The thread was locked, so unless you revive the story (which I doubt you'd want to do) then you're not going to really do much with it. The first thing that distinguishes a great writer from a good writer is the material they read and have read! Try reading the classics... there are a lot of them out there! Cody and the Baby Start Over Program, Thirteen Days, The Aden Series, The Story of David Mayter, ETC ETC. In terms of grammar, though, as these stories show off a good plot best, it'd be wise to look online. Another good way of getting a feel of things is looking at the popular stories of the current day. I.E my own work Jesse's Book, for example.
Hey, when responding, respond on my profile please. That's the only way I see it.
And yes, people will assume. But, I assumed the same as them. Now, if we were wrong, oh well. BUT... you still failed in something. You failed in keeping the reader intrigued and entertained from the start. You'll need to work on this the most, trust me on that. Introduction is key.