I'm nervous

[Renpeach]

Hi I'm Renee (yes I'm a girl). I'm a DL and it's more of a fetish thing. I don't act infantile at all. I have anxiety and PTSD, and they make me feel protected. I had the feelings for years and recently realized it. My mom knows, but I don't know if I should tell my partner or not. He's been through a lot with me, and this may be his breaking point and I risk losing him. I'm normal otherwise, but I don't want to lose him or keep secrets. Idk what to do. Thoughts?

 

[egor]

Hello Renpeach and welcome to the group.

Very informative introduction.

Just out of Curiosity what are some of your hobbies and interests?

As for your primary question. I had a hard time coming out to wife about my ABDL and there is a great video by Baby Mitchy on Youtube " understanding ABDL that I showed to her.

IMO For women it is a lot easier to coverup explain DL since life is cruel and things leak when you cough or sneeze. IF your spouse truely loves you he will understand. My wife asked me (after I came out to her) if I would mind if she wore protection (diapers) 24/7. Of course I said yes, but she has had 3 children and my two where acrobats while they where in the "oven". So no wonder she has problems, especially my daughter who like to kick the yellow ball when ever it showed up.

Again welcome to the group.

Egor

 

[Renpeach]

Hello Renpeach and welcome to the group.

Very informative introduction.

Just out of Curiosity what are some of your hobbies and interests?

As for your primary question. I had a hard time coming out to wife about my ABDL and there is a great video by Baby Mitchy on Youtube " understanding ABDL that I showed to her.

IMO For women it is a lot easier to coverup explain DL since life is cruel and things leak when you cough or sneeze. IF your spouse truely loves you he will understand. My wife asked me (after I came out to her) if I would mind if she wore protection (diapers) 24/7. Of course I said yes, but she has had 3 children and my two where acrobats while they where in the "oven". So no wonder she has problems, especially my daughter who like to kick the yellow ball when ever it showed up.

Again welcome to the group.

Egor
[/QUOTE Thanks, and I'm studying psychology in college and I play several instruments. I have records and I like being outdoors too.

 

[dogboy]

Hi and welcome. Yes, coming out to your SO but I did it with my wife and she was very accepting. I think you have to know your partner. At the same time, if you want to continue wearing diapers it will probably be something you'll have to tell him.

 

[Kitsune7]

Hello!
So glad you joined i hope we can be friends! This is a wonderful group and you should fit right in. Just take things one step at a time and eventually you will find your own path to solving your challenges, this community will have your back and offer you insight to their own experiences. Stay strong and follow your instincts!

 

[Subtlerustle]

Hi Renne. If you’re like most of us, you can’t just quit being a DL. The good news is there really isn’t a need to. It’s totally harmless if kept in balance with other daily elements of your life. Tell your partner when you’re confident in yourself and the timing is right.

 

[ElPulpo]

Hi I'm Renee (yes I'm a girl). I'm a DL and it's more of a fetish thing. I don't act infantile at all. I have anxiety and PTSD, and they make me feel protected. I had the feelings for years and recently realized it. My mom knows, but I don't know if I should tell my partner or not. He's been through a lot with me, and this may be his breaking point and I risk losing him. I'm normal otherwise, but I don't want to lose him or keep secrets. Idk what to do. Thoughts?

Sooner or later, you better should tell your partner, if you're going to live together in a long-term relation. It's probably near to impossible to keep your incoming cases, your stash and your wearing a secret for years. The later it becomes apparent, the worse the breech of trust might seem (yes, I know it's none; but it may feel like one to them anyway).

I've told more than one partner during my lifetime, and they reacted differently - from rolling her eyes but shrugging it off to accepting me wearing around her. In retrospect, the reaction was pretty good correlated with my my partner's personality and how good the relationship went generally.

For vanilla people, diapers are hard to swallow (gulp). I find it recommendable to use "baby steps" when coming out. That's a classic persuasion technique.

Foot-in-the-door technique - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

For ABs it may be easier because they can start with harmless stuff like cartoons and plushies. If you are concerned to bring up the diaper topic all at once, you might consider telling your partner you feel protected if you wrap your blanket around you and between your legs, later ponder that this might be reminescence of being diapered, and finally discover that actual diapers do the trick even better. This is a somewhat "logical" train of fthoughts that might be easier to follow than a blunt "by the way, I like to have a thick pee jelly bulge around my privates".

On the other hand, "this may be his breaking point and I risk losing him" sounds like a red flag to me. I've had some fears of losing my partners in my life as well, and they were foreboding. Some people tend to cling to habits and habitual relationships even if they are not good for them. I don't want to presume about you, but I surmise anxious people might be even more susceptible (including me, been there, done that). If some day you recognize this partner may not be the right choice for you, try not to let good memories get into your way.

 

[Matt09]

Hi I'm Renee (yes I'm a girl). I'm a DL and it's more of a fetish thing. I don't act infantile at all. I have anxiety and PTSD, and they make me feel protected. I had the feelings for years and recently realized it. My mom knows, but I don't know if I should tell my partner or not. He's been through a lot with me, and this may be his breaking point and I risk losing him. I'm normal otherwise, but I don't want to lose him or keep secrets. Idk what to do. Thoughts?

Personally - yes. I think you should tell him. You're already on limited time as it is with this issue because as the relationship escalates (I'm assuming that it is indeed moving that direction and not the other since you're asking the question to begin with) as it escalates he'll eventually find out anyway. The problem is is that by waiting too long, and he ends up being non-receptive to the whole idea, then feelings could get seriously hurt - probably on both sides.

The problem to all of this is not the issue of the diapers themselves, but rather the timing of coming out about it. It's one of those tricky situations where you don't want to tell your guy about it on date 1 while you're in the car on the way to a movie... and then again you don't want to wait so long as to where you've spent so much time and emotion trying to hide it from him that you find yourself still doing so while staring down at a ring on your finger.

If somebody wanted my opinion on exactly when to do it i'd say tell him after you realize that you have more than a passing interested being in a relationship with him, but before you end up reaching "paradise by the dashboard lights."

 

[bohemian85]

Hello and welcome! You've definitely.come to the right place for the sort of advice you've asked for. I too suffer from anxiety, I have experienced PTSD and a battle with depression.

With regards to discussing this with your partner, some good advice has already been given by @El Pupo about coming out gradually in stages. I have unwittingly used this method every time in the past with partners with varying degrees of success. Most have been accepting but there was one girl who I suspect would have immediately ran a mile if I had just came out and told her. This wa, at least she had time to process thinking about it over time so there was at least some understanding there by the time I finally told her.

Another method I have used in conjunction with the above is to find a way to discuss fetishes in general i.e. someone sent a weird sex video to your phone or you seen a documentary which involved fetishes etc which got you thinking. You could use something like that as a way to bring up the subject and ask your partner if there's anything that he is into. If you want you can try to coax it out of him by explaining that you are an open minded person who understands that you can't choose what you are into and that you will love him no matter what he is into. In the past I have found this to be a good way to guage just how open that person is to any potential kinks which can be a good indicator.

As others have said, this kink does not go away and I can absolutely confirm that from my own experience. So it would be wise to decide how important this is to you sooner rather than later and how you can move forward either with or without sharing this with your partner. I wish you the very best of luck.

If there's anything else you're interested in, please do share. For example, I'm interested in music tech, I've recently become a PS4 gamer during lockdown and I love cats, festivals and camping. So whilst this is primarily an ABDL discussion site, I find it's interesting to discuss normal vanilla subjects as well. I've found that it can really help in finding friends here, more so than the fetish aspect.

Once again, good luck with your partner. I hope it works out well for you Let us know how it goes.

 

[neophyte]

Welcome to ADISC!

If there's one piece of advice I can give anyone regarding their new ABDL side it is TAKE YOUR TIME and don't rush!

I have always been a diaper lover but only discovered ABDL a year and a half ago, before that I wasn't wearing diapers. I am still figuring out myself and what parts of ABDL I like and dislike.

So until you truly understand your ABDL side do not try to explain it to others, you wont have the confidence or the correct answers.

 

[Renpeach]

I appreciate all the support! I told him over text bc I still live with my parents, and I felt more comfortable than calling him. I was like "if you were dating someone that was into something weird, would you leave them?" And he said he wouldn't break up with me, which helped. I told him about how I've liked it for years, and since I got sexually assaulted it made me feel even more protected. He said it was a bit odd but he still loved me and appreciated me. I told him it was something that's kinda diminished since I feel protected around him already, something I haven't felt with anyone else. We decided to not talk about it in main convos and I'll leave it to my private life in the bedroom when I'm alone, but he still knows it's there.

 

[shytweenie]

Hey Renee welcome to the forums! You have come to the right place. Here you can find support and make friends. As for your partner do some research on how to come out as a DL, and be gentle and formal with him. I'm sure he will understand if you explain it to him well.

 

[MisterRabbit]

I appreciate all the support! I told him over text bc I still live with my parents, and I felt more comfortable than calling him. I was like "if you were dating someone that was into something weird, would you leave them?" And he said he wouldn't break up with me, which helped. I told him about how I've liked it for years, and since I got sexually assaulted it made me feel even more protected. He said it was a bit odd but he still loved me and appreciated me. I told him it was something that's kinda diminished since I feel protected around him already, something I haven't felt with anyone else. We decided to not talk about it in main convos and I'll leave it to my private life in the bedroom when I'm alone, but he still knows it's there.

You don't need an excuse to like what you like either. You just do right? My financée made a good point after I was explaining how I saw myself and my ABDL behaviour. She said :

Don't analyze yourself too much. You can do it to a point after which it will only serve to make you feel lonely. Because you'll have found something to separate you even further from the rest of the world. Sometimes, it's better to just be and accept who we are, because we are.

I thought she made a lot of sense.

 

[Subtlerustle]

First step complete Renee. The text was a good way to start the conversation. When the subject comes up again, be confident and assertive. Over time you can let the diaper time overlap in his presence or show him something benign like pull ups/good nights. Emphasis on tenderness and the emotional sanctuary in diapers may help him with removing any weird connection he may draw. Take it slow from here but don’t back peddle on your desires.

 

[MandyBear]

Hi I'm Renee (yes I'm a girl). I'm a DL and it's more of a fetish thing.
I have anxiety and PTSD, and they make me feel protected.

I told him over text bc I still live with my parents, and I felt more comfortable than calling him.
We decided to not talk about it in main convos and I'll leave it to my private life in the bedroom when I'm alone, but he still knows it's there.

First, welcome to the forums & hope you stay awhile, there are actually quite a few of us (girls) on here.

I'm happy for you that you told your BF and he is pretty accepting.

However you want to describe this your choice but personally I try to shy away from the word "fetish" as most people connect that with it bein sexual.

There is nothing wrong with finding comfort in or feeling safe wearing diapers, they give me those feelings as well.
Limiting it to your own time is a good start and letting him know he gives you the same feelings as wearing does is good.
But you shouldn't have it be a them or him thing.
Once he is used to the idea there shouldn't any reason why you cant wear & be with him.

"That week" is also a good time / excuse to be able to wear around him which should also help "normalize" your wearing around him.