Dear Jessi,
I would like to explain why there is a stigma around it, and what can be a way to deal with it. I know this isn't going to be very pleasant for many of us but I've had a long time to think about it. Sorry if this is long but I want you guys to understand my thought process to understand its legitimacy. In fact, from age 20 to 24, I didn't understand the stigma neither. I would go to school wearing princess dress, diapers, tights, have pacifiers and even baby bottles.
I explained my fetish to a therapist who was pretty blunt with me, eventho she was wrong, she told me "no woman isnever going to want to date a man who wears diapers. You should go outside wearing these and see if you would like to keep on doing that". So I did just that for 4 long years.
I was really scared at first, and some people had really serious talks with me. I was duly questionned about wether or not I was a pedo, about why did I feel the need to show that to the world, and thankfully, all these conversations ended up with "well you don't harm anyone and if it makes you happy fine". Given that we had several serious muslims, I was expecting some kind of hard clash but thankfully it was well understood that I respected everyone's decisions regarding their personnal choices (I wasnt trying to shame them for being religious, these people told me its what they "liked" about me: according to them a lot of lgbt activists were really trying to get believers in trouble).
Well so I had all kinds of reactions, some even called me very manly because "only a real man would openly do what he wants", which always made me laugh internally, I did'nt see how wearing pink princess dress, tights, diapers and sucking on a pacifier made me look "manly" but I just accepted the compliment nonetheless ha ha.
Well anyways so 4 years went by and I noticed a few things that were really not to my liking.
1)People wouldnt be mean towards me directly, but even with explanations it was obvious I was putting them ill at ease. Even with all their kindness, it was obvious most of them wanted me out when their parent or gf came. I had a few women coming close to me like they wanted to have sex, going as far as going in bed with me, but would back off last minute, excuse themselves, looking really troubled and leave. I always had to press to be invited to parties, and people would keep asking why I was "weird".
2)The "good" thing about being opened is that a lot of people who were not abdl but still had a little side, explained to me that they had a little side (having a pacifier, baby bottle, teddy bear they had since they were a toddler), and how they dealt with it and how they wanted me to deal with it, for my "own good": these people would hide these under their bed sheets, and appart from me, only the person they would date would know. Apparently many people still carry an object from childhood that looks "out of place". For instance my wife keeps a sample of each kind of diaper she used on our children because it makes her remember how she loved taking care of the babies when they were little but that's another subject. These people who were not abdl but still had an object from childhood's point was it should remain hidden from the outside, but it was safe to share with a partner.
Now a little bit before my 25th birthday, I had what is called an epiphany (a sudden realization of an obvious truth): I wasn't happy, the lifestyle I chose only brought people who were "allies" of lgbt to be openly friends with me, and it was obvious they were not really liking me but using me as a way to look moraly superior (not saying everyone is like that but it was the case in my school), and then there were "all the others" who understood I wasn't a threat but that I made feel ill at ease. So I decided to give it all up. I would dress up as a "normal" man, and a lot of people proved me right by almost instantly coming closer in friendship with me. I tried to stop wearing diapers altogether and went through the phase of throwing diapers in the trash/buying them over and over and understood that was wrong too: I could hide my kink in public, but when in my bedroom, I would quickly obsess about it and feel very unhappy.
I then resoluted to do what the people told me during these 4 years: to just keep things hidden and use them only when with my bf/gf or by myself.
And then something really nice happened: I had more boyfriends and girlfriends in 3 months that during the rest of my life. I would tell them about my fetish in the bedroom, and some wanted to participate, others didnt, but most importantly I never was rejected and it allowed people to open up about their own fetish. These relationships were short lived (I met these people in nightclubs or events, it wasnt meant to be serious but rather one night stands), but I had a lot of pleasure having them.
And then I met the woman who became my wife. She at first was turned off but for like a few seconds, and explained to me why she didn't like it but she would make an effort: it made her think she was having sex with a child. We tend to forget it because for us it is obvious that diapers aren't just for children, but for a lot of people who aren't part of the kink at all, in their minds, if you wear diapers, you're either very old or a toddler. And people don't see you as very old, so their brain associate you with a toddler. Some of them anyways. In that case they know its a kink and its sexual, and they can't help buy imagine someone pretending to be a toddler having sex. Their "superior" brain knows you're an adult, but deep down, their primal brain screams "child abuse". But that's only for people like my wife, I know not everyone is like her, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people think that way too.
Then there is the second stigma: diapers are meant to hold pee and poop. And you know what it looks like to show that you pee, poop, burp, fart, vomit in public? It looks vulgar. Very uneducated. The society has a lot of unspoken rules about how to behave in public, and lot of taboos that are yet perfectly fine in private. Public masturbation, urination, defecation, burping, ect ect ect are VERY taboo and they are present to make society pleasant for everyone.
Would like to smell the pee pee and poo poo diapers of your friends? Well since we're abdl maybe tbh ha ha but most people are seriously grossed out by it.
So these are a couple reasons I could identify as of why people can't help but be disgusted by it.
Now we live in a society and even if rules are less tight than before (I don't think I would have been allowed to walk in public in goodnites and princess dress 30 years ago without going to a mental hospital ha ha), it is better to be accepted by the members of the society to follow the unspoken rules of said society. Most people really can't help it: they try to be respectful but they "feel" its wrong.
So what to do? First, 90%+ of people you date will completely support that you have a kink, in fact a lot of people will find that interesting. So you may not be able to enjoy yourself in "public", however you will be able to enjoy yourself with the person who matters the most: your loved one. And that's where my therapist was wrong: not a single one of my partners just left when I told them I liked diapers as long as it was in private. Even if my wife is thrown off by having sex if I wear a diaper, she is totally fine having sex if I wear dress stockings princess dress ect and even hug me and take care of me if I wear diapers as long as its not sexual.
Of course you can chose to do what I did, wear diapers and be a sissy in public for several years, and see the outcome, make your own conclusions. But I like to think I'm providing you a "cheat code" to move on with your sexual/fetish life much quicker and avoid the difficulties I've been through ha ha.
tldr;
because of unspoken society taboos, wearing diapers and crossdressing as a little girl in public is seen as vulgar/gross and even may give off a pedo vibe to some people. However, your significant other will be much more understanding and should allow you enough room to "release the pressure" and be happy
. And they are not going to understand the nuances, so they lump everyone together and imagine the weirdest stuff they have seen or heard about and apply it to everyone.
But in hindsight, their hypocrisy of stigma was appalling.