I need help from fellow ABDL Parents.

[Soarandragon]

Good morning everyone. I am DL and have been since I was 5. I have been 24/7 since October 2019 due to my amazing fiance. We have come to realize recently that my 7 yo daughter now has an affinity towards diapers. She is diagnosed Autism and wasn't potty trained until she was half way through kindergarten. She puts on her overnight diapers and will wear and wet throughout the day. I have done my best to keep my diapers hidden and out of sight. We've denied their existence and work diligently to keep this from my kids. My biggest concern, I don't want to shame her or shun her for this as I know it caused major issues with accepting myself with this, but on the reverse hand i'm not sure if facilitating this is appropriate. Does anyone have any ideas on how to help me? I will be discussing this with my counselor this week to get a psychological assessment on this.

 

[Honeywell6180]

I would probably refer her to a physician. Since she didn't fully train until halfway through kindergarten, she could still have issues. I'm on the autism spectrum, and would sometimes have accidents all the way through third grade, and beyond. I don't think my parents should have ever taken me completely out of diapers, since I had the problems I was experiencing. In fact, they could have taken a few steps to help me manage my incontinence (have a toddler Pampers as an insert, yet still use the restroom when available and when my signals were working properly, for example). Going without some protection because I had to be a "macho man" also made it difficult for classmates, sitters, and others around me when I was in elementary school. So again, have her see a doctor. It is likely that she will continue to need the protective garments for a pretty good while. This is very common with the autism spectrum.

 

[ronnieM]

This is a difficult question and one that I think about sometimes for when I'll eventually have my own kids. I've been ABDL since right when I finished potty training, so 3.5, so I'm in the same boat as you.

A positive thing about your (and my) situation is that ABDL isn't a kink thing (or so it seems for you), since it started so early. I would NEVER give advice to ABDL (kink) parents to tell them for their kids to wear diapers. Pushing sexual things on children is a huge no-no.

It is indeed a tough spot to be in, because if you deny them to wear diapers, it's only going to come back later and a lot stronger of a wanting/urge, along with distrust and bad feelings towards the person who told them they can't. As you stated, denying them downright causes many emotional and mental problems for many years, which many of us know firsthand.

I think the best option would be to have a light conversation with her first about why she likes to wear diapers and set a stage where both of you are comfortable talking about the subject. Closing off on either side hurts both sides.

In my opinion though, if I could go back 12+ years and be in the same situation again (I'm also on the spectrum), I would've taken the "yes" option in a heartbeat. Not only would it have made me happier, saving stress, identity problems, and gloom of not being able to be myself, but it would've made my relationship with my parents a lot closer than it was. It was on my mind all the time since I was about 5, but I was too embarrassed to tell them because I was scared what they would think/do about it, which means I held onto it until I was 18. It was the best day of my life to get it off my chest, but the worst 15 years of holding it in.

In conclusion, I believe in free choice in this branch of parenting. I think your daughter wants diapers for the same reason as many of us at that age, being the feelings of safety and comfort, and if she wants to wear (as long as you're not financially straining and you're okay with it), I think the best choice would be to talk about it and let her choose. While she doesn't have to be locked into using diapers forever, denying it from her will likely cause a bunch of problems from now until it resurfaces many years later, at least in my experiences.

 

[Soarandragon]

I would probably refer her to a physician. Since she didn't fully train until halfway through kindergarten, she could still have issues. I'm on the autism spectrum, and would sometimes have accidents all the way through third grade, and beyond. I don't think my parents should have ever taken me completely out of diapers, since I had the problems I was experiencing. In fact, they could have taken a few steps to help me manage my incontinence (have a toddler Pampers as an insert, yet still use the restroom when available and when my signals were working properly, for example). Going without some protection because I had to be a "macho man" also made it difficult for classmates, sitters, and others around me when I was in elementary school. So again, have her see a doctor. It is likely that she will continue to need the protective garments for a pretty good while. This is very common with the autism spectrum.

Thank you so much. She has been "Accident free" for over a year now. I say that in quotes because she loves to spend time with me while i'm currently working from home and she will wear while i'm working. She will use her diapers then because I can't have the door opening and my bathroom is closed off because my diapers are in there. She still wets at night and will sometimes use her diapers when she wakes up because she doesn't want to go to the bathroom, but outside of that the PCP cleared her of Incontinence along with the urologist. It's boiled down to sensory processing and not knowing/feeling the signals.

 

[Soarandragon]

This is a difficult question and one that I think about sometimes for when I'll eventually have my own kids. I've been ABDL since right when I finished potty training, so 3.5, so I'm in the same boat as you.

A positive thing about your (and my) situation is that ABDL isn't a kink thing (or so it seems for you), since it started so early. I would NEVER give advice to ABDL (kink) parents to tell them for their kids to wear diapers. Pushing sexual things on children is a huge no-no.

It is indeed a tough spot to be in, because if you deny them to wear diapers, it's only going to come back later and a lot stronger of a wanting/urge, along with distrust and bad feelings towards the person who told them they can't. As you stated, denying them downright causes many emotional and mental problems for many years, which many of us know firsthand.

I think the best option would be to have a light conversation with her first about why she likes to wear diapers and set a stage where both of you are comfortable talking about the subject. Closing off on either side hurts both sides.

In my opinion though, if I could go back 12+ years and be in the same situation again (I'm also on the spectrum), I would've taken the "yes" option in a heartbeat. Not only would it have made me happier, saving stress, identity problems, and gloom of not being able to be myself, but it would've made my relationship with my parents a lot closer than it was. It was on my mind all the time since I was about 5, but I was too embarrassed to tell them because I was scared what they would think/do about it, which means I held onto it until I was 18. It was the best day of my life to get it off my chest, but the worst 15 years of holding it in.

In conclusion, I believe in free choice in this branch of parenting. I think your daughter wants diapers for the same reason as many of us at that age, being the feelings of safety and comfort, and if she wants to wear (as long as you're not financially straining and you're okay with it), I think the best choice would be to talk about it and let her choose. While she doesn't have to be locked into using diapers forever, denying it from her will likely cause a bunch of problems from now until it resurfaces many years later, at least in my experiences.

Thank you so much for your insight. She's definitely not locked into wearing and has a choice. We talked about it this morning as to why she likes them. She said that she doesn't know (as many of us can attest to) she likes them both dry and wet but ultimately she just likes them. I'm trying really hard to skate this thin line but i'm not sure where the line is and where I should hard line it. We have said that it is an absolute NO to school only because she doesn't need the teasing.

 

[Marting]

Thank you so much. She has been "Accident free" for over a year now. I say that in quotes because she loves to spend time with me while i'm currently working from home and she will wear while i'm working. She will use her diapers then because I can't have the door opening and my bathroom is closed off because my diapers are in there. She still wets at night and will sometimes use her diapers when she wakes up because she doesn't want to go to the bathroom, but outside of that the PCP cleared her of Incontinence along with the urologist. It's boiled down to sensory processing and not knowing/feeling the signals.

Hia. So she can't use the bathroom when you are working? Is there another toilet she can use? I mean, I'm sure there is and I'm not making assumptions. If there isn't, then that's really not ok. Sorry, I'm not accusing. Just wanted to clarify that.

 

[ronnieM]

We have said that it is an absolute NO to school only because she doesn't need the teasing.

In my mind, the wearing to school thing is more of a thing that the child is willing to decide (what is in your pants at any time is, at least from my perspective, your choice and yours only,) but I won't tell you how to raise yours. I already didn't have a great time socially in school, down to autism and other things I got bullied for, so I would've accepted the risks and done it anyways.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if they feel so strongly about it that they'd risk getting caught wearing at X, maybe it is best to at least let them try once.

But there are many different interpretations of a problem like this.

 

[Honeywell6180]

Thank you so much. She has been "Accident free" for over a year now. I say that in quotes because she loves to spend time with me while i'm currently working from home and she will wear while i'm working. She will use her diapers then because I can't have the door opening and my bathroom is closed off because my diapers are in there. She still wets at night and will sometimes use her diapers when she wakes up because she doesn't want to go to the bathroom, but outside of that the PCP cleared her of Incontinence along with the urologist. It's boiled down to sensory processing and not knowing/feeling the signals.

What you would be describing at this point, would likely be functional incontinence due to how she reacts to signals. Looks like a sensory processing issue as you described. A psychologist may be of help, and even a psychiatrist will write down a prescription for diapers if he believes it will help her function better, which may give you some peace of mind. If she is using the diapers in your house, it's only a matter of time before she starts having accidents at school, which would be a bit more concerning.

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

This is a difficult question and one that I think about sometimes for when I'll eventually have my own kids. I've been ABDL since right when I finished potty training, so 3.5, so I'm in the same boat as you.

A positive thing about your (and my) situation is that ABDL isn't a kink thing (or so it seems for you), since it started so early. I would NEVER give advice to ABDL (kink) parents to tell them for their kids to wear diapers. Pushing sexual things on children is a huge no-no.

It is indeed a tough spot to be in, because if you deny them to wear diapers, it's only going to come back later and a lot stronger of a wanting/urge, along with distrust and bad feelings towards the person who told them they can't. As you stated, denying them downright causes many emotional and mental problems for many years, which many of us know firsthand.

I think the best option would be to have a light conversation with her first about why she likes to wear diapers and set a stage where both of you are comfortable talking about the subject. Closing off on either side hurts both sides.

In my opinion though, if I could go back 12+ years and be in the same situation again (I'm also on the spectrum), I would've taken the "yes" option in a heartbeat. Not only would it have made me happier, saving stress, identity problems, and gloom of not being able to be myself, but it would've made my relationship with my parents a lot closer than it was. It was on my mind all the time since I was about 5, but I was too embarrassed to tell them because I was scared what they would think/do about it, which means I held onto it until I was 18. It was the best day of my life to get it off my chest, but the worst 15 years of holding it in.

In conclusion, I believe in free choice in this branch of parenting. I think your daughter wants diapers for the same reason as many of us at that age, being the feelings of safety and comfort, and if she wants to wear (as long as you're not financially straining and you're okay with it), I think the best choice would be to talk about it and let her choose. While she doesn't have to be locked into using diapers forever, denying it from her will likely cause a bunch of problems from now until it resurfaces many years later, at least in my experiences.

Most of the time though AB isn't sexual, some AB's are sexual but they seem to be quite a minority.
-
BW

 

[ronnieM]

Most of the time AB isn't sexual though, some AB's are sexual but they seem to be quite a minority.
-
BW

Then they are quite a vocal minority. I feel like I'm in the minority by being asexual and everyone else is asking questions about their parts and playing with themselves.

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

Then they are quite a vocal minority. I feel like I'm in the minority by being asexual and everyone else is asking questions about their parts and playing with themselves.

There's about to be a dedicated sexual thread area, that was mentioned in a very recent update from the moderators.
-
BW

 

[Soarandragon]

Hia. So she can't use the bathroom when you are working? Is there another toilet she can use? I mean, I'm sure there is and I'm not making assumptions. If there isn't, then that's really not ok. Sorry, I'm not accusing. Just wanted to clarify that.

No there is absolutely another bathroom. I work with HIPAA and am on the phones almost consistantly. She loves spending time with me while I’m at work but I can’t have the door opening and closing all the time. It’s not ideal I am well aware of but I can give her the attention she craves in between calls. Since her pottying is usually onset and emergent almost immediately I can’t have her opening and closing the door to go potty. I know that this is something that is easily remedied by not having her with me but neither myself, her nor her mother have an issue with this as she’s able to be away from her older sister (they fight all the time) and gets the sensory input my fiancé can’t give her throughout the day.

 

[Soarandragon]

Thank you everyone for your input. I will be discussing with my own psych on Wednesday for more information and will determine my next course of action then. Thank you again!

 

[TeddyBearCowboy]

If you are truly wanting some advice (or just talk to) another ABDL parent who happens to been in the infinitely small universe of having a child who themselves also wants to wear diapers, feel free to PM me. If you search through the forums you will find my own discussion of this.

I don't claim to have all the answers. but if you truly want to talk about it, I am open to sharing, just not completely publicly.

My own child is now technically an adult. It would not surprise me to find that perhaps he has discovered ADISC himself. Hence, I am not so willing to talk about this in a fully public forum as I may have once before done so.

 

[Honeywell6180]

Thank you everyone for your input. I will be discussing with my own psych on Wednesday for more information and will determine my next course of action then. Thank you again!

I would definitely like to see which course of action the psychologist takes. Which ever action that is, hopefully won't harm her. There are state programs that can help kids in her situation, where they can qualify for diapers when they are over the age of 3. Here's wishing the best for the well being of you and your daughter.

 

[Soarandragon]

I would definitely like to see which course of action the psychologist takes. Which ever action that is, hopefully won't harm her. There are state programs that can help kids in her situation, where they can qualify for diapers when they are over the age of 3. Here's wishing the best for the well being of you and your daughter.

The biggest issue with getting her diapers through the state is the need for IC diagnosis. She wasn't given one. It was primarily just sensory processing preventing her from feeling the need to go until it was too late and then it was a matter of, "I'm going to wet myself anyways so why stop playing".

 

[Babybearuk]

Most of the time though AB isn't sexual, some AB's are sexual but they seem to be quite a minority.
-
BW

And your evidence for that is?

In my experience it's totally the opposite!

This site is where I find people hide from the bigger ABDL communities out there, for example.looking on fetlife.com I find within minutes a UK community of around 2,000 abdls who are all sexual...in some.way.

So to me, it depends where you look. A lot of people on this site are more towards the more "delicate" end of the non sexual community.

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

And your evidence for that is?

Aha well ...um ...how can I put this? That there is a not (too) overly sized occurance called 'my opinion'
...can we not have one of these silly clashes again please?
-
BW

 

[Babybearuk]

Aha well ...um ...how can I put this? That there is a not (too) overly sized occurance called 'my opinion'
...can we not have one of these silly clashes again please?
-
BW

Well I think you'll find that as a discussion site...it's perfectly fine to discuss. I have facts to challenge your opinion, so I'm helping to educate yourself.