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Feeling better. Things don't go well, but my mood is improving.
I might actually have figured out the cause for my ABDL desires.
It looks pretty simple. Like not seeing the forest for the trees. (I hope I translated that idiom correctly)
I have a deeply rooted need to appear vulnerable, to express myself, show that I'm breakable.
In a social setting, I am unable to do that. Meeting me face to face, I always frantically try to show no emotions at all, because they would make me vulnerable.
That sounds crazy and ambivalent, but is exactly like that.

My style of clothing, the diapers, littlespace, bedwetting, everything adds together to fulfill that need to appear vulnerable.
Why I can't say as of yet. Maybe I can work that out with my next therapist.

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