“Getting caught” is a nearly universal experience in the ABDL community. All of us have been “in the closet” at some point, if only at the very beginning, and many of us never come out. However, because ABDL desires clearly manifest in early childhood, ABDL children inevitably get caught, because children have no privacy from their parents, they are terrible at keeping secrets, and at any rate diapers are almost impossible to conceal from other people who live in the same house. When I was pre-pubescent, I was terrible at hiding anything from my parents, and I had not yet developed a sense of shame powerful enough to make me avoid exposure. Thus, I had a few memorable “getting caught” moments.
When I was around 4 years old, or certainly no older than 5, I slept over at a friend’s house for Christmas. His baby brother wore pull-ups at night, and as soon as I saw them in the package I was mesmerized. I’m not sure how, but I convinced my friend to wear a pair of pull-ups to sleep that night. This idea was definitely mine, and he only went along with it. He wore his pull-up over his underwear, but I was bold from a young age and wore my pull-ups without anything underneath or over. Lo and behold, the next morning my friend’s parents woke us to Christmas morning and Santa’s presents by tearing the covers off the two of us. I remember pretending to be asleep but secretly watching them be surprised at first when they saw our pull-ups, and then confused as to how to handle the situation. Eventually they just put the covers back on us and let us sleep in, and this incident was never discussed that morning or ever again.
My next diaper memory was from when I was maybe 5, but before I turned 6 because my brother was not born yet. My mom’s parents have a lake house we used to go to every weekend when I was younger. On one fateful weekend, I somehow discovered an old diaper in the bathroom that my grandmother kept “just in case.” This is my first memory of the urge being so powerful that I could not stop myself – I had to put the diaper on just once, just to see how it felt. I camped out in the bathroom and tried in vain to put on a diaper that was several sizes too small for me. I must have been in there a while, because my parents sent my sister in to check on me. She suddenly barged in the bathroom while I was laying on the floor, completely naked, trying to stretch a size 2 or 3 diaper over my waist. I was shocked and horrified, and I remember hearing her through the door tell my parents clear as day, “he’s lying on the floor trying to put on a diaper.” I died of humiliation a few times over before eventually coming out to face the music. However, no one uttered a word of this experience, for which I am grateful. Even from that young age, I was already intuitively aware that what I was doing with diapers was “not normal,” and should be hidden from others.
Finally, when I was about 7 or 8, I began to share my diaper desires with a girl who lived on my street, who was maybe 5 at the time. My ABDL desires were obviously well-formed by this point, because I remember sharing my ABDL side with her late at night when her parents went to sleep. Once again, this was all my idea, she just went along as young children are wont to do. There were no diapers around in her house or mine at this time, so simply talking about diapers was my only outlet. We never did any roleplaying or anything sexual, just talking diapers a lot. Eventually, her parents asked her what we were talking about late at night, and she told them. Her parents called my parents, and this time there would be no “letting it slide.”
I remember being called into the living room alone with my parents for a dreaded “family conversation.” These conversations were always a total drag, and were sometimes painful, as they usually involved discussing what I had done wrong. My father started by telling me he knew what I had been talking about with the girl down the street, and then asking me “Why do you have such a fascination with diapers?”
My parents expressed concern about my unusual desires, albeit in a loving but confused tone. Finally, my father asked me, “Do you want us to go out and buy you diapers and put you in them?” I immediately said no and promised to never think of diapers again.
For most ABDLs – who often fantasize about being diapered by a parent – turning down this very request may seem like a huge opportunity missed. However, I was devastated by humiliation when my parents confronted me. Looking back I don’t even know why I was so humiliated by it, since at 6 or 7 years old I was years away from any sexual development at that time. My only explanation is that I had a deep-seated intuition that my fascination with diapers was not “normal” and would not be approved of. While I don’t believe I was ever diapered or infantilized by my parents as punishment, I keenly remember during my entire youth that I wanted to be more grown up and catch up to my sister, not less grown up. And the thought of being diapered by my father was too humiliating to even imagine at that time. As I got slightly older, I came to feel the same way about being diapered by my mother as well.
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