I am also a woman who’s ABDL, and basically agree with what’s already been said.
There are probably more women in the community than one would think, but I’d bet most of them don’t engage in online spaces due to the level of harassment we receive. Even on a site as casual as ADISC, I’ve received messages and demands that make me regret ever displaying my gender and I know from speaking to other female members they’ve experienced the same. And I don’t think I could say in person spaces would be much better either, but I can’t speak on that.
There’s also the cleanliness factor as already mentioned. I would be way less disturbed by my interests in diaper wearing if I did not have a vagina, since just wearing as someone with one increases the chance or potential issues with pH, UTIs, etc. Also in general there is a massive societal stigma surrounding women and vaginal cleanliness (where vaginas are often seen as dirty or gross for natural functions).
Societal standards in general are a huge influence. Women are often infantilized. In misogynistic narratives we are made out to be immature, emotional, narrow-minded, possessive, impulsive—qualities one would associate with a young child. As a young woman I am frequently patronized or thought of as weak, physically and mentally—once again, like a child. I think that makes the thought of our form of infantilism unappealing to a lot of women, since they already have to endure that on a frequent basis.
And in a similar way that the standards of traditional masculinity can simultaneously entice and scare male ABDLs from their desires, I think the standards of femininity can do the same for women and their ABDL desires. Women are taught to be the caregivers, that they should be the ones nurturing the children, that they should be more mature (yet still seen as immature simultaneously) than men. I can see how that both gives the appeal to being ABDL (as an escape from these pressures) and how that would also scare someone away from their desires (and I also see how that could scare women away from being CGs, since they already are expected to do the brunt of the caring, and then would have to take another caregiver role to their partner). A part of traditional femininity is also that women need to be clean, but diapers are often associated with dirtiness.
There’s also the opposite narrative, where women need to be strong, and independent, and not rely on others or you’re taking an active role in these old conservative views, which I can see how that would make one not want to engage in both an AB or CG role.
There’s also plenty of negative connotations with diapers that come up in women’s lives just naturally—for example wearing menstrual pads is often seen as gross and a less mature choice for menstrual products since it’s like a diaper. Or another example would be one of the parts that women dread after birth, which is having to wear thick padded underwear similar to a diaper. I have heard many women call it embarrassing and gross, despite it being helpful after going through the massive struggle that is labor.
There are plenty of reasons that make so few women engage in ABDL, but I do believe there are more out there than we know of. I also think a lot of the social standards that make men want to engage in ABDL that also can really frighten them (like a desire to be nurtured since men are told to be tough, a desire to not be in control since men are the ones who need to be dominant according to these standards) also effect women in very similar ways even if the effect is not the same. I hope more conversations can be had on these kinds of things and that hopefully spaces can become more comfortable for members who are women.
