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Thread: A gf's reaction

  1. #1

    Default A gf's reaction

    Hello for all, I have small thing to share.
    Since few months that my girlfriend is aware of my abdl side and from time to time when it shows up, we talk about it some more and so eventually she is familiar with all the parts of it that are in me (never tried them though). The thing is this. Whenever we speak about it she gives signs that she doesn't like it but I used to think she will get it with time and we can both live with it happily. Well, today it was proved to me that I was wrong. We now had about two and a half hours of talking, first me telling her more about being an abdl and my part in it, and then she told me how disgusting she thinks this is and how non-natural she sees it. She was of course very calm and it ended up fine, but it still gave me bad feelings and reminding me of the time I used to think I'm a freak and all fucked up 'cause of that.
    Just wanted to share it with you guys. Keep happy (:

  2. #2

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    Hey man I am so sorry to hear your GF reacted badly to this side of you. I just want to start out by saying you are in no way a freak or fucked up because of being an abdl. It may not be a socital norm but thats just a perception. Everyone has things about them that people may think are weird but everyone has them. If it makes you happy and doesnt hurt anyone, which this doesnt, then it in no way means you are fucked up. Their are thousands of people like you so you are not alone in your feelings and if it makes you happy then their is no reason to feel bad about this. You have my support.

    If you would like my advice keep reading, if not stop here

    Now onto more pressing matters. This may be harsh but I think it's a good avenue to go down. I think you need to do some thinking. First of all about yourself. What does being an abdl mean for you, like how happy does it make you, not thinking about it mind but actualy engaging in it. This aspect of you I know can make you feel bad when you think about it especially when you think how society will view it. But think about all the good feelings it brings to you and how important those feelings are.

    Then I would think about your GF and all the positive things you like about her, like all the happiness she brings you. I would also think what the perfect relationship would look like to you and see how much of that lines up with your current gf. Life is all about compromise so the perfect relationship may not be out their, depending on your expectations. So have a think about how close your current relationship is to your perfect relationship.

    Once you have thought about all the good and great stuff about your relationship it is also important to think about how her not accepting feels like and how important it is to you for her to accept this part of you.

    Once you have thought about all that I think you will have a choice to make on whether or not you can be happy in the relationship. Be confident in what your feelings are in this and then I would make a decision about whether or not to continue the relationship.

    Thats what I would do if i were in your situation.

    Also if I were in your situation I know what my reaction would be. Personaly I have spent years coming to terms with this part of me and have only come to love it about myself. If I were in a relationship where my GF did not accept this part to me I would have to end it as I wouldnt be able to be happy in the relationship which would result in me not being able to help my GF be happy. But thats just me as this side to me is very important, and if I were to be happy in a relationship I would need my partner to accept me and my flaws. Not that I consider this side of me to be a flaw.

    But hey man thats just my two cents. What ever you decide on this is the right decision, remember that, what ever makes you happy is the right decision for you.

    What ever happens I wish you the best with it and if you need to talk hit me up.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by matetan View Post
    Hello for all, I have small thing to share.
    Since few months that my girlfriend is aware of my abdl side and from time to time when it shows up, we talk about it some more and so eventually she is familiar with all the parts of it that are in me (never tried them though). The thing is this. Whenever we speak about it she gives signs that she doesn't like it but I used to think she will get it with time and we can both live with it happily. Well, today it was proved to me that I was wrong. We now had about two and a half hours of talking, first me telling her more about being an abdl and my part in it, and then she told me how disgusting she thinks this is and how non-natural she sees it. She was of course very calm and it ended up fine, but it still gave me bad feelings and reminding me of the time I used to think I'm a freak and all fucked up 'cause of that.
    Just wanted to share it with you guys. Keep happy (:
    Well first, you are not a freak, or fucked up.

    Secondly, this may be uncommon, but it isn't unnatural. First I'll say it is natural because it is simply your way of extending the liberation that every individual experiences when they are young, what is wrong with that? Nobody ever signed on a dotted line that said, "I agree to grow up," we were just forced to grow up. It makes sense that individuals would want to spend some time feeling like they have some of that freedom and childhood again.

    And in extension to the previous statement, I posted this on a thread previously, and I'd like you to consider it.



    "How can we distinguish what is biologically determined from what people merely try to justify through biological myths? A good rule of thumb is ‘Biology enables, Culture forbids.’ Biology is willing to tolerate a very wide spectrum of possibilities. It’s culture that obliges people to realise some possibilities while forbidding others. Biology enables women to have children –some cultures oblige women to realise this possibility. Biology enables men to enjoy sex with one another –some cultures forbid them to realise this possibility.

    Culture tends to argue that it forbids only that which is unnatural. But from a biological perspective, nothing is unnatural. Whatever is possible is by definition also natural. A truly unnatural behaviour, one that goes against the laws of nature, simply cannot exist, so it would need no prohibition. No culture has ever bothered to forbid men to photosynthesise, women to run faster than the speed of light, or negatively charged electrons to be attracted to each other.

    In truth, our concepts ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’ are taken not from biology, but from Christian theology."

    From Yuval Noah Hariri, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind

    So, I hope that makes you feel better.

    As for what you will have to do from here, that is all up to you, I hope you spend a lot of time considering what is going to be healthy for you mentally. Try not to pretend like this isn't a part of who you are, but also try not to give up an existing relationship when it might work in some other way.

    Maybe you will have to spend your little time when she isn't around, I hope that she would be at least happy with that much. One important thing about this type of arrangement though, is she needs to understand that this part of you is probably not going to go away, since it is a very real part of who you are.

    I wouldn't expect her opinion to change about this though, It seems like the amount of exposure that you have given her is probably the maximum that you will reasonably get. It is time to contemplate how much of your little side you need in order to be happy (0% of your little side is probably not a reasonable answer), and then figure out if your girl friend can handle that. If she can't, then I wish you luck at figuring out what to do from there.

  4. #4

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    I noticed that you are IC. If that's the case, and of course I don't know to what extent, but if you are incontinent, what does your gf expect you to do other than to wear some sort of protection. So I'm guessing her objection is to the AB part of who you are? You might tell her, if you haven't already, that this is your way of coping with your incontinence. If she can't understand and accept that part of you, she may not be the girl for you, or for many others, for that matter. The marriage vows are clear: "for better and for worse". No one is perfect.

  5. #5

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    Sorry to hear your GF reacted like that. Is not easy to other people out of our community to understand what we love or like. My BF knows that I love diapers but he saw it when he was staying with my in Christmas and he saw my tumblr app, I had to tell him and then explain it. He doesn't like it that much but he understands and we have talked rarely about it and how i will show him one day me wearing a diaper with him. He still thinks he doesn't like it but i know with time it can work.

    For a small opinion don't try to push it, just let it flow. If she doesn't talk about the topic don't bring it to get, I know we all want to get accepted but some times people take a lot of time to understand what we truly love specially if your an ABDL or just a AB or DL. Is not easy, at first i used to think like you that i was a freak and was the only one that loved to be a little, but after some times i saw I'm not alone, but i recommend to don't push it and just let it go with the flow.

  6. #6

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    "If your partner is someone who truly cares about you, they won't judge you for your sexual proclivities, and will want to explore new things with you to grow closer together."
    -CollegeHumor

  7. #7

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    Sorry for the late respond...
    Thank all of you, you all are very supportive and I appreciate it. I wanted to update you guys that she does accepts it, she do not like however. I think that for now we keep it this way, we anyway aren't very sexual in our relationship so this doesn't bother us at all, this is all just stories, for her. Meanwhile I will do my abdl stuff myself, which isn't ideal but it is OK, and up until we meet it again I hope she would agree to try it and meanwhile we both are happy.
    This was nothing (not nothing of course, but that's just the "expression") but a sad moment, but you guys helped me through it. Thanks.

  8. #8

    Default



    And in extension to the previous statement, I posted this on a thread previously, and I'd like you to consider it.



    "How can we distinguish what is biologically determined from what people merely try to justify through biological myths? A good rule of thumb is ‘Biology enables, Culture forbids.’ Biology is willing to tolerate a very wide spectrum of possibilities. It’s culture that obliges people to realise some possibilities while forbidding others. Biology enables women to have children –some cultures oblige women to realise this possibility. Biology enables men to enjoy sex with one another –some cultures forbid them to realise this possibility.

    Culture tends to argue that it forbids only that which is unnatural. But from a biological perspective, nothing is unnatural. Whatever is possible is by definition also natural. A truly unnatural behaviour, one that goes against the laws of nature, simply cannot exist, so it would need no prohibition. No culture has ever bothered to forbid men to photosynthesise, women to run faster than the speed of light, or negatively charged electrons to be attracted to each other.

    In truth, our concepts ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’ are taken not from biology, but from Christian theology."

    From Yuval Noah Hariri, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind
    So, I hope that makes you feel better.
    Is the argument here that if it is biological, not cultural, then it is not inherently wrong? Because culture is *right* about some parts. Murder is inherently wrong. Pedophelia is inherently wrong. Rape is inherently wrong. But the same argument could be made that those are all "biological". So, Culture is right about some of these things, even though they come from biological impulses.

    For the record, my opinion on the topic is that ABDL is not inherently wrong because it doesn't include non-consenting individuals against their will. The line, for me, is when an action includes, or affects people who have not, or cannot (including children) give their consent to participate. But that is a cultural distinction that I believe is a moral absolute.
    Last edited by ornitorrinco; 13-May-2016 at 21:45.

  9. #9

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    You know, I've told a lot of people in my life about being abdl. Some were friends, others family, and even a couple girl friends. Never have I had anyone react really REALLY negatively to me. You just kind of know thru the vetting process of conversation and friendship who you should really avoid, some were receptive about it but the most average response I've gotten was that of indifference. And that's the secret. MOST people just won't care. You're not harming yourself. You're not harming others, and you're not doing anything illegal so it really doesn't matter at the end of the day.

    It's important to find someone you can be with that will embrace this aspect of you, and if they can't then the big question you have to ask yourself is: "Can you be happy in a relationship that doesn't fulfill this aspect of your personality. IF the answer is, as I suspect it to be, 'no' then you should use that as a strong filter right up front to weed people out. You don't want to waste their time, and you especially don't want to waste your own leading someone on down a path that ultimately will not work for anyone involved.

    You're awesome! Keep up being awesome! And in the end it'll all work out if you stay true to yourself.

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