Telling relatives

From ADISC Answers Wiki

It is natural to want to tell someone about your new discovery when searching about yourself. But a topic like infantilism isn't widely known and different people will react in different ways. The day you wish to tell someone could have a big impact on you and your friends and/or relatives. This is considered a gamble as it could go either well where you are accepted for who you are or badly and be bullied for being seen as a 'freak'. Preparation is key to ensure most of it goes OK. Remember, this is just a general guide, in the end it's up to you to decide how you tell your family.

Why do you want to tell?

The safest option is not to tell anyone as it avoids all disappointment and misery if the outcome wasn't as you had hoped. Unless it is necessary, it is discouraged for you to tell anyone. You will only have one shot at this, so don't get too dizzy over the excitement and take your time to calm down and think about what you plan to do.

Firstly ask yourself:

1. Are you ready to tell them?
2. Do you really want them to know?
3. Do you have enough trust in them?
4. Why do you want to tell them?

The answers varies from person to person, so there is no right or wrong answer. This is a decision you ultimately make yourself.

Are you ready?

You might have only found out about infantilism yesterday, or you may have known about it for years. Typically teenagers go through phases when they first discover what infantilism is, then over time the feeling dies off. So if you are new to the game or not 100% certain you are an infantilist or similar, then time is the only solution here. Give it a few weeks, months, maybe even years until you are comfortable with the idea that you accept yourself as an infantilist. It's going to be pretty hard to convince other people to accept you if you can't deal with the idea yourself.

Do you really want them to know?

It is important that you are sure that you want them to know, you need to be certain. When someone discovers their own *Bism, it can be common for them to get a compelling urge to tell other people, possibly caused by the initial excitement of discovering other *Bs. Take time to think things through: do you really want them to know, or do you just want get a secret off your chest?

Do you have enough trust in them?

Since infantilism is a sensitive issue trust is a key component between the communication of yourself and your friend/relative. The worst case scenario is that your friend/relative will use this information against you and spread rumors, which can be very damaging.

You also want to ensure that after the talk, you are still friends and/or still loved by your parents. Whomever you are telling, you should try to make sure that your relationship with them is not affected in a negative way. A good way to ensure this is to reiterate as much as possible that you are very mature and neat about your infantilism, and that you take steps to ensure that it does not cause any health concerns or interfere with your daily teen or adult life.

Why do you want to tell them?

Is there any benefit from telling them? The reality is that your parents are not going to baby you and buy you diapers; far from it! If that is your idea, you are sadly mistaken.

This is more personal and varies from person to person. If you feel that your self-esteem or relationship would be improved by having the secret out, that may be a good reason to tell (but this may backfire). It's always best to tell them if you know that getting caught is imminent, which may be the case if you notice different or erratic behavior towards you. At this point you may feel it is necessary to stop the confusion and pain that you and your parents/relatives are feeling.

Ultimately, only you know the time is right. If you are ready to tell your friends and believe you have enough trust in them, then go for it.

Preparation

For this to go as smooth as possible it is best to arm yourself with a bit of knowledge. Parents/friends are inevitably going to ask you questions. So having the answers ready will make it easier for yourself and your friend/relative to understand and avoid any confusion or possible conflicts. Typical questions they might ask:

• "Does it involve children?" or "Is it illegal?"
• "Isn't it unhygienic?"

There is no foolproof way to know what questions they will ask. But look on the bright side, not only are they learning from you but you can learn from them equally as well by how they are responding. There is plenty of websites out there devoted to help answer these questions and give guidance and support to friends/relatives who have been told about infantilism.

There are situations in which you may need to white lie, primarily in the area of questions about DLism or other sexual aspects. This is in the interest of both yourself as well the person you are telling. This is mainly to avoid any assumptions or stereotypical views that maybe created.

What to avoid

It is important to have a good impression of yourself and to prevent damage to that there are a few key point that you may consider to avoid. As you only can do this once and you don't want to screw it up.

Firstly and most importantly, avoid the sexual stuff if possible. This may not apply to you, but avoid bring up the fact that "Diapers (don't) turn me on". Your friend or relative will most likely think you of a pervert and maybe see you as a pedophile. If your friend/relative does bring it up, don't panic! It is possible that they will ask it. This is where you should have prepared yourself; reply with a simple "no" if you feel the need to "white lie."

Also avoid talking about online communities such as ADISC, especially to your parents. They will likely worry about your safety with you conversing with strangers with similar interests. If you spend a fair bit of time online, they may start to apply restrictions to your usage or may even ban it altogether. You don't want to make yourself look like a pervert or a bad person.

Conversation starting

The best way to start the conversation is to have a way to start with sexual stuff, then maybe to move on to fetishes. At this point if you feel uncomfortable, then say nothing. Other then that, go for it.

Laugh about it if you need to and maybe a few jokes just to lighten things up a little. They may tell you their fetish.

Boyfriends/Girlfriends

Telling your boyfriend/girlfriend can have an impact on your relationship, either for better or worse. You cannot expect the person with whom you are in a relationship with to accept what you tell them straight up. The best you can do is be well informed, and give them plenty of time to ask any questions. Be prepared for them to be slightly shocked; they might even ask if they can have some space or some time alone while they think about it. It is useful to refer them to a few Web sites, or certain pages of some sites, which show infantilism in a positive manner. Some good places to start are this wiki and understanding.infantilism.org.