Bnuuy said:
I agree with most of this post but... isn't making friends with someone, inviting them to go somewhere, not indicating that it's a date, and then randomly trying to kiss them not a great idea? Is this really how you're supposed to do it?
WetKat said:
This !!! Seriously, if you don't want to end up disappointed with someone saying "what the heck do you think you are doing?", do not do this! I have had this happen to me a few times (I am female) and it is just beyond weird when someone who has been acting like a friend (and no more) suddenly tries to kiss you then makes out like you should have expected it, just because you are two people of the opposite sex out in public together. Seriously not cool.
I thought it was clear but you judge whether you go in for the kiss or not based on whether she seems receptive to being close to you. You don't just spring that on someone. You warm them up to the idea through casual conversation and getting closer and closer, if they become cold then you just abort the whole thing, they aren't interested. I am saying you have to make small advances not one big surprise advance, you have to build up to it and measure her response the entire time. The moment you get a cold response or she retracts you just give up on the idea.
If she has be warm to you the entire time then by the time you get to the kiss she is already expecting it and anticipating it, if not then you are not doing it right or she has already shown signs that she is not receptive to it.
Women put minimal effort into this because the man has to make the approach, the man has to make her laugh, make her smile, make the advances, he has to do all the work.
If a man waits for the woman to give him the kiss then he will die a virgin, women typically do not initiate unless the man is in the top percentile.
DollyDayDream said:
Good point if someone really wants to see you for you, a free museum or somewhere would be ideal places to meet for both x
Which is exactly what I said, so I don't know why you quoted the other guy. Always somewhere free, never get taken for a chump or some free meal ticket. If she does not want to know you as a human being then don't waste your time or money on her.
As for why you don't have to mention it is a date is because it is typically implied but not set in stone. Once you explicitly state it as such it sets expectations of where things might end uup but she does not even know if she feels that way about you yet. That is why you make SMALL advances such as moving closer to her while sitting on a bench or whatever, putting your hand on her hand etc, see if she likes you being that close to her. If she gives you cold signals at any point the you immediately know before you even try to kiss her and you BOTH avoid the awkwardness.
Women want a man to LEAD, but leading on a date is a series of small gestures and measuring her response, if everything goes well then you advance to the next gesture until you reach kissing. It makes the entire experience more natural, organic and avoid awkward situations. If you spell everything out before hand and she doesn't know you like that or had a chance to see your moves then it ruins the moment, ruins the magic of it all and she then believes you don't have what it takes to excite her so she becomes turned off by it.
All I am suggesting is to allow things to happen organically with the understanding that as the man YOU have to put in the work. If you don't put in the work the you don't get the results. Give her a chance to know you on a more personal level, build a rapport.
And if the date ends well with a kiss then bounce on out of there and let her think about it for a bit, if she liked it then she will want to hang out again, let it go from there.
If things don't work out then move on to someone else, waste no time. Women will string you along for ages for validation and attention but there are plenty of fish in the sea and at the end of the day finding one who wants to work with you on building something will put in the work, but until you find her it is a numbers game so there is no point obsessing over any one girl who isn't putting in the work also.
Learn to be cold so you don't get attached so someone who isn't even returning your energy or putting in the work. Reflect back the energy you get in turn.
I agree that learning from a minor loss is better than a major one. You seem to have a positive attitude and a good perspective on things. I hope you can recover from this setback and avoid such scams in the future.
There are some steps you can take to avoid getting scammed again. According to the Federal Trade Commission, some of the signs of a scam are:
