Blathers
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It's been awhile since I have made a blog post, but I dunno I am just gonna write and see how it goes.
I started college 4 weeks ago, it has been hell. Before I started college for 3-2 months I vomited everyday, and am still vomiting. I get shakes, cry everyday practically, and obsessively read over everything 4000s times. The fear is what gets me, the fear of fucking up, its not just about grades. For example yesterday I had all my worked turned in for the day, and felt so terrible about myself for not doing something related to college. Instead I went to eat and watched netflix.
This caused me to shake so much and hate myself, last week I got work done but I dunno I feel it wasn't enough. If I don't constantly think about college I feel like a failure or I'll fail. My scholarships paid for my first semester, and I am so grateful for that, I find myself feeling like I don't deserve them though, or like I am not good enough to get them renewed.
I have always suffered from extreme anxiety every since I was 12 years old, trauma and abuse yadda yadda yadda. For the past 4 weeks It just has been terrible and I don't even text people back anymore sometimes because I am so depressed.
My family says I need to gain control over this or it will impact my schooling badly, they are right of course, but I am just so scared of everything, literally crying right now as I write this.
My sister suffers from anxiety to and recently went to the doctor to get put on medication, apparently it has helped her.
I am considering doing the same thing, because I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling terrible, and anxious over everything. I counted yesterday the things I became anxious over it was 12. And each thing took a least an hour for me to calm down from. I feel ridiculous, my motivation is always down because I am always exhausted from my feelings, it just sucks.
Anyway I have school work to do, and um yeah.
I started college 4 weeks ago, it has been hell. Before I started college for 3-2 months I vomited everyday, and am still vomiting. I get shakes, cry everyday practically, and obsessively read over everything 4000s times. The fear is what gets me, the fear of fucking up, its not just about grades. For example yesterday I had all my worked turned in for the day, and felt so terrible about myself for not doing something related to college. Instead I went to eat and watched netflix.
This caused me to shake so much and hate myself, last week I got work done but I dunno I feel it wasn't enough. If I don't constantly think about college I feel like a failure or I'll fail. My scholarships paid for my first semester, and I am so grateful for that, I find myself feeling like I don't deserve them though, or like I am not good enough to get them renewed.
I have always suffered from extreme anxiety every since I was 12 years old, trauma and abuse yadda yadda yadda. For the past 4 weeks It just has been terrible and I don't even text people back anymore sometimes because I am so depressed.
My family says I need to gain control over this or it will impact my schooling badly, they are right of course, but I am just so scared of everything, literally crying right now as I write this.
My sister suffers from anxiety to and recently went to the doctor to get put on medication, apparently it has helped her.
I am considering doing the same thing, because I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling terrible, and anxious over everything. I counted yesterday the things I became anxious over it was 12. And each thing took a least an hour for me to calm down from. I feel ridiculous, my motivation is always down because I am always exhausted from my feelings, it just sucks.
Anyway I have school work to do, and um yeah.