geekdiaperboy247
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 24
- Role
- Diaper Lover
- Incontinent
Hey guys,
I was back in diapers on and off for my own choice since my late teen years, and developed mixed (OAB, stress, urge) bladder incontinence in my twenties. My symptoms from earliest to latest:
So I started to give in and accept that I can't wear diapers only for fun, but I need them, as it is easier and more convenient to manage wetting. I had so many instances when I was like "alright, I better not wear this time before anybody finds out, I'll be fine", and regret it literally half an hour later when the urge to pee was so strong. So I started to wear tape diapers full time. It was always in the back of my mind as a fetish to wear 24/7, it still is, but in reality it was scary at first when it actually started to happen. It took some time to accept the fact that from now I wear diapers all the time for real, no matter what, in public, at my parents, at work/school, everywhere; and somebody may find out some time. But as time went by, it was easier to accept and today I just don't care anymore. An accident would be way more embarrassing, and the comfort and safety a tape diaper gives honestly worth everything.
Although my daytime control is declining, I don't see any significant change at nighttime. My diaper is usually damp, like my underwear were, but not like fully wet, it is definitely thicker in the morning at my crotch, but sometimes not even the indicators have a slightest color change at all. The issue may be that I find it extremely difficult to pee while laying down. Sometimes I'm in pain, I have to pee so badly, but I just can't let it go. Sometimes when I'm trying to sleep, sometimes I wake up at night, and usually I wake up in the morning having to pee very badly (due to my reduced bladder capacity), but simply can't and this can be super frustrating. When I stand up, gravity helps and I flood my diaper right away. Sometimes it helps if I open my eyes and get my phone in my hand to browse something. It is the light that helps mentally to unblock the reflex that I must not pee with my eyes closed? I even started to wear heavy duty diapers to bed even though I know I won't use them for their full capacity in my sleep, only to make sure I won't leak. This is the primary topic I'm looking for help.
I had a few bowel accidents once in a while, like smaller ones in every few months, but most of the time I can make it to the toilet fortunately, I am not even into messing that much really. Sometimes I had skid marks but I did not attributed any particular importance to them as they were quite rare. Sometimes I had some mild leakage when I was on suppositories (not laxative), and then I attributed the skid marks to them. Until recently, when I started to notice them regularly at diaper changes. I can see skid marks in the seat of almost all of my diapers, sometimes stronger sometimes less visible, but when I clean and wipe myself some leakage is definitely there. I also started to experience some involuntary passing of gas. I noticed that sometimes at home, but didn't bothered myself with it, I thought it was voluntary. And then it happened again when I was among people. It just popped out, I was not able to control it even with all of my strengths. Even though it was not loud, I was very embarrassed. Even though these are not full blown accidents thankfully, I have absolutely no contribution to these events, not even awareness for the skid marks, I only find them when I change, or I find that some air is coming out before one or two seconds, but I can't stop it. And they are getting more frequent, so I'm a little worried.
For most of the changes along the way I see that they happen only once or twice, and I don't really pay much attention to them, like "they were only an accident, but if I would focus I could prevent them". But after some time passes, they become regular and the new normal, and new changes appear. Which is both exciting and scary at the same time.
Thank you so much for reading this far, if you have some common experience, or any thoughts or advice to share, I would really appreciate if you would share that:
geekdiaperboy247
I was back in diapers on and off for my own choice since my late teen years, and developed mixed (OAB, stress, urge) bladder incontinence in my twenties. My symptoms from earliest to latest:
- dribbling after peeing in the toilet
- dribbling after having number #2
- dribbling daytime, not wet but having damp underwear regularly all the time
- can feel dribbling after certain moves
- dribbling in the shower or in between diaper changes
- having to wet very frequently, like 20-30+ times a day, every 15-60 minutes
- strong urge, not being able to hold for long as the urge gets too painful
- damp diaper/underwear when waking up
- (no full bedwetting accidents yet)
- skid marks in the back of my diaper
- involuntary passing of gas
So I started to give in and accept that I can't wear diapers only for fun, but I need them, as it is easier and more convenient to manage wetting. I had so many instances when I was like "alright, I better not wear this time before anybody finds out, I'll be fine", and regret it literally half an hour later when the urge to pee was so strong. So I started to wear tape diapers full time. It was always in the back of my mind as a fetish to wear 24/7, it still is, but in reality it was scary at first when it actually started to happen. It took some time to accept the fact that from now I wear diapers all the time for real, no matter what, in public, at my parents, at work/school, everywhere; and somebody may find out some time. But as time went by, it was easier to accept and today I just don't care anymore. An accident would be way more embarrassing, and the comfort and safety a tape diaper gives honestly worth everything.
Although my daytime control is declining, I don't see any significant change at nighttime. My diaper is usually damp, like my underwear were, but not like fully wet, it is definitely thicker in the morning at my crotch, but sometimes not even the indicators have a slightest color change at all. The issue may be that I find it extremely difficult to pee while laying down. Sometimes I'm in pain, I have to pee so badly, but I just can't let it go. Sometimes when I'm trying to sleep, sometimes I wake up at night, and usually I wake up in the morning having to pee very badly (due to my reduced bladder capacity), but simply can't and this can be super frustrating. When I stand up, gravity helps and I flood my diaper right away. Sometimes it helps if I open my eyes and get my phone in my hand to browse something. It is the light that helps mentally to unblock the reflex that I must not pee with my eyes closed? I even started to wear heavy duty diapers to bed even though I know I won't use them for their full capacity in my sleep, only to make sure I won't leak. This is the primary topic I'm looking for help.
I had a few bowel accidents once in a while, like smaller ones in every few months, but most of the time I can make it to the toilet fortunately, I am not even into messing that much really. Sometimes I had skid marks but I did not attributed any particular importance to them as they were quite rare. Sometimes I had some mild leakage when I was on suppositories (not laxative), and then I attributed the skid marks to them. Until recently, when I started to notice them regularly at diaper changes. I can see skid marks in the seat of almost all of my diapers, sometimes stronger sometimes less visible, but when I clean and wipe myself some leakage is definitely there. I also started to experience some involuntary passing of gas. I noticed that sometimes at home, but didn't bothered myself with it, I thought it was voluntary. And then it happened again when I was among people. It just popped out, I was not able to control it even with all of my strengths. Even though it was not loud, I was very embarrassed. Even though these are not full blown accidents thankfully, I have absolutely no contribution to these events, not even awareness for the skid marks, I only find them when I change, or I find that some air is coming out before one or two seconds, but I can't stop it. And they are getting more frequent, so I'm a little worried.
For most of the changes along the way I see that they happen only once or twice, and I don't really pay much attention to them, like "they were only an accident, but if I would focus I could prevent them". But after some time passes, they become regular and the new normal, and new changes appear. Which is both exciting and scary at the same time.
Thank you so much for reading this far, if you have some common experience, or any thoughts or advice to share, I would really appreciate if you would share that:
- Did you have a similar progression of losing control after being in diapers for many years?
- How much conscious effort did you put into being diaper dependent, if any?
- How difficult it was to accept wearing diapers 24/7 is mandatory?
- Any advice to being able to wet freely while laying in bed?
- What are the next stages, what changes to expect next? Do you think some of them can be stopped or even retrained?
geekdiaperboy247