I probably made myself functionally incontinent - and I regret it

[PampersGirl4]

Whoops, I meant to write that i've never worn diapers before around my friends so if i'd suddenly start, that would raise suspicions. The age matters because it's so extremely rare to wear diapers at this age and generally people would rather choose foley catheters.

Problem is i'm in medschool and if i'd say i've become incontinent I'd get showered with questions and advice. Minor accident such as falling on the sacrum doesn't really lead to incontinence unless you're old and have osteoporosis. It's more common in high energy impacts such as vehicle collisions though.

My point is that I can't just make up a story like that.

I can honestly tell you that from personal experience from being IC from a traumatic Injury. NO ONE will notice as long as you are discrete. If you prefer to wear just to wear use cloth backed medical diaper's. If you choose to wet wear something with more then 3000ml absorption. The only time you will be or could be outed is if you continiously draw attention to the fact.

Your almost right about diaper's. From age 4 until your elderly is considered a taboo subject and most everyone will avoid the subject. If you have true friends then telling them your into the ABDL lifestyle they should be accepting of it. HOWEVER!!! ABDL is most times considered to be a kink/fetish and is not fully accepted as a psychological mind set YET.

So don't just drop this info at a family reunion. You'll be sure to turn heads.

To be honest it really is no one else's business why you wear a diaper and if they are not acceptable of this. Are they really a friend?

Be the best you that you can be and Tge Heck with normalcy. It's your life. You are born alone and you will pass on alone so live your life the way you want to. Not how others want you to.

Check out my blog entry "Diaper Training is not what you think it is"

 

[Diaperman95]

Be the best you that you can be and Tge Heck with normalcy. It's your life. You are born alone and you will pass on alone so live your life the way you want to. Not how others want you to.

Like I always say..."we come into the world wearing diapers and most of us will go out of it the same! " Not a big deal just a fact of life.

 

[ShyGirl91]

This is all very complicated. I have gone through several lengthy periods of diaper use as an adult. Sometimes, nearly 24/7. I did so for 6months a few years back, and quit cold turkey. I started up again a month ago, and it has taken over my life. I am completely obsessed. I am going through a binge cycle of diapers, and have way too many. I am only out of them a couple of hours a day, and go freely in the, the rest of the day. My experience is that while it is possible to make yourself functionaally incontinent if you let yourself completely go, it is also possible to retrain yourself when and if you want to remain in control. Wearing a diaper can actually make it harder to retrain because it can trigger the physical impulse to go.

Our bladders shrink when we don’t call on them to do their job. But, just like a couch potato who can go to the gym and get in shape, we often can retrain a bladder if there are no other complications. There are some techniques that can be found on line if that is whet you want. You have to want it, but this is sort of like trying to get off drugs. Motivation waxes and wanes, and recidivism is high.

As for me, I am having a lot of different feelings about my current state of affairs. I get a total vicarious pleasure, not sexual, from wearing and using. 2 years ago, my shrink freaked out when I told her about this, and she wanted me on meds. I wanted her to learn more about the lifestyle, but she refused. She discussed me in a case conference where the opinions were that it was at least bizarre and possibly psychotic behavior, without knowing me or learning about the community. I am afraid to tell her about it now because I know that she will not have an open mind. The truth is that I am getting isolated, it is a bad secret to keep because it feels deviant, and while I like wearing them, I am less happy.

For me, it feels like this will always be with me. I will stop and start as I need to. I know what triggers it. I am hoping to get bored soon so I can get back to my normal routine. For me, all the satisfaction will go away when I no longer have the choice. So I need to try not to go too far. Best of luck to those who are navigating through this.

Any thoughts?

FIND A NEW THERAPIST. My therapist knows and she has never once hinted at psychosis as an option for me. No offense, but your therapist sounds like a bigoted, self-righteous idiot.
I encourage you to find a therapist who works with you and treats you like a human being because you are one, a precious one.
Not only has your current therapist never walked in your shoes, she's not even willing to try and place herself there and  listen.
Honestly, she shouldn't be counseling.

So sorry to go off on a rant like that. It just disgusts me that a therapist would do that, someone who is supposed to build trust and rapport and help people. Not belittle, make assumptions, pulling diagnoses from their asses because they refuse to educate themselves on culture and a person's background. Smfh.

You are not psychotic. I'm so sorry you've had such a terrible experience. You deserve better, and there are better and more compassionate and understanding therapists out there.

 

[LupintheWolf]

I've been measuring my urine output and frequency for the past week to get a sense of the severity of my problem. The conclusions i've made is that my bladder feels full at around 100 ml - 200 ml and I have to pee about once an hour. If I jump around like a kiddo I can hold mysel to 400 ml but i've also peed myself at that point. My bladder has become fully autonomous and contracts to empty on its own. If I have a diaper I don't have to breathe/relax like I used to do in order to pee. The bladder pushes the urine out reflexively like a baby. My ABDL side of me is obviously excited about this because i'm finally a diaper dependent baby, but it's affected my life quite severely the past year.

I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.
I believe this is all self inflected injuries from years of foley catheters and diapers that has trained my bladder to reflexively contract, diminished its capacity and weakened my sphincters.

I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom.


Has anyone been in a similar position and have successfully regained control? I tried kegel exercises and holding until I almost peed myself for two weeks but no improvements
I hope someone has any advice.

from the sounds of it to me if you were just using your diaper for a while instead of attempting to make it to the toilet they you are quite possibly unpotty trained which although is a pain in the ass is possible to repotty train yourself although if it started of it's own accord without you being in diapers 24/7 or just going as soon as you felt the urge then i would suggest seeing a doctor A.S.A.P

 

[SuzetteSissy]

In april I acquired a uti, a prostrate infection and a blood infection and thankfully after a week in the hospital all the plumbing issues were solved. It did leave me with one issue for 8-9 days on a catheter that was burning the heck out of me. I can go hours and hours without having to pee and but as soon as I feel the first urge, I have about a 5-6 second count before the dribble starts and my inability to stop it. I am not ic and would prefer to not have to accept this a forever thing. Any ide on how to get control again of the initial flow to get to a toilet without having to change my pants every few days. lol I do wear diapers as part of my abdl kink but that is by choice not chance.

 

[LupintheWolf]

FIND A NEW THERAPIST. My therapist knows and she has never once hinted at psychosis as an option for me. No offense, but your therapist sounds like a bigoted, self-righteous idiot.
I encourage you to find a therapist who works with you and treats you like a human being because you are one, a precious one.
Not only has your current therapist never walked in your shoes, she's not even willing to try and place herself there and  listen.
Honestly, she shouldn't be counseling.

So sorry to go off on a rant like that. It just disgusts me that a therapist would do that, someone who is supposed to build trust and rapport and help people. Not belittle, make assumptions, pulling diagnoses from their asses because they refuse to educate themselves on culture and a person's background. Smfh.

You are not psychotic. I'm so sorry you've had such a terrible experience. You deserve better, and there are better and more compassionate and understanding therapists out there.

I would agree since age regression and wearing diapers is one of the healthier ways to deal with trauma if they want to call you a psychopath for that they should lose thier licence to practice

 

[SuzetteSissy]

I came clean to my therapist that I was abused at the age of 8 by creeps in a carnival in a tent that took to putting their hands in my shorts and fondling me. Never told that to anyone until I shared with my therapist. What does that have to do with being incontinent. Probably nothing but I feel good about sharing it/ sorry

 

[DLinSecret]

Late 30's diagnosed with Urge Incontinence which has good and bad days depending on diet and activities. I wear pull-ups during the day at work and around friends without anyone to notice. I've been doing kegel exercises for two years now and have noticed a positive difference in addition to holding longer, building strength/ bladder retention. Because of the positive direction urologist did not prescribed medication as long as I believe the pull-ups and diapers at night were ok along with the progress I'm making.

The advice provided earlier in this thread is spot on from what has been discussed with me. Stay positive

 

[Diaperman95]

This is all very complicated. I have gone through several lengthy periods of diaper use as an adult. Sometimes, nearly 24/7. I did so for 6months a few years back, and quit cold turkey. I started up again a month ago, and it has taken over my life. I am completely obsessed. I am going through a binge cycle of diapers, and have way too many. I am only out of them a couple of hours a day, and go freely in the, the rest of the day. My experience is that while it is possible to make yourself functionaally incontinent if you let yourself completely go, it is also possible to retrain yourself when and if you want to remain in control. Wearing a diaper can actually make it harder to retrain because it can trigger the physical impulse to go.

Our bladders shrink when we don’t call on them to do their job. But, just like a couch potato who can go to the gym and get in shape, we often can retrain a bladder if there are no other complications. There are some techniques that can be on line if that is whet you want. You have to want it, but this is sort of like trying to get off drugs. Motivation waxes and wanes, and recidivism is high.

As for me, I am having a lot of different feelings about my current state of affairs. I get a total vicarious pleasure, not sexual, from wearing and using. 2 years ago, my shrink freaked out when I told her about this, and she wanted me on meds. I wanted her to learn more about the lifestyle, but she refused. She discussed me in a case conference where the opinions were that it was at least bizarre and possibly psychotic behavior, without knowing me or learning about the community. I am afraid to tell her about it now because I know that she will not have an open mind. The truth is that I am getting isolated, it is a bad secret to keep because it feels deviant, and while I like wearing them, I am less happy.

For me, it feels like this will always be with me. I will stop and start as I need to. I know what triggers it. I am hoping to get bored soon so I can get back to my normal routine. For me, all the satisfaction will go away when I no longer have the choice. So I need to try not to go too far. Best of luck to those who are navigating through this.

Any thoughts?

I cant agree more about much of what you said. The bladder is a muscle and if you do not hold it then the muscle is never stretched or worked. one thing that I never hear folks here say is it can for 1 thing cause painful bladder spasms. #2 the wall of the bladder will thicken and become hard and it makes it very hard to stretch back out and restore normal function so it can be lost forever once it thickens. My bladder wall is 3 times as thick as normal. If it gets to thick it can stop contracting to empty and then you are stuck using a straight catheter to empty your bladder anywhere from 6 to 12 times a day depending on size or it will overflow. This is called overflow incontinence and it is one of the worst kind as is hurts the kidneys with physical pain as well as damages them so they do not function correct. They often have put a foley catheter inside you long term. This is Normally done by a procedure called a Supra Pubic Catheter a small hole is cut in the skin just above the pubic bone then they insert a foley. Then you have chances of infection and bad....bladder Spasms and even the worst part.. It means not any diaper use at all for the bladder you tried so had to make incontinent.. Also keep in mind as it thickens it can also make lesions in the bladder form and can turn to cancer for which you will need bladder removed. Then they either put tubes in you that come right out of your kidneys to drain into bags. That or they take part of the bowel and make a ostomy for the kidneys to drain into that you either wear a ostomy bag or have to drain it 8 times a day with a straight catheter. Either way the normal way is rerouted and it defeats the purpose of wearing a Diaper for the bladder.


Think of it lie this... Have you ever seen a paraplegic that has lost total use of their legs for a good 5 or 6 years? The muscle mass just shrinks to nothing until they have tiny thin floppy legs. Especially if they are not doing PT on their limbs. Even if after so long if they was able to find a way to cure their spine their legs are ruined and useless as the muscles are beyond repair . This is one of the main reasons they push PT on spinal patients so hard when the injury first happens especially if they think they have a shot of recovering.


To me it is not worth the risk of trying to un-potty train for any length of time. If you guys want to wear diapers and find it fun then do not ruin your enjoyment or risk your health. It is not worth it. You now how many people have a little hobby they love and then they take it up as a profession and then it just becomes like any other job....work? I love welding and I did it as professional for several years. It all but ruined something I loved to do. For years I gave it up. But mess up the bladder or bowel and their might not be come back for you when you want to stop. Plus You very well could turn it in to more that a incontinence treated only by diapers. FYI I do love to weld again.

 

[Pampers4thisboi]

I cant agree more about much of what you said. The bladder is a muscle and if you do not hold it then the muscle is never stretched or worked. one thing that I never hear folks here say is it can for 1 thing cause painful bladder spasms. #2 the wall of the bladder will thicken and become hard and it makes it very hard to stretch back out and restore normal function so it can be lost forever once it thickens. My bladder wall is 3 times as thick as normal. If it gets to thick it can stop contracting to empty and then you are stuck using a straight catheter to empty your bladder anywhere from 6 to 12 times a day depending on size or it will overflow. This is called overflow incontinence and it is one of the worst kind as is hurts the kidneys with physical pain as well as damages them so they do not function correct. They often have put a foley catheter inside you long term. This is Normally done by a procedure called a Supra Pubic Catheter a small hole is cut in the skin just above the pubic bone then they insert a foley. Then you have chances of infection and bad....bladder Spasms and even the worst part.. It means not any diaper use at all for the bladder you tried so had to make incontinent.. Also keep in mind as it thickens it can also make lesions in the bladder form and can turn to cancer for which you will need bladder removed. Then they either put tubes in you that come right out of your kidneys to drain into bags. That or they take part of the bowel and make a ostomy for the kidneys to drain into that you either wear a ostomy bag or have to drain it 8 times a day with a straight catheter. Either way the normal way is rerouted and it defeats the purpose of wearing a Diaper for the bladder.


Think of it lie this... Have you ever seen a paraplegic that has lost total use of their legs for a good 5 or 6 years? The muscle mass just shrinks to nothing until they have tiny thin floppy legs. Especially if they are not doing PT on their limbs. Even if after so long if they was able to find a way to cure their spine their legs are ruined and useless as the muscles are beyond repair . This is one of the main reasons they push PT on spinal patients so hard when the injury first happens especially if they think they have a shot of recovering.

So it can happen if some one tries to do it....

To me it is not worth the risk of trying to un-potty train for any length of time. If you guys want to wear diapers and find it fun then do not ruin your enjoyment or risk your health. It is not worth it. You now how many people have a little hobby they love and then they take it up as a profession and then it just becomes like any other job....work? I love welding and I did it as professional for several years. It all but ruined something I loved to do. For years I gave it up. But mess up the bladder or bowel and their might not be come back for you when you want to stop. Plus You very well could turn it in to more that a incontinence treated only by diapers. FYI I do love to weld again.

 

[Neroforte]

Well I had no choice to wear diaper due to my IC but now I have to be honest that I like it very much bring me back confidence

 

[Pampers4thisboi]

I'm glad to hear that.. It's very hard to break the self consciousness

 

[PampersGirl4]

In april I acquired a uti, a prostrate infection and a blood infection and thankfully after a week in the hospital all the plumbing issues were solved. It did leave me with one issue for 8-9 days on a catheter that was burning the heck out of me. I can go hours and hours without having to pee and but as soon as I feel the first urge, I have about a 5-6 second count before the dribble starts and my inability to stop it. I am not ic and would prefer to not have to accept this a forever thing. Any ide on how to get control again of the initial flow to get to a toilet without having to change my pants every few days. lol I do wear diapers as part of my abdl kink but that is by choice not chance.

Anytime there is any type of trauma to the prostate gland you will experience some form of IC. I am under the impression from what you described dealing with an odstructed flow, bladder retention, urge, and overflow. however there is light.

From things that I have read in regards to prostate issues once the trauma to the gland reduces the obstruction should go away, however you must practice kegel exercise and go potty at pre determined times. Keeaing a journal, after some time control should return.

As this sounds as if it is a traumatic exp your dealing with. The urine passes thru the prostate before it hits the exit tube and if the prostate is swolen it will be hard to relax that muscle. (Thus the Urine Retention.)

So some nerve endings may have be dulled due to this trauma and may not sence correctly. (Thus the urge incontinence .)

You don't feel the lower level signals as you did before. Until the pressure becomes emence and the body just forces it out from pressure (Thus the Overflow ic.)

At this point using diapers the moment you feel the urge will cause control to slip away due to the traumatic exp your body delt with.

You can still wear them but only go in them if you keep to a schedule.

I would suggest staying away from diapers for the time being until you completely heal from this exp. It could take up to a year to fully heal but if you practice kegel exercises and keep the area clean and avoid uti infections then the time could be lessened.

However the older you are the longer it will take for your body to repair itself. Not to mention the older a man is there is a 1 in 4 chance that he will develope an enlarged prostate. Which will cause these symptoms aswell. Also keep in mind the male body has 2 sphincter muscles that control the output of urine and a floppy muscle that controls Male functions kind of like when you breathe and drink the muscle is like the Trachea.

 

[SuzetteSissy]

Thank you Pampers girl. Yes, I do not intend to wear diapers to catch any initial flow or dribble as I do the Brooklyn two-step running to the toilet. I wear diapers for enjoyment when I do wear, but not for any residual infection weakness. And yes your description of my problem was accurate and am slowly regaining longer control on the initial urine flow. I am now a patient of a urologist on a regular basis. AND I HAVE ZERO Chances OF EVER USING A CATHETER AGAIN, unless its placement is by a trained med professional. I was in the hospital for a painful week and once was enough. Thanks again.

 

[richieboy]

I've been measuring my urine output and frequency for the past week to get a sense of the severity of my problem. The conclusions i've made is that my bladder feels full at around 100 ml - 200 ml and I have to pee about once an hour. If I jump around like a kiddo I can hold mysel to 400 ml but i've also peed myself at that point. My bladder has become fully autonomous and contracts to empty on its own. If I have a diaper I don't have to breathe/relax like I used to do in order to pee. The bladder pushes the urine out reflexively like a baby. My ABDL side of me is obviously excited about this because i'm finally a diaper dependent baby, but it's affected my life quite severely the past year.

I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.
I believe this is all self inflected injuries from years of foley catheters and diapers that has trained my bladder to reflexively contract, diminished its capacity and weakened my sphincters.

I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom.


Has anyone been in a similar position and have successfully regained control? I tried kegel exercises and holding until I almost peed myself for two weeks but no improvements
I hope someone has any advice.

You should see a Urologist you may have a UTI.

 

[Addy3113]

Ok. Just out of curiosity. What the f difference is it going to make if they know or not? This is your life. And you only get one shot at it. Just don't brake any laws or hurt anyone... you want to know a secret? It's okay to be happy. (Even if the rest of the world does tend to get pissed off and trys to tell you what you can't do when they find out somebody is happy.) And if your friends have trouble with that? Then maybe they're not your friends after all?

The only two people that should be concern are possibly your doctor, and maybe your boss. But if your boss THINKS you're having MEDICAL ISSUES, he will be that much less inclined to dismiss you, for fear of a discrimination lawsuit.

That was Perfection. I love being reminded that good people like you are out there. Thank you for posting that.

 

[Addy3113]

I don't see your problem here either, your in med school so just tell them you were practicing ways to painlessly insert foley catheters and when you went to remove it you fked up and forgot to deflate the balloon. Just doing that with a 5cc balloon can cause a bit of damage and hurts like Hell to the point you actually rip it the rest of the way out.

Or that you're going through personal medical issues and are being tested and seen by physicians, and that it's nothing life threatening. But again, it is personal.

 

[Addy3113]

Sounds to me you are in the same mental prison i was in as a teen. Alone, guitly, ashamed, afraid. You're shrink is a quack. Thats what they do, run ye through the system, pump ye full of drugs. I'll put money on one thing: you are yet another american failed by the health system, no? Its not fair to anyone involved. I went through this, and i never got help because my parents didnt believe me when i tried to tell them about the AB/DL community. I was suicidal, severly depressed, and barely made it to adulthood. I still suffer side effects from all those years of binge/purge, lying to my parents, pretending to bedwet so i could wear diapers. Beating myself to hell because of the guilt i was feeling for being "abdbornal". Guilt adds up, shame cements guilt to fear.


Dont not let a stupid ass "doctor" control your life. Get a new one, she is crappy. I can tell you from personal experience she is leading you down a road ive been on. Dont end up like me, dealing with the aftermath of years of self-emotional-abuse. Its very real, and a huge problem in society.

Well said.

 

[Addy3113]

You’re much better off not sticking things in your urethra.

Sorry to laugh but that comment,, if someone walked into and through a room as one stranger said that to another person,,, it's perfect comedy without context or further explanation. That said, You actually are better off Not sticking things in your urethra.

 

[Addy3113]

This is most likely true in general. However, in my case I am not only dealing with the effects of a premature birth, but also a family history (on both sides) of issues in this area.

For example, my father wet the bed every single night until puberty hit around age thirteen. I didn’t wet the bed nightly for quite that long, but I did come within two or three years of that. I only started to get up during the night to use the toilet by age ten or eleven. When I was younger, my parents and my doctor assumed that my issues were a combination of fear of the dark and laziness/stubbornness.

My parents gave me a night light when I was around four years old, but it didn’t help all that much.

There is actually some history of fear of the dark in my family. For example, my sister thought there were monsters under her bed until she was six years old. She admits this and my parents also remember it. I also had frequent nightmares until that age, but about snakes instead of monsters.

I am still afraid of snakes to this day. One day at home when I was around twelve I saw a garter snake in the back yard and I ran into the house and started crying and completely wet my pants in the kitchen in my parents house. My mother said that it wasn’t like me to cry or wet like this and she checked me head to toe for snake bites, but didn’t find any. I had another accident that night, but I don’t remember having one. I woke up in the morning with different pajamas and bed sheets than when I went to bed and when I was having breakfast my parents remarked that they should have bought me some protection to wear before bed. At this point I realized that I must have had an accident during the night and I was surprised that my parents didn’t seem to be all that upset about it like they usually were when I was that age. I don’t remember having a nightmare that night, but my parents and my sister told me (when I asked them what happened) that I was crying in my sleep and screaming something about snakes. Then my sister laughed and added that I was crying just like a baby.

I still have nightmares today, but most of them are about more normal things like taxes and debt. I also have dreams about school and tests. Dreams about snakes (while they still happen) are much less common.

My sister and I are both on the autism spectrum (to varying degrees) even though my parents are (supposedly) neurotypical (not autistic).

Interestingly, one of my cousins was also afraid of the dark and thought there were monsters in his closet until the same age. When he was six years old he thought (for some reason) that Godzilla was living in my closet. He wet the bed and had other bathroom issues (both kinds) night and day (daily or close to it) until he was seven to the point that he still has a nickname for it in his immediate family over thirty years later to this very day. This happened even though he shows no indication of being on the autism spectrum. In fact, by most accounts he had more friends in school than his siblings, was in regular classes all the way through school and is probably the most devious and sarcastic person in the family.

My sister (like my father) also wet the bed until about age thirteen.

My mother also wets the bed, but it is more intermittent. It usually happens when she dreams that she is in a bathroom.

My parents and my sister have all been told that a urologist cannot do anything about their situation because their problems are most likely not urological. Most of my doctors have told me the same thing about my situation.

I occasionally get some UTIs with leakage and some burning (even though I am male, circumcised, and celibate) but it only happens (on average) about once every five years and when it does my doctor gives me a prescription for either Zithromax or Doxycycline and it usually clears right up within five to ten days. If it doesn’t they give me a course of whichever antibiotic they did not prescribe before and that has always worked so far.

In order to keep the control I have I only wear protection when I absolutely must. I will probably buy a couple of packages of Tykables (or something similar) soon because I am studying for a professional exam about computer networking that will be at least two hours in length and does not include any bathroom breaks. With normal fluid intake 90 minutes is about my limit and I don’t perform well on tests when I am even slightly dehydrated. Goodnites and Depend are not options for me in this type of situation because they don’t have enough capacity or absorbency even if I use the bathroom just before an exam begins. I won’t go into detail, but suffice it to say I found this out the hard way when taking some courses and exams a number of years back.

The rest of the time I plan to wear regular underwear as much as possible in order to keep as much control as I can. A sample pack of whatever I buy will likely not be adequate because I have found in the past that my ability to hold tends to be about the same during practice exams (no matter how many I take) as it is during the exam itself.

In any case, that about sums up my observations on this for now…

"My parents gave me a night light when I was around four years old," I found that line so touching, they seemed to be really trying to have you feel safe. (You're a good writer AJfan2020)