Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?

[Toddler80]

I'm laying in my bed with my diaper and romper on and I feel like I am doing something wrong I hear voices telling me that I'm wrong for wearing a diaper. on the other hand the little boy inside of me is in his element. I think I finally got passed the binge purge cycle after many years of denial I'm still a little unsure about myself at times. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so shy I've never really have let the people that know me see me when I into my little gear I guess I afraid of rejection and how my friends would react if they were to find out I'm a little.there is only one of my family members that knows about my little side . I've never been able to keep things from her.
I guess I have always felt like I was acting a lot younger than my friends I've always wanted to stay a kid.but I know that it is not possible I've also felt like I was forced to grow up faster than I should have. But I guess that's what expected when you're the oldest child. I took the brunt of the abuse so my little brother didn't get hurt as much as I did.