Finally told my wife of 28 years I like to wear diapers

[dazednconfused]

I couldn't have said it better than this. It's like you took the thoughts out of my mind and wrote them out.

Obviously I agree with everything you wrote.

Although we live in more open minded times, we also are surrounded by a new generation that live by materialism and competitiveness, and the desire to fit in. This weighs against any of us that want to live a double life with a girl that only wants to be a normal person of society, without any weird or negative stigmas against them.

I feel for soggygolfer in this situation, and how it's seemingly degrading with each conversation he has with his wife.
It's really hard to hear about these situations starting well, then becoming not so well as time goes on.

Does ''unconditional'' love ACTUALLY exist anymore???

I suspect she's already talked to her friends about it, considering her reactions changed since the big hug and the ''don't worry, we'll get thru this'' stuff...

Wouldn’t it also be “unconditional love” for him to accept this is something that hurts her and to sacrifice it?

 

[littlemoosey]

HUH? What did I miss?

 

[Subtlerustle]

HUH? What did I miss?

Lol I wondered the same. Someone has turned up the heat in this thread almost out of the blue.

 

[ej24]

I was going to reply to the previous post quoting me but I fear I may simply be replying to someone that doesn't really want to contribute.

But for anyone else that may misinterpret my post. Perhaps I wasn't clear? I expressed and shared my kink with my SO. I asked if she had any she wanted to share. She said none, nothing whatsoever. I inquired if there was even anything she fantasized about sexual, or non-sexual that was taboo, not vanilla or just unique at all. Nope. Nothing that she could think of. Everyone in this world is so unique and different, I find it hard to comprehend that everyone doesn't have at least some unique quirk, kink, desire, etc. But as with most things it's a spectrum so naturally some people do indeed fall in the middle of the spectrum.

 

[RedPandaDL]

I was going to reply to the previous post quoting me but I fear I may simply be replying to someone that doesn't really want to contribute.

But for anyone else that may misinterpret my post. Perhaps I wasn't clear? I expressed and shared my kink with my SO. I asked if she had any she wanted to share. She said none, nothing whatsoever. I inquired if there was even anything she fantasized about sexual, or non-sexual that was taboo, not vanilla or just unique at all. Nope. Nothing that she could think of. Everyone in this world is so unique and different, I find it hard to comprehend that everyone doesn't have at least some unique quirk, kink, desire, etc. But as with most things it's a spectrum so naturally some people do indeed fall in the middle of the spectrum.

My wife is the same way. It doesn’t get much more vanilla than her. I agree with it being hard to comprehend, but they do exist.

 

[dazednconfused]

I was going to reply to the previous post quoting me but I fear I may simply be replying to someone that doesn't really want to contribute.

Why do you fear that I don’t want to contribute?

 

[Subtlerustle]

Hey @dazednconfused. I’m getting the sense (in as much as is possible online) that you’re upset about perhaps a personal situation and diapers are involved. We’re a pretty open minded and helpful community here. Maybe we can help your situation if your willing to share your story? We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us. The non-wearers have their own unique perspectives but there is plenty of room to coexist happily. It’s usually other relationship stuff like trust and communication that kill couples. So, what to you say? Can we help?

 

[dazednconfused]

Hey @dazednconfused. I’m getting the sense (in as much as is possible online) that you’re upset about perhaps a personal situation and diapers are involved. We’re a pretty open minded and helpful community here. Maybe we can help your situation if your willing to share your story? We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us. The non-wearers have their own unique perspectives but there is plenty of room to coexist happily. It’s usually other relationship stuff like trust and communication that kill couples. So, what to you say? Can we help?

Hi there, I appreciate your thoughtful msg/response to my comment. I have to say, unfortunately, I have not rly found this site welcoming. Ppl have been annoyed and unfairly harsh to any comments or questions I have made. It seems established posters that are obviously into ABDL are able to get away with a lot more in terms of commenting and raising concerns or issues or questions without backlash. I get it in a way but it’s frustrating as someone who hasn’t known anything about this beyond the vague media image of the creepy guy in a diaper kinda thing (thinking of the Broad City episode, actually hilarious!!! Surprised I haven’t seen it mentioned here lol) whatsoever until two or three weeks ago. I’m trying to be a good person and maintain compassion even though I don’t feel I have been extended the same courtesy. I have been in a relationship for almost 9 years with someone who never gave me a clue about this. The situation is complex and painful and overwhelming and shocking and honestly I’ve been kinda wary to discuss it in any detail now based off the reaction to anything I’ve posted so far.
You said
“ We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us.”
I don’t see what that has to do with being into ABDL stuff? Isn’t that just called being human? Who doesn’t have a lot to unpack along their journey? We all have our own crosses to bear. But yeah I’m obviously really in a crisis.
but I am really really struggling. How do I reconcile the person I have spent almost a decade with, growing and going through so much together, with the person who is doing this shit behind my back and hiding it completely, I’m not trying to offend but tbh some of the stuff I have seen on me has been unbelievably shocking and left me feeling physically ill and just horrified. I don’t want to say anything ppl can perceive as accusatory since I don’t want to be banned on here when I rly need the resource as an insight and I’m trying to find any shred of anything to convince me I’m wrong for feeling so appalled by all this. I know in this case it’s very likely related to abuse. It complicates the ingsbmore that this parent in question has also abused ME and thinking they are the reason for this is so enraging and retraumatizing. Again I don’t really feel comfortable going into details until I feel a little more sure I won’t be attacked.

Hey @dazednconfused. I’m getting the sense (in as much as is possible online) that you’re upset about perhaps a personal situation and diapers are involved. We’re a pretty open minded and helpful community here. Maybe we can help your situation if your willing to share your story? We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us. The non-wearers have their own unique perspectives but there is plenty of room to coexist happily. It’s usually other relationship stuff like trust and communication that kill couples. So, what to you say? Can we help?

 

[Subtlerustle]

@dazednconfused. Glad to hear back. I’m in a time crunch to reply in full. I will return tonight.

 

[ej24]

Hi there, I appreciate your thoughtful msg/response to my comment. I have to say, unfortunately, I have not rly found this site welcoming. Ppl have been annoyed and unfairly harsh to any comments or questions I have made. It seems established posters that are obviously into ABDL are able to get away with a lot more in terms of commenting and raising concerns or issues or questions without backlash. I get it in a way but it’s frustrating as someone who hasn’t known anything about this beyond the vague media image of the creepy guy in a diaper kinda thing (thinking of the Broad City episode, actually hilarious!!! Surprised I haven’t seen it mentioned here lol) whatsoever until two or three weeks ago. I’m trying to be a good person and maintain compassion even though I don’t feel I have been extended the same courtesy. I have been in a relationship for almost 9 years with someone who never gave me a clue about this. The situation is complex and painful and overwhelming and shocking and honestly I’ve been kinda wary to discuss it in any detail now based off the reaction to anything I’ve posted so far.
You said
“ We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us.”
I don’t see what that has to do with being into ABDL stuff? Isn’t that just called being human? Who doesn’t have a lot to unpack along their journey? We all have our own crosses to bear. But yeah I’m obviously really in a crisis.
but I am really really struggling. How do I reconcile the person I have spent almost a decade with, growing and going through so much together, with the person who is doing this shit behind my back and hiding it completely, I’m not trying to offend but tbh some of the stuff I have seen on me has been unbelievably shocking and left me feeling physically ill and just horrified. I don’t want to say anything ppl can perceive as accusatory since I don’t want to be banned on here when I rly need the resource as an insight and I’m trying to find any shred of anything to convince me I’m wrong for feeling so appalled by all this. I know in this case it’s very likely related to abuse. It complicates the ingsbmore that this parent in question has also abused ME and thinking they are the reason for this is so enraging and retraumatizing. Again I don’t really feel comfortable going into details until I feel a little more sure I won’t be attacked.

Sounds like a lot to unpack, it's probably worth it's own thread and discussion if you're willing/comfortable with sharing. Or an introduction of what brought you here or what you hope to gain from participating. Over the years there's been a lot people that show up, fire off some cruel comments just to put down people here and then vanish, just trolls really. It goes both ways though, you'll find abdl trolls here that say ridiculously stuff for a reaction occasionally. So don't believe everything you read here. Hopefully you can find some reasonable advice or at least some peace of mind. Most important though is to talk to your SO that revealed this to you and find out what it means for them and what they want. We can't read their mind and everyone is different so they're the only ones that can fully explain themselves.

 

[Honeywell6180]

Hi there, I appreciate your thoughtful msg/response to my comment. I have to say, unfortunately, I have not rly found this site welcoming. Ppl have been annoyed and unfairly harsh to any comments or questions I have made. It seems established posters that are obviously into ABDL are able to get away with a lot more in terms of commenting and raising concerns or issues or questions without backlash. I get it in a way but it’s frustrating as someone who hasn’t known anything about this beyond the vague media image of the creepy guy in a diaper kinda thing (thinking of the Broad City episode, actually hilarious!!! Surprised I haven’t seen it mentioned here lol) whatsoever until two or three weeks ago. I’m trying to be a good person and maintain compassion even though I don’t feel I have been extended the same courtesy. I have been in a relationship for almost 9 years with someone who never gave me a clue about this. The situation is complex and painful and overwhelming and shocking and honestly I’ve been kinda wary to discuss it in any detail now based off the reaction to anything I’ve posted so far.
You said
“ We’ve all had a lot to unpack in our journeys and that’s just the ABDL in us.”
I don’t see what that has to do with being into ABDL stuff? Isn’t that just called being human? Who doesn’t have a lot to unpack along their journey? We all have our own crosses to bear. But yeah I’m obviously really in a crisis.
but I am really really struggling. How do I reconcile the person I have spent almost a decade with, growing and going through so much together, with the person who is doing this shit behind my back and hiding it completely, I’m not trying to offend but tbh some of the stuff I have seen on me has been unbelievably shocking and left me feeling physically ill and just horrified. I don’t want to say anything ppl can perceive as accusatory since I don’t want to be banned on here when I rly need the resource as an insight and I’m trying to find any shred of anything to convince me I’m wrong for feeling so appalled by all this. I know in this case it’s very likely related to abuse. It complicates the ingsbmore that this parent in question has also abused ME and thinking they are the reason for this is so enraging and retraumatizing. Again I don’t really feel comfortable going into details until I feel a little more sure I won’t be attacked.

I look at your posts, and I think I have some understanding of what you are having to deal with. With me being on the autism spectrum, and having discussed my situation with medical professionals, I have no desire to have someone else involved with my situation, which I manage fully independently. And of course, I could never find myself interested in becoming a caregiver either. I guess there must be a considerable difference between someone who does things out of pleasure, and those who must do things out of necessity. I would be in the latter group apparently.

So with that said, my question would be: What would be your opinion of someone on the autism spectrum who, after discussing it with their medical team, wears diapers when they feel it is necessary? Yet, separates those needs from their spouse and family and manages it by themselves, in total privacy? Keep in mind that I have never once dated, had a girlfriend, or had any form of intimacy. I just cannot accept touching another human. I would prefer to pick up a cat or handle a snake instead. But again, that has most to do with being on the autism spectrum.

Anyway, let me know what you think....

 

[irnub]

I have to say, unfortunately, I have not rly found this site welcoming.

I think the reason you're having issues is because you just kind of randomly post about stuff in random threads and seem to be speaking to a specific situation that you haven't told us about.

You would probably get a much better response if you posted a new thread and explained what your specific situation (I assume with your partner?) and then ask your questions there so that we can speak to your situation specifically.

 

[dazednconfused]

Sounds like a lot to unpack, it's probably worth it's own thread and discussion if you're willing/comfortable with sharing. Or an introduction of what brought you here or what you hope to gain from participating. Over the years there's been a lot people that show up, fire off some cruel comments just to put down people here and then vanish, just trolls really. It goes both ways though, you'll find abdl trolls here that say ridiculously stuff for a reaction occasionally. So don't believe everything you read here. Hopefully you can find some reasonable advice or at least some peace of mind. Most important though is to talk to your SO that revealed this to you and find out what it means for them and what they want. We can't read their mind and everyone is different so they're the only ones that can fully explain themselves.

I appreciate your kind response. I do intend to start my own thread in the next few days, I just am really trying to think it through to express everything I’m feeling and all the important points. I can be a little long winded lol and like I said there are quite a few complicating factors and circumstances I’ll need to go into a bit. So I’m just trying to get all my thoughts in order now. I’ve been in shock with thoughts and emotions whirling through my mind for a couple weeks and I’m just starting to feel able to even articulate my feelings. I should add as it’s very important, my boyfriend DID NOT reveal this to me. I discovered this but by bit over the last six months but it was like putting together a puzzle when you don’t know what it is supposed to look like. Now so many things fit together but as I said I only realized the whole picture less than a month ago and haven’t dealt with it. But he knows I know, or atleast that I know some or part of it. It is a terrible situation. I have been coming here first trying to grasp what I am dealing with and all my feelings before I can even know what to say to him

 

[dazednconfused]

I look at your posts, and I think I have some understanding of what you are having to deal with. With me being on the autism spectrum, and having discussed my situation with medical professionals, I have no desire to have someone else involved with my situation, which I manage fully independently. And of course, I could never find myself interested in becoming a caregiver either. I guess there must be a considerable difference between someone who does things out of pleasure, and those who must do things out of necessity. I would be in the latter group apparently.

So with that said, my question would be: What would be your opinion of someone on the autism spectrum who, after discussing it with their medical team, wears diapers when they feel it is necessary? Yet, separates those needs from their spouse and family and manages it by themselves, in total privacy? Keep in mind that I have never once dated, had a girlfriend, or had any form of intimacy. I just cannot accept touching another human. I would prefer to pick up a cat or handle a snake instead. But again, that has most to do with being on the autism spectrum.

Anyway, let me know what you think....

To be totally clear, I have no problem with and absolutely nothing in any way against people wearing diapers for whatever medical reason they have the need whether frequently or temporarily, and with respect for public discretion and hygiene. I’m a little unclear in your post whether your Autism leads to the physical or emotional need, but I support whatever competent medical professionals and yourself have decided is best for your health! I have an autistic genius IQ lesbian sister lol and have some asbergers traits myself so I have a big soft spot out their for the struggles and amazing gifts of ppl on the spectrum. I fully respect the behaviours you described, and although it doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, if you did ever find yourself wanting to date, just be honest from the start! I’m not quite clear if it is strictly medical or also a non sexual hobby for you, but it seems it’s a medical need regardless. And as for preferring the cuddles snakes and cats to people, I must I hear ya!!!! My two beautiful cats are the only ones I have any desire to be a mama too or to baby and spoil lol!

 

[dazednconfused]

I think the reason you're having issues is because you just kind of randomly post about stuff in random threads and seem to be speaking to a specific situation that you haven't told us about.

You would probably get a much better response if you posted a new thread and explained what your specific situation (I assume with your partner?) and then ask your questions there so that we can speak to your situation specifically.

As I’ve stated I do plan to create my own thread in the next couple of days. I certainly don’t see how I’m unique in “posting stuff in random threads” . From what I understand, forum threads would be a little lacklustre without, you know, people posting. I haven’t seen any rules that comments may only refer specifically and directly to the original post and not the following thread posts. All of my comments have been responses or questions to other posters in the thread, whether or not you think they are relevant, I did and I I don’t see others bringing their personal experiences into threads being criticized for it. And I can’t message ppl on here so it’s my only way to communicate until I get all my thoughts in order to properly write and explain my complex situation and the complicating factors. Which I am in the process of doing and will be posting this week

 

[Honeywell6180]

To be totally clear, I have no problem with and absolutely nothing in any way against people wearing diapers for whatever medical reason they have the need whether frequently or temporarily, and with respect for public discretion and hygiene. I’m a little unclear in your post whether your Autism leads to the physical or emotional need, but I support whatever competent medical professionals and yourself have decided is best for your health! I have an autistic genius IQ lesbian sister lol and have some asbergers traits myself so I have a big soft spot out their for the struggles and amazing gifts of ppl on the spectrum. I fully respect the behaviours you described, and although it doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, if you did ever find yourself wanting to date, just be honest from the start! I’m not quite clear if it is strictly medical or also a non sexual hobby for you, but it seems it’s a medical need regardless. And as for preferring the cuddles snakes and cats to people, I must I hear ya!!!! My two beautiful cats are the only ones I have any desire to be a mama too or to baby and spoil lol!

I don't consider the diapers as an emotional need at all. They are only a tool to help me relieve physical discomfort, and also for containment when needed (there are times when I have an over-active bladder). You mention that diapers cannot replace human companionship, and you are very correct. Usually, when I'm around my support network and those I have strong relationships with, I make accommodations accordingly. For example: To maintain some heat and pressure, I will use either a toddler cloth pre-fold or size 6 or 7 disposable as an insert in a standard brief. The purpose is to keep my skin dry from sweat, and offer MAXIMUM discreteness in a social setting, especially with a disposable (they can be swapped within 5 seconds in a public restroom stall). Comfort and absorbency are sacrificed, however, and my medical team will usually advise against it, even though they understand the social aspects and my desire to "look and appear proper" around others.

So yes, it is obvious that the only purpose of diapers for me, is to help me function better. When I was in elementary school, there were times when I would have accidents. Much of this was due to the sensory processing aspects of my developmental disability. Although I was trained to use facilities, the lack of protection and hygiene would undermine my social relationships. The parents should have been consulting with a pediatrician back then, because I strongly feel that keeping me out of diapers completely was not a very good decision. But, that was back in the 1970's when "diapers are only for babies". If only people back then knew what they know now.

 

[ej24]

I appreciate your kind response. I do intend to start my own thread in the next few days, I just am really trying to think it through to express everything I’m feeling and all the important points. I can be a little long winded lol and like I said there are quite a few complicating factors and circumstances I’ll need to go into a bit. So I’m just trying to get all my thoughts in order now. I’ve been in shock with thoughts and emotions whirling through my mind for a couple weeks and I’m just starting to feel able to even articulate my feelings. I should add as it’s very important, my boyfriend DID NOT reveal this to me. I discovered this but by bit over the last six months but it was like putting together a puzzle when you don’t know what it is supposed to look like. Now so many things fit together but as I said I only realized the whole picture less than a month ago and haven’t dealt with it. But he knows I know, or atleast that I know some or part of it. It is a terrible situation. I have been coming here first trying to grasp what I am dealing with and all my feelings before I can even know what to say to him

Oh you haven't had an open discussion with your boyfriend yet? I can imagine your head is spinning with many questions, concerns, unknowns. Ultimately you'll need to have an open dialog with him because none of us can speak for him. You won't really be able to have a full picture until you hear from him. It'll be hard for him too, otherwise he would have already openly shared this with you. He likely feels uncomfortable with himself so it may be hard for him to articulate his thoughts. You'll need to talk about precisely what his wants, needs, and feelings are and whether it is or isn't compatible with yours. Otherwise it's all speculation on our part and your part. Who knows it may not be as bad as whatever worst case scenario you've imagined.

 

[dazednconfused]

I don't consider the diapers as an emotional need at all. They are only a tool to help me relieve physical discomfort, and also for containment when needed (there are times when I have an over-active bladder). You mention that diapers cannot replace human companionship, and you are very correct. Usually, when I'm around my support network and those I have strong relationships with, I make accommodations accordingly. For example: To maintain some heat and pressure, I will use either a toddler cloth pre-fold or size 6 or 7 disposable as an insert in a standard brief. The purpose is to keep my skin dry from sweat, and offer MAXIMUM discreteness in a social setting, especially with a disposable (they can be swapped within 5 seconds in a public restroom stall). Comfort and absorbency are sacrificed, however, and my medical team will usually advise against it, even though they understand the social aspects and my desire to "look and appear proper" around others.

So yes, it is obvious that the only purpose of diapers for me, is to help me function better. When I was in elementary school, there were times when I would have accidents. Much of this was due to the sensory processing aspects of my developmental disability. Although I was trained to use facilities, the lack of protection and hygiene would undermine my social relationships. The parents should have been consulting with a pediatrician back then, because I strongly feel that keeping me out of diapers completely was not a very good decision. But, that was back in the 1970's when "diapers are only for babies". If only people back then knew what they know now.

That is beyond understandable! You have no reason to feel like you owe me an explanation or justification of your unique medical history but I very much appreciate that you felt comfortable to! I know the majority of the traits I have are constellated in large part in the sensory areas so I relate big time! For me the main issues were itchy textures, dusty dead air (church library etc) (I couldn’t swallow anything that wasn’t firm or liquid but was in between like orange slices or yogurt without violently gagging. Also tonssss of allergies that luckily I mainly outgrew. brushing teeth, my bad used to have to do it for me til I was six cause I would cry and gaga and cough so much and feel so nauseated after. smells especially gasoline would make me get a migraine and wanna puke, loud noise , and light sensitivity causing a lot of migraines and headaches. to this day I can’t even think of the sound of biting a popsicle or nails on a chalkboard without horrible shivers and a brain freeze feeling ahahaha. And I occasionally wear sunglasses inside if I didn’t sleep well and I don’t wanna get a migraine. Whining and Winning!! haha but for real believe me, I don’t think anyone who wasn’t truly evil would judge you or in any way think negative towards you because you and your medical team says that you need to use diapers to be healthy and function at your personal best. I totally understand your need to feel safe and not draw unwanted attention to something that you fear could draw ridicule, and if that a larger need for you I understand why you want to do that, but I really don’t think you need to worry about the cloth insert stuff. I think the risk for you is very low. The thing is, before a few weeks ago, seeing a person out in public and either seeing a glimpse of say like the top of their diaper when they lift their arms up or notice the shape of the diaper under their clothes, or perspiration at a crease or WHATEVER it would NEVER have crossed my mind they were wearing for any reason other than a medical need. People aren’t usually laserfocusing on every backside they see in a day and unless you were acting bizarrely in a way that drew attention, I doubt anyone will even notice. They won’t comment I can almost promise you. I didn’t even know people wore diapers under clothing for any sexual or hobby type motivations until this month. So it literally won’t even occur to 99% of ppl that it anything other than a medical device which in your case of course it is. Further, I would not think anything negative at all and I assure you any non psychopathic adult would feel the same. I live in a city with a lot of hospitals and medical infrastructure and a tremendous amount of accessible medical help and support for disabled people because of it. I literally can’t even tell you the amount of times I have seen people wearing diapers around downtown, not just elderly and it truly never registered as anything other than a momentary awareness. I know there is a high number of disabled citizens here, I don’t really think about it or really notice anymore frankly. The same as if I see someone is using a cane or wheelchair ,hearing aid, allergy bracelet YOU NAME IT. I would never bring it up or treat them weirdly about it. You using medical equipment is no different!! Assuming they are a functional adult, I would assume they are being careful of their own and others hygiene concerns. It wouldn’t be something that would worry me bother me or literally be more than a barely conscious observation. Anyone who realized you were wearing and showed interest or anything much beyond silent compassion would be in my opinion, obviously into the non medical wearing culture themselves!!! So they’d be quite a hypocrite to bother you. As for little kids the odd one might make a silly remark or question but remember there is no malice there and their curiosity is outpacing the growth of their decorum!! I hope if you are comfortable you could go with your doctors advice if not doing that insert thing as it isn’t medically necessary and seems like it may even be slightly detrimental. As for your support network, if they know you wear and you are hygienic and mindful, you shouldn’t feel like you need to go to those lengths, they will feel comfortable knowing you feel comfortable and they will understand you aren’t imposing anything, like I said you wouldn’t get mad at a friend for wearing glasses so you could play chess together right? I’m so sorry you had such a shitty time in school, I know my sister had very hard time in the 90s and early 2000s so I can imaginee it must have been very veryyyyy harsh and unforgiving back when you were a kid. I’m sorry you weren’t given the empathy to meet your needs as they existed and help you overcome challenges you didn’t choose to have. It’s so hurtful to be ostracized by peers for things you can’t control. But don’t let those awful memories cloud your picture of the possibilities for your life today! Grown ups are usuallllly slightly less mean than schoolyard kids haha. And your comment about not replacing human connection led me to believe perhaps you are in fact looking for a relationship at some point? I think I incorrectly took from the comments about not wanting to touch anyone leading to no intimacy to mean you were asexual, is that not in fact the case? Because again, I wouldn’t worry as long as you are as upfront and honest as you were here. You have a medical need to wear them and you’re very mindful of hygiene and just need to figure out how you want to communicate about them when it comes to planning intimacy and stuff if that is what you do want at some point

 

[dazednconfused]

Oh you haven't had an open discussion with your boyfriend yet? I can imagine your head is spinning with many questions, concerns, unknowns. Ultimately you'll need to have an open dialog with him because none of us can speak for him. You won't really be able to have a full picture until you hear from him. It'll be hard for him too, otherwise he would have already openly shared this with you. He likely feels uncomfortable with himself so it may be hard for him to articulate his thoughts. You'll need to talk about precisely what his wants, needs, and feelings are and whether it is or isn't compatible with yours. Otherwise it's all speculation on our part and your part. Who knows it may not be as bad as whatever worst case scenario you've imagined.

No and I know that no one can really help me much until I do. Because he knows I’ve discovered at least part of what’s been going on, I figured he was working up some courage getting his thoughts together and would be approaching me. He knows very much that things are wrong. I’ve become very distraught and shut down for a couple weeks and stopped attempting to show or get affection from him. The first week I realized he seemed to be feeling me out unsure what I knew for sure and what I would do about it and he seemed angry kind himself. I have a hard time staying mad at anyone for long, it eats at me and sometimes I tend to let things go too soon and get over them just to save myself the stress of prolonnged tension and as someone super physical it’s hard for me to go without being cuddly and affectionate to those I love so I usually say to myself it’s not worth it and stop being mad before the right amends have maybe been made. So I think it kinda hit him after a week and a half that this was serious and I knew enough to be feeling rocked to my core. He is being like weirdly kind la stilted polite and nice and brought home sunglasses and socks for me? And made dinners and fixed up the yard and stuff. That hurts me more. That he thinks this can be overcome and made up for like some dumb fight we got into over who was late or who didn’t do what for who or some petty thing. I doubt he honestly believe that, maybe he’s attempting to regain some goodwill before broaching it? But it seems cruel and honestly sadistic to put someone in my position and leave them there to figure it out them self. I purposely avoided saying a word for a while because I was in so much anger and shock and deep heart wrenching pain that I didn’t trust myself to be able to not be totally destructive and perhaps venegeful in going to him and laying this out. I still have moments everyday of denial where it feels like I woke up in a surreal. Nightmare that I can somehow get back out of. The more it sinks in this is real the more numb I feel inside and the more shattered my own identity and future feel. I really wish as you said it wasn’t as bad as I feared but believe me, I don’t see how it could be worse than what I do know and I’m sure I don’t know alllll of it. But let’s just say it includes ordering and hiding women’s underwear and diapers and filming and uploading videos of himself in our house pooping in his diapers and moaning about how messy he is to fetish porn scat sites. Chatting with Abdl girls about how he wants to poop in public and how it makes him rock hard thinking of her doing the same and how badly he needs a loving mommy to change his messy diaper. In 6 months he went from anal to scat to diapers to sissy stuff. I know he was into aspects of it well before but found out now and it seems it was his secret at that point unexpressed yet ? That’s not even the worst. He has gotten annoyed or acted embarrassed afterwards when I’ve playfully put on makeup on him or cajoled him into putting on a silly flouncy thing for stoned fun not sexually hahah. Yet he is posting full face pictures on fetish sites wearing a diaper and MY stolen lingerie and MY stolen clothing and stolen makeup and posing and making this stupid face that I think was imitating cute pics I take of myself and all these poses I guess he thinks are “little girl” like somehow which honestly made me burst into tears it felt like he was literally like mocking me or caricaturing me behind my back for the sexual pleasure of strangers. There is way more to this if you can believe that. I gotta stop typing out different parts of the on diff threads in responses and just get it all together and post the whole heart wrenching long ass fkn story in my own thread tomorrow. I know if he won’t talk to me I have to be the one to do it. I just want to have as much knowledge and emotional control as possible to enter that sure to be horrible conversation

 

[Honeywell6180]

That is beyond understandable! You have no reason to feel like you owe me an explanation or justification of your unique medical history but I very much appreciate that you felt comfortable to! I know the majority of the traits I have are constellated in large part in the sensory areas so I relate big time!
I know my sister had very hard time in the 90s and early 2000s so I can imaginee it must have been very veryyyyy harsh and unforgiving back when you were a kid. I’m sorry you weren’t given the empathy to meet your needs as they existed and help you overcome challenges you didn’t choose to have. It’s so hurtful to be ostracized by peers for things you can’t control. But don’t let those awful memories cloud your picture of the possibilities for your life today! Grown ups are usuallllly slightly less mean than schoolyard kids haha. And your comment about not replacing human connection led me to believe perhaps you are in fact looking for a relationship at some point? I think I incorrectly took from the comments about not wanting to touch anyone leading to no intimacy to mean you were asexual, is that not in fact the case? Because again, I wouldn’t worry as long as you are as upfront and honest as you were here. You have a medical need to wear them and you’re very mindful of hygiene and just need to figure out how you want to communicate about them when it comes to planning intimacy and stuff if that is what you do want at some point

There was a time when I was looking for relationships, but that was 20 years before I was diagnosed with autism in 2001. Back around 1986 and prior, I would often discretely purchase toddler cloth and disposable diapers, but kept my issues well hidden. And I would even go as far as purging my supplies when I lived in a college dorm. It was ALL about finding a relationship back then. One that never came, even when I put the needs of others before my own. I am sure that others in my family knew about my sensory issues, but nobody ever came forward or offered to help assess my needs. As for me, I had honestly felt like I was mentally defective. Yet, I was still a college student working towards a brighter future.

You know, like other people I have fantasies. Back when I was 21, I had fantasies about being a high school student, with a 3.5 grade average, in 11th grade, with a normal girlfriend, looking forward to my senior year and going to the junior prom. And later after a youth fellowship, going to a Pizza Hut with other students, their dates, some parents, and youth leaders. But I was college/career age, and had no relationships. Over the years, those hormones had shut down and the necessary social skills for building a family never developed. I will be 60 years of age by the end of October. So now, I am focused on developing a support network that consists of more shallow relationships, yet still works for me and is functional. I don't see how a 35 or 40 year old would be interested in someone as old as me, with the type of disability I have, along with the organizational skills that I so lack. There is some progress being made, however, and I should be OK.

On another response, you quote:

But let’s just say it includes ordering and hiding women’s underwear and diapers and filming and uploading videos of himself in our house pooping in his diapers and moaning about how messy he is to fetish porn scat sites. Chatting with Abdl girls about how he wants to poop in public and how it makes him rock hard thinking of her doing the same and how badly he needs a loving mommy to change his messy diaper. In 6 months he went from anal to scat to diapers to sissy stuff. I know he was into aspects of it well before but found out now and it seems it was his secret at that point unexpressed yet ?

I will say that your boyfriend needs help, and not the kind of help you are able to provide. He needs to see a psychiatrist, or a psychologist at the very least, and then get behavioral therapy for these new habits he is forming. This has nothing to do with the diapers, but it has everything to do with what he wants to do with them. Getting him professional help as soon as possible before these new habits really start to take root, would be the best thing you can do for him.