Online Persona?

[SweetheartPanda]

Online personas are what some people choose to do.
Catfishing are what some people choose to do.
The truth is both have happened to me so many times and recently shattered me to the core. I would like some insight and thoughts you have about online personas and catfishing.
Truth is I'm scared. I have talked to a guy online for a few months. He and I talk about gaming, games, also he mentioned he's from my hometown. He messages me every day from Facebook and is super polite.
He's also mentioned to me that he wants to work on improving his life and goals he has shared with me.
I'm behind him of what he shares with me including he wants to be single and I'm really okay with that. What he's been saying to me in messages lately (besides gaming) started with "I want to start modeling->want to see who I am working with->I can't wait to work with her, she's great->oh her and I had a thing a few years->I wanted her tan for the photoshoot->she has a boyfriend and he's super cool->she's wearing lingerie->shows ME one of the modeling photos with her and ends with oh her boyfriend wasn't there and usually he shows up at photoshoots.
What is his angle here? Proud to be with her? The modeling was professionally done? Is he trying to get a reaction from me? WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME? Any insights? Any thoughts? Please help in any way! I don't want to be hurt again...

 

[lilbabyjooce]

Well, what are you looking for from this person? A friendship? Something more?
As you obviously know, anyone can pretend to be whoever they want on the internet, falsely living out any kind of life they would like to flaunt. Do these images that he sends look real to you? Do you know how to reverse image search to see the validity of the pictures?
Additionally, even if someone is being truthful online, it’s incredibly hard to detect things like tone and intention when you’re just reading from a screen—and in my opinion it is way easier to assume the worst about someone due to this. Based off of the conversations you both have had over the months, does this new modeling thing seem out of character? Does this seem like him genuinely sharing a newfound interest or does it seem more sinister? Not knowing the full context it’s hard for any of us to say what his angle is and why he’s doing this. Personally with the information you’ve given it does sound pretty fishy and weird to me. I don’t entertain people who try to make you feel jealous by gloating about other women they’re with (or men—it’s regardless of gender) or the things they are doing. I know you are already trying your best to, but really evaluate the circumstances of this shift in communication. Compare it to the conversations you’ve had months prior. And most of all please don’t torture yourself with someone who just wants to show off and brag online. Best of luck!!

 

[PaddedRita]

Well, what are you looking for from this person? A friendship? Something more?
As you obviously know, anyone can pretend to be whoever they want on the internet, falsely living out any kind of life they would like to flaunt. Do these images that he sends look real to you? Do you know how to reverse image search to see the validity of the pictures?
Additionally, even if someone is being truthful online, it’s incredibly hard to detect things like tone and intention when you’re just reading from a screen—and in my opinion it is way easier to assume the worst about someone due to this. Based off of the conversations you both have had over the months, does this new modeling thing seem out of character? Does this seem like him genuinely sharing a newfound interest or does it seem more sinister? Not knowing the full context it’s hard for any of us to say what his angle is and why he’s doing this. Personally with the information you’ve given it does sound pretty fishy and weird to me. I don’t entertain people who try to make you feel jealous by gloating about other women they’re with (or men—it’s regardless of gender) or the things they are doing. I know you are already trying your best to, but really evaluate the circumstances of this shift in communication. Compare it to the conversations you’ve had months prior. And most of all please don’t torture yourself with someone who just wants to show off and brag online. Best of luck!!

You said that very very well lilbabyjooce
Yes you have to be very cautious !!

 

[Hemix]

Jooce is right, a bit of image forensics could help thee get useful information and that sudden shift in the person's behavior, showing pictures with other people, seems very suspicious.

Never ever share personal photos and be sure thy personal information is as safe as possible (or at least, the most intimate pieces...).

Consider opening to other people too, it will be easier for thee.

 

[Ellyn]

Yes, I completely agree with lilbabyjooce. I’m happily married and am not looking for ‘anything’ here other than shared information regarding incontinence issues.
I try to be as open about myself as cautiously possible here but realistically, places like this or any place where complete anonymity is protected is likened to being in a snake pit. Be careful what you share and how much you expose yourself to potential predators online. Maybe Zoom would be a better platform to gather…. That would eliminate 90% of the online problems regarding posers.

 

[Ellyn]

If you’re looking for a real relationship with someone more likely to be honest and decent, consider singles groups in church. It’s much more difficult to hide who you really are there.

 

[Cottontail]

@SweetheartPanda, I agree with @lilbabyjooce and I'll be blunt: It sounds to me like he wants some pictures of you, and not the usual Facebook kind. That could be way off, but I think you're right to wonder whether he's trying to manipulate you. At the very least he's showing you what interests him, and if that gives you negative vibes then things probably aren't headed in a good direction (for you) and it might be time to politely move on.

You also said, "I'm behind him of what he shares with me including he wants to be single and I'm really okay with that." I'm curious about the "okay." If you're just looking for friends, then "okay" might actually mean "okay." If you're looking for something more, then "okay" might mean "wasting my time." If I was looking for a long-term relationship and one of my prospects said they wanted to remain single, I'd probably start winding down my interactions with that person so that I could rededicate myself to my goal. Is that selfish? Well... yeah! But you do have to look out for your own interests. Having a lot of social baggage is only going to make the sought-after relationships harder to establish and maintain.

 

[Hemix]

If you’re looking for a real relationship with someone more likely to be honest and decent, consider singles groups in church. It’s much more difficult to hide who you really are there.

I don't think church is precisely the most open-minded place to look for that, we'd be seen as freaks, sinners and sick people according to them, and thou dostn't want them to expose loudly thy secret life.

I don't mean to say all Christians are that way, eho knows, but some nuns and preachers are genuinely impassive and reckless...

 

[todderhr]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It does sound odd and like he isn't someone to be trusted. Do be careful with your data, safety and most importantly... your heart.

 

[Ellyn]

I don't think church is precisely the most open-minded place to look for that, we'd be seen as freaks, sinners and sick people according to them, and thou dostn't want them to expose loudly thy secret life.

I don't mean to say all Christians are that way, eho knows, but some nuns and preachers are genuinely impassive and reckless...

I’m not at all proposing that any of us should share our incontinence issues there (!!). All I’m saying is that church singles groups are a great place to meet those that are more likely to be decent people and less likely to be predators and posers. Note I said “more likely” and “less likely”. Beats clubs and online hookups…

 

[todderhr]

I’m not at all proposing that any of us should share our incontinence issues there (!!). All I’m saying is that church singles groups are a great place to meet those that are more likely to be decent people and less likely to be predators and posers. Note I said “more likely” and “less likely”. Beats clubs and online hookups…

I’m kind of partial to church. I don’t think there is anything wrong with using diapers for whatever reason. It’s just something you wouldn’t advertise in most social situations. Though it would probably surpise you how many people at church attend becsuse they like the family, fellowship and spirituality without towing the dogma around with them.

 

[AtPeace]

I don't think church is precisely the most open-minded place to look for that, we'd be seen as freaks, sinners and sick people according to them, and thou dostn't want them to expose loudly thy secret life.

I don't mean to say all Christians are that way, eho knows, but some nuns and preachers are genuinely impassive and reckless...

Some nuns... you have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[Hemix]

Some nuns... you have no idea what you're talking about.

Some members from my family have been in Christian residential schools, they told me about their experience and I dealt with them myself (not fulltime unlike them, fortunately), so unless thou wantest to specify more, I think I actually have some idea about them

 

[ianwee]

Truth is I'm scared. I have talked to a guy online for a few months. He and I talk about gaming, games, also he mentioned he's from my hometown. He messages me every day from Facebook and is super polite. .....
What he's been saying to me in messages lately ..... started with "I want to start modeling->want to see who I am working with->I can't wait to work with her, she's great->oh her and I had a thing a few years->I wanted her tan for the photoshoot->she has a boyfriend and he's super cool->she's wearing lingerie->shows ME one of the modeling photos with her and ends with oh her boyfriend wasn't there and usually he shows up at photoshoots.
What is his angle here? Proud to be with her? The modeling was professionally done? Is he trying to get a reaction from me? WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME? Any insights? Any thoughts? Please help in any way! I don't want to be hurt again...

I agree with what other people have said so far - though it seems a pity that some of the comments have got a bit mixed up with the Christian church and its followers, especially as that wasn't an issue that you raised!

You are scared by this man, and you don't want to be hurt again. That is the issue for you here. Maybe the best thing is to stop chatting with him, even if he is super polite. He's obviously making you feel not just uncomfortable, but frightened, and that is wrong in my book. If he really wanted to be no more than a friend, then he would not be making you feel like this. You must do whatever you feel is right, of course, but I would echo the advice that Jooce, Hemix, Cottontail, Ellyn and others have given and be very wary of sharing photographs and personal information that could help people to identify you, unless you are 100% sure that you can really trust them. All healthy relationships depend on trust and mutual respect, and my feeling (for what it's worth) is that you should steer clear of this man.

 

[SweetheartPanda]

Well, what are you looking for from this person? A friendship? Something more?
As you obviously know, anyone can pretend to be whoever they want on the internet, falsely living out any kind of life they would like to flaunt. Do these images that he sends look real to you? Do you know how to reverse image search to see the validity of the pictures?
Additionally, even if someone is being truthful online, it’s incredibly hard to detect things like tone and intention when you’re just reading from a screen—and in my opinion it is way easier to assume the worst about someone due to this. Based off of the conversations you both have had over the months, does this new modeling thing seem out of character? Does this seem like him genuinely sharing a newfound interest or does it seem more sinister? Not knowing the full context it’s hard for any of us to say what his angle is and why he’s doing this. Personally with the information you’ve given it does sound pretty fishy and weird to me. I don’t entertain people who try to make you feel jealous by gloating about other women they’re with (or men—it’s regardless of gender) or the things they are doing. I know you are already trying your best to, but really evaluate the circumstances of this shift in communication. Compare it to the conversations you’ve had months prior. And most of all please don’t torture yourself with someone who just wants to show off and brag online. Best of luck!!

Great questions that I finally have answers to! Here's a quick rundown of what I've discovered with some advice given.️
The images of him he sent me privately (not anywhere on his Facebook page) before the talk of modeling began do actually match up to the modeling photos. If you know how to do a reverse image search that would be ever so helpful because I don't have a laptop just this phone.
I agree with just reading on the screen can be very confusing due to lack of tone of voice and things get muddy.
As for conversations, we talk about video games, animals and cars lol
Thank you for your advice and any help you can provide!

 

[SweetheartPanda]

Jooce is right, a bit of image forensics could help thee get useful information and that sudden shift in the person's behavior, showing pictures with other people, seems very suspicious.

Never ever share personal photos and be sure thy personal information is as safe as possible (or at least, the most intimate pieces...).

Consider opening to other people too, it will be easier for thee.

Yes! You are so right! Thank you!

 

[SweetheartPanda]

@SweetheartPanda, I agree with @lilbabyjooce and I'll be blunt: It sounds to me like he wants some pictures of you, and not the usual Facebook kind. That could be way off, but I think you're right to wonder whether he's trying to manipulate you. At the very least he's showing you what interests him, and if that gives you negative vibes then things probably aren't headed in a good direction (for you) and it might be time to politely move on.

You also said, "I'm behind him of what he shares with me including he wants to be single and I'm really okay with that." I'm curious about the "okay." If you're just looking for friends, then "okay" might actually mean "okay." If you're looking for something more, then "okay" might mean "wasting my time." If I was looking for a long-term relationship and one of my prospects said they wanted to remain single, I'd probably start winding down my interactions with that person so that I could rededicate myself to my goal. Is that selfish? Well... yeah! But you do have to look out for your own interests. Having a lot of social baggage is only going to make the sought-after relationships harder to establish and maintain.

Up until the other day, he didn't know what I looked like. He said "great photo! Thanks for sharing." You have great insight about the situation I've been working on figuring out. Thank you for your help!

 

[SweetheartPanda]

I agree with what other people have said so far - though it seems a pity that some of the comments have got a bit mixed up with the Christian church and its followers, especially as that wasn't an issue that you raised!

You are scared by this man, and you don't want to be hurt again. That is the issue for you here. Maybe the best thing is to stop chatting with him, even if he is super polite. He's obviously making you feel not just uncomfortable, but frightened, and that is wrong in my book. If he really wanted to be no more than a friend, then he would not be making you feel like this. You must do whatever you feel is right, of course, but I would echo the advice that Jooce, Hemix, Cottontail, Ellyn and others have given and be very wary of sharing photographs and personal information that could help people to identify you, unless you are 100% sure that you can really trust them. All healthy relationships depend on trust and mutual respect, and my feeling (for what it's worth) is that you should steer clear of this man.

I thank you for guiding back to the post to how I indented to be. I stepped interacting for awhile because this post was going off the topic, so I figured to step away because I felt I would not get heard...
And yes, your feeling is very important and validated. Truth be told, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this feeling. This kind of interaction does aid in me to trust and open up in many different ways without exposing myself.

 

[ianwee]

I thank you for guiding back to the post to how I indented to be. I stepped interacting for awhile because this post was going off the topic, so I figured to step away because I felt I would not get heard...
And yes, your feeling is very important and validated. Truth be told, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this feeling. This kind of interaction does aid in me to trust and open up in many different ways without exposing myself.

I'm just glad that I have been able to help you in some small way. Please do feel free to send me a message if that would be helpful. In any case, I wish you well, and hope you continue to find ADISC and its members supportive.

 

[SweetheartPanda]

I was the adult and needed clarification. I am adult to walk away. But he chose to get nasty and he's trying to say what's best for me. This was never a game, it sure wasn't a popularity contest, and I'll let you have the last word because I have nothing more to say.
Modeling is how people view it. I'm not bi, I'm not even curious, I'm straight and I refuse to put people on a pedestal. I'm not a hater and everyone is beautiful and or handsome but I didn't enjoy seeing your ex, your photoshoot person, I didn't like seeing her bare butt, I didn't want to see her breasts, and I for sure didn't want her nearly showing off her female bits. I'm not sorry I'm not perfect like her.
Thank you all for your advice, feelings, feedback, and thoughts.