Unexpected Reaction

[LittleScotty]

She might also be happier with the brands aimed at medical needs?

Potentially, I think it's something to consider for the future if she's accepting of the nappies but certainly for me I prefer the ABDL brands.

 

[iluvdps2]

That's certainly a great idea. Now it's been confirmed and she's seen first hand she probably does have questions. Our discussion last year about it was mostly her trying to get her head around it and understand why. I tried my best to explain my reasoning and I referred a lot to my childhood, sense of security they give me as well as ways of coping with anxiety and stress etc and in the end I think she just wanted out of the conversation so just accepted it and gave me rules to stick to. We'd never really had another deep conversation about it since, just little comments here and there. They say time is a healer and maybe now a year on she's had time to process it more.
I'll leave it a week or so and see if anything else is mentioned, for me though it's hard to talk about with her, mainly as I fear she'll just tell me to stop altogether.

It is absolutely difficult to talk about. It is probably difficult to hear and think about from her viewpoint. However, it is a discussion that needs to happen. I gave it a month before I had the follow up conversation with my wife and she was pretty chill about it but I reinforced the idea that if she had any questions, she should feel free to bring them up to me because I understood that I had just dropped a bomb on the relationship and her perception of me.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Once our ABDL discussion was reopened I sent my wife a few specific links to a few Dream a Little and Love in Brief podcasts. They were targeted at the SO and their obvious questions. The fact that they’re from the female and couple’s perspective was helpful. The whole archive of these two were immeasurably helpful for me prior to opening up my self again to bringing this up again. We all need help accepting ourselves at one point or another. Self help is as important as helping your wife understand this. Notwithstanding, you’re in a good starting point.

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

Mate do not rush her
...you remain one of the very lucky ones.
-
BW

 

[BenNevis]

Well, this seems to have been quite a markedly different response to when your wife first found out. I think it sounds quite encouraging.

Of course, it's going to take time for anyone who isn't 'in-to' anything in the world of ABDL to understand and properly come to terms a partner who is, but the comment about it being 'kind of cute' but still a 'bit weird' to my mind seems like a mellowing. I'd potentially see it as a signal of something which she may be able to come round to, but with time. Over time, it might just become 'that thing that you like' that doesn't much bother her and is routine.

It might be that by this point, she's coming to realise what precisely is and is not involved in your interest in and wearing of nappies, and feels more comfortable with the reality that it doesn't change who you are. It may have been a shock when it first came out, but now, as it's existing alongside your non-DL side, the shock and confusion may be beginning to wear off.

 

[T1DKiwi]

Your relationship sounds great and certainly what I'd love mine to be like!
Honestly though I'm just happy that she's been so calm about it now, I always feared she just leave me hence I've kept it hidden our entire relationship

You have a very VERY similar story to mine.

We have been together for approx 13 years. Earlier this year I was away on a boys trip and she was home alone for a week. I had left an opened box of Tykables in my car boot which was still at home and one afternoon she messaged me asking what on earth was going on. I had no alternative but to tell the truth. She was hunting the house for something and decided to check in my car.

To my surprise, after a lot of emotion, mostly around the fact I could lie about something for so damn long, she was OK with it. But, she was not interested in coming across my stash or seeing me wear for now.

These days when she knows I will be home alone for a day, she will let me know it is OK to "Do my thing", and she will always call me before she heads home so I have some time to sort myself out. I am still not sure if I will ever be able to wear around her, I have no desire to push it upon her but I am super appreciative that she knows and is OK with me wearing when I am by myself as she knows its more about my relaxation and stress relief than anything else.

I consider myself VERY lucky to have someone so understanding and I empathise with those who do not have the same situation. Hindsight, it would have been better to be upfront much earlier on in our relationship. I explained that the thing I am most scared of is being seen by her as "less of a man" or some kind of absolute weirdo, and its extremely hard to judge whether you would get a positive or negative reaction to having a part of you which is so beyond the "normal".

 

[LittleScotty]

Thanks everyone for your comments on this post. It's clear that my wife and I need to have another conversation about what happened and the fact that I'm a DL. Given her more positive reaction this time around I'm thinking I can be a bit more open with her than I have previously and as many of you have mentioned it'll be good to allow her to ask me questions, something she has never really done before.
It's something I want to approach cautiously but I also don't want to leave it too long so if I get an opportunity over the next few days I'm going to broach the subject...

 

[PCS]

Thanks everyone for your comments on this post. It's clear that my wife and I need to have another conversation about what happened and the fact that I'm a DL. Given her more positive reaction this time around I'm thinking I can be a bit more open with her than I have previously and as many of you have mentioned it'll be good to allow her to ask me questions, something she has never really done before.
It's something I want to approach cautiously but I also don't want to leave it too long so if I get an opportunity over the next few days I'm going to broach the subject...

Good luck, Scotty.

I hope it goes well.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Thanks everyone for your comments on this post. It's clear that my wife and I need to have another conversation about what happened and the fact that I'm a DL. Given her more positive reaction this time around I'm thinking I can be a bit more open with her than I have previously and as many of you have mentioned it'll be good to allow her to ask me questions, something she has never really done before.
It's something I want to approach cautiously but I also don't want to leave it too long so if I get an opportunity over the next few days I'm going to broach the subject...

Good luck Scotty. She needs to know you’re exactly the same person she married. Your withholding was purely a fear of being rejected and not meant to be malicious. There’s a big difference. Let us know how it goes.

 

[LittleScotty]

UPDATE

So over the weekend I was waiting for an opportunity to have a discussion with my wife about what happened and try to get a sense of how she's feels about my DL side now she's had a lot of time to process it all. Feeling nervous all weekend I finally decided to raise it on Sunday night. After dinner we sat down together in the lounge and I said the dreaded words that always gets her full attention "We need to talk..." This was swiftly followed by the television volume being turned down and her turning to face me with the look of anticipation on her face. I started by reassuring her that it wasn't serious and that we're okay in case she was thinking I was about to leave her or anything similar. I then took a breath and asked her about what happened when she came home and how she felt about it. Seeing I was obviously very nervous talking about it she started by reassuring me and said she was glad I was bringing it up and she didn't want to put pressure on me to talk about it until I was ready. This put me at ease a lot, and again it was a reaction I wasn't expecting. She said she didn't come home on purpose to catch me, and hadn't really thought about me in nappies since we had a conversation about it last year when she first found out. For most of this year we've always been at home together so she said she knew I hadn't been wearing and therefore put it out of her mind somewhat.

It wasn't until she started working again that she began to think whether I was wearing them when I was alone on my days off with her not around. She said that when she was off and I was at work one day she searched the house and the garden shed to see if she could find any nappies but found nothing. She apologised for this and said she didn't want to ask me whether I had any hidden or whether I was wearing them as she accepted that she told me previously she didn't want to see them or know about them but it was playing on her mind. She came home that Friday with good intentions, for us to have lunch together and she said if I happened to be wearing a nappy it would confirm her suspicion and put her mind at rest, hence her very calm reaction. She admitted she found it very odd sat having lunch knowing I was wearing a nappy and she made several glances at my groin and couldn't really tell due to my baggy shorts. She said she wanted to see it but didn't know how she'd feel about it or how I'd react to being asked so she thought she'd just pull down my shorts just before she left so to avoid any awkwardness afterwards. She said it wasn't what she was expecting. I asked her what it was she was expecting to which she replied "I don't really know, like a baby nappy" I was wearing an ABU Kiddo which to me has quite a babyish design, so I don't know what she was expecting to see... She said she was sorry if I felt embarrassed by what she did, but she just wanted to see if I looked as she had pictured in her head and how she would feel about it. She again admitted she thought it was weird and she doesn't know why I enjoy wearing them but she's glad she's seen first hand now. She said she thought the nappy looked cute on me and she saw a vulnerable side to me she hasn't seen before.
She asked me how I felt about what happened... I told her I felt nervous at first as I didn't know how she'd react, I also felt uncomfortable wearing one around her but as she didn't make a big deal of it I started to feel more at ease. I said I was shocked when she pulled my shorts down though to see it! I would never have expected that from her. I told her she could have touched it but her reply was that may be a bit too much, too fast. I took this comment very positively, as it suggested she was open to exploring it more.

She asked if I had worn since, and not wanting to lie to her I told her I had. She then asked how often I wear them, to which I told her it wasn't all the time, just every now and then. She then asked the question I was waiting in anticipation for... "Do you use them?" I told her I wet them, but nothing more. She pulled a bit of face and after a few seconds she just said "OK..." Trying to avoid an awkward silence I told her that ever since I was a kid nappies were a comfort for me. I felt safe and secure wearing them and I didn't have to worry about having accidents. She knows about my childhood and the fact I wore them beyond the age that other kids ordinarily would and the reasons behind this but I've never told her to what extent I continued to wear them in my teens, my twenties and even now and my reason's for it. She asked if anyone else knew, whether I'd ever spoken to anyone about it, or thought I should maybe get some help for it. Trying to hide my frustration at this last comment I told her it's not a condition and something I think can be cured but something I've learnt to accept about myself. It is probably hard for a lot of people to understand but there's lots of people who enjoy it as I do and it's no different to people who enjoy BDSM or other fetishes. I think she saw my point but she said she didn't want it to take over my life and be an obsession. She also reiterated that she's not interested in it at all, she's not going change me or anything like that so I shouldn't get my hopes up. As she's said before she told me if it's something I want to do when I'm on my own then she won't ask me not to. No matter how she feels about it, if it makes me happy she doesn't want to change me but if I ever want to talk about anything, like I'm stressed or feeling low to talk to her. She was more hurt by the fact I never told her about it when we first together but understood when I said it's a hard thing to bring up through fear of rejection.

I offered to get a nappy out to show her but she declined. I was both happy and disappointed by this. I realised if she had agreed I'd have had to go into the loft and therefore give away my hiding place but at same time she is showing an interest and bit more open to it. I asked if she had any more questions or wanted to know anything else and she said not at the moment so I feel there may be more to come in the future...

Overall it was a conversation that needed to be had but I was hoping she'd have been even more accepting and open to it than she was a year ago. I feel I've made no real progress with her but at the same time I'm happy things haven't taken a backwards step and I've not been told to stop entirely.

 

[Fluffybottoms]

UPDATE

So over the weekend I was waiting for an opportunity to have a discussion with my wife about what happened and try to get a sense of how she's feels about my DL side now she's had a lot of time to process it all. Feeling nervous all weekend I finally decided to raise it on Sunday night. After dinner we sat down together in the lounge and I said the dreaded words that always gets her full attention "We need to talk..." This was swiftly followed by the television volume being turned down and her turning to face me with the look of anticipation on her face. I started by reassuring her that it wasn't serious and that we're okay in case she was thinking I was about to leave her or anything similar. I then took a breath and asked her about what happened when she came home and how she felt about it. Seeing I was obviously very nervous talking about it she started by reassuring me and said she was glad I was bringing it up and she didn't want to put pressure on me to talk about it until I was ready. This put me at ease a lot, and again it was a reaction I wasn't expecting. She said she didn't come home on purpose to catch me, and hadn't really thought about me in nappies since we had a conversation about it last year when she first found out. For most of this year we've always been at home together so she said she knew I hadn't been wearing and therefore put it out of her mind somewhat.

It wasn't until she started working again that she began to think whether I was wearing them when I was alone on my days off with her not around. She said that when she was off and I was at work one day she searched the house and the garden shed to see if she could find any nappies but found nothing. She apologised for this and said she didn't want to ask me whether I had any hidden or whether I was wearing them as she accepted that she told me previously she didn't want to see them or know about them but it was playing on her mind. She came home that Friday with good intentions, for us to have lunch together and she said if I happened to be wearing a nappy it would confirm her suspicion and put her mind at rest, hence her very calm reaction. She admitted she found it very odd sat having lunch knowing I was wearing a nappy and she made several glances at my groin and couldn't really tell due to my baggy shorts. She said she wanted to see it but didn't know how she'd feel about it or how I'd react to being asked so she thought she'd just pull down my shorts just before she left so to avoid any awkwardness afterwards. She said it wasn't what she was expecting. I asked her what it was she was expecting to which she replied "I don't really know, like a baby nappy" I was wearing an ABU Kiddo which to me has quite a babyish design, so I don't know what she was expecting to see... She said she was sorry if I felt embarrassed by what she did, but she just wanted to see if I looked as she had pictured in her head and how she would feel about it. She again admitted she thought it was weird and she doesn't know why I enjoy wearing them but she's glad she's seen first hand now. She said she thought the nappy looked cute on me and she saw a vulnerable side to me she hasn't seen before.
She asked me how I felt about what happened... I told her I felt nervous at first as I didn't know how she'd react, I also felt uncomfortable wearing one around her but as she didn't make a big deal of it I started to feel more at ease. I said I was shocked when she pulled my shorts down though to see it! I would never have expected that from her. I told her she could have touched it but her reply was that may be a bit too much, too fast. I took this comment very positively, as it suggested she was open to exploring it more.

She asked if I had worn since, and not wanting to lie to her I told her I had. She then asked how often I wear them, to which I told her it wasn't all the time, just every now and then. She then asked the question I was waiting in anticipation for... "Do you use them?" I told her I wet them, but nothing more. She pulled a bit of face and after a few seconds she just said "OK..." Trying to avoid an awkward silence I told her that ever since I was a kid nappies were a comfort for me. I felt safe and secure wearing them and I didn't have to worry about having accidents. She knows about my childhood and the fact I wore them beyond the age that other kids ordinarily would and the reasons behind this but I've never told her to what extent I continued to wear them in my teens, my twenties and even now and my reason's for it. She asked if anyone else knew, whether I'd ever spoken to anyone about it, or thought I should maybe get some help for it. Trying to hide my frustration at this last comment I told her it's not a condition and something I think can be cured but something I've learnt to accept about myself. It is probably hard for a lot of people to understand but there's lots of people who enjoy it as I do and it's no different to people who enjoy BDSM or other fetishes. I think she saw my point but she said she didn't want it to take over my life and be an obsession. She also reiterated that she's not interested in it at all, she's not going change me or anything like that so I shouldn't get my hopes up. As she's said before she told me if it's something I want to do when I'm on my own then she won't ask me not to. No matter how she feels about it, if it makes me happy she doesn't want to change me but if I ever want to talk about anything, like I'm stressed or feeling low to talk to her. She was more hurt by the fact I never told her about it when we first together but understood when I said it's a hard thing to bring up through fear of rejection.

I offered to get a nappy out to show her but she declined. I was both happy and disappointed by this. I realised if she had agreed I'd have had to go into the loft and therefore give away my hiding place but at same time she is showing an interest and bit more open to it. I asked if she had any more questions or wanted to know anything else and she said not at the moment so I feel there may be more to come in the future...

Overall it was a conversation that needed to be had but I was hoping she'd have been even more accepting and open to it than she was a year ago. I feel I've made no real progress with her but at the same time I'm happy things haven't taken a backwards step and I've not been told to stop entirely.

You did good, this was the best results you could have hoped for @ this time. Just keep being you. Don't run with this glimmer of excceptence and make her uncomfortable.

You got this man.

 

[TreeLad]

UPDATE

So over the weekend I was waiting for an opportunity to have a discussion with my wife about what happened and try to get a sense of how she's feels about my DL side now she's had a lot of time to process it all. Feeling nervous all weekend I finally decided to raise it on Sunday night. After dinner we sat down together in the lounge and I said the dreaded words that always gets her full attention "We need to talk..." This was swiftly followed by the television volume being turned down and her turning to face me with the look of anticipation on her face. I started by reassuring her that it wasn't serious and that we're okay in case she was thinking I was about to leave her or anything similar. I then took a breath and asked her about what happened when she came home and how she felt about it. Seeing I was obviously very nervous talking about it she started by reassuring me and said she was glad I was bringing it up and she didn't want to put pressure on me to talk about it until I was ready. This put me at ease a lot, and again it was a reaction I wasn't expecting. She said she didn't come home on purpose to catch me, and hadn't really thought about me in nappies since we had a conversation about it last year when she first found out. For most of this year we've always been at home together so she said she knew I hadn't been wearing and therefore put it out of her mind somewhat.

It wasn't until she started working again that she began to think whether I was wearing them when I was alone on my days off with her not around. She said that when she was off and I was at work one day she searched the house and the garden shed to see if she could find any nappies but found nothing. She apologised for this and said she didn't want to ask me whether I had any hidden or whether I was wearing them as she accepted that she told me previously she didn't want to see them or know about them but it was playing on her mind. She came home that Friday with good intentions, for us to have lunch together and she said if I happened to be wearing a nappy it would confirm her suspicion and put her mind at rest, hence her very calm reaction. She admitted she found it very odd sat having lunch knowing I was wearing a nappy and she made several glances at my groin and couldn't really tell due to my baggy shorts. She said she wanted to see it but didn't know how she'd feel about it or how I'd react to being asked so she thought she'd just pull down my shorts just before she left so to avoid any awkwardness afterwards. She said it wasn't what she was expecting. I asked her what it was she was expecting to which she replied "I don't really know, like a baby nappy" I was wearing an ABU Kiddo which to me has quite a babyish design, so I don't know what she was expecting to see... She said she was sorry if I felt embarrassed by what she did, but she just wanted to see if I looked as she had pictured in her head and how she would feel about it. She again admitted she thought it was weird and she doesn't know why I enjoy wearing them but she's glad she's seen first hand now. She said she thought the nappy looked cute on me and she saw a vulnerable side to me she hasn't seen before.
She asked me how I felt about what happened... I told her I felt nervous at first as I didn't know how she'd react, I also felt uncomfortable wearing one around her but as she didn't make a big deal of it I started to feel more at ease. I said I was shocked when she pulled my shorts down though to see it! I would never have expected that from her. I told her she could have touched it but her reply was that may be a bit too much, too fast. I took this comment very positively, as it suggested she was open to exploring it more.

She asked if I had worn since, and not wanting to lie to her I told her I had. She then asked how often I wear them, to which I told her it wasn't all the time, just every now and then. She then asked the question I was waiting in anticipation for... "Do you use them?" I told her I wet them, but nothing more. She pulled a bit of face and after a few seconds she just said "OK..." Trying to avoid an awkward silence I told her that ever since I was a kid nappies were a comfort for me. I felt safe and secure wearing them and I didn't have to worry about having accidents. She knows about my childhood and the fact I wore them beyond the age that other kids ordinarily would and the reasons behind this but I've never told her to what extent I continued to wear them in my teens, my twenties and even now and my reason's for it. She asked if anyone else knew, whether I'd ever spoken to anyone about it, or thought I should maybe get some help for it. Trying to hide my frustration at this last comment I told her it's not a condition and something I think can be cured but something I've learnt to accept about myself. It is probably hard for a lot of people to understand but there's lots of people who enjoy it as I do and it's no different to people who enjoy BDSM or other fetishes. I think she saw my point but she said she didn't want it to take over my life and be an obsession. She also reiterated that she's not interested in it at all, she's not going change me or anything like that so I shouldn't get my hopes up. As she's said before she told me if it's something I want to do when I'm on my own then she won't ask me not to. No matter how she feels about it, if it makes me happy she doesn't want to change me but if I ever want to talk about anything, like I'm stressed or feeling low to talk to her. She was more hurt by the fact I never told her about it when we first together but understood when I said it's a hard thing to bring up through fear of rejection.

I offered to get a nappy out to show her but she declined. I was both happy and disappointed by this. I realised if she had agreed I'd have had to go into the loft and therefore give away my hiding place but at same time she is showing an interest and bit more open to it. I asked if she had any more questions or wanted to know anything else and she said not at the moment so I feel there may be more to come in the future...

Overall it was a conversation that needed to be had but I was hoping she'd have been even more accepting and open to it than she was a year ago. I feel I've made no real progress with her but at the same time I'm happy things haven't taken a backwards step and I've not been told to stop entirely.

I could have been reading about myself here it's uncanny. Although it's not all what you were hoping for at least it's positive!

I love my wife very much, my thing isn't her thing but I have her support and that's all that matters to me. Sounds like you've got a good un as well.

 

[PCS]

This is good progress, Scotty.

“Baby steps” as they say.

It sounds like she’s being rational about it and tentatively sympathetic.

It may be some time before she’s fully accepting.

If, like me, you aren’t AB, (and there’s nothing wrong with being AB), it might be worth mentioning that it’s just the nappies and that you aren’t into anything else that she might find online.

I mention this as I suspect my partner would not be quite so comfortable with this whole thing if I was into AB stuff.

Yours may be wondering whether she’s going to find you with bottles, dummies, teddies and acting like a baby. If not, it may be reassuring to tell her that.

 

[Subtlerustle]

That’s a bit of progress Scotty. I’ve been exactly where you are. While her acceptance came with some caveats that are initially disappointing, there’s a lot to work with. Primarily, your cards are on the table. I came back to the discussion a few months later with the genuine concern/emotions that I was “still hiding something” given the same instructions you had from your wife. I reiterated that I was not in pursuit of her participation but that I’d like to wear in her presence occasionally and not feel like I have to buy in secret etc. I didn’t want an elaborate hiding spot other than just my closet. I wanted to be able to have the word “diaper” exchanged between us without the anxiety or gulp-factor it’s historically had. At first she had a lot more questions but in the end I explained that shame is a huge factor in our community and being told to do this exclusively in private reinforced that shame, especially from the person most important in the journey. She was adamant that I should never be ashamed and hates the ugly way we are portrayed in the msm.
Presently there are still some “rules” I follow. I never flaunt. I’m always discreet. Disposal is invisible etc. I totally respect her needs and I get respect for mine.
I feel like with some time and a bit more discussion you will make some more progress like I did. It’s clear she loves you very much and was more hurt than weirded out which is a good thing. She has seen the emotions it draws from you and your vulnerability. Without being scheming or strategic about it, these raw things can actually bring you closer together.

 

[LittleScotty]

If, like me, you aren’t AB, (and there’s nothing wrong with being AB), it might be worth mentioning that it’s just the nappies and that you aren’t into anything else that she might find online.

I mention this as I suspect my partner would not be quite so comfortable with this whole thing if I was into AB stuff.

Yours may be wondering whether she’s going to find you with bottles, dummies, teddies and acting like a baby. If not, it may be reassuring to tell her that.

When she found out initially this was exactly what she was thinking so it was the first thing I made clear to her. She knew about my childhood, I shared that with her quite early on in our relationship so I told her it no doubt originated from that but in no way did I regress to being a child.

 

[tam1623]

It sounds like slow progress which is great, all good wishes