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Thread: I was accidentally outed today

  1. #1

    Default I was accidentally outed today

    So, I'm not one for confrontations... But when I was abruptly awoken from a nap by an obviously irritated girlfriend, I was kinda blindsided by her berating me about my browsing history on Amazon.
    Mistake #1, I left myself signed in on her computer after she had used my prime account once, but I was beyond mistakes at that point.
    Anyways, I had brought up crossdressing to her a while ago, but she immediately attuned it to being gay and liking guys, so I didn't feel comfortable telling her what I was into. Fast forward to today, and she had seen that I was looking at petticoats, stockings, breastforms, chastity devices... You get the picture (not a pretty one, obviously)
    So, she starts asking me all of these questions, seemingly hurt that I never brought this sort of stuff up, saying that it wasn't something she could readily accept. After a long discussion on how it isn't about me wanting to be a girl and simply an exploration on how it would feel to be a girl (a sissy/lg, really, but I didn't talk about that...yet) for a short time among other things, we get to a point where I'm finished talking about it and she's finished asking about it. She says she feels hurt and distant now that she knows these things. I feel ashamed, really. I know it's a part of me, but I've always kept it to myself, not telling anyone but you guys about my interests. I'm most of all feeling bad I didn't tell her sooner, as it would probably have been a little easier to digest in a conversation instead of a confrontation.

    She wants to make sure she knows everything, as she doesn't want any more secrets now that this is out of the bag (she already knows I like diapers). I could tell her I have a frilly dress, my diaper cover, a pair of white tights, which I'm very reluctant to tell her, let alone show her... I also have a couple play things that aren't your run of the mill play things...one item is 10 inches long and looks like the real thing. I'm not attracted to men, but it could be a bit of a shocker if she saw that I had them. It's for prostate stimulation...

    Anyways, I have a lot of emotions going through my head right now, but I guess I needed to say how I'm feeling into words to better comprehend my situation.
    If you guys have any input to how I'm feeling, please help. I'm just confused on where to go from here.

  2. #2

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    You know, I'm not sure quite where to start, except that I first just want to give you big hugs and tell you that is gunna be okay. No matter what, it is going to be okay.

    This is a pretty big thing that you are talking about. If your girlfriend was not knowledgeable about your interests before, and she does not share in your interests, this certainly can be something that would create a big shock for her. If she does not share in these interests, there are so many places that her mind and her emotions might go.

    If you two truly love each other, then my suggestion for you is to be completely honest with her about it. She needs to know who you are and how you feel. There is no sense in hiding it as she has already discovered this very deep and personal part of yourself and she is either going to be able to accept and understand it, or else not.

    That seems a harsh statement. But the reality is that if you are looking for a continuing relationship, honesty is the most important aspect that will bind that relationship together. Full stop....

    If she cannot trust you, or on the other hand you not trust her with your deepest of feelings... well, then either you need to figure out how to connect with each other in a way that you can, or else it may be time to acknowledge the differences you have... ...as well as the possible reality that you both need to find others that more closely relate to who each of you truly are.

    I am sharing this as someone who has gone through hell and back. ...Oh wait, I am still in hell and trying to get out, in a relationship with someone who certainly doesn't understand or accept the little part of me and certainly not my sissy girl side. So trust me if you can, I know what I am talking about!

    As I have discovered, the differences that I have are not just being ABDL or sissy little girl, but they are broad differences that these things simply have accentuated as part of how we are different.

    I would hope for you that this is not the case. There certainly are those out there who are not be familiar with being ABDL or sissy little girl --and as they learn of it, they truly seek to understand become accepting of it and even embracing it. They then see their partner in another light that is equally attractive as before they knew of these interests.

    But if on the other hand, they simply cannot accept you for who you are, then it is neither being fair or honest for either of you to continue in the relationship.

    You are not being fair to her to hide it from her. That is being less than considerate of how she may feel. She deserves as your partner to know who you are and be able to make choices of being your partner based on this. Just as you deserve to know how she feels and any things that make her the special and unique person that she is.

    --If she can't accept it (yet because of the feelings of love for you continues in the relationship but is always uncomfortable or has moments of hesitation of being able to accept this part of you) then that is not being fair either.

    It would be much better for each of you to pour your hearts out to each other, hiding nothing and determining whether or not you can truly work together to become as one --both fully understanding and accepting each others differences. Yet if not, then acknowledging the love that you share for each other, but equally acknowledging the differences in how you feel and accepting that because of the differences that you may each need to seek out others that match more fully with each of you.

    There are 7.4 billion other people out there on this planet! Among this population there most certainly is that special someone who not just accepts you for who you are, but shares in your desires and together you can be as one.

    That is what each of you deserve to have. Don't settle for second best. And don't put your partner in a position for settling what for them and their being is second best either.

    It's gunna be okay my friend. You aren't alone.


  3. #3

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    So, im guessing from here that I go ahead and be honest about it all, and not hold anything back. Just how to go about it?
    My first thought is to just bring her to my room, wait for me to put on the dress, cloth diapers, and diaper cover, and invite her in. Now that's a bit of a shock factor, and it would be weird if we broke up while I was in a pink frilly dress, or even have a conversation at all.
    Perhaps I should just pull the items out of a box and hold it up for her to see? Or perhaps just tell her and see where that gets me?
    I'm willing to see where that goes, as long as she's willing to have an open mind until I'm finished explaining myself.
    It's just not as big a part of me as diapers are. It's mainly a closet thing I do every once in a while just to satisfy the curiosity. Still, it is a part of me that can't be ignored. I could throw everything away and that could be that, but there's no telling whether the curiosity to buy more will pop up later...

  4. #4

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    shes not the person for you didtch the broad with a closed mind and find someone else

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by OhHeyThere View Post
    So, im guessing from here that I go ahead and be honest about it all, and not hold anything back. Just how to go about it?
    My first thought is to just bring her to my room, wait for me to put on the dress, cloth diapers, and diaper cover, and invite her in. Now that's a bit of a shock factor, and it would be weird if we broke up while I was in a pink frilly dress, or even have a conversation at all.
    Perhaps I should just pull the items out of a box and hold it up for her to see? Or perhaps just tell her and see where that gets me?
    I'm willing to see where that goes, as long as she's willing to have an open mind until I'm finished explaining myself.
    It's just not as big a part of me as diapers are. It's mainly a closet thing I do every once in a while just to satisfy the curiosity. Still, it is a part of me that can't be ignored. I could throw everything away and that could be that, but there's no telling whether the curiosity to buy more will pop up later...
    (free advice is worth every penny) I would not add any shock factor to this conversation. Several times I have had conversations with my wife around wearing and some of the clothes I like to wear, and sometimes it comes down to a fact that she would like not to be bothered by it, but still is. So if you decide to open up some of this area to your GF, I would encourage methods that don't shock her as much. Instead that's going to take some awkward conversations.

  6. #6

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    Rather than the shock factor, maybe engaging a conversation which you ask her to explains point by point what specifically causing her discomfort in this situation and why. Let her know that you will answer all her questions anytime (even after the conversation). This would be the ocasion to reassure her/explaining her from her own fear about this topic. By providing explanations more "logical" or at least sincere and reassuring about what she specifically rejects, it could help her to better understand and accept that part of you?
    Anyway, she could ending up tolerates or better, accept it. But maybe without manifesting the desire to be involved or sharing it with you. And it will remain a part of your secret garden she will be aware of?
    I 'm sorry these advices are confused (but sincere)
    Hope the situation will be better with her, take care!

  7. #7

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    I too agree that I would have a long discussion with her, long before I showed her my "stuff", and I wouldn't show her that unless she changed her feelings and became a little more accepting. If you simply start pulling out a dress, diapers, etc., she's probably going to freak.

    If she can't accept this side of you, you have a difficult decision to make. Either you give up being able to express yourself as a sissy, or you give up on her. I don't envy you. I'm glad my wife accepted me, which mostly entails diapers, plastic pants , plushies and sippy cups. I might add that she bought me my plushies and sippy cups. She knows that I wear girl Goodnites and she's fairly okay with that as well. Hopefully you can eventually get to that place, but it takes time. Give her some time to accept the items you enjoy, maybe one at a time. You don't want to overwhelm her.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by OhHeyThere View Post
    So, im guessing from here that I go ahead and be honest about it all, and not hold anything back. Just how to go about it?
    My first thought is to just bring her to my room, wait for me to put on the dress, cloth diapers, and diaper cover, and invite her in. Now that's a bit of a shock factor
    Uhhhh Nuuuuuuu !!!!

    OK, First, agree with her that being open and honest from now on is perfectly OK with you.
    Tell her that you are willing to do that and to talk about all this and set up a time to do it.
    DO NOT say: Ok great I will tell everything on that day. All she will think about is WHAT MORE is there??
    Once you are both calm and ready to talk, tel her you would like to explain more about this side of you and that she please let you do it.
    Stress these facts to her : you are not into men, nor want to date one. You have no interest in being or becoming a girl, these are things you currently enjoy in private and at the present time [im guessing] feel she does not need to take part of or even she if she feels uncomfortable with them.
    You are still the same person you were yesterday and still love her the same as before.

    First go over what she already knows, then move on into the things she does not know. Save show and tell for later on.

    Revealing ones kinks to someone (especialy a vanilla person) is never easy, but not impossible.

    She is looking for honesty, but also for reassurance, do not forget her feelings and that this is more about her then you.

  9. #9

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    X-Nay on the shock factor.

    It is more about being open and honest with her about it in discussions with her. The suddenly appearing as your sissy girl self might indeed be a shock and one that is much harder to ever understand than if you two talked about it and you shared with her your feelings. Then if she is willing to consider it, go further with sharing some of these things and allowing her to see the deeper parts of you.

    But if in the discussions she does not want any part of this, then do not physically share it with her. You are exposing parts of yourself that are deep, vulnerable, and very much part of your inner self. If she cannot be accepting of it in a discussion, then the pain that would be experienced through physically sharing these things would be cutting arteries instead of just veins.

    When I said be honest and open, I am meaning in discussion first, and only then looking at sharing the physical and visible parts if it makes sense to do so.

    If a person can first think through things and their emotions and come to an acceptance of something through that process, they are much more likely to be able to accept something when they later actually experience it. But if instead they see or experience something without the opportunity to go through it in their minds and heart beforehand, I would guess they are going to be much more likely to not accept or understand it.

    In that case they might block out any opportunity for accepting it because the shock of the physically senses overcomes the opportunity of their mind or spirit to understand and accept it.
    Last edited by TeddyBearCowboy; 23-Jun-2016 at 07:55.

  10. #10

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    Wow, this stuff is always tough. Honesty rules the day, if you're in a committed relationship, but too much (coming out in a dress & diapers) can shock the system (of a 'nilla). I'd opt for laying things out, literally, and just letting her get used to the concept of imagining you as a sissy little, and maybe wait for her signal that she's ready to see you in full gala. I'm forever taken back to the moment when my wife shouted about never imagining having a husband in diapers, and yet, we are both at ease with it now. It's no longer a threat to her, and she's always invited in, but not required to play. As a straight DL, my choices are probably far less colorful than the sissy aspect, especially when you gaze at yourself in a mirror, but we all have strange & different needs that have to be met to make life worth living. Hope it works out!

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