I need support on how to make understand ABDL to my partner

[KarinFlory]

Good afternoon everybody,

I wasn’t sure what kind of topics I should post this in.

So here is my problem and my story, I have been involved in a very serious relationship for the past 3 years with my actual girlfriend, everything is going very well, we love each other like crazy and we intend on spending our life together.

Nothing could go wrong, the only problem is that 2 years ago, I started bringing up the fact that I liked having a pacifier and wear diapers and surprisingly she completely not care about it and even played the game for a while.
However it is a long distance relationship and I couldn’t see her for 6 month during lockdown, and when I came back to see her for few months, nothing was the same anymore about accepting Abdl. She completely went mad about it and if I would dare bringing the subject up or just slightly have my thumb too close from my mouse, she would cry and be upset for a long time.

I feel very bad about that because I don’t want to ever bring up the subject again in case I would hurt her. But I know very well I can’t get rid of my addiction. I wish I could find a way to at least make her accept the fact that I would do my thing on my own when we are away from each other.

It is a very difficult situation that I would like to fix. I told her I was talking to a online therapist but I couldn’t find one free of charge, they all ask for a very enormous amount of money that I can’t afford.

Other than that if you wonder the relationship is going perfectly, there hasn’t been any fight about abdl in months as I did not bring up the subject but I know I would need to be very careful if I would dare to pronounce a ban word.

The only thing I could think of would be that my therapist if I have one would directly speak to her and maybe make her change her mind about it.

Has anybody got any advice to give me ?

Thank you very much.
I wish you all a very good evening

 

[sbmccue]

Can you tell us a little about your girlfriend? An idea of her age, background and babysitting or childcare experience would be helpful in providing you with feedback.

As I've mentioned many times, women often have very powerful conditioning regarding diapers, pacifiers, etc., that cannot be easily overcome. If your girlfriend has younger siblings, has done much child minding or babysitting work, or works with children now, the approach you use will be very different than if she's never babysat or changed a diaper.

 

[surprise35]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it is not ideal already with the distance but seems especially tense with the ABDL stuff.

I would honestly ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who looks down so harshly at your lifestyle. It's one thing to not want to participate as your mommy but another to just be that intolerant about it all. I have been in this exact situation (not long distance) where there no support at all and a layer of shame (not the good kind) layered on top too. It ended badly for me and I wish I had ended it sooner. It was repressive and hurt a few other aspects of our relationship, not being excepted for who you are is just plain wrong in my opinion.

My current relationship is the best one I've ever been in, on a number of levels but especially because my girlfriend supports my diaper wearing and exploration of ABDL. She is not from that world, doesn't get it in the least, asks a lot of questions and doesn't participate but knows it is essential to who I am as a person to my happiness. We have to communicate a lot about it but after three years it is an excellent and honest place for both of us which is both excellent for me but also our relationship overall.

I hope you can find a therapist too but her lack of compassion and understanding seems kind of bordering on cruel to be honest.

All the best to you, you can always ask me more, I'm of course just speaking from my own experience.

 

[KarinFlory]

Can you tell us a little about your girlfriend? An idea of her age, background and babysitting or childcare experience would be helpful in providing you with feedback.

As I've mentioned many times, women often have very powerful conditioning regarding diapers, pacifiers, etc., that cannot be easily overcome. If your girlfriend has younger siblings, has done much child minding or babysitting work, or works with children now, the approach you use will be very different than if she's never babysat or changed a diaper.

Yes of course I will give you as much details as you need.

I am 19 she is 17, we are not a usual kind of relationship for our age because we are already both very mature and also because I will be purchasing my first house next year in South Africa and she will also move in. That’s why I need to come with a solution.

She is Afrikaner South African, I am French, hasn’t had any babysitting experience, she just helped in a kindergarten for a month but for elder children that were over with diapers and pacifiers. She has only got two much older half brothers that doesn’t impact her life at all as they’re not living together.

Anything I can tell you about is that while we did not see each other for 6 month, I was completely stupid and pushed it too far into Abdl things asking her to change me and stuff and that’s what changed her mind completely about it.
I know it’s completely my fault, I messed it up but I want to fix my mistakes.

 

[KarinFlory]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it is not ideal already with the distance but seems especially tense with the ABDL stuff.

I would honestly ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who looks down so harshly at your lifestyle. It's one thing to not want to participate as your mommy but another to just be that intolerant about it all. I have been in this exact situation (not long distance) where there no support at all and a layer of shame (not the good kind) layered on top too. It ended badly for me and I wish I had ended it sooner. It was repressive and hurt a few other aspects of our relationship, not being excepted for who you are is just plain wrong in my opinion.

My current relationship is the best one I've ever been in, on a number of levels but especially because my girlfriend supports my diaper wearing and exploration of ABDL. She is not from that world, doesn't get it in the least, asks a lot of questions and doesn't participate but knows it is essential to who I am as a person to my happiness. We have to communicate a lot about it but after three years it is an excellent and honest place for both of us which is both excellent for me but also our relationship overall.

I hope you can find a therapist too but her lack of compassion and understanding seems kind of bordering on cruel to be honest.

All the best to you, you can always ask me more, I'm of course just speaking from my own experience.

Thank you for your message, I really do understand what you mean but you also have to know as I specifically mentioned in the post, we are both crazy of each other literally, she keeps telling me every single day how much she loves me and how much we are truly made for one another, and I feel exactly the same way literally.
She is not a dominant girlfriend overall, she often recognizes her mistakes and apologizes but just for that kind of stuff it is something I can just not talk about.

But please keep in mind, without one another, we don’t see any point in carrying on living, yes it is at this point of love and adoration

 

[KarinFlory]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it is not ideal already with the distance but seems especially tense with the ABDL stuff.

I would honestly ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who looks down so harshly at your lifestyle. It's one thing to not want to participate as your mommy but another to just be that intolerant about it all. I have been in this exact situation (not long distance) where there no support at all and a layer of shame (not the good kind) layered on top too. It ended badly for me and I wish I had ended it sooner. It was repressive and hurt a few other aspects of our relationship, not being excepted for who you are is just plain wrong in my opinion.

My current relationship is the best one I've ever been in, on a number of levels but especially because my girlfriend supports my diaper wearing and exploration of ABDL. She is not from that world, doesn't get it in the least, asks a lot of questions and doesn't participate but knows it is essential to who I am as a person to my happiness. We have to communicate a lot about it but after three years it is an excellent and honest place for both of us which is both excellent for me but also our relationship overall.

I hope you can find a therapist too but her lack of compassion and understanding seems kind of bordering on cruel to be honest.

All the best to you, you can always ask me more, I'm of course just speaking from my own experience.

I just noticed you're living in Montral, i am assuming you speak french ? ça ne me dérangerais pas de continuer à parler sur discord si cela est possible

 

[foxkits]

At your age things happen .I bet she has been talking to her friends or someone and they gave her a lot of negatives. My GF IC so she doesn't mind me being in diapers at all and even made me baby clothes.

 

[surprise35]

I just noticed you're living in Montral, i am assuming you speak french ? ça ne me dérangerais pas de continuer à parler sur discord si cela est possible

Oui, je parle un peu français mais je suis surtout anglais. C'est quand même une bonne pratique pour moi et je suis aussi sur le serveur discord.

 

[sbmccue]

If she doesn’t want to participate, you have to allow her to make that decision. You need to help her understand, however, that the desire to wear diapers and be babied will, for you, likely never go away. You’re both very young, but I suspect she already feels hard-pressed and put-upon by the prospect of spending the rest of her life with a little boy instead of a man.

Your GF has to accept that this is a permanent part of who you are. A therapist can help both of you understand what brought you to this point, but there’s no ‘cure’ for infantilism. If your GF decides she believes otherwise, that’s real reason for concern. While she might not want to ‘baby’ you over the next several decades, she should at least accept who you are - and this part of you - if your relationship is to continue.

 

[doggie5]

Great advice from @sbmccue ! My back story, Ive been a diaper lover as long as I can remember. Ive worn diapers, underpads and maxi pads since 6. The maxi pads (im a str8 male) didnt work but I tried everything I could to hide my bed-wetting. I'd get a spanking evertime I wet the bed because my parents thought I was lazy and didnt want to get up to use the bathroom. Fast forward, I got engaged and my fiancé (knew since I was 8 now in my 40's) and did not know of my induced Diaper Lover fetish. So, right before we got married, I told her the I wore diapers/maxi pads as a fetish and she was instantly disgusted and bothered. I told her I would stop but she said aren't fetishes impossible to stop? I said "yes it is but ill do what I can for you babe. " We didnt talk about it for a couple of days and then out of the blue she said " you can have your diapers but I dont want to see it!!!" I kept it discreet as best as I could and here and there would to forget to properly throw my diaper away. She didnt fuss about it but she would say "you forgot something" Id turn red and knew exactly what she was talking about. One day I had a dream of using a urinal and slightly wet the bed, there was no way to hide it so I put a towel down and put on a pull-up. She woke up and heard me and I told her what happened. She felt my pull-up and said, "just put the diapers in your side table drawer (didnt want to clean pee, LOL)" and use them when you need them. So what Im trying to say is, This IS a part of you and if she really loves you, she will eventually accept it. Dont force it on her but you should be really honest! Most women look at ABDL's as pedofiles. Assure her you ae not that!! Good luck and hopefully one day they will understand.

 

[KarinFlory]

Great advice from @sbmccue ! My back story, Ive been a diaper lover as long as I can remember. Ive worn diapers, underpads and maxi pads since 6. The maxi pads (im a str8 male) didnt work but I tried everything I could to hide my bed-wetting. I'd get a spanking evertime I wet the bed because my parents thought I was lazy and didnt want to get up to use the bathroom. Fast forward, I got engaged and my fiancé (knew since I was 8 now in my 40's) and did not know of my induced Diaper Lover fetish. So, right before we got married, I told her the I wore diapers/maxi pads as a fetish and she was instantly disgusted and bothered. I told her I would stop but she said aren't fetishes impossible to stop? I said "yes it is but ill do what I can for you babe. " We didnt talk about it for a couple of days and then out of the blue she said " you can have your diapers but I dont want to see it!!!" I kept it discreet as best as I could and here and there would to forget to properly throw my diaper away. She didnt fuss about it but she would say "you forgot something" Id turn red and knew exactly what she was talking about. One day I had a dream of using a urinal and slightly wet the bed, there was no way to hide it so I put a towel down and put on a pull-up. She woke up and heard me and I told her what happened. She felt my pull-up and said, "just put the diapers in your side table drawer (didnt want to clean pee, LOL)" and use them when you need them. So what Im trying to say is, This IS a part of you and if she really loves you, she will eventually accept it. Dont force it on her but you should be really honest! Most women look at ABDL's as pedofiles. Assure her you ae not that!! Good luck and hopefully one day they will understand.

thank you for sharing, its really interresting but Im afraid I will have to wait a few years, i thought of wetting the bed on purpose during the night and after a few days maybe she would consider me wearing protections, what do you think ? i know its bad, it's a kind of manipulation but I am really in a deep hole about that not knowing what to do

 

[lilbabyjooce]

thank you for sharing, its really interresting but Im afraid I will have to wait a few years, i thought of wetting the bed on purpose during the night and after a few days maybe she would consider me wearing protections, what do you think ? i know its bad, it's a kind of manipulation but I am really in a deep hole about that not knowing what to do

That’s not just “kind of” manipulation, that is manipulation
Look back to @sbmccue comment as others have advised. You cannot force her into participating. If just at the mere mention of ABDL does she cry and deflect, how do you think she will react to you pissing the bed?? Purposefully putting her into that situation will probably only have the exact opposite reaction you’re looking for.
I get you’re desperate and it must be extremely frustrating feeling like she doesn’t even consider it for a second, but that is not at all the way to go about it. If y’all have as good of a relationships as you express, you need to be firm about actually discussing this and have that conversation. Open and good communication is the foundation of any successful romantic relationship. If she chooses to keep crying and running away, that is on her, but that is not a relationship you want to be apart of as that’s manipulative on her end as well. Use your words. Be firm. Respect each other’s boundaries. It might work out, or it might not. Such is life unfortunately.

 

[KarinFlory]

That’s not just “kind of” manipulation, that is manipulation
Look back to @sbmccue comment as others have advised. You cannot force her into participating. If just at the mere mention of ABDL does she cry and deflect, how do you think she will react to you pissing the bed?? Purposefully putting her into that situation will probably only have the exact opposite reaction you’re looking for.
I get you’re desperate and it must be extremely frustrating feeling like she doesn’t even consider it for a second, but that is not at all the way to go about it. If y’all have as good of a relationships as you express, you need to be firm about actually discussing this and have that conversation. Open and good communication is the foundation of any successful romantic relationship. If she chooses to keep crying and running away, that is on her, but that is not a relationship you want to be apart of as that’s manipulative on her end as well. Use your words. Be firm. Respect each other’s boundaries. It might work out, or it might not. Such is life unfortunately.

Thank you I definitely hear what you are saying, I will be patient even if it takes a few years to let thing calm down a bit.
I will apply what you said