How much do your past experiences influence your desires today?

[DoeBunnie]

Hi! I was wondering about something. Many posts i see of people's stories of how they became AB/DLs usually includes them partaking in some part of it past the normal age but still as a child. Like wearing diapers or pull ups until early teens because of bed wetting, using pacifiers for longer than usual, etc. I feel like that is somewhat the norm here.
I am wondering how many others are kind of the opposite, like me? Forced to grow up fast as a kid, or just matured quickly and have no memory of anything babyish at all. I stopped wearing diapers pretty early on, so much i don't even have any memories what so ever of wearing diapers or pull-ups, and i never really had accidents. I weaned off of pacifiers extremely fast and didn't really use them much as well.

The only attatchments I have kept though, are more comfort/interest wise. Like, I have always been obsessed with plushies and collect them now. I love blankets and still have my baby blanket, can't sleep without it. I did notice too, as a child (like 8 years old age) not wanting to change my interests according to my age. Like I still loved preschool shows and childish toys (nothing baby-like, but stuff more for 6 year olds- which that desire never changed, and actually only grew, now i like toddler and baby toys too.)
I didn't really let myself keep any childish interests however, and always tried to match my age range- not exactly to fit in, but more so I didn't look developmentally slow to my family. Like, I was absolutely obsessed with barbies... but i gave that up in middle school because my family was getting onto me about it. I sold all / gave away my collection, because I thought that was right to do. And i even did that with a good chunk of my plushie collection too! Which i am now distraught by that, and regretting giving the barbies away as well.

Anyways, for me i feel a big part of why i age regress now is because i wasn't allowed to be a kid. I know others probably feel much of the same, but how many others had to give up attatchments/never had childish/babyish stuff in the first place?

Sorry if this is a confusing thread, it's just been on my mind lately.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I don't find that confusing at all. I think it's well stated and interesting. I'm not any of those things myself, but I find the psychology of it all fascinating. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'll also be interested to see what others have experienced.

 

[Belarin]

For me I wasn't forced to grow up fast but was out of diapers early and was never put in them after the normal age for any reason. I did mature very fast though often preferring adult company to other children.

I didn't just have absolutely no desires for diapers but simply no thoughts towards them at all until I was 7 and the accident I had at my dad's that had him putting me in a diaper as a punishment, this is what triggered it all for me and from a couple months after that event is when I began getting interested in diapers and desires to wear them.

 

[CutestPaddedFemboy]

for me its certain feelings. I use to sneak diapers from a younger sibling and was found and punished a lot because of it. when I stopped and started buying my own diapers I decided to try buy a pack of size 8 pampers. It was horrible, I wanted to wear them but the fact that they were associated with being caught I rashly threw them all away. the next day I dug them out of the bin I put them in and decided to keep using them. the feeling kept persisting and when I used them all up I was glad.

In other ways certain feelings are better. I find that now when I'm snuggling stuffies, I feel so calm and, zen? Idk. but I feel good, same for when I'm freshly diapered, ready for bed.

 

[Dragonkindred]

I have thought about this myself however find my motivation a bit backwards.

Like you I have no memory of anything babyish. While not a macho man I've always been somewhat ashamed to express my feelings as my cousins were the type to tease you because you had a crush ect.
I started wearing nappies in my early 30's primarily for the sexual thrill of doing something naughty but the AB thing quickly gained appeal. Around the same time I developed significant health /disability and a few years ago found out due to this I am unable to father children.

My life's goal has always been to have and care for my family.

I think it's not so much an experience but a lack of experience for me. I enjoy my AB time as in a way it helps me connect to the child I will never have. I guess logically this would make more sense if I played a care giver role but I haven't had that opportunity.

Its been about 4 years now since I found out I can't have kids and I still don't know what the point of my life is beyond just fighting to survive until the next day.

I might sound mad and I hope you guys don't think it's weird but for me my ABDL time is a coping mechanism for fighting the pressures of fighting my disability and the loss of my life goal of having a family.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I have thought about this myself however find my motivation a bit backwards.

Like you I have no memory of anything babyish. While not a macho man I've always been somewhat ashamed to express my feelings as my cousins were the type to tease you because you had a crush ect.
I started wearing nappies in my early 30's primarily for the sexual thrill of doing something naughty but the AB thing quickly gained appeal. Around the same time I developed significant health /disability and a few years ago found out due to this I am unable to father children.

My life's goal has always been to have and care for my family.

I think it's not so much an experience but a lack of experience for me. I enjoy my AB time as in a way it helps me connect to the child I will never have. I guess logically this would make more sense if I played a care giver role but I haven't had that opportunity.

Its been about 4 years now since I found out I can't have kids and I still don't know what the point of my life is beyond just fighting to survive until the next day.

I might sound mad and I hope you guys don't think it's weird but for me my ABDL time is a coping mechanism for fighting the pressures of fighting my disability and the loss of my life goal of having a family.

Oh I'm so sorry. I have 3 kids, and wish I could have more, but circumstances make that unlikely. I can't imagine how devastating that must have been to learn, that something you desired so deeply, and so naturally, was beyond your reach.

Your life still has meaning, though. There are many other people who need and will be grateful to receive your love and care. Your wife is an obvious one, but there are doubtless others. They may even be children; adoption, foster parenting, or teaching could all be outlets for that fatherly love. You said elsewhere that you have a background in psychology, so perhaps a school counselor post would be a good outlet for you, or Big Brothers Big Sisters type mentoring relationships.

There are so many other ways that you help people every day already; focus on those, and enlarging and expanding those. One closed door isn't the end of your purpose, but rather an invitation to explore where else your love might be needed to make a difference in lives.

 

[Dragonkindred]

Oh I'm so sorry. I have 3 kids, and wish I could have more, but circumstances make that unlikely. I can't imagine how devastating that must have been to learn, that something you desired so deeply, and so naturally, was beyond your reach.

Your life still has meaning, though. There are many other people who need and will be grateful to receive your love and care. Your wife is an obvious one, but there are doubtless others. They may even be children; adoption, foster parenting, or teaching could all be outlets for that fatherly love. You said elsewhere that you have a background in psychology, so perhaps a school counselor post would be a good outlet for you, or Big Brothers Big Sisters type mentoring relationships.

There are so many other ways that you help people every day already; focus on those, and enlarging and expanding those. One closed door isn't the end of your purpose, but rather an invitation to explore where else your love might be needed to make a difference in lives.

You are right and I know. It's just not the same which is hard to accept.

I do work in an industry helping people and know I am beneficial and appreciated.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

You are right and I know. It's just not the same which is hard to accept.

I do work in an industry helping people and know I am beneficial and appreciated.

Acceptance of a life changing event like that is always difficult, but you're going to get there.

 

[Bunnybnuy]

I wouldn't say i grew up fast, but I did have a lot of pressure to preform. My homelife was really rocky growing up, i was bullied a lot at school for being a SPED student, and an underpreforming one at that. There's also other bad stuff that happened but i don't want to talk about it here. My dad wanted good grades out of me so i could get into the normal ciriculum classes, but that never happened, and I still feel like I can't ever make him proud of me no matter what i do.

I remember seeing clips on youtube from various TV shows about adult babies, and a lot of the people featured in those clips talked about how safe and cared for being little made them. I fell into age regression shortly after that and it worked! I guess!
Babies don't need to justify the space they take up with grades, babies don't need to be good at math or science to be loved. People love their babies simply because they love them. Regressing helps allow myself to just feel loved instead of always second guessing everyone. Trying to figure out what superficial factor of me is the "real reason" somebody loves me.

 

[gdzone5507]

I have been able to trace how early childhood developmental issues and early imprinting shaped interests, desires and curiosities. And how preteen medical issues combined with teen and young adult curiosities contributed strongly to the cycle of binge/shame/purge I often deal with today. So yes, there is very significant influence.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

I grew up fast, and not all by choice. Almost no memories of wearing diapers or having accidents. But I remember seeing my younger siblings being changed, and I wanted to be diapered like they were.

I had teddy bears, but I stopped playing/sleeping with them very early on. I remember having them in my closet when I was older and thinking it was weird that I still had them, but I didn't want to get rid of them either.

I was kind of immature for my age though. I remember playing with with some of my brother's plushies when I was older, and my mom walked into the room and made a comment about how I was too old to be playing with them and talking to them.

My younger brother and sister had a lot of plushies, and they kept them a long time. It felt like I wasn't allowed to have any, because for Christmas and birthdays my siblings often got plush animals as presents and I got toys meant for older kids.

I've wondered if the reason I'm so into teddy bears now is that I gave them up so quickly as a child. I get into bed every night and I hug my bear tight as I drift off to sleep. My little side loves that so much and it feels like I'm making up for lost time.

 

[PaddedCub]

I had a very traumatic childhood so I’m doing things I never got to do and also some of the few things I remember fondly

 

[Randomname]

Questions like yours always really interest me. In a way, I think my early experience being a bedwetter and very childish kid was more like the “norm” in pushing me toward this interest but I also think it is also because I always felt in other ways so old for my age.

I had a good family and childhood in a lot of ways, but I also had one terrible trauma at a very young age. As I grew up, I was also very smart and self aware as a kid. I felt mentally a lot older than others at school, and I was also always much taller and older in appearance early on. In general, I could be a very happy and excitable kid, but I had a real depressive streak that is unusual for someone that young. But in other ways I was very childish. I had the bedwetting (which included diapers) and the frequent accidents, and I also cried a lot and had really bad anxiety and fear. I watched childish cartoons, I played with toys, I was very “soft.” I felt separate from my peers and lonely (primarily intellectually), but I got along with people and I wasn’t really bullied much or feel completely out of step with my age group.

It was kind of different at home, growing up with a very large, “outdoorsy” and rough-playing extended family. My bedwetting was very much known and I was seen as very soft and kind of childish. I felt very infantilized. I was not the youngest among my cousins but I was kind of treated that way and I very much felt it.

As I got older, things shifted at school. I hit puberty really late and I continued wetting the bed into my early teens. Meanwhile, everyone around me suddenly got a lot bigger, a lot older. I felt and was seen to be still very innocent. My anxiety got worse and really kind of took over. My own fear and refusal to really kind of defend myself was always a part of me, but now I was surrounded by people who really intimidated and confused me and I just became a complete pushover. At the same time, I was smarter than a lot of these kids and I just felt so aware of myself. I ended up being picked out and bullied, starting in the locker rooms and then in every part of my day. I responded by just totally regressing in front of my peers. Middle school was just a really emasculating time and kind of shattered me a bit. I very much felt like a child at school, and then while my peers were spending their weekends entering adolescence, I’d be at home on the weekend wetting the bed and playing with Legos.

Eventually, I started to slowly grow up, toughen up, rebuild myself again. But really early on, I was just super aware of these just totally helpless early experiences and I think it just became kind of a release to me. Mentally reliving that shame with control and finding something I can enjoy in it

 

[DoeBunnie]

Questions like yours always really interest me. In a way, I think my early experience being a bedwetter and very childish kid was more like the “norm” in pushing me toward this interest but I also think it is also because I always felt in other ways so old for my age.

I had a good family and childhood in a lot of ways, but I also had one terrible trauma at a very young age. As I grew up, I was also very smart and self aware as a kid. I felt mentally a lot older than others at school, and I was also always much taller and older in appearance early on. In general, I could be a very happy and excitable kid, but I had a real depressive streak that is unusual for someone that young. But in other ways I was very childish. I had the bedwetting (which included diapers) and the frequent accidents, and I also cried a lot and had really bad anxiety and fear. I watched childish cartoons, I played with toys, I was very “soft.” I felt separate from my peers and lonely (primarily intellectually), but I got along with people and I wasn’t really bullied much or feel completely out of step with my age group.

It was kind of different at home, growing up with a very large, “outdoorsy” and rough-playing extended family. My bedwetting was very much known and I was seen as very soft and kind of childish. I felt very infantilized. I was not the youngest among my cousins but I was kind of treated that way and I very much felt it.

As I got older, things shifted at school. I hit puberty really late and I continued wetting the bed into my early teens. Meanwhile, everyone around me suddenly got a lot bigger, a lot older. I felt and was seen to be still very innocent. My anxiety got worse and really kind of took over. My own fear and refusal to really kind of defend myself was always a part of me, but now I was surrounded by people who really intimidated and confused me and I just became a complete pushover. At the same time, I was smarter than a lot of these kids and I just felt so aware of myself. I ended up being picked out and bullied, starting in the locker rooms and then in every part of my day. I responded by just totally regressing in front of my peers. Middle school was just a really emasculating time and kind of shattered me a bit. I very much felt like a child at school, and then while my peers were spending their weekends entering adolescence, I’d be at home on the weekend wetting the bed and playing with Legos.

Eventually, I started to slowly grow up, toughen up, rebuild myself again. But really early on, I was just super aware of these just totally helpless early experiences and I think it just became kind of a release to me. Mentally reliving that shame with control and finding something I can enjoy in it

That's very understandable. You have an interesting mix of experiences that shape who you are today. Congratulations on using them to rebuild yourself and find peace. I was also quite intelligent as a kid- both emotionally and intellectually. I was always extremely small and young looking however- so that would shape how people interact and see me. I still am treated and seen as someone way younger- usually a middle schooler (or sometimes younger which is crazy to me but it does happen). I relate with everybody seeing me as innocent, younger, not as developed. Even if I tried my hardest to push back- i've always had a childish way about me that clashed witth the mature part of me.

I also had the experience of feeling less than, and childish at school in middle school. I had just went through a very traumatic event and had to leave most of everything I knew behind. Starting a new school in a new city, my family structure completely different. And that's also when my mental illness started showing up ten-fold. As it usually does during puberty. ADHD made it hard to focus, my Dyscalculia started showing way more with complicated math... I felt like an idiot! And everybody mistook me as a 3rd grader or younger.

Nowadays, like you, I guess I have embraced it. I still don't exactly like being treated as a child outside of my regression though. Especially at work. It's a balance and an image I have to work very hard to maintain.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Questions like yours always really interest me. In a way, I think my early experience being a bedwetter and very childish kid was more like the “norm” in pushing me toward this interest but I also think it is also because I always felt in other ways so old for my age.

I had a good family and childhood in a lot of ways, but I also had one terrible trauma at a very young age. As I grew up, I was also very smart and self aware as a kid. I felt mentally a lot older than others at school, and I was also always much taller and older in appearance early on. In general, I could be a very happy and excitable kid, but I had a real depressive streak that is unusual for someone that young. But in other ways I was very childish. I had the bedwetting (which included diapers) and the frequent accidents, and I also cried a lot and had really bad anxiety and fear. I watched childish cartoons, I played with toys, I was very “soft.” I felt separate from my peers and lonely (primarily intellectually), but I got along with people and I wasn’t really bullied much or feel completely out of step with my age group.

It was kind of different at home, growing up with a very large, “outdoorsy” and rough-playing extended family. My bedwetting was very much known and I was seen as very soft and kind of childish. I felt very infantilized. I was not the youngest among my cousins but I was kind of treated that way and I very much felt it.

As I got older, things shifted at school. I hit puberty really late and I continued wetting the bed into my early teens. Meanwhile, everyone around me suddenly got a lot bigger, a lot older. I felt and was seen to be still very innocent. My anxiety got worse and really kind of took over. My own fear and refusal to really kind of defend myself was always a part of me, but now I was surrounded by people who really intimidated and confused me and I just became a complete pushover. At the same time, I was smarter than a lot of these kids and I just felt so aware of myself. I ended up being picked out and bullied, starting in the locker rooms and then in every part of my day. I responded by just totally regressing in front of my peers. Middle school was just a really emasculating time and kind of shattered me a bit. I very much felt like a child at school, and then while my peers were spending their weekends entering adolescence, I’d be at home on the weekend wetting the bed and playing with Legos.

Eventually, I started to slowly grow up, toughen up, rebuild myself again. But really early on, I was just super aware of these just totally helpless early experiences and I think it just became kind of a release to me. Mentally reliving that shame with control and finding something I can enjoy in it

I was always deeply envious of kids like that. The small cute childish late bloomers. It was also the archetype character in TV shoes I was always infatuated with. I wanted to stay and be small and cute so bad. I would have wanted to be your friend. And I would have dropped some bullies on their back on the concrete and then pissed in their PE locker when nobody was around. (I did in fact do both of those things in middle school and high-school. I fuggin HATE bullies and malicious ego headed people in general. )