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Thread: Something that bothers me

  1. #1

    Default Something that bothers me

    Sometimes someone will make a joke that is self depreciating to themselves. Most times I think nothing of it, but other times I feel offended as if someone else had said something bad about my friend. Am I alone in this? I know people say you should be able to laugh at yourself... which I can for the most part.

    I feel guilty because I know I shouldn't be offended about it, perhaps I care too much about my friends because of my introversion.What are your thoughts?

  2. #2

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    You're definitely not alone on this. Self Deprecating jokes have never truly been funny to me since it's only harmful.

    There was a situation in My English course I took my last semester where another classmate was making a self deprecating joke about his tourettes during a presentation. It absolutely infuriated me on how he miserably attempted to sound optimistic about it. The student went of listing his different tics he had grown up with, but in the end stated that it "Had at list given him more of attention he had missed growing up." It just made the whole class depressing afterwards, yet the student felt pretty confident about how he presented himself and nothing seemed to bother him.

    The whole situation really hit me hard as I had dealt with bullying due to growing up with tourettes, and hear him "Justify" having tourettes and going through everything he had dealt with made no sense. I suppose It could have been an attempt at help? But it just came off offensive, Similar to how you feel I suppose.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Christophuur View Post
    You're definitely not alone on this. Self Deprecating jokes have never truly been funny to me since it's only harmful.

    There was a situation in My English course I took my last semester where another classmate was making a self deprecating joke about his tourettes during a presentation. It absolutely infuriated me on how he miserably attempted to sound optimistic about it. The student went of listing his different tics he had grown up with, but in the end stated that it "Had at list given him more of attention he had missed growing up." It just made the whole class depressing afterwards, yet the student felt pretty confident about how he presented himself and nothing seemed to bother him.

    The whole situation really hit me hard as I had dealt with bullying due to growing up with tourettes, and hear him "Justify" having tourettes and going through everything he had dealt with made no sense. I suppose It could have been an attempt at help? But it just came off offensive, Similar to how you feel I suppose.
    That's pretty much how I feel about it. I really just am not a fan of insult comedy in any form. Maybe it can make some people laugh, but that and self depreciating humor seem to drain me emotionally. I've dealt with bullying in various forms because I just don't fit in. I don't try to fit in and my friends don't mind. I suppose I just don't want to come off as whiny or too sensitive.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    Sometimes someone will make a joke that is self depreciating to themselves. Most times I think nothing of it, but other times I feel offended as if someone else had said something bad about my friend. Am I alone in this? I know people say you should be able to laugh at yourself... which I can for the most part.

    I feel guilty because I know I shouldn't be offended about it, perhaps I care too much about my friends because of my introversion.What are your thoughts?
    I think that context and intent may play a significant role in how this comes off and what it might effect...

    I have used slights in a humorous tone about myself to basically disarm people... If you know that there is something about you that people may not be comfortable or familiar with handling, especially appropriately; poking a little fun about yourself, can be quite mediating - an ice-breaker to how I'm a bit more different than what seems to be the average.

    Self-deprecation - is a different matter, we could call it self-bullying; a reinforcement or anticipation of an undervalue or, a learned state of worthlessness...

    I think for you, Premetheus... you appreciate the differences yet, you may not have learned to consciously distinguish those aspects... it's nothing I would consider you to be guilty of, if you are offended - it's for potentially good reason and, if you're not offended at other times, it's likely for those differences in the context and intent -you know the difference, you just didn't know that you knew...

    Humor can be used to mask fear or, to unpin it - stand up for people that you know are tearing them selves down - laugh and be comfortable with those people who are social-engineering an ice-breaker of sorts - the former are needing help and support; the latter are inviting you in... You can do something with both...

    My best and for now,
    -Marka

  5. #5

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    I personally don't have a problem with self depreciating jokes. I make them and laugh at them, my friends make them and laugh at them, and my coworkers make them and laugh at them. I don't think this justifies them, but at the very least I'm exposed to them and don't mind them.

    I had an older brother growing up and we would rip on each other a good amount (all in good fun for the most part) so that's probably part of it at least. Honestly, I probably also do mask some of my insecurities and stress whenever I'm making a self deprecating joke about myself.

    My friends, coworkers, and I (I say this with all due respect) are all a bunch of A-holes though and we all talk smack to each other, so this world needs legitimately caring and compassionate people like you to balance us out, lol.

  6. #6

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    @TheCaptain
    Reading your post does help me see it in a different light.
    I.e. a lot of people I work with at McDonalds Joke around about how big my head is and how I have to stretch out the headset to it's max length just to wear it.
    To an extent I've been a little sensitive about it, but at the same time I know it doesn't make me hideous by any means. I can tell as I have been hit on before (Heavy Emphasis on not sexually assaulted) by co-workers and customers.

    It really just depends on the severity a subject has effected you I suppose. Like in my example on Tourettes earlier.

    P.S. @Premtheus, Thanks for making this post, I've been reflecting on a lot of things related to this and I feel really mellowed out and better about myself tbt.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheCaptain View Post
    I personally don't have a problem with self depreciating jokes. I make them and laugh at them, my friends make them and laugh at them, and my coworkers make them and laugh at them. I don't think this justifies them, but at the very least I'm exposed to them and don't mind them.

    I had an older brother growing up and we would rip on each other a good amount (all in good fun for the most part) so that's probably part of it at least. Honestly, I probably also do mask some of my insecurities and stress whenever I'm making a self deprecating joke about myself.

    My friends, coworkers, and I (I say this with all due respect) are all a bunch of A-holes though and we all talk smack to each other, so this world needs legitimately caring and compassionate people like you to balance us out, lol.
    Giving all of the well... I think you know what word I was gonna say, is really exausting. I'm not really one for cursing unless it's unintentional and I don't care if others do (depending on context and the situation). I think you're right though that the world needs a good balance otherwise it wouldn't be so great. In example if I was the last caring person on Earth, I would feel constantly feel the need to be alone.

    I have two older brothers and we may have done some similar things but I hated it. I didn't like fighting or insults growing up. It's probably because I'm the youngest and there's that whole thing out there about a mother's immune system and more male children I guess. I'm not really sure what I think about it because some of the stuff doesn't apply to me. I appreciate your input though, thank you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    I think that context and intent may play a significant role in how this comes off and what it might effect...

    I have used slights in a humorous tone about myself to basically disarm people... If you know that there is something about you that people may not be comfortable or familiar with handling, especially appropriately; poking a little fun about yourself, can be quite mediating - an ice-breaker to how I'm a bit more different than what seems to be the average.

    Self-deprecation - is a different matter, we could call it self-bullying; a reinforcement or anticipation of an undervalue or, a learned state of worthlessness...

    I think for you, Premetheus... you appreciate the differences yet, you may not have learned to consciously distinguish those aspects... it's nothing I would consider you to be guilty of, if you are offended - it's for potentially good reason and, if you're not offended at other times, it's likely for those differences in the context and intent -you know the difference, you just didn't know that you knew...

    Humor can be used to mask fear or, to unpin it - stand up for people that you know are tearing them selves down - laugh and be comfortable with those people who are social-engineering an ice-breaker of sorts - the former are needing help and support; the latter are inviting you in... You can do something with both...

    My best and for now,
    -Marka
    I am,,, uhh,,,, well confused. I'm not sure what you mean by this part here, "I think for you, Premetheus... you appreciate the differences yet, you may not have learned to consciously distinguish those aspects... it's nothing I would consider you to be guilty of, if you are offended - it's for potentially good reason and, if you're not offended at other times, it's likely for those differences in the context and intent -you know the difference, you just didn't know that you knew."

    What do I not know I knew? I'm just unsure what you were going for here. I think I can tell the differences pretty easily and I like different people. Maybe I'm repeating what you said and I'm just second guessing myself to death, but I don't get it.

    In regards to everything else, I think I understand what you are saying and I totally get the whole disarming people thing.

    Thanks for the input

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

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    Well you certainly wouldn't like me because I often do self depreciating jokes. Like when I do something stupid ... I will joke about it a lot. Imagine I ran into a sliding glass door because I thought it was open (It's actually happened before). It's so dang funny that I wouldn't be able to help myself but to joke about it. I also often joke about how weird I am. I joke about all sorts of faults that I have. I joke about wetting the bed. I joke about wearing diapers.

    It may sometimes seem depressing or offensive, but honestly it's just fun to be able to laugh at the little things and look past them and enjoy life. I find being depressed about things only makes people not want to be around you. They don't want to have to deal with a person who is full of self pity. I am the type of person who feels it's morally wrong to trouble other people with my problems. If I make a mistake, I like to correct it myself. I also get irritated when someone takes advantage of other people, such as asking for money when they screw up.

    It's the same reason ... I rarely ever talk about my problems here or anywhere public for that matter. I just think it's wrong to do so. Which I suppose is odd since this is a support forum lol. XD It's just how I am though.

    Being a transgender male to female, I sometimes will joke about how handsome I look as a guy and I totally would date myself, but how ugly I look as a female. So I would rather present myself as a male because I don't want to look ugly. XD

  9. #9

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    Well i do crack on myself like example i just recently shaved my head bald and not just with clippers but with a 5 bladed razor. I also put my earings back in my left ear as my right ear has no peircings. So i sorta look like mr clean. So ill even say sorry i cant shut off my domb light cause it is semi shiney. But i only do it for a laugh cause tho i look like mr clean to a degree i also look kinda of goofy cause i have dumbo ears. But it dont bother me only cause i have been made fun of my whole life so i fig if i get a crack in on myself people cant make fun of me and bewittwe me.and it does sorta bother me. Also that is one other reason i want to be a baby agian.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    Well you certainly wouldn't like me because I often do self depreciating jokes. Like when I do something stupid ... I will joke about it a lot. Imagine I ran into a sliding glass door because I thought it was open (It's actually happened before). It's so dang funny that I wouldn't be able to help myself but to joke about it. I also often joke about how weird I am. I joke about all sorts of faults that I have. I joke about wetting the bed. I joke about wearing diapers.

    It may sometimes seem depressing or offensive, but honestly it's just fun to be able to laugh at the little things and look past them and enjoy life. I find being depressed about things only makes people not want to be around you. They don't want to have to deal with a person who is full of self pity. I am the type of person who feels it's morally wrong to trouble other people with my problems. If I make a mistake, I like to correct it myself. I also get irritated when someone takes advantage of other people, such as asking for money when they screw up.

    It's the same reason ... I rarely ever talk about my problems here or anywhere public for that matter. I just think it's wrong to do so. Which I suppose is odd since this is a support forum lol. XD It's just how I am though.

    Being a transgender male to female, I sometimes will joke about how handsome I look as a guy and I totally would date myself, but how ugly I look as a female. So I would rather present myself as a male because I don't want to look ugly. XD
    Well it's more so friends that do it and sometimes I'll be upset but not everytime. From an objective perspective, it can be a good way to cope or move past feelings that are holding you back. For me, I was heavily bullied, so it really influenced how I feel about 'negative' humor so to speak. I think you have a way of handling things that works for you and that's good. I think it's moreso that if I know someone is joking in context, I can be more at peace with it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tewks7979 View Post
    Well i do crack on myself like example i just recently shaved my head bald and not just with clippers but with a 5 bladed razor. I also put my earings back in my left ear as my right ear has no peircings. So i sorta look like mr clean. So ill even say sorry i cant shut off my domb light cause it is semi shiney. But i only do it for a laugh cause tho i look like mr clean to a degree i also look kinda of goofy cause i have dumbo ears. But it dont bother me only cause i have been made fun of my whole life so i fig if i get a crack in on myself people cant make fun of me and bewittwe me.and it does sorta bother me. Also that is one other reason i want to be a baby agian.
    I can see how that would work, I was made fun of and bullied but instead of coping I just internalized a lot of it. It didn't really turn out so great as you might have guessed.

    Looking like Mr. Clean probably isn't a bad thing if it's the case, I mean his name is, Mr. Clean afterall. Probably one of the least offensive person to be referred to or compared to. For some self depreciating humor works, some it doesn't.

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