I think that wetting, messing, and diapers were hard-wired/factory installed for me. I didn't have accidents as a child but was always fascinated when a playmate or some unfortunate peer in school had an accident in their pants or panties. I must have been about 13 when I secretly started to experiment with wetting and messing my pants. I just loved the feeling, both emotional and physical. I then discovered that I could fit into some large baby plastic pants. Going to the store to buy them was both embarrassing and exciting. Of course, I went through guilt, and I was very popular, athletic, many friends, and girlfriends. Then I discovered diapers, initially Depends, and now we are so fortunate to have many diaper choices. So here I am now in my diaper journey, accepting that this is just one facet of who I am. I am married, have a Ph.D., respected, published, and sitting here in a wet and poopy Tye Dye MegaMax diaper; a dialectic that has finally been integrated and accepted as ME.