Acceptance

From ADISC Answers Wiki

Acceptance is more then just feeling secure and confident about your own desires to wear diapers, it also gives you a network of people (those who accept you) to fall back and rely upon when you have hard times. It can give you understanding friends and adults to talk to, and provide you with support to help your confidence develop.

This is why the quest for acceptance is one that all ABies should undertake. Throughout the rest of this guide, it is assumed that you wish to inform your parents of your desires for diapers. If not, this article may not be right for you.

The "Ring of Acceptance"

It is possible for others to be more secure and understanding of your ABism, through an idea called the "Ring of Acceptance".

Essentially this ring is like a ever-expanding sphere, much like the different layers of an onion. It starts off with you, as you accept yourself more and more, and it gradually grows as you tell other people who could react positively to it. In this way you are building up a network of trusted people you can talk to about your ABism and AB-related problems. You are creating an ever-growing base of support for yourself. At first you have to accept yourself, then the people you're closest to have to accept you, and finally you can reach (to a limited extent) to people beyond that.

Self Acceptance

In this world, people often react to you in ways which fits your expectations. Although it may seem strange, changing your expectations can actually change how people react to you. The reason for this is that several things, such as confidence, make a great impression on people, and often these things are largely determined by your attitude. For example, if you are not confident about your diaper desires, then you may worry about the reactions of other people if they found out about you. This worrying can cause you to feel shame, or social isolation. Parents and people generally will pick up on your feelings of guilt, and their first contact with this side of you will be via your feelings of guilt. They are invited to think of it as bad, because that's how you portray it. On the other side of the coin, if you are shameless about your diaper desires, it encourages other people to take that attitude too, and thus it encourages other people to accept you.

Acceptance (or lack of it) creates a trend. If you get accepted by 3 people, you will be more confident and thus more optimistic and full of energy when you try to get the 4th person to accept you. If you get rejected by 3 people, you may start to expect rejection, and thus be less effective at convincing the 4th person to accept you. Notice that in both cases, your level of self acceptance strongly influences other people.

The most important thing here is confidence. Confidence wins friends, influences people towards your way of thinking. Confidence, of course, comes with knowing yourself and feeling happy with who you are. Nurturing your thoughts and feelings so that you direct yourself where you want to go is an important skill, and one that can greatly improve your life. Acceptance leads to confidence. Confidence leads to success. Therefore, assuming you want to be successful, you must first achieve self acceptance.

A few reasons that being a TB/DL is O.K.

1. Diapers are not illegal.
2. Diapers are not immoral. You define your own code of morals by which you live your life. If anyone else tells you that it is wrong, then that is simply their opinion; only true for them, it is not true for you.
3. Diapers are not something other people can hurt you with unless you let them. Remember, you are in control of your emotions. No-one can make you unhappy about your TB/DLism without your permission.
4. Diapers are not dangerous.
5. You are in control. This is part of you, and it will likely always be a part of you. But you choose when to express it.
6. You represent good, loving qualities. Diapers signify loving, protective care.
7. Diapers are peaceful. You can gain much more comfort from diapers then you can from smoking, drink or drugs - without destroying your body or mind.
8. Diapers are good for you. Using diapers allows you to release stress and sexual tension which is not only pleasurable/fun, but also healthy.
9. Diapers are cheaper then a lot of other hobbies. You can get bulk discounts if you buy a lot of them, and you rarely have to buy any if you use re-usable cloth diapers.
10. Diapers are not normal. This is a good thing! Everyone is different. Differences between people are what make the world interesting to live in, and what enables the human race to grow and explore new things. They are new and different, and you are brave for trying them.
11. Being an AB/TB/DL has nothing to do with pedophilia. More on this in the *B/DLism Is NOT Pedophilia section.
12. There are huge numbers of subcultures in the world, little groups of people who are slightly different in some way. AB/TB/DLs are one of those subcultures. What we do in the privacy of our own homes is our business, and no-one else's. We hurt no-one, we harm nothing, all we do is relax and unwind in diapers, and possibly borrow some cookies from the cookie jar :)
13. Everyone has a hobby. Many people have more then one. Many people have their own sexual or emotional kinks they play with in their spare time. AB/DL/TBism/Infantilism is like those.... so even before you count in all the other AB/DL/TB/etc... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
14. Diapers can make you a lot more happy then they make other people unhappy. Your being able to live your life is more important then preventing nosy people from being offended.
15. You being more happy rubs off on everyone else. The fact you're living a better life means you're nicer to people and so they are better off too.
16. When you can wear diapers, you're not distracted by desiring them so much. This means that if, say, your parents worry that your grades will drop if they allow you diapers, you can point out that in fact, your grades may well improve as you can concentrate better without the stress of needing what you don't have.

Many people are alarmed when they first discover they are TB/DL, or that someone they know is an AB/DL/TB. There is no need for this alarm. Once you put aside the knee-jerk reaction, and consider it rationally, it's perfectly fine.

In life, things are getting better for TB/DLs.

1. We now have the Internet to help us communicate.
2. Local groups are springing up all over the world to allow real life meetings and events.
3. Most importantly, we are realising that we are a group, and we are starting to come together as a community.

In general, being AB/TB/DL is quite safe. There are one or two dangers, however these are not inherent in liking diapers, they are just the result of doing certain things in your life, and of the world being certain ways. An example of this is meeting up with people in real life, especially if you are young. Meeting anyone you know only off the Internet is always risky. There are, however, things you can do to lessen the risk.

Common Dangers of AB/TB/DLism

These include:

1. Social Isolation
2. Depression
3. Guilt
4. Anxiety
5. Fear
6. Detachment From Reality
7. Denial

Notice that out of all these, 5 are emotions that you can have, and the other two relate to how you relate to the world. None of them are physical conditions. They are serious dangers, but they can be fought very effectively if you are aware of them and guard against them. If you are aware of them, and make sure you structure your life so that you are resistant to them, they are unlikely to be problems. Notice that you have to guard continually against them... the price of freedom and happiness is always being watchful and prepared to deal with problems.

Examine your life. Consider if you suffer from any of the above. If you do, work out a plan to get your life back on track, with fixing that problem in your mind. Stick to the plan, pursue it through, and you stand a good chance of succeeding and improving your life. You are a not a baby. You are a teen (or adult, depending on your real age) that (unless you found this page by chance) likes diapers / baby things. That's OK. You can have those things. You just have to be aware of possible problems (like becoming depressed, or having your secret infantilist activities interfere with your life so much you start to suffer) and take corrective action before they become serious.

Liking diapers may seem a little odd at first, but consider why babies like them. They're big, warm, soft, emotionally comforting, they represent security and being loved, they're often strongly tied to the love you get from your parents, and they can be sexually stimulating. Thus, it seems logical that some people grow up and continue to like them, if they bonded to them a lot in youth. There is nothing wrong with this, but sometimes you have to be aware that your attachment to them can influence you in ways you don't want. For example, you can be afraid to go out with your friends because you want to wear diapers and don't feel comfortable wearing them outside. This is when the diapers are controlling you, and when you have to make a judgment call as to if you will stay home or not, and be diapered or not. Only you can make this call, but you should think about it carefully before making it. Sometimes cautious exploration of the world whilst diapered can be a big confidence booster.

Beware trying to deny who you are. It's a long, hard, and painful road. If you think you want diapers, then don't deny yourself them... you're not hurting anyone by using them, you're helping yourself, and you've being very brave in your honesty. There really is no reason to deny yourself either.... diapers can be very good for you, and denial can be very bad for you. The choice is easy. It's also rather like the Nike logo, in that sooner or later, it comes down to : "Just do it."

The best of luck in accepting yourself, and remember : "Be yourself, there are too many others already"

*B/DLism Is NOT Pedophilia

One issue, actually a confusion, among parents that is brought up quite often is the idea that an AB is a pedophile. This assumption is not true!

Being an AB/TB/DL has nothing to do with pedophilia. An AB/TB/DL wants to play at being a baby themselves, or sometimes with other, mature people who have consented to pretending to be a baby along with them. This goes along with the idea of a "Mommy" or "Daddy".

A pedophile has a sexual attraction to a child. AB/DL/TBism and pedophilia are nothing like each other. Many AB/DL/TBs demonstrate more anti-pedophilic qualities than normal people, possibly because they retain a memory or imagination of happy childlike states, and do not want their or anyone else's childhood ruined by the influence of a bad pedophile.

Parents

Parents have three main issues with diapers. The three most common problems with parents are that they fear diapers are unhygienic or "unclean", they fear social repercussions (e.g. They might wonder, "What will the neighbours think if they find out my 16 year old son is still in diapers?) they most of all fear the implication that they have failed as parents, and that is why you are wearing diapers. Let's deal with these in order.

Cleanliness

Firstly, the cleanliness problem. This has one, very simple and effective solution. BE CLEAN. Here are some basic tips about cleanliness.

Take frequent showers/baths to clean yourself. By 'regular' I mean your entire body should be cleaned at least once, possibly twice per day in the shower/bath if you are wearing 24/7 at the time, and not less then once every day or two days if you wear diapers only occasionally during that time. Every day you wear/use a diaper, make sure you shower. Make sure you have a shower when you are coming out of diapers and back into regular clothes, as wipes, while good, may not clean you as well as you need to be cleaned, and this may leave diaper-odours on your clothes (which is very bad!), or worse, leave marks or stains. (Which is even worse)

Make sure you dispose of your diapers properly. By this I do not mean leaving them under the bed for days before picking them up and putting them in the bin downstairs. I mean having a bin bag (a big one!) handy that you put all your used diapers in after folding them up and taping them closed. You can buy these bin bags at any supermarket, and I'll bet your family keeps a stash of them in a cupboard somewhere. Make sure you know where this stash is so that if you run out, you can borrow one or two of them until you get more for yourself.

(Note: don't take them all from the family stash, or people will start to notice).

Bag up all your diapers and tie the bags shut, then put them out with the trash. Make sure the bags are heavily tinted black bags so no-one can see what is inside the bags. Also make sure you tie them airtight so they don't smell.

Never use cheap plastic shopping bags from places like ASDA, Tescos or Wal-Mart to wrap up diapers in. They tear easily, they have holes in them, they aren't airtight, and if you use, say, 6 diapers over two days, you will need at least *12* bags to wrap them in (2 wraps of a plastic bag per diaper)... which simply is not practical... you don't have that many plastic bags, and if you take them your family will certainly notice.

In short, big black bin bags are the way to go. Also on that note, try to not just put huge bags of just diapers out in the trash, as the neighbours may notice if the bags slightly opaque.

Never let used diapers stay around the house for more then about 2 days before being put out in the trash. Reason? They start to smell terrible very quickly, even the ones you've just wet into. (Urine contains ammonia, which the stuff that they use in bleach, etc to kill germs and smells TERRIBLE!). Therefore, take them out as soon as possible! If you've messed or ejaculated into a diaper then it will smell worse. Make sure these diapers get priority and are disposed of very quickly.

Never let used diapers sit on any fabrics, only on plastic. The reason for this is the odors/liquids of the diaper will become absorbed into the fabric, and the fabrics will smell of used diapers. This is why you don't leave used diapers on the floor.... because you don't want your floor/room smelling of used diapers do you?

Get odor neutralizer. Don't get the scented air freshener, get stuff like Febreze or some kind of spray that removes existing smells, but doesn't cover them up with new ones. This is because parents/family/etc will notice a new smell, (the scent of the freshener) but won't notice it if you use a odor-neutralizer to remove existing smells that they hopefully didn't want to smell anyway.

Spray a bit into your diaper-bag too, that helps keep it from smelling too bad. If you can't get odor neutralizer, use deodorant, as it helps, albeit less well.

Hide your used diapers as well as your fresh ones (but not in the same place) to prevent parents finding them. (can you think of a worse way in which to discover your son is into diapers then to find his stash of used ones?) Hide them, but you don't have to hide them as well as you hide the fresh ones, because they only stay there for hours or days until you can take them out, rather than the weeks or months you might hide diapers you've bought before you use them.

Make sure you drink lots of water. This has three benefits, it decreases diaper odor, reduces skin irritation, and causes increased wetting :) The first one reduces diaper-related smells which can be helpful in convincing parents, and the second two are just bonuses for you.

Social Acceptance

Secondly, there is the problem of social acceptance. There are several solutions to this one, some which might work for you, some that might not.

Grades

The first solution is keeping your school grades up. Try extra hard at school, really do. It is a huge help to your quest to get diapers if you do this. If you ever need to tell your parents about diapers, then you can say they help you relax and concentrate, and generally think more clearly. You can pass them off as a study aid a bit (without overdoing it). Simply say "I like wearing diapers, and they help to relax and concentrate better. If they help me get better grades in school, they're obviously a good thing!"

When you're a teen, your parents expect you to do crazy, illogical, silly things. They do have some things that concern them however, and your grades are quite important to them. By keeping your grades up, and blaming your success on diapers, your parents should be a bit more open to discussion about letting you have diapers. It is important to emphasize the positive effects.

More importantly, doing well in school can introduce you to a multitude of opportunities. Furthermore, going to college is the key to living a healthy adult life with diapers and other baby accessories. A good high school education turns into a good college education which turns into a good job with money and stability.

"The Neighbors"

Usually parents worrying about "the neighbors" knowing, is somewhat irrational. If you take the time to explain to them that this is a private hobby of yours, and that no one else would know, that issue may be solved. Of course, if this works out, you are expected to hold up your end of the agreement.

Over time, of course, your goal may be to convert everyone you're close to, so that they are both aware and understanding of your desires for diapers, and will support/help you in getting them, if you ever felt bad about it, etc. Your goal should be based around what you believe, however, as this is a general "ideal situation". In the end, you control who you tell. As with any other personal matters, not everyone must know. It is also a good idea to choose carefully who you explain everything to. These decisions are more important than you think. Remember: once you tell someone your secret, you can't take it back or make them forget it. It's there forever.

Parental Failure

Lastly, parents that find their son wearing diapers may think the teen is wearing them because they, themselves, your parents, did something wrong when you were growing up. In short, they think of the diapers as saying "You're a bad parent! Look at how your kid turned out!". They don't say this at all, but your parents may worry that they might, and so be harsher about your diapers than they'd otherwise be, because to them, your diapers represents their failure as parents - and parents are always concerned with how well they are doing in bringing up their kids.

The solution to this problem is that you make sure your parents know at least one, but preferably more, of the following: No-one knows how *Bism is caused, there are some theories about it, but it is suspected to depend on many factors (bed wetting, the presence of younger children around, how you were as a baby and very young child, and most of all, luck). The key here is that very little of any of these factors are under your parents' control, as is much of your life. Thus, the case if very good for telling them they aren't at all responsible for your *Bism.

Common Worries

• *Bism is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a very good thing compared to some of the other things that are out there. Consider the situation:

You arrive home one night, looking worried and scared, and you tell your parents you need to talk to them about something. (it's about diapers, but they don't know this). Now, what do you guess they will be thinking about? Well, what is it normal parents worry about their kids? Common examples include:

• Is he/she doing drugs?
• Is he/she having sex?
• Has he gotten someone pregnant?/ Has she got pregnant?
• Is he/she in trouble at school?
• Did his/her grades fall?
• Is he/she involved in violence, or crime?
• Did he/she get suspended from school for doing something really bad?

These are typical things that parents worry may have happened to you. Diapers are, believe me, the last thing that would occur to them to worry about.

This gives you a HUGE advantage. Firstly it means that they do not expect it, so you can prepare your questions, gather the evidence in support of your point of view, etc, while they are caught completely unaware and off-guard. If you do this, research is highly recommended, as you are prepared, but they are not. Secondly it means that you have an opportunity to show how diapers are good, by being better then all those things. Let's take them one by one.

Drugs

Drugs are harmful, they harm your body, they harm your mind. Diapers are not harmful, they do not harm your body or your mind. Yet it is just as pleasurable as drugs are, but without the harmful side effects. Wow, looks like parents should prefer their kids wore diapers to them doing drugs.

Bullying

It's pretty difficult to get bullied for wearing diapers when no-one knows about them (not even your parents till now). It's also highly illegal to bully someone for such personal things, and most, if not all, schools have a strict policy against it. Lastly, if you were treated badly at school, then diapers can be just the safe, comforting support that you need. They can help you heal emotional scars.

Sex

It's pretty difficult to have sex in a diaper. Wearing diapers means you won't be exposed to sex as much, which from your parents' point of view, saves them a lot of worry and trouble.

Pregnancy

You can't get diapers pregnant either. Having a boy or girl friend when at least one of you is diapered means there is a very reduced chance of unwanted pregnancies, and since you're used to diapers anyway, you probably won't mind using contraception such as condoms to protect yourself.

Trouble at School

If anything, diapers tend to improve school grades, by increasing your confidence, security, ability to concentrate, etc.

Violence/Crime

Diapers are deeply connected to love, cuddling, and just being passive. They have pretty much opposite principles to violence and crime in every way possible. You don't get diapered criminals, because diapered people would prefer to be changed, bottle fed or to masturbate into their diapers, not go out and commit crimes. Because of this, diapers are a good thing to be into if your parents are worried about crime, as they pretty much symbolize peace, harmony and mutual love, so it's hard to be a diapered criminal, or to related diapers to bad things.

Diapers are passive, and they encourage you to be passive. They are good relievers of stress and they tend to help you balance out surging emotions. As such, you're unlikely to go out and commit some huge act of destruction while diapered, for the simple reason that diapers encourage you to just sit there and be happy playing computer games, playing with toys, or doing something that is not highly active, forceful, or dangerous.

He/She's Hurt

The only hurt you get from diapers is the worry about what people think about you. The diapers themselves are good in pretty much all ways, they are like a friend who always hugs you, always supports you, never asks for anything back, and ultimately gives up their lives just for your happiness. The hurt they may be worried about you for, and think you're involved in drugs or depression or such, can actually be your distress at not being able to tell your parents about your diaper-desires. That can be worrying to you, and they can pick up on this and it can worry them.

If they are truly this concerned about you, you might want to consider telling them about your diapers, and telling them the arguments listed above, so that you can convince them not to worry.

The Two Arguments

Put simply:

"A lot of kids nowadays go out and commit crimes, do drugs, beat each other up at school, get other teens pregnant.... they get suspended from school for being disrespectful and even violent towards their teachers. They get hurt and never tell anyone. They have regular, unprotected sex with their girlfriend/boyfriend and end up with an unwanted pregnancy. They gamble, they take stupid risks with money. They are in a lot of trouble, basically.'

As against:

"Kids that are into diapers are rarely if ever violent, and while I've known a few (out of hundreds) to have tried drugs as well it's by no means common. They are less aggressive because they can work that out into the diapers, and they are more used to wearing "protection" when it comes to sex anyway. A boy with ABism can't get a girl pregnant if the only way to get him to "go" is for him to be diapered. It leads to very safe and loving sex, and no pregnancies.

The mere fact this boy is telling you about this most intimately personal aspect of his life, the fact that he is trusting you, probably means you have a great relationship with him and that you care for and support each other a lot. You should be honored that he is telling you this! You should also know, that statistical evidence (for example, on the "when kids love diapers" website amongst others) shows clearly that allowing the kid to wear diapers when he chooses to does improve his grades, temperament and generally makes him better off.

Diapers are not risky or too expensive, and you need not pay for them yourselves if you don't want to (though it would help the kid). In short, you've got a TB/DL on your hands and they need your love and support more then anything, and if you give them that then they can and will grow up into great people."

Parental Reactions

Now, in general there are two kinds of reactions you get from parents. The first kind is the 'NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!' kind, whereby they forbid you from wearing diapers at all, and generally try and deny it completely. This is common among the more 'stricter' parents. The second kind has a typical reaction similar to: "Um... I'm totally confused. You said diapers? why?" kind.

What To Tell Them

You have to take a different tact with each. With the confused kind, it's much easier. Simply keep trying to persuade them that diapers are good for you (using the information above and anything you can get from other sources... try to convince them that diapers are good for you), and all the while stick to the hard line that your liking of diapers is a fact. Back this up with the claim that almost no ABies ever stop being ABies.

If you want to try and "quit" ABism you've got a tiny chance of success. Literally, almost no AB has ever done this successfully. If you want proof of this, look at the feedback sections of the "When Kids Love Diapers" website that lists several people who tried to quit because they thought it would make their parents happier, but it ended up destroying their lives by tearing them apart with guilt and anguish. Stick to the line that you will never be able to stop doing this, but that it's not a bad thing anyway, so they should just accept it.

With the parents that say "NO!", it's harder. They may need time to adjust - time to think about it before you present all the arguments (don't give them too long though, don't give them say, more then a day to think before you present all the arguments in favor of ABism to them... this stops them building up a negative mindset!). Plan it so that you tell each parent individually, so you can take them on one-versus-one, rather then let them outnumber you. Have a vast amount of supporting, positive information printed out from websites like this one to support your case. (You may wish to edit the texts here before you print them off, that's fine with us). It will be much easier if you explain all this information in your own words.

A parent that will fight you over ABism has to be fought (that is, if you've already opened up conversation about the subject). It is very difficult, if not impossible to just stop being a *B/DL. There have been many people go down this road, and they all ended up bitterly unhappy, depressed, and denying their ABism. It can be hard to fight with your parents about this, but you can never give up, because if you give up, you will be worse off in the end.

You don't have to be confrontational about it, but you have to make them aware this will never go away, and no matter what they do they can't change you to make you "lose" your ABism. It's just not possible. Instead they should try to accept you and work with it, because to do otherwise would harm you severely. (You can quote the psychiatrists on places like the "When Kids Love Diapers" website to back up your points here, they agree with the large majority of TB/ABies in saying that trying to force you out of TBism will inevitably hurt you very badly.)

The trick is to get the balance right, by being very positive about the upsides to ABism and very negative about the alternatives to allowing you to do it. I know it sounds harsh, but you really don't want to approach this with the mindset of giving your parents a choice, you want to approach it with the mindset of "this is how I am, and now I have to help my parents to accept that as it is, as something that will always be a part of me and can't be removed or changed".

Reaching Out Beyond The Family

Some of the most helpful people can be beyond your family. Other ABies, for example, are likely to accept you instantly as they are/were in the same situation, and can lend you helpful advice, or just an ear to listen to you when you feel you need to talk to someone. The links page on this website has a variety of places you can visit that support AB/DL/TBs, but be warned, some of them are more sexual then others, and you should always be careful who you chat to and meet up with. The best way to get a foothold is to join an already established TB community and get to know people there, who can refer you on and show you where to go and where to avoid, on your quest for a satisfying and enjoyable time in the AB world.