Have you ever wondered why?

[TheDiaperdStoner]

I never graduated from school running away at 15 school ended at JR high so my Grammer sucks but I think you can read this

Same except i was behind & all over the place. 3rd grade reading/ writing tho i think the net has helped with that. I can't do anything math except simple addition / subtraction. And besides that idk I'm more of a creative.

 

[TheDiaperdStoner]

I was also 15 almost 16. Had just gotten to a good small special needs school. Kinda private but still government funded. 40 or so kids total. 10 a class. Was really good school but by then i had already made up my mind. I was there the end of middle school then part of high school. I legally dropped out at 16 but i stopped going when i was 15 during summer break then didn't return because i was 16

 

[Lightstreak2553]

I can't tell you how many times I wish I had been sexually abused as a child, because at least then I would have a reason why I am the way I am. As it stands, I'm just weird.

My theory is that most of us have experienced some kind of childhood trauma, and diapers have become our coping mechanism. Sexual abuse is, of course, the ultimate childhood trauma, and some ABDLs have experienced it, but childhood trauma takes many forms. Things that seem trivial to adults can be traumatic for young children, so while you can't identify a specific traumatic experience you've had that led you to turn to diapers for comfort, I’d still bet you had one.

For example, adults leave children with babysitters all the time, and although children may cry, as adults we realize that the child will be fine and his parents will pick him up again soon. Except maybe the child wasn't okay. Perhaps he felt terrified of being abandoned by his parents, saw diapers in the babysitters and associated them with mom and comfort, and from that moment on he began to have a desire to wear diapers.

I know it sucks to want diapers and not know why, but there may not be a big event or reason the adult you can identify. You could have had perfect, loving parents and a great childhood, except for one traumatic event, one you don't even remember, that put you on the path to loving diapers for the rest of your life.

And yes, I think you're right that even if we could identify the exact cause, the desire to wear diapers wouldn't suddenly go away. At this point, we've been using them for years, and even if we could somehow deal with the original traumatizing event, there’s still all the time since then that we’ve been turning to diapers for comfort.

That's honestly an interesting point. It makes me wonder if there was something in my late infancy/early toddlerhood that caused this. I was a sick kid back then, but no one could figure out what was wrong with me at the time. I looked underdeveloped, and in pictures I look at today I can tell that something did look wrong with me. From what my parents have told me I went through a long series of doctor visits and medical tests (some apparently invasive/painful) that led to the Cleveland Clinic, where I eventually got a diagnosis. After that, my parents knew what was wrong and that it wasn't necessarily life threatening, nor would severely impede my quality of living. They knew how they could take care of me, and I otherwise grew up with the best childhood I could have asked for. Weird thing is, I remember getting potty trained. I specifically remember the day I wore my last pullup, and the next day when I wore my first pair of underwear. I was thrilled to be a big kid like my older brother. There was absolutely no hint of remorse, regret, anything of the sort that pointed to this being in me. A couple of years later, somewhere around four or five, I dreamt that I found an old diaper from when I was two behind my bed. I specifically remember thinking it was one like those I had worn when I was two, as it felt like a recent memory and that was my childish brain's explanation (mom must have dropped it back here while changing me). For some reason I still can't explain, all the desires that drive us DLs came to the surface for the first time. Some intense mixture of what I could now say was nostalgia, comfort, and protection resulting in little four/five year old me wanting to wear a diaper for the first time since he gave them up. I think now it might have triggered even a small form of littlespace, as I liked the feeling of being "little" again (even though I still technically was a little kid). I've been like that ever since, with the feelings coming and going randomly as the years have gone by. I'm like a lot of people here; I have no conclusive idea why I'm like this, I just know I am and that I've been this way for about as long as I can remember.

 

[Garzilla]

Spidermanbatman, even though many will point back to a single triggering event there really is no way of knowing. Your question is basically the question I have been asking for years but I do have some answers.

It is important to remember that when you were a baby the diapers were not only normal but were deeply woven into what should have been, and likely often was, a very loving experience. For all babies a diaper is what they know, it is always with them, when they are changed it is often by someone who deeply cares for them and likely in an extremely caring manner. It is also very important to remember that we do not have logical thought at that point, we are very much so emotional, in this case love and nurture are the rules of the day.

So why does any of this matter?

When I was a kid I wet the bet until maybe around 12. I know this was not a trigger for me because I hated being wet, even at a younger age, until much later when I was wearing diapers. My mom did diaper me one time for the bedwetting, it was during the day as punishment, and it solved nothing. I also have wondered for years if this was a triggering event, much like when you were 8 having a sudden fascination, but in the past couple of years I have also come to realize this was not likely the case.

In carefully researching things related, even with very little written on the subject, there are related topics that reveal a ton that might well give us a clue about a good number of the cases when a kid later ends up loving diapers. For me the bedwetting, that was not at all directly related, was the entry point for my research. I discovered a doctor that associates most cases of bedwetting to constipation. This was an interesting revelation when I found it but there was more. There are estimates that 1% to 2% of under 10 year old kids have encopresis. While researchers, and authors for that matter, make a large number of claims about why this condition happens, I believe the actual cause is very simple most of the time. Enter another related but separate discussion, that of potty training. In researching some of the issues around potty training there are a number of things written about potty training refusal and resistance. There are also many kids that will pee train fine but will refuse to have a bm, asking for a diaper for this to happen. I believe all of this is connected.

For me the realization happened pretty recently. Previously I had thought my issues were related to something in early childhood, but then I started thinking back to when I was an young child. Like most others (probably everyone but some claim otherwise) I do not have direct memories from most of my baby or diaper years (under 4). However when I was around 5 or 6 I remember countless times where I would go into the bathroom, line my underwear with TP and then proceed to carefully mess. What I believe I also remember is the emotions of safety, love, warmth and really feeling like a baby. This activity persisted and eventually grew. My mom tells me I was a late potty training, around 4 and there were clues from some of our casual conversations (she is gone now so I can not ask) that I resisted potty training myself. The other clue was that even though I was never diagnosed with encopresis, I was constantly constipated as a kid. I know there were a number of reasons for the constipation but the biggest was a memory of wanting to save my poop for when I could have some *time* in the bathroom. One of the causes of the constipation is withholding, which is exactly what I was doing.

Back to potty training, there are groups (mothers and others), that now believe we should not be potty training our kids. While the subject is controversial, the basic idea is to allow a kid to naturally decide that he or she is done with diapers on there own. This approach is intended to not be emotionally scaring, they do model appropriate behavior and the assertion is that kids will not end up going to grade school still in diapers. I offer this because I believe the approach, which is sensitive to the entire diaper/nurture thing, and to the child's emotional needs.

Bringing it all together. I believe the root for most is related to diapers being basically like a favorite blanket or other highly emotionally charged babyhood object. They are often referred to as a transitional object, but even more for the child himself it is the place of safety, comfort, normalcy. Potty training seeks to strip this diaper away from the kid, who may just not be done "being a baby." So being intelligent and very creative I suspect a number of these kids do what they can to hold onto those things. For some this might be in secret (like me), for others it might be outright refusal to use a toilet and/or asking for diapers to poop. Likely most children just move on, even if they are not really emotionally ready to do so. There could also be a regressive element for some where some event (abuse, sibling born, conflict, etc) drives them into an emotional state where they just want to be back to that safety.

Mostly I believe that for the majority, nothing special has caused this to happen other than we had a loving caregiver. I suspect that it is natural to want to return to those times even though life has kept on pushing us forward and away from who we were when we were babies. You may not have specific memories of those special times but I am willing to bet that pretty much everyone has a deep down emotional bond that was created in the process of being a baby.

Of course other factors likely do exist for most of us. There is an element of opportunity for sure. Additionally there are countless things that could trigger a memory (remember that these are emotional memories so you may not remember what you were doing, but you remember the feeling) which itself could have an influence on someone maybe trying diapers again, or just thinking about diapers and/or wondering how they feel.

 

[Garzilla]

My theory is that most of us have experienced some kind of childhood trauma, and diapers have become our coping mechanism. Sexual abuse is, of course, the ultimate childhood trauma, and some ABDLs have experienced it, but childhood trauma takes many forms. Things that seem trivial to adults can be traumatic for young children, so while you can't identify a specific traumatic experience you've had that led you to turn to diapers for comfort, I’d still bet you had one.

This could be as simple as going through potty training, which I understand can be a battle for some and is even sometimes done in a way that is very abrupt and disruptive. Having ones diapers taken away might well be the catalyst for wanting those diapers back, or at least missing them.

This works if the actual origin or beginning is in early childhood. Otherwise it is most likely a connection to that special time, and the opportunity or curiosity that draws us back.

 

[Garzilla]

There is no mystery why we like diapers. They feel great, both dry and wet. They look great, with the right fit and a good design. Under some circumstances, they can be very practical. Apart from the financial and environmental costs of wearing them, they are superior to "normal" underwear.

The question is why many other people dislike like the idea of wearing diapers. Cost alone can't explain the aversion; usually, expensive products are considered desirable. Maybe people with diaper aversions have had traumatic experiences. Maybe they were shamed during their toilet training.

An interesting twist. Cost was not always what it is now. Go back a little and we were using cloth. So it was more work to keep a child diapered but not particularly expensive.

In any case, someone at some point had to decide that it was no longer something that they wanted there children doing. Likely we were also not as sensitive to how we might affect them later if we go back far enough, so shaming and other harsh tactics might have been more common.

Back to reality, while there may be some truth to all of this I suspect these kids eventually got to the point that they no longer wanted to be wet/messy and uncomfortable. It was at that point that a choice to loose the diapers (or whatever they were using at the time) happened.

 

[quartz200420012]

I've always wondered. If could do it all over again and knew what trigger to avoid.....I think I would.

 

[Covered]

I have felt compelled to wear nappies for as long as I can remember. I don't know why, but my mother tells me I initiated potty training. Apparently when I was about 2 I took off my nappy in the middle of the night, woke her up and said I didn't want to wear them anymore. Which is odd considering how many times I've gone back on that decision! Maybe its down to lingering regret?

 

[Kittyinpink]

I have felt compelled to wear nappies for as long as I can remember. I don't know why, but my mother tells me I initiated potty training. Apparently when I was about 2 I took off my nappy in the middle of the night, woke her up and said I didn't want to wear them anymore. Which is odd considering how many times I've gone back on that decision! Maybe its down to lingering regret?

That's really interesting! Maybe you were trying to understand your feelings about nappies?

 

[Covered]

That's really interesting! Maybe you were trying to understand your feelings about nappies?

I think I probably just wanted to be 'grown up' or was too hot in them. Regardless, something happened between then and now to make me regret that decision! My next nappy related memory was being caught trying to force myself into a baby sized nappy that I'd stolen from a house guest. I must have been 3 or 4. But then when I was six I gained a baby sibling, and I can not recall ever having tried to steal or wear any of his, which looking back seems odd.

 

[Covered]

Another memory I have is of being in nursery school (so 2 or 3 years old) and being on a school outing and having a no. 2 accident. I didn't tell anyone until it later leaked out of my trousers, and I remember being scolded while they sat me in a sink basin and cleaned me off. That might have been what did it.

 

[mistykitty]

I would guess it at least in part has to do with abuse I experianced from my father when I was growing up but other than that I wouldn't know because my parents were seperate and while at my moms place (who had main custody of me and my brothers) my life was fairly normal aside from not really having a tight bond with my brothers because. I mentioned on another forum here I started thinking about it again around right after finishing middle school and then first started acting on wearing again in high school. The brain has many things it uses for coping mechanisms and comfort during emotional events both past and present this just happens to be what ours chose. For me anyway after learning about it I think regardless the abuse or not I would've been ABDL either way though.

 

[TheDiaperdStoner]

memory of wanting to save my poop for when I could have some *time* in the bathroom. One of the causes of the constipation is withholding, which is exactly what I was doing.

I can relate. I still do that to get the biggest messes. I remember holding ot pretty much every day and getting home to load my diaper during highschool. Back then i had the house to myself because my mom worked till 5 & ingot home around 3. Even now ill hold it to get around appointments & friends.

 

[DiaperedTeddyBear]

I've always wondered. If could do it all over again and knew what trigger to avoid.....I think I would.

I don't think I would. I've thought about it many times over the years, but diapers give me a lot of comfort, and I don't know how I'd cope with all the stress in my life if I didn't have them. I like to wear diapers too much to say that I wish I didn't want them and that I would take away those desires if I could. I've loved wearing diapers all my life, and I can't really understand a reality without them. I love them too much to wish I didn't want them. It's more like one step removed where I wish I wanted to not want diapers.

I believe that in heaven, this damaged and traumatized part of my soul will be healed and I will no longer have these desires, but for now I have made peace with this part of me and acknowledged that I’ll be wearing diapers for the rest of my life. Wearing diapers is much more fun, now that I've overcome the shame and self-hatred. I'm always curious about why I love them, but if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything that caused me to love them in the first place.

 

[mistykitty]

I don't think I would. I've thought about it many times over the years, but diapers give me a lot of comfort, and I don't know how I'd cope with all the stress in my life if I didn't have them. I like to wear diapers too much to say that I wish I didn't want them and that I would take away those desires if I could. I've loved wearing diapers all my life, and I can't really understand a reality without them. I love them too much to wish I didn't want them. It's more like one step removed where I wish I wanted to not want diapers.

I believe that in heaven, this damaged and traumatized part of my soul will be healed and I will no longer have these desires, but for now I have made peace with this part of me and acknowledged that I’ll be wearing diapers for the rest of my life. Wearing diapers is much more fun, now that I've overcome the shame and self-hatred. I'm always curious about why I love them, but if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything that caused me to love them in the first place.

I have to agree with you on this. Even if this was something I had the option to undo I would opt not to. For me they help me deal a lot with anxiety and other things and my plushies do as well. Am I curious about the trigger or triggers yes, would I undo them no.

 

[ChrisK]

I hope this is the right forum to put this in. I've been in a reflective mood lately (or maybe it's my obsessive compulsive nature) and keep thinking about why I have these AB/DL desires.


There are a lot of people within this community who seem able to pinpoint the age or moment they became attracted to diapers, e.g., "I knew the minute I was out of them and potty trained, I wanted to be back in them!" and a smaller percentage who seem to know why they became attracted to wearing diapers, which from what I've read, is often sadly related to horrible incidents of physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse.

That's not my situation at all, though. I've told my story a few times. I, by all accounts and my own recollection, had a normal and uneventful childhood. I was the youngest of three siblings, born in 1976. I remember my parents telling the story a few times (much to my great embarrassment, because it always seemed to happen at dinner or a family get together) of how I didn't potty train until after I was 3 years old, which had to be unusual during that time. By all accounts, I was also pretty embarrassed at that age when my parents would go to the grocery store and buy me diapers while I was with them. I don't recall any of that, nor have I ever found any photographic evidence that I was wearing diapers at that age. The closest thing I found was a picture of my brother -who is almost 3 years older than me, wearing a t-shirt and a thick disposable diaper, around the age of 2.5-3. Definitely older than 2.5, but not 3 yet. So, perhaps my parents were laid back about the whole potty training thing, or maybe they just sucked at it, I don't know, lol. They've both been gone a long time now, so I can't ask, and not sure I would even if I could.


I don't believe I was a bedwetter, or if I was, it was only for a short period, because again, no recollection in childhood of it. I do remember having a few toilet accidents in my pants at school when I was younger, at least one of which required my mother to leave work to bring a change of clothes to me at the nurses office, which she was not happy about, and one incident walking home from school or a friend's house at around age 8 and being unable to hold it and pooping in my underwear and then tossing them in the woods to dispose of them. Those were just a small number of accidents though, and I don't necessarily think they were atypical in childhood. The only other thing that would be "different" I suppose is my older sister and parents told me a few times I didn't speak much at all until I was about 4 years old, but they attributed that to the fact that with older siblings, I'd just point to something and before I could say what I wanted, they'd speak for me. I remember my mom used to tease that "Once you started talking more, we couldn't get you to shut up!" I suppose it's fitting I became a lawyer who now spends his days talking to clients and judges.


My point is, nothing here appears to be a "triggering" event of sorts. Yes, I wore diapers "late" by the standards of the time, but my parents made it sound like I actually hated it, and I don't think I wore them for a long time past the age of 3, either. I wasn't a bedwetter, and any childhood potty accidents were minimal. No abuse, no violence, no trauma. I grew up in a middleclass, loving household. No younger siblings or cousins to see being changed or take diapers from, nothing like that.


So, why then, one day, at the age of 8, did I suddenly become fascinated with the idea of wanting diapers and wanting to wear them, even though the opportunity wouldn't present itself until years later? I know the question is rhetorical, and I don't expect anyone here reading this to have the answer, but it drives me crazy not knowing. Also, I realize even if I did know, it wouldn't change things. It's not like if I found out tomorrow, I'd be like "Oh...so that's why I like them. Okay, I'm good never wearing them again or mentally regressing to a 3.5 year old." But I can't help feeling like if I did know, it would help 'unlock' things or shed light on things for me.


Has anyone else ever felt this way?

I've also had these exact same thoughts. Maybe we can figure this thing out through commonality and do a process of elimination.

I'm a DL
I was born in 1977
I'm the baby of five boys (no girls)
Middle-class upbringing
Loving household
No abuse no violence no trauma
Not a bed wetter
No triggers

Together we can figure this out

 

[buridan]

@Garzilla It's clear enough why parents would want to get their kids out of diapers sooner rather than later. Changing diapers is not a fun task. It's also clear why few people want to be fully diaper-dependent. Few ABDLs want that.

The question is why more adults don't enjoy wearing diapers the way most ABDLs do, either as an occasional thing or routinely but for wetting only.

 

[Kirisin]

I have to agree with you on this. Even if this was something I had the option to undo I would opt not to. For me they help me deal a lot with anxiety and other things and my plushies do as well. Am I curious about the trigger or triggers yes, would I undo them no.

Not sure which thread I was on but I addressed this there. My dream has always been to find that genie that would grant me those 3 wishes. The first wish would have been to go back to 6 years old. That was when I was put back in them for humiliation. Right idea wrong reason. The bed wetting sucked but the dry bed was nice. I always dreamed how nice it would be to have been diapers thru those preteen years and on. I love my diapers although I tend to binge rather then every day. I can't imagine not having them. When I die I hope they have them in heaven to.

 

[enigmatic]

This is the million dollar question for me. I've asked this question thousands of times for as long as I can remember. After a lot of research within myself and the internet over many years I still don't know the complete answer. I don't believe I'll ever know. I'll never finding the actual smoking gun.

I don't think one thing causes it for everyone. As individuals have different experiences, the reasons will vary. I do agree that it generally seems if there is one commonality, it is the presence of trauma. Anecdotally, I've seen it and learned about it within myself along with seeing it on the internet and boards such as this one.

I think for my case that is true. Mine wasn't as severe as others have described. I didn't suffer any actual abuse. My parents were loving but they were also busy and because of that, along with their own emotional deficits, they were emotionally neglectful. In other words, they were not there for me emotionally when I needed them to be.

Some of the other posts about kids using diapers as a security blanket and struggling with potty training because I didn't want to give up diapers and give up being the baby resonated strongly with me.

I missed my mom and I didn't understand why she came and went and diapers were predictable, they were soothing in every way. I loved being cared for and interacted with and when I was little and I saw that connection with other mothers and babies, I didn't want to give that up.

It makes a lot of sense to me that kids wouldn't want to for a lot of obvious reasons. I think most if not at all transitions in life should be handled gently and patiently.

What seems to be a truism is that whether or not transitions are handled well most kids seem to move on. When they don't, it reflects some kind of underlying trauma related to some unsettled event, which will vary between person to person.

 

[TabaCrate]

I like the "broken attachment" theory of Dylan Lewis. My mother was trying to educate us (childrens) as best as possible. Education was a priority over basic love. On top, my father was focused on his career and didn't want any child. he told me one day that he did kids for my mother and that kids start to be interesting at age 14, not before!

So I was probably expecting more cuddles, love and attachment that I didn't get. I don't say my mother was not a loving person, she was. But my expectations were probably higher and not fulfilled. Education at a youg age is a concept impossible to understand! The attachment I had with my mother was a total respect (thanks to the good education). I had a very good relation with her up to the end of her life. But it wasn't basic, unlimited love. I can't explain with words how I feel with that. But for sure, it was a "broken attachment".

The first time I remember wanting to wear diapers I was around 3. I was potty trained since long (before 2, it was the 60's, education, education...). My best friend was 15 month youger (he was probably around 2). I remember very clearly one evening. It was bed time and his mother took him on a changing table and put him a diaper. I was fascinated to see his mother being so loving. I whish I could be at his place and receive so much cuddles and love. I don't remember the diaper itself, for me this special moment was something I was expecting to happen but knew it was not possible. I wanted to be diapered and receive this basic love... Be the baby that receives all the cuddles, the special attention regardless of the behavior...

When I've read the first time the Dylan Lewis theory, it was like putting the last piece of a puzzle. 1) Broken Attachment 2) an event that generates the baby subidentity. I could just put a name on a feeling!

Once more. My mother did nothing wrong! It is the non adequation between my needs and the what I got that broke the attachment, not that my mother was a bad one, she wasn't. I've been very well educated, I have a very good number of friends, maried since decades, adult kids, a Master degree level and a very good job with and enough money to finish every month without counting the last bills. On top, she also well educated me to keep a good health and if I have the same genetics, I will be the terror of my pension plan (she lived 95 years!)

My older sister had broken attachment issues with my father, not my mother. My father being always away, I didn't had issue with that.

It took me 1/2 a century to understand this. Not sure it is the real reason but I've accepted now that part of me and I'm happy to share it.