Relationship advice

[inflationunit]

My gf and I have been together for several years now, and she was aware of my DL status when we first started dating. She only asked me to wear clothes over the diapers and not involve her in it. I usually get diapered in binges, so I may go months without being diapered, then I get stressed and start diapering for several days/weeks in a row. Recently she revealed to me that she isn't as comfortable with me wearing as she used to be. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

 

[Samantha]

My gf and I have been together for several years now, and she was aware of my DL status when we first started dating. She only asked me to wear clothes over the diapers and not involve her in it. I usually get diapered in binges, so I may go months without being diapered, then I get stressed and start diapering for several days/weeks in a row. Recently she revealed to me that she isn't as comfortable with me wearing as she used to be. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

Just be kind & respectful of her feelings & the change in her thinking & feeling towards it. Perhaps just have a chat about? Have you changed anything about your DL wearing? You say you diaper in binges? It may have something to do with that, so best for all is to talk about as she would have a reason for not being as comfortable? Good luck to you both & hope you work it out

 

[inflationunit]

Have you changed anything about your DL wearing?

She basically said her feelings on me wearing changed after having a child.

 

[sbmccue]

We've had a number of threads involving similar situations. As I've often said, many women have a very pragmatic view of diapers. Having their partner wear them - for whatever reason - often doesn't seem to rankle initially, but their discomfort increases as time goes by This is because all the conditioning they've received over past decades 'kicks in' over time.

I think there are three paths for you: First, you can offer to give up diapers altogether. This certainly seems unreasonable to me, but I have a partner who actively participates in my AB lifestyle. However, your Significant Other may require this if you are to continue the relationship. Be forewarned that giving up diapers altogether is difficult at best and probably impossible; you'll need to prepare yourself for the emotional longing and discomfort you'll encounter with such a bold move.

Another way forward might be to have a lengthy dialogue with her focusing on why she suddenly isn't comfortable. Be aware that this sort of conversation may provoke anger or frustration because, due to their conditioning, many women cannot understand why a grown male would have an attraction to or need for something they think suitable only for a baby.

The other option is to agree that you won't give up diapers, that she will continue to be increasingly uncomfortable with them, and that you're giving up your relationship and moving on as a result. I frankly think this is preferable to having to lie to her or resort to the various forms of subterfuge we often see brought up here. Moving on might also be a viable alternative to the anger and resentment involved in attempting any sort of 'compromise' related to your diaper desires. Most of the time, compromises just fail to satisfy one party or the other, and a breakup is the end result.

I wish I had more positive thoughts for you. The simple fact is this: None of us asked to be born with these desires; I, for one, certainly wish I could outgrow them. Having failed to do that, however, I'm left with finding an accepting partner or being alone. Accepting partners aren't exactly common, but they can be found. Perhaps you ought to begin the search sooner rather than later.

 

[inflationunit]

We've had a number of threads involving similar situations. As I've often said, many women have a very pragmatic view of diapers. Having their partner wear them - for whatever reason - often doesn't seem to rankle initially, but their discomfort increases as time goes by This is because all the conditioning they've received over past decades 'kicks in' over time.

I think there are three paths for you: First, you can offer to give up diapers altogether. This certainly seems unreasonable to me, but I have a partner who actively participates in my AB lifestyle. However, your Significant Other may require this if you are to continue the relationship. Be forewarned that giving up diapers altogether is difficult at best and probably impossible; you'll need to prepare yourself for the emotional longing and discomfort you'll encounter with such a bold move.

Another way forward might be to have a lengthy dialogue with her focusing on why she suddenly isn't comfortable. Be aware that this sort of conversation may provoke anger or frustration because, due to their conditioning, many women cannot understand why a grown male would have an attraction to or need for something they think suitable only for a baby.

The other option is to agree that you won't give up diapers, that she will continue to be increasingly uncomfortable with them, and that you're giving up your relationship and moving on as a result. I frankly think this is preferable to having to lie to her or resort to the various forms of subterfuge we often see brought up here. Moving on might also be a viable alternative to the anger and resentment involved in attempting any sort of 'compromise' related to your diaper desires. Most of the time, compromises just fail to satisfy one party or the other, and a breakup is the end result.

I wish I had more positive thoughts for you. The simple fact is this: None of us asked to be born with these desires; I, for one, certainly wish I could outgrow them. Having failed to do that, however, I'm left with finding an accepting partner or being alone. Accepting partners aren't exactly common, but they can be found. Perhaps you ought to begin the search sooner rather than later.

Thank you for your honesty and your suggestions. I hope there is a compromise, but I am not hopeful.

 

[Subtlerustle]

I’d second what @sbmccue said. Beyond required to give them up may lead to resentment when ultimately your needs aren’t being met. My suggestion would be to reach out to Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb. Google her. Set up a video therapy session for both of you. She can help your wife get to the bottom of her discomfort and broker a compromise. She also has a wonderful book as well.

 

[Subtlerustle]

I should add this has happened to many DLs where initial understanding was revoked. It’s not insurmountable. It comes from lack of understanding of what this means. It’s a chunky conversation but you have to let it all out. As my wife said it’s messy but it can yield good results.

 

[SparkyDog]

My gf and I have been together for several years now, and she was aware of my DL status when we first started dating. She only asked me to wear clothes over the diapers and not involve her in it. I usually get diapered in binges, so I may go months without being diapered, then I get stressed and start diapering for several days/weeks in a row. Recently she revealed to me that she isn't as comfortable with me wearing as she used to be. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

you've come to the fork in the road
you will have to decide which you want more
Diapers and lose the GF
or GF and lose the diapers
might be a tough choice for you

you can maybe come to an agreement that diapers go in storage and they never come out unless she's away or you're on a trip or something

Otherwise she's likely to leave if you keep up with the diapers.

and since you have a child together i strongly recommend you stay as a family

 

[lilbabyjooce]

As already said here, you need to have a discussion with her. Wether this goes well or not, unfortunately, will be up in the air until you can speak with her. I do not think giving up your wearing will be healthy for you or your relationship.
I do have some questions, though—you say her feelings have changed now that she has had a child herself. Is this your child? If it is your child, are you equally as invested in their care and the labor of taking care of them as she is? How recently did she have this child? Does your wearing ever involve her, or is this something you keep entirely to yourself? What does a normal wearing period look like for you? Have you ever had an in depth conversation about your wearing/desires with her before? All of these questions influence what could potentially be going on here.
I think the sentiment that the way women are conditioned for motherhood and caregiving influences their views on ABDL is fairly accurate (though I acknowledge society as a whole has a very difficult time imagining why a grown, healthy adult would want to wear and use diapers), but I don’t know if that addresses the whole issue. Part of why I love regression and being taken care of as an AB now (and have no desire to care for anyone else) is because I was expected to parent my siblings (and my parents, too, tbh) when I was still a child myself, just because I was one of the only girls in the household. But I wonder if this goes deeper than just societal conditioning and if this is a kind of lashing out from having to endure the labor of parenthood and parenting a small child.
A lot of times when we see stories similar to your own, where in a household that has children and the wife doesn’t want to entertain her husband’s wearing, it’s left out how the household dynamics are work. I think women would feel a lot less threatened by their partner wearing if they felt the domestic labor wasn’t entirely on them. Another person in diapers can translate, wether consciously or subconsciously, to more work for her. This may not be completely irrelevant to your position, but I would still deeply reflect into your the other dynamics of your relationship to see if there is anything else in your relationship that needs to be addressed that also could be lending itself to this change of heart.
That said, good luck!! I think her telling you that you can’t wear anymore is entirely unfair, but it’s best to approach these issues in terms of compromise and as you both vs. the issue, rather than you both vs. each other. I hope something can be worked out for the best!

 

[RestrainU4Me]

You have to stick up for yourself. You told her about this part of you early on. You can’t just change your feelings and wanting for diapers. I would be disappointed in her for changing her mind and putting you in a bad spot.

I would flip the script and tell her you don’t like her doing something. For example: “I don’t like that you spend so much money on your hair and nails anymore.” Make her feel the same way you do right now.

 

[foxkits]

Are we wonderful creations.
After eon's of time we have found ways to cope with life . We all do things to cope some eat we spend money some drink or do other things harmful to the body.
Are body's are not only thinking but some are subconscious chemical memories. You see a snake it scares you so the body remembers it on a subconscious level. This also happens with things that feel good.
At a toddler age the attention span is very short so just a now memory.
You spent years in diapers it's comforting nice feeling.
At a later age if you try pampers the chemical memory your body has remembers the good feeling.
At older ages this feeling good and comfort we remember so we repeat feeling good. Some people still suck there thumb all grown up. Women love good feeling pantys some men too. It's just our feel good item is a pamper it's no different then other things we just are tuned into one harmless item. Nature is so wonderful. I wish the best to you both. Just talk it out there are couples with kids that it's fine .
I over look my wife's short comings.
Because I care for her and she over looks mine. We are happy.

 

[Deleted member 58849]

I would flip the script and tell her you don’t like her doing something. For example: “I don’t like that you spend so much money on your hair and nails anymore.” Make her feel the same way you do right now.

No offense, but suggesting hostility towards what is all honesty likely a misunderstanding, really won’t fix anything.

She basically said her feelings on me wearing changed after having a child.

How do I put this… She likely has enough diapering going on as it is, what with said newborn and all. This will also present another weird situation when you eventually decide to potty train this kid, while it’s father is still in diapers.

 

[inflationunit]

I wanted to provide an update. I spoke to my SO about this and we were able to come to a compromise that satisfied both of us. Thank you all for your advice.

 

[littlemoosey]

We've had a number of threads involving similar situations. As I've often said, many women have a very pragmatic view of diapers. Having their partner wear them - for whatever reason - often doesn't seem to rankle initially, but their discomfort increases as time goes by This is because all the conditioning they've received over past decades 'kicks in' over time.

I think there are three paths for you: First, you can offer to give up diapers altogether. This certainly seems unreasonable to me, but I have a partner who actively participates in my AB lifestyle. However, your Significant Other may require this if you are to continue the relationship. Be forewarned that giving up diapers altogether is difficult at best and probably impossible; you'll need to prepare yourself for the emotional longing and discomfort you'll encounter with such a bold move.

Another way forward might be to have a lengthy dialogue with her focusing on why she suddenly isn't comfortable. Be aware that this sort of conversation may provoke anger or frustration because, due to their conditioning, many women cannot understand why a grown male would have an attraction to or need for something they think suitable only for a baby.

The other option is to agree that you won't give up diapers, that she will continue to be increasingly uncomfortable with them, and that you're giving up your relationship and moving on as a result. I frankly think this is preferable to having to lie to her or resort to the various forms of subterfuge we often see brought up here. Moving on might also be a viable alternative to the anger and resentment involved in attempting any sort of 'compromise' related to your diaper desires. Most of the time, compromises just fail to satisfy one party or the other, and a breakup is the end result.

I wish I had more positive thoughts for you. The simple fact is this: None of us asked to be born with these desires; I, for one, certainly wish I could outgrow them. Having failed to do that, however, I'm left with finding an accepting partner or being alone. Accepting partners aren't exactly common, but they can be found. Perhaps you ought to begin the search sooner rather than later.

What he said.

To me it sounds like she is already building the framework for breaking up.

 

[Deleted member 58849]

I wanted to provide an update. I spoke to my SO about this and we were able to come to a compromise that satisfied both of us. Thank you all for your advice.

See, you can do it just fine, and make it work!