it in the end but I knew she would flip out if she knew I was wearing diapers. I helped a lot with cooking, cleaning and would always make up out own games and we had a lot in common.

    But most of all, I feel guilty that a couple of months of her being in hospital, I decided to wear diapers 24/7 and be a little more often, I am not sure I jinxed my mom by my diaper wearing theorectically saying "I have replaced you, i don't need you anymore", I still wanted my mom! When I started diaper wearing I wasn't thinking about mom at all and was thinking I a couple of months she would be sitting in her chair again. It's like it's karma of some sort!

    I know my fears and guilt may irrational but I can say that I am very upset about her death and I never wished this on her, but I may of done in a fit of rage one day age s ago but I never wanted this! She died a painful death until the nurses sedated her and put on some strong pain killers. I in the last 2 years of her life had a wonderful relationship with my mom despite her carrying on upsetting me and my dad. I loved her no matter what! What can you suggest to get rid of my irrational guilt or should I feel ashamed?

    Also after my mom died, I have been trying to act normal as possible, but surprisingly I am managing to sleep and eat adequately while my dad had not, I have been acting cheerful a little bit sometimes(again not relating to my moms death) what is wrong with me!? Is a part of me glad to her to be gone or I am cold hearted? I miss her but I am glad that she is not in any pain anymore. I have not been thinking straight for the past 4 days so I am not sure if this the truth or not.

  2. #2

    Default

    I think that's normal, people don't always get along well all the time, you have nothing to feel guilty about but I know it's probably impossible not to feel that, and that's ok, it will become easier with time.

    As for acting normal, that too is also ok. I don't know about other people but I'm like you when it comes to tragic situations like this. You probably just feel more relieved at this point that your mother is no longer suffering than anything else. In my experience of losing pets (yes, it's still very painful) and loved ones to terminal illness, there is a point, I call it point of no return, after which I just wish for a quick and painless end to their suffering. And it's like I go through the period of grief before their actual demise. I'll give the example of my grandfather. One week before his death, he got worse, and after I went to see him and got back home I just cried like I hadn't in a long time, I felt incredibly sad and cried so much, in a way it was like he was already death, nothing would ever be the same or as normal as it could, I knew it was over, despite that he was still alive. A week later, after his death, I barely cried or felt as sad like the week before, instead I felt like celebrating his life and was tremendously grateful that he had been my life.

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  3. #3

    Default

    guilt, shame and other irrationalities are a natural part of the grieving process. as i like to tell people, grief is not what you expected. it's more about resorting yourself after, and with, a great loss (probably the closest thing to it, in terms of a reforming, is the tumult and torment of puberty). with that, the process is going to be unique to each individual.

    i was haunted by my dad for several months after he died; and i mean that as literally as can be, not like in the sense of a regret. i had to tell him to stop it. strangely, i also ended up being 'haunted' by one of our previous dogs. and they still come to me in dreams. and they still wake me.

    my mam nearly fell into the trap of idolizing him, but the practicalties of life helped temper that as she saw me having to cope with his DIY handiwork (especially electrics, which he was crap at. and he won't mind me saying.)

    hopefully, you can see that it's all about learning to live with yourself and others anew, along with the new baggage of grief (it never goes, you just learn as and when to open the bag and have a cry).
    at least you're here, talking about it and trying to put it all into some kind of order. if this is your only outlet for that, use it.

  4. #4

    Default

    I think your grief make to be guilty and shame, angelic
    Each person must have had mistakes, whether intentional or not. But don't make that's mistakes as a bad sign for someone. Because there are fundamental reasons why they did it or they did not do it on purpose.

    Rise up and take them to always be optimistic in order to live a new life have become more enthusiastic. For those who want to rise from the ground of the past are those who dare to face the future. Do it this way so that you are able to rise from adversity in the past.



    Relax
    A sense of relaxation and calm can reduce anxiety and fear is the cause of guilt. Doing relaxation will help you in getting rid of and eliminate guilt in you.

    Eliminate all fears and worries
    Guilt comes from excessive fear and anxiety in you. Dispel all these fears and concerns will help you in eliminating the guilt of yourself.

    Forgive yourself

    The guilt that haunted arise from the inability to forgive oneself due to a mistake ever made. Forgive yourself will allow you to remove the guilt that haunt you.

    Face all things
    Life is always full of risks that must be taken. Prepare for the things that will happen will allow you to eliminate the guilt that continues to haunt you.

    Start a new life better
    Eliminate the guilt in you. Remove it now and start a new and better life. Stare at your future and throw away the guilt that haunt you. Live a more beautiful without any shadow of guilt. Guilt only your past and new and better life has been waiting for you.

    Make Yourself Be More Responsible Using Shyness and Disappointed In order Reference More Productive Again.
    If you have experienced failure due to your own fault then it should be a lesson to be better in the future. Motivation yourself to not "fall" into the same hole.

    Use your sense of guilt and shame over past failures so that you become more thoughtful and authoritative in decision making. Risen yourself with passion to be better. Do not delay the time to become a new person, better than before. Because time will continue to rotate so do not waste it.

    Exercising discipline in order not Repeating Mistakes
    Train your discipline to live a regular life. Starting from the schedule of activities, sleep, to eat. Because those three things are closely related. For example, when you eat less nutritious foods, your body becomes susceptible to disease. While many activities that must be completed.

    Starting from this, you force yourself to finish as much as possible. But the results are unsatisfactory and even make you a failure. Therefore, always pay attention to the health of your body if you want to live everything with a fine.
    The quality of your life in solving the problems well, it will lead you to success, and do not make yourself as an obstacle to be better. Because of doubts, block mental, fear, and other disorders that arise from within you will make you worse off, if it does not have the right solutions to overcome them.

    may this help you
    Max

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi Angelic

    Like the three previous posters have said this is the normal grieving cycle.

    Take your time and follow each thought through to a conclusion.

    I to had a lot of fights and problems with my dad. To this day I still have the hurt in my heart knowing that the last thing we had was a nasty yelling fight. I do not forget about it, but I also do not dwell on it.

    Over time (37 years) there is a lot the things that happen that I can see the "humor" in it now and remember the good parts. I also still remember the "bad parts" but that is my measure stick to judge how I am dealing with my kids.

    Trust me there is going to be times when you cry for no reason (that you know or understand) and it is normal and perfectly OK.

    BE yourself and listen to what people say. IF you have a problem with it, Politely say so and excuse yourself. IF they can't deal with that then "oh well".

    If you need someone to talk to then post a blog and let it loose/get it off your chest. We will be here to help if we can.

    Egor

  6. #6

    Default

    I'll contribute the same advise. It's all part of the grieving process. When we were trying to save my wife's foot, I went through all sorts of bargaining with God. I felt guilty about wearing diapers. Everything I did in two's because I was convinced odd numbers were unlucky. Grief can cause PTS symptoms and that can alter how we see the world.

    You come across on this site as an extremely nice person, so don't be hard on yourself. This time next year you will see all of this quite differently. As for my wife, she eventually lost her foot, amputated below the knee, and we have been surprised by how well we both have adjusted. For the living, life must go on. You'll feel better a month from now.

  7. #7

    Default

    Do not be hard on yourself.

    Allow yourself to grieve. You will go through a great many emotions as you grieve. I suffered from survivor's guilt when my wife passed away, CPR was suppose to save her. The autopsy revealed there was nothing we could have done to save her but that report did not come out until 4 months after her death. Even thought the medical examiner that did the autopsy called me days after her death with the preliminary findings, I felt I failed her.

    My little side, locked away for many years resurfaced briefly, then the guilt hit. It was another 6-8 months before my little side came to light again.

    As time passes I have come to realize that there is not much that we do in our lives that have a bearing on events such as death. What we wear or do will not cause someone to live or die as much as we wished they did.

    The one thing I have had to do since my wife's passing was to find myself again as a single person. It has been hard to do that.

    You need to grieve as you feel. Be there for your father, look after him and yourself. Your father has lost his life partner, he will be hurting in ways you may not understand.

  8. #8

    Default

    We always suffer hardest after the loss, sometimes it takes a bit of time for the pill to dissolve but it always is the same. It however isn't your fault what happened and I don't believe your mom would want you to be miserable about it. Remember as long as she's in your heart, she'll always be alive in a way, in the memories you shared.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    I know I have done nothing wrong but ever since the day my mom passed away 2 days ago I have felt guilt. I have called my mom bitch on a few occasions when me and her have argued, left her alone for a few hours and when I came back she was lonely, (she hated being left on her own unlike me who likes time to herself), I have ran away from her when she had an apelectic seizure a few times, she has sometimes really got on my nerves and now I really feel guilty about these things even though it was ages ago. When I was a child and even more recently she has said some hurtful things to me and my dad and I have memories of her slapping me that hurt emotionally to this day.

    On the other hand, I was there for mom, we always got over our arguments quickly and became friends again (my mom has always said that your best friends is always your parents) and she was right, I could tell her everything but being a little even though I hinted a few times but she kinda got it in the end but I knew she would flip out if she knew I was wearing diapers. I helped a lot with cooking, cleaning and would always make up out own games and we had a lot in common.

    But most of all, I feel guilty that a couple of months of her being in hospital, I decided to wear diapers 24/7 and be a little more often, I am not sure I jinxed my mom by my diaper wearing theorectically saying "I have replaced you, i don't need you anymore", I still wanted my mom! When I started diaper wearing I wasn't thinking about mom at all and was thinking I a couple of months she would be sitting in her chair again. It's like it's karma of some sort!

    I know my fears and guilt may irrational but I can say that I am very upset about her death and I never wished this on her, but I may of done in a fit of rage one day age s ago but I never wanted this! She died a painful death until the nurses sedated her and put on some strong pain killers. I in the last 2 years of her life had a wonderful relationship with my mom despite her carrying on upsetting me and my dad. I loved her no matter what! What can you suggest to get rid of my irrational guilt or should I feel ashamed?

    Also after my mom died, I have been trying to act normal as possible, but surprisingly I am managing to sleep and eat adequately while my dad had not, I have been acting cheerful a little bit sometimes(again not relating to my moms death) what is wrong with me!? Is a part of me glad to her to be gone or I am cold hearted? I miss her but I am glad that she is not in any pain anymore. I have not been thinking straight for the past 4 days so I am not sure if this the truth or not.
    Survivor's guilt is common. I lost a best friend when he was 18. I felt like there was something more I should have done. I cried and mourned him for over 18 years. I also lost my father at age 8 to police brutality/assasination. At times I wonder ii had I been there with him that day, the whole thing would never have happened? Even an 8 year old can blame herself. It's not your fault. I have called my mom "bitch!" More so when i was younger. Forgive yourself for past transgressions. Diapers bring you comfort. Use them.

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