Is it possible to appear completely as a man and completely as a woman in public?

[BabyJosephina]

i’ve been struggling with this idea of not feeling like i look woman enough or man enough. is there a way to look like either or and no one would think you were otherwise at?

 

[KittenToys]

Struggling with gender presentation is pretty difficult, I've been there. But its okay not to fit squarely into one category or the other! Honestly I'd just dress and present however you're most comfortable and try your best not to worry too much about how other folks think you look. I know how hard that can be but imo, once you start dressing for yourself rather than based on what other people might think, it's very freeing!

 

[BabyJosephina]

Struggling with gender presentation is pretty difficult, I've been there. But its okay not to fit squarely into one category or the other! Honestly I'd just dress and present however you're most comfortable and try your best not to worry too much about how other folks think you look. I know how hard that can be but imo, once you start dressing for yourself rather than based on what other people might think, it's very freeing!

true. thank you for that! but i want to appear as a woman to myself. i don’t want to ever think i don’t feel women enough. i feel like such a experience could make me really anxious

 

[KittenToys]

true. thank you for that! but i want to appear as a woman to myself. i don’t want to ever think i don’t feel women enough. i feel like such a experience could make me really anxious

I totally get that! Its the opposite for me (I'm a trans man) but I totally understand the feeling... it can be really hard, esp going into gendered spaces because I don't "pass" enough for male only spaces but am really uncomfortable in women only spaces. But I definitely have found that folks tend to be far more accepting than I ever expected. Media tends to amplify the voices of the less tolerant unfortunately, but they aren't the majority.
And honestly I think a large part of passing is just... practice? Learning what looks best on you and how to be confident in your skin can go a really long way in my experience! That and finding that handful of clothing that really just make you feel good.

 

[BabyJosephina]

I totally get that! Its the opposite for me (I'm a trans man) but I totally understand the feeling... it can be really hard, esp going into gendered spaces because I don't "pass" enough for male only spaces but am really uncomfortable in women only spaces. But I definitely have found that folks tend to be far more accepting than I ever expected. Media tends to amplify the voices of the less tolerant unfortunately, but they aren't the majority.
And honestly I think a large part of passing is just... practice? Learning what looks best on you and how to be confident in your skin can go a really long way in my experience! That and finding that handful of clothing that really just make you feel good.

i guess i never saw it like that. i think i see it sort of difficult because i know certain people irl who would make fun of me for it. you know i feel a lot of shame for many of the things that make up me but i think it stems from my overall self esteem. my abandonment issues don’t help the issue and feeling abandoned from my mom. i just have that desire to live this alternate life, sometimes as a baby girl in private or as a girl in public if i feel it fits me that day. and my disability doesn’t help me either. i go onto these forums to maybe get rid of the shame but everyday that passes by i just wish i could be someone else and that makes me feel a lot more shame. i get anxious because i get anxious because i feel less and less right everyday. i’m sorry, i’m not trying to tell you a sob story but i’m just trying to contextualize in the best way i can

 

[Milianna]

I think that it is kind of possible. I know that there are various techniques with makeup, clothing, vocal training, and maybe just a bit of general luck with your overall body frame in terms of passing either way.

I'm not sure how applicable my case is to yours but I relate. I'm a cis woman but I have done my share of cross dressing. I did bind, cut my hair, and everything for a while but even then.... I don't think I ever looked like anything other than a girl who got into their older brother's clothing.

 

[BabyJosephina]

I think that it is kind of possible. I know that there are various techniques with makeup, clothing, vocal training, and maybe just a bit of general luck with your overall body frame in terms of passing either way.

I'm not sure how applicable my case is to yours but I relate. I'm a cis woman but I have done my share of cross dressing. I did bind, cut my hair, and everything for a while but even then.... I don't think I ever looked like anything other than a girl who got into their older brother's clothing.

yeah you’re right. i think there’s always a way, you just have to figure it out

 

[Peesalot]

In all honesty, in most cases I believe a person can reasonably pass for the other sex assuming a few things. First of all, if a guy wants to pass as a woman, I suspect having a beard/mustache is a really bad idea. After that, it's a matter of finding the clothing you feel comfortable wearing. Remember, many women are beautiful and many are just plain ugly. But, 99% of women are just plain women. That gives a guy a lot of latitude in how he presents himself as his feminine better half. Now, if you're 6'5" and 270 lbs. it may be difficult to pull off; but, again assuming a more normal height and weight, I believe it's only a matter of trial and error, practice, and maybe professional instruction with regard to makeup. For a woman wanting to look like a man, I believe it is a lot easier. Dress like a slob and don't concern yourself with the finer details of grooming. That may be an over simplification; but, think about most of the men you see other than in a professional setting. You get the idea. I'm 5'8" and 195 lbs. I could never pass as a centerfold; but, with good makeup and the proper clothing I believe I could pass as a frumpy, overweight, old lady (I'm 76). After all, right now I'm a frumpy, overweight old man. Obviously, I doubt it would be easy to do in front of folks that have known you for any length of time; but, that's a given. However, if you are in unfamiliar surroundings and in the vicinity of people who have never seen you before, I believe most people would never notice. It is extremely rare that I ever even give a thought as to whether or not a person is the biological sex they present themselves to be. About the only thing I ever wonder about (and it is rare) is when seeing certain women is whether or not they might share an interest in certain mild BDSM activities I have an interest in.

 

[SalemRose]

That’s called androgyny.

 

[Seasonedcitizen]

In all honesty, in most cases I believe a person can reasonably pass for the other sex assuming a few things. First of all, if a guy wants to pass as a woman, I suspect having a beard/mustache is a really bad idea. After that, it's a matter of finding the clothing you feel comfortable wearing. Remember, many women are beautiful and many are just plain ugly. But, 99% of women are just plain women. That gives a guy a lot of latitude in how he presents himself as his feminine better half. Now, if you're 6'5" and 270 lbs. it may be difficult to pull off; but, again assuming a more normal height and weight, I believe it's only a matter of trial and error, practice, and maybe professional instruction with regard to makeup. For a woman wanting to look like a man, I believe it is a lot easier. Dress like a slob and don't concern yourself with the finer details of grooming. That may be an over simplification; but, think about most of the men you see other than in a professional setting. You get the idea. I'm 5'8" and 195 lbs. I could never pass as a centerfold; but, with good makeup and the proper clothing I believe I could pass as a frumpy, overweight, old lady (I'm 76). After all, right now I'm a frumpy, overweight old man. Obviously, I doubt it would be easy to do in front of folks that have known you for any length of time; but, that's a given. However, if you are in unfamiliar surroundings and in the vicinity of people who have never seen you before, I believe most people would never notice. It is extremely rare that I ever even give a thought as to whether or not a person is the biological sex they present themselves to be. About the only thing I ever wonder about (and it is rare) is when seeing certain women is whether or not they might share an interest in certain mild BDSM activities I have an interest in.

Dress to blend in, not to attract attention. Leave the short skirts, over stuffed bras and cleavage for home.

 

[chrischrischris]

Be nice if men could wear pretty dresses in public with out people making fun of you . don't want to be a woman . just like dresses

 

[Peesalot]

Be nice if men could wear pretty dresses in public with out people making fun of you . don't want to be a woman . just like dresses

While I'd like to wear dresses at home, I'm not at all ready for the comments/laughter/ridicule I'd get wearing a dress in public. That said, I was just out and about wearing panties, thigh highs, and a bralette under my "he man" ( ) clothes. Nobody at all noticed. In fact, I'm sitting in the living room with my wife right now and she has not idea. Well, she may have an idea because normally I'd be in just my panties and a gold shirt. The fact I still have my slacks and socks on probably gives her a clue I'm doing my cd thing.

 

[Deleted member 58849]

Combat skirt

 

[Kittyinpink]

true. thank you for that! but i want to appear as a woman to myself. i don’t want to ever think i don’t feel women enough. i feel like such a experience could make me really anxious

Yes . It's really hard. I have managed to feel good about my body (I don't like being a boy) through exercise and diet and sneaky things like wearing women's trousers and underwear that fit and aren't obvious. Recently I have discovered gaffs and I'm very happy with them. My front is really smooth now! YAY! I used to dream that one day I would wake up and my 'bits' would have fallen off!! Oh I wish...

 

[Kittyinpink]

I totally get that! Its the opposite for me (I'm a trans man) but I totally understand the feeling... it can be really hard, esp going into gendered spaces because I don't "pass" enough for male only spaces but am really uncomfortable in women only spaces. But I definitely have found that folks tend to be far more accepting than I ever expected. Media tends to amplify the voices of the less tolerant unfortunately, but they aren't the majority.
And honestly I think a large part of passing is just... practice? Learning what looks best on you and how to be confident in your skin can go a really long way in my experience! That and finding that handful of clothing that really just make you feel good.

Great reply! .

 

[Kittyinpink]

i guess i never saw it like that. i think i see it sort of difficult because i know certain people irl who would make fun of me for it. you know i feel a lot of shame for many of the things that make up me but i think it stems from my overall self esteem. my abandonment issues don’t help the issue and feeling abandoned from my mom. i just have that desire to live this alternate life, sometimes as a baby girl in private or as a girl in public if i feel it fits me that day. and my disability doesn’t help me either. i go onto these forums to maybe get rid of the shame but everyday that passes by i just wish i could be someone else and that makes me feel a lot more shame. i get anxious because i get anxious because i feel less and less right everyday. i’m sorry, i’m not trying to tell you a sob story but i’m just trying to contextualize in the best way i can

Hey! I really feel for you and I'm pretty sure I understand how your emotions are going. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier , my tech is rubbish.. all I can do is send you hugs! . Wishing you lots of love. Just be you as best you can and never forget to give yourself lots of care!

 

[Kittyinpink]

Be nice if men could wear pretty dresses in public with out people making fun of you . don't want to be a woman . just like dresses

I agree. Women can nowadays in our western culture wear and present themselves anyway they like. It's rubbish that men have to stick to a much more narrow fashion.. I know we legally can but we all know the social stigma will be awful. But with women (fashion wise) anything goes...