Issues with girlfriend

[ColinInDiapers]

So as some of you may already know, I told my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. She doesn't understand nor accept me. She thinks it's very weird and that it's a "habit" I keep explaining to her that it is not a habit but she gets mad at me for getting defensive. I bring it up a lot, I probably shouldn't. Before anyone says anything her and I are usually a very happy couple and we both think that we are perfect for each other and meant to be together. She has called me "The One" several times. But now that she knows I'm ABDL she says that it's a turn off and she doesn't like it. She also is feeling that I love diapers and baby stuff more than her, I try to convince her otherwise because frankly I'm truly in love with her....What? An ABDL can't love someone. This girl is literally the woman of my dreams and I don't want to let her go because I will be absolutely devastated.
She has suggested that I tell my mother about being abdl and after about an hour of freaking out and anxiety I finally texted my mother about it, haven't gotten a reply about it yet as she lives in a different state and is probably asleep. My girlfriend says that she loves me with all of her heart and her soul but that this needs to stop, I try to explain to her that I can't just stop like that. If I keep battling it and battling it, It might be possible but It'll take a long time. I usually cave and go right back to diapers. Before anyone says anything I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, Because her and I would both be hurt and it might not end very well for either party. I'm deeply in love with her but I'm also an abdl.
My anxiety is starting to act up and it's driving me crazy. My depression will kick in if she breaks up with me and then it's a downward spiral of chaos for me. I have had a few dark thoughts but I'm trying my very best to stay away from that. Doing that is never the answer to anything.

In summary, I just reallly want to stay with my girlfriend and have a normal loving relationship without getting involved into adult baby or diapers. I still would want to engage in my abdl side on my time and still be a loving boyfriend to her the rest of the time. Well my mom knows now so hopefully she can help us resolve some issues. I'm just really worried about losing her everyone. This girl is my everything and I don't care what you say. She makes me incredibly happy and we have been in our relationship for 1 month shy of a year.

 

[PaSS]

So I am not very good with relationships at all. But have you told her it is a fetish and not just something you want to do?

Make sure you aren't trying to force her into doing something she doesn't want to do. And make it clear if she doesn't want to do it. She does not have to.

my 2 cents. Take it with a grain of salt.

 

[ColinInDiapers]

So I am not very good with relationships at all. But have you told her it is a fetish and not just something you want to do?

Make sure you aren't trying to force her into doing something she doesn't want to do. And make it clear if she doesn't want to do it. She does not have to.

my 2 cents. Take it with a grain of salt.

She knows it's a fetish and she knows that I'm not trying to force her into anything.

 

[Evahasgone2]

I wish I could help you my friend. I was married for thirty years to a man that didn't even want to know me when I had a diaper on. I know many men would jump in that saddle faster than crabs to a crotch ! But my husband was a loving man as long as I never wore in front of him. So my life was being alone and enjoying my diaper by myself. I wasn't the cheating woman so I stayed loyal to him. Now it's all cards on the table, I enjoy life as much and as often as I can !! I go to work in my diaper and I use that diaper as my toilet. Life is too short sweetie, and if it was my choice between a loved one and a diaper, the diaper now has the upper hand... Love to you and hope your girlfriend can learn to enjoy it or even be okay with it. I know it's a lonely road. You have to be you...

 

[Electrically]

So as some of you may already know, I told my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. She doesn't understand nor accept me. She thinks it's very weird and that it's a "habit" I keep explaining to her that it is not a habit but she gets mad at me for getting defensive. I bring it up a lot, I probably shouldn't. Before anyone says anything her and I are usually a very happy couple and we both think that we are perfect for each other and meant to be together. She has called me "The One" several times. But now that she knows I'm ABDL she says that it's a turn off and she doesn't like it. She also is feeling that I love diapers and baby stuff more than her, I try to convince her otherwise because frankly I'm truly in love with her....What? An ABDL can't love someone. This girl is literally the woman of my dreams and I don't want to let her go because I will be absolutely devastated.
She has suggested that I tell my mother about being abdl and after about an hour of freaking out and anxiety I finally texted my mother about it, haven't gotten a reply about it yet as she lives in a different state and is probably asleep. My girlfriend says that she loves me with all of her heart and her soul but that this needs to stop, I try to explain to her that I can't just stop like that. If I keep battling it and battling it, It might be possible but It'll take a long time. I usually cave and go right back to diapers. Before anyone says anything I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, Because her and I would both be hurt and it might not end very well for either party. I'm deeply in love with her but I'm also an abdl.
My anxiety is starting to act up and it's driving me crazy. My depression will kick in if she breaks up with me and then it's a downward spiral of chaos for me. I have had a few dark thoughts but I'm trying my very best to stay away from that. Doing that is never the answer to anything.

In summary, I just reallly want to stay with my girlfriend and have a normal loving relationship without getting involved into adult baby or diapers. I still would want to engage in my abdl side on my time and still be a loving boyfriend to her the rest of the time. Well my mom knows now so hopefully she can help us resolve some issues. I'm just really worried about losing her everyone. This girl is my everything and I don't care what you say. She makes me incredibly happy and we have been in our relationship for 1 month shy of a year.

Hey there how’s it going?
I’m kinda in same boat. However I am guessing I’m a good bit older
I fairly recently told my wife of almost 20 years about my kink about 4 months ago
I don’t feel accepted by her at all and I am not thinking it’s going to change.
If I don’t bring it up again she might make herself pretend it went away
However obviously that’s not why I told her
And it makes me feel bad.
I don’t know what to do.
being I have had a pretty good marriage for so long I don’t want to walk away. But eventually I think it will be the end of us. I am going to continue to encourage her softly to accept me but I think she is going to continue to pretend it’s going to go away. I don’t think it will work.
I can tell little things are already different and I can’t really explain it but I can feel her blocking things or we just aren’t as connected
being I have kids and many responsibilities. I am going to try as hard as I can to keep it together. There’s a few times I thought I might loose it. I can’t really tell you what to do.
You can talk to a therapist about it but they won’t tell you what to do either.
options are pretty simple though
1. Pretend it went away and don’t bring it up again and hide your feelings.
2. slightly encourage her to accept you and hope she does.
either way expect some pretty painful days
Sorry Best

 

[nareh60280]

I think I can put my 2 cents here....

My wife and I have been together by more than 10 years, I have told her like 3 years into our relationship... At the beginning she didn't accept it, nor understood it, however, gradually, patiently, and little by little, things have been getting a lot better... Today I can wear around her, I can talk to her about anything ABDL related, although she doesn't want to participate herself... She has wore diapers but for other reasons... She says they can be useful in certain situations, but she doesn't like them.

My approach towards her acceptance was to communicate my feelings. I felt just like you, rejected, unaccepted, ashamed, and all of that. And after years of trying to hide those feelings, I ended up opening and just communicating how I felt, talking and more talking.

The important thing is to not say "Hey, I want to use diapers and you must accept them", but rather "This is part of me, and I need your support and acceptance because I feel lonely, and rejected in the current situation". You also need to hear her side, why does she feel like that, and how can you make her feel that you care for her feelings and concerns.

It is also important to arrive to negotiate... Maybe defining moments where you can wear, and moments where you can't. It is possible, but you need to communicate all of your feelings, and also listen to hers.

 

[K622]

I think a good idea might be to find some aspects on being AB that you can both enjoy. For example my girlfriend was grossed out by diapers at first so I tried not to wear around her. But I still did other things around her like watch cartoons and wear onesies (neither of which are uncommon things for some adults to do) this might be a good compromise. Eventually I somehow accidentally got her lowkey addicted to paw patrol and she even watches it on her own sometimes... I think seeing other aspects of being AB that aren't as shocking can make some people more open to the idea. After a few months of this my girlfriend eventually accepted it and now I can wear around her. Obviously your mileage may vary.

 

[littledreamers333]

hey cd158 if your gf thinks you love diapers more than her prove her wrong if you have the extra few bucks buy her flowers or write a love poem about her most girls like that sorta stuff worth a try anyways best of luck too ya

 

[aberrantlyme]

It is definitely a long road, if you want to make it work together. I recently told my wife of more than ten years more about myself, and we have been working on it together.

Keys for us have been:
- Open, honest communication
- I concealed me feelings and when I wear. I help her understand each time the "why" behind it.
- She had to feel like her concerns are being heard. Listen to her, let her help stablish rules and boundaries, and then work together.
- less is more. I don't being it up near as much as I once did, or still want to. You have to play the long game here.

I do feel that my love for her and my family is bigger and more important than diapers. I couldn't let them create irreversible harm to my family. With work and love, I'm finding it doesn't have to be one or the other.

Remember this is not a quick fix it just 100%, day one acceptance. It will take time. If you love her, stuck with it, and if she loves you she will do the same. Be better together.

I write about these experiences on my blog, if you are interested. Also feel free to message me if you'd like. The link to my blog is below in my signature.

Have a great day!

 

[Slomo]

So as some of you may already know, I told my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. She doesn't understand nor accept me. She thinks it's very weird and that it's a "habit" I keep explaining to her that it is not a habit but she gets mad at me for getting defensive. I bring it up a lot, I probably shouldn't. Before anyone says anything her and I are usually a very happy couple and we both think that we are perfect for each other and meant to be together. She has called me "The One" several times. But now that she knows I'm ABDL she says that it's a turn off and she doesn't like it. She also is feeling that I love diapers and baby stuff more than her, I try to convince her otherwise because frankly I'm truly in love with her....What? An ABDL can't love someone. This girl is literally the woman of my dreams and I don't want to let her go because I will be absolutely devastated.
She has suggested that I tell my mother about being abdl and after about an hour of freaking out and anxiety I finally texted my mother about it, haven't gotten a reply about it yet as she lives in a different state and is probably asleep. My girlfriend says that she loves me with all of her heart and her soul but that this needs to stop, I try to explain to her that I can't just stop like that. If I keep battling it and battling it, It might be possible but It'll take a long time. I usually cave and go right back to diapers. Before anyone says anything I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, Because her and I would both be hurt and it might not end very well for either party. I'm deeply in love with her but I'm also an abdl.
My anxiety is starting to act up and it's driving me crazy. My depression will kick in if she breaks up with me and then it's a downward spiral of chaos for me. I have had a few dark thoughts but I'm trying my very best to stay away from that. Doing that is never the answer to anything.

In summary, I just reallly want to stay with my girlfriend and have a normal loving relationship without getting involved into adult baby or diapers. I still would want to engage in my abdl side on my time and still be a loving boyfriend to her the rest of the time. Well my mom knows now so hopefully she can help us resolve some issues. I'm just really worried about losing her everyone. This girl is my everything and I don't care what you say. She makes me incredibly happy and we have been in our relationship for 1 month shy of a year.

You're on the right track, but try finding a different way of explaining it to her. You've absolutely got to get her to understand that you did not choose to be abdl. You are (I assume) inexplicably compelled to love diapers, and that this is an integral part of who you are. It is so much more than a fetish, and trying to call it a "habit" or even an addiction is just downright insulting. Tell her she says she loves you, but how can that be if she hates your diapers which is a part of you.

You may also have to keep in mind the two of you are truly not compatible after all. In a way it's a really good thing to have brought up your diaper needs early in the relationship. It's also a good thing you are not letting this go. If she is allowed to ignore this part of you then it may never get resolved. Potentially wasting years of your life with the wrong person.

 

[daylight]

You may want to consider couples therapy. This would help both of you to work through each others concerns.

 

[Flowstate]

So as some of you may already know, I told my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. She doesn't understand nor accept me. She thinks it's very weird and that it's a "habit" I keep explaining to her that it is not a habit but she gets mad at me for getting defensive. I bring it up a lot, I probably shouldn't. Before anyone says anything her and I are usually a very happy couple and we both think that we are perfect for each other and meant to be together. She has called me "The One" several times. But now that she knows I'm ABDL she says that it's a turn off and she doesn't like it. She also is feeling that I love diapers and baby stuff more than her, I try to convince her otherwise because frankly I'm truly in love with her....What? An ABDL can't love someone. This girl is literally the woman of my dreams and I don't want to let her go because I will be absolutely devastated.
She has suggested that I tell my mother about being abdl and after about an hour of freaking out and anxiety I finally texted my mother about it, haven't gotten a reply about it yet as she lives in a different state and is probably asleep. My girlfriend says that she loves me with all of her heart and her soul but that this needs to stop, I try to explain to her that I can't just stop like that. If I keep battling it and battling it, It might be possible but It'll take a long time. I usually cave and go right back to diapers. Before anyone says anything I want to avoid breaking up with her at all costs, Because her and I would both be hurt and it might not end very well for either party. I'm deeply in love with her but I'm also an abdl.
My anxiety is starting to act up and it's driving me crazy. My depression will kick in if she breaks up with me and then it's a downward spiral of chaos for me. I have had a few dark thoughts but I'm trying my very best to stay away from that. Doing that is never the answer to anything.

In summary, I just reallly want to stay with my girlfriend and have a normal loving relationship without getting involved into adult baby or diapers. I still would want to engage in my abdl side on my time and still be a loving boyfriend to her the rest of the time. Well my mom knows now so hopefully she can help us resolve some issues. I'm just really worried about losing her everyone. This girl is my everything and I don't care what you say. She makes me incredibly happy and we have been in our relationship for 1 month shy of a year.

Hi Colin ,
its sounds like you’re girlfriend has closed the door for negotiations.
this is most likely an attempt at trying to ignore and or change a part of you’re personality .
This will always be a mayor issue if left unresolved, not accepting a part of your personality within a relationship is one of the bigger issues couples fight about.
As much as you would love for her to except or even participate you have to respect the fact she might never fully support you in expressing these feelings.
Do not blame yourself for having these feelings, there is absolutely nothing wrong about having a fetish.
Even in the best relationships there are always issues about like and dislike with regards of preferences.
That said you do have to come to terms with the likelihood she is never going to fully understand these feelings.
Thats ok , don’t make it a pressing matter or force the conversation.
You do however at some time have to have a healthy conversation about this topic.
Best thing to do is make sure you have thought about what you need to tell her.
And there are some very hard questions you have to think about beforehand.

- are you truly going to be happy with her in a long-standing relationship if you’re not going to share this part of you’re personality?

-What am I willing to compromise in this commitment to make it work ?

-could I come to terms with a relationship where I’m always hiding a part of myself and have the feeling I’m misunderstood?

If you’re convinced that you can’t ignore this part of you’re personality within this relationship, you need to make a list of points you would like to get across when you’re going to sit down and have “ the talk”.
this list should contain questions and points such as these.

-does she fully understand what being an Abdl is about.
-what are her hard limits, where does she draw the line.
-is she willing to compromise in some extent.
-am I able to expres my honest feelings.
-are you as acceptant to her as she is towards you.
-make sure that she knows this is going to be a personality trade you’re not able to ignore
-how much impact are these feelings going to have in our daily lives if left unaddressed.
-let her initial reaction don’t be a reference to how this is going to turn out. (People do change over time )
-let her ask all the questions she needs answered and have patience.
-try to understand her views and feelings and talk about them.
-be openminded and less headstrong in getting Your points across.
-don’t be afraid to ask her for help, you are just as much trying to understand this part about yourself as she is.

if you really need some guidelines or preparation to do the big “talk” no pun intended I would recommend www.thelittlelounge.com. For more information and ideas on how to get ready and what to do .

good luck, and best wishes

 

[ColinInDiapers]

Hi Colin ,
its sounds like you’re girlfriend has closed the door for negotiations.
this is most likely an attempt at trying to ignore and or change a part of you’re personality .
This will always be a mayor issue if left unresolved, not accepting a part of your personality within a relationship is one of the bigger issues couples fight about.
As much as you would love for her to except or even participate you have to respect the fact she might never fully support you in expressing these feelings.
Do not blame yourself for having these feelings, there is absolutely nothing wrong about having a fetish.
Even in the best relationships there are always issues about like and dislike with regards of preferences.
That said you do have to come to terms with the likelihood she is never going to fully understand these feelings.
Thats ok , don’t make it a pressing matter or force the conversation.
You do however at some time have to have a healthy conversation about this topic.
Best thing to do is make sure you have thought about what you need to tell her.
And there are some very hard questions you have to think about beforehand.

- are you truly going to be happy with her in a long-standing relationship if you’re not going to share this part of you’re personality?

-What am I willing to compromise in this commitment to make it work ?

-could I come to terms with a relationship where I’m always hiding a part of myself and have the feeling I’m misunderstood?

If you’re convinced that you can’t ignore this part of you’re personality within this relationship, you need to make a list of points you would like to get across when you’re going to sit down and have “ the talk”.
this list should contain questions and points such as these.

-does she fully understand what being an Abdl is about.
-what are her hard limits, where does she draw the line.
-is she willing to compromise in some extent.
-am I able to expres my honest feelings.
-are you as acceptant to her as she is towards you.
-make sure that she knows this is going to be a personality trade you’re not able to ignore
-how much impact are these feelings going to have in our daily lives if left unaddressed.
-let her initial reaction don’t be a reference to how this is going to turn out. (People do change over time )
-let her ask all the questions she needs answered and have patience.
-try to understand her views and feelings and talk about them.
-be openminded and less headstrong in getting Your points across.
-don’t be afraid to ask her for help, you are just as much trying to understand this part about yourself as she is.

if you really need some guidelines or preparation to do the big “talk” no pun intended I would recommend www.thelittlelounge.com. For more information and ideas on how to get ready and what to do .

good luck, and best wishes

UPDATE: I ended up telling my mom as well and she is going to tell my sister. They are saying that I should go to a counselor and get some help. I'm nervous to talk to a counselor who probably has only ever heard of this in case studies, maybe not even that. I just don't know how that is going to work. I really want my relationship to work out and I want my family to accept me or at least understand. My mom just keeps saying "please get help" "I love you but please get help" "this isn't healthy". I'm genuinely scared and I am lost right now. If I could give up being ABDL so that I can be with my girlfriend I absolutely would, no doubt. But if that's even possible it's going to be hard as hell.

I'm feeling down. I really want this to stop. I want to be with my current girlfriend because I am absolutely in love with her. She feels the same way I know. But she doesn't like this side of me. I feel like I let my family and my girlfriend down. I'm starting to feel like a mistake even.

 

[Gary99]

Hey Colin -

Sorry you are feeling glum. Many of us have gone thru the same rough times with family and friends. You are in a rough patch for a while, it will change. These things take time, not sure what will happen, but I am sure eventually things will get better for you. Don't let it ruin your day.

 

[Flowstate]

UPDATE: I ended up telling my mom as well and she is going to tell my sister. They are saying that I should go to a counselor and get some help. I'm nervous to talk to a counselor who probably has only ever heard of this in case studies, maybe not even that. I just don't know how that is going to work. I really want my relationship to work out and I want my family to accept me or at least understand. My mom just keeps saying "please get help" "I love you but please get help" "this isn't healthy". I'm genuinely scared and I am lost right now. If I could give up being ABDL so that I can be with my girlfriend I absolutely would, no doubt. But if that's even possible it's going to be hard as hell.

I'm feeling down. I really want this to stop. I want to be with my current girlfriend because I am absolutely in love with her. She feels the same way I know. But she doesn't like this side of me. I feel like I let my family and my girlfriend down. I'm starting to feel like a mistake even.

sorry you’re going through some ruff times, these things happen. Most of the community have had some sort of trouble with guilt feelings and it’s understandable.
just know its not wrong to have these feelings.
being Abdl or having a fetish of some sorts is absolutely normal .
there are loads of people that have the same sorts of feelings and needs and lead absolutely normal and successful lives.
both in family relations and love life.
if you feel the need to talk about it with an outside counselor by all means do so.
just know that there nothing unhealthy or wrong with having these feelings.
any respectable counselor will agree and know this.
how you handle and deal with the issues is mainly is a life lesson we all needed to explore and learn .

 

[Fiammaverde]

I would not insist so much on you being ABDL and focus instead mostly on you being the same exact person she knew before she learned about this “habit” of yours (if you use her terms, it will be easier for her to accept the outcome).
Since you understand that she isn’t wishing to explore this “habit” of yours with you, you will find ways to indulge in it that minimise her involvement (propose clear boundaries that apply to your current daily routine and to recurrent events in your life as a couple).
The only points where you should keep your ground are:
1. This “habit” of yours is a relevant part of who you are and will not go away, ever.
2. You two should make common front and defend each others from the rest of the world. This includes handling delicate matters such as this “habit” of yours privately and with a positive spin, without making them more complex by involving third parties, and settle them down with a practical solution that can satisfy you both.

 

[nareh60280]

If you go to a therapist, make sure they are upen minded and sex-positive, in this case they will help you accept this side of you (which is very important if you want to be happy), and they will be on your side. You can help the therapist with some references, there is a psichology researcher called Dr. Rhoda, who is specialist in ABDL, she actually made her PhD thesis on ABDL: https://drrhoda.com/ Her work is completely about happiness and acceptance for ABDL people.

You can look for Dr. Rhoda's research in Google Scholar, and give the references to your therapist

 

[pampers4U]

What a messed up situation... vanilla personality A's telling the personality B how they should feel and if they don't like the result a councilor will get then to feel what there vanilla interests are.
A couple huge red flags here, #1 not accepting and closing the door to communication, #2 feeling odd enough that there thoughts on this is wrong needs validation, hence go and tell you mom which then cascaded down to the inner family knowing about something that would normally be kept private, #3 advising that a councilor is needed, not for them because there closed minded and vanilla, but for the op because he is different then what there social skills can handle. #4 the op still wanting to be with this person.
Sorry to come on strong here but it sounds like this is a big fail, what if another serious problem develops, does this girlfriend or wife have your back or is she going to just pass the buck and jump ship as she did when you thought you trusted her enough to share a true awkward feeling.

 

[ElPulpo]

A lot of good advice has been given already.

I'd like to add that its normal that partners have personal interests they not necessarily share with each other, such as football or knitting and including porn, vibrators, fleshlights, you name it. However, everybody should at least have the right to pursue these interests in private. To ban someone from living themselves out is likely to evoke frustration and resentment, which in my opinion is dangerous for a relationship. I can imagine denying your ABDL side and living it secretly (been there), but I have a hard time accepting a partner which tries to change you and gossips about private issues.

I struggle with the sentence "My girlfriend says that she loves me with all of her heart and her soul but that this needs to stop". Maybe I've a different concept of loving someone, which for me implies stuff like tolerance, acceptance and the ability to compromise. Admittedly, there are of course some felonies I wouldn't tolerate either, but I advocate the right to weirdness.

Its near to impossible I could be your father, although in principle I am old enough, so I've had my share of girlfriends. I don't know how many you had before, but with the first few I've shared the undeniable impression of unrestricted and eternal adoration. That's actually a very nice feeling, so enjoy it. After some fallacies which obviously contradicted this impression, I have had the same feeling again in my ongoing marriage for 17 years now and counting, so I won't ever disapprove of your feelings. But try to remember once in a while that more than 6 billion human beings can live without your gf, half of them being other females of which one or two may not share all the perfect characteristics of your current one, but on the other hand might accept you including your quirks.

 

[littlemoosey]

What a messed up situation... vanilla personality A's telling the personality B how they should feel and if they don't like the result a councilor will get then to feel what there vanilla interests are.
A couple huge red flags here, #1 not accepting and closing the door to communication, #2 feeling odd enough that there thoughts on this is wrong needs validation, hence go and tell you mom which then cascaded down to the inner family knowing about something that would normally be kept private, #3 advising that a councilor is needed, not for them because there closed minded and vanilla, but for the op because he is different then what there social skills can handle. #4 the op still wanting to be with this person.
Sorry to come on strong here but it sounds like this is a big fail, what if another serious problem develops, does this girlfriend or wife have your back or is she going to just pass the buck and jump ship as she did when you thought you trusted her enough to share a true awkward feeling.

I did not want to be the bearer of bad news, but I am glad someone finally said it.

the hardest thing, but the right thing to do, is to move on. I only foresee heartache in this. He can not deny who he is anymore than the young woman can accept him for who he is.

it is what it is... if he rejects this side of himself he will be very unhappy. If he continues on with this young lady, it will be even worse. She is entrenched in her position.

with that said, I did reject this side of myself for 30 years not because I was told to, but because I thought I needed to to have a normal life, despite that the urges were always there around ever corner. I am a much happier person now.