Fighting IC and losing vs Giving Up The Fight

[princessarya]

So this is more of a mental health issue. To get a few things out of the way, I have spoken to a mental health professional, but like other things her and I have discussed, while she is a great listener and can provide insight, it's not the same as asking people possibly going through the same thing. Also, as I've acknowledged in the past, I love wearing diapers, I just don't necessarily love needing them. Also, I am not going to argue with anyone over whether or not I am considered IC. Am I completely IC? No, but I have urge IC that has been worsening and one thing I hate about this section is people who give others shit about posting. Okay with that out of the way...

One of the things that really really sucks is when the urge to go to the bathroom hits and I get up and am ready to run to the toilet and it's already too late. It's a kick to the mental health and I have found myself in tears on more than one occasion for being unable to make it. That leads to the obvious counter where I just accept what's happening, know I am going to be in diapers anyway and at least don't have the shame of not making to the toilet. However, that then leads to the feeling of shame over how I am just giving up instead of trying to fight this. Does anyone get where I am coming from? How do you handle these two arguments?

 

[SparkyDog]

Mental health and IC often battle each other. With the diaper stigma we're not supposed to be wearing diapers right?
But they are an amazing tool for keeping your pants & bed dry.

Acceptance of diapers can definitely be a mental hurdle.
You stated you are mostly battling this mentally which is common, but have you checked in with your doctor or urologist with your urge IC?

I am full time IC but also a DL
slightly different kind of DL
for me wearing is a deep seeded need for my anxiety & ptsd
Do I wish I could have breaks? absolutely! Can I? unfortunately not.
But there is nothing wrong with being IC and also liking diapers too
or liking diapers and also being IC
But do talk to your doctor if IC has increased suddenly to rule out major problems.

 

[princessarya]

Mental health and IC often battle each other. With the diaper stigma we're not supposed to be wearing diapers right?
But they are an amazing tool for keeping your pants & bed dry.

Acceptance of diapers can definitely be a mental hurdle.
You stated you are mostly battling this mentally which is common, but have you checked in with your doctor or urologist with your urge IC?

I am full time IC but also a DL
slightly different kind of DL
for me wearing is a deep seeded need for my anxiety & ptsd
Do I wish I could have breaks? absolutely! Can I? unfortunately not.
But there is nothing wrong with being IC and also liking diapers too
or liking diapers and also being IC
But do talk to your doctor if IC has increased suddenly to rule out major problems.

Yep, my dr and I have been dealing with this for over a year now.

 

[Neroforte]

Mental health issue been fighting for my kids last two years what had gave massive mental health issue and made my ic worst

 

[hbic60]

One of the things that really really sucks is when the urge to go to the bathroom hits and I get up and am ready to run to the toilet and it's already too late. It's a kick to the mental health and I have found myself in tears on more than one occasion for being unable to make it. That leads to the obvious counter where I just accept what's happening, know I am going to be in diapers anyway and at least don't have the shame of not making to the toilet. However, that then leads to the feeling of shame over how I am just giving up instead of trying to fight this. Does anyone get where I am coming from? How do you handle these two arguments?

I fully understand your trouble - it was for me nearly the same situation at the beginning of my combined dribble and urge IC two years ago. But I had a more pragmatic way of dealing with those questions. And - as never been AB or DL before - I did not have any feelings like shame or embarrassment connected with diapers. So, especially as also my wife was very understanding and encouraged me do try out and find the best way for me to handle and manage my beginning IC, it was a not too big deal for me to accept and find out that wearing and using diapers is for me a perfect way to continue my active and social life In nearly the same way than without IC. This included for me also the question, if it makes me proud to try to reach the toilet as often as possible or if enhances more my quality of life with more and more often not to stop doing anything I do right the moment when an urge hits and rush to the bathroom but let it simply happen - being diapered anyway. I quickly made my peace with my IC accepting that using my diapers is nothing bad and there is no need to avoid it (except #2, where I have no control issues and which always goes into the toilet).

 

[Wetshisbed]

So this is more of a mental health issue. To get a few things out of the way, I have spoken to a mental health professional, but like other things her and I have discussed, while she is a great listener and can provide insight, it's not the same as asking people possibly going through the same thing. Also, as I've acknowledged in the past, I love wearing diapers, I just don't necessarily love needing them. Also, I am not going to argue with anyone over whether or not I am considered IC. Am I completely IC? No, but I have urge IC that has been worsening and one thing I hate about this section is people who give others shit about posting. Okay with that out of the way...

One of the things that really really sucks is when the urge to go to the bathroom hits and I get up and am ready to run to the toilet and it's already too late. It's a kick to the mental health and I have found myself in tears on more than one occasion for being unable to make it. That leads to the obvious counter where I just accept what's happening, know I am going to be in diapers anyway and at least don't have the shame of not making to the toilet. However, that then leads to the feeling of shame over how I am just giving up instead of trying to fight this. Does anyone get where I am coming from? How do you handle these two arguments?

I gave up the fight in the end and rely on nappies full time.

 

[princessarya]

I gave up the fight in the end and rely on nappies full time.

Was it difficult to accept it?

 

[Dinotopian2002]

I’m sorry you’re going through this too - it took me a long time to accept that I needed to go back into diapers 24/7 when my nervous system started packing up due to chronic illness.

These days I use a toilet when I can at home, but because of my disabilities it’s often easier and safer for me to use my diaper instead, especially when I’m away from home.

The best advice I can give is that my diapers allow me to live a very full, active and happier lifestyle, rather than always be worried about accidents or wherever the nearest bathroom is, and for this I’m very grateful.

While I’m a DL, in hindsight I realise this developed as a coping mechanism to feel better about needing to wear them. Some kinds of ABDL diapers even help me enjoy my padding because it looks less medical - and I feel less ‘broken’

The best advice I can give is to ‘own it’ embrace your diaper needs, and recognise how they can help you live your best life. There’s nothing wrong with wearing diapers to manage your bladder issues. And if you can enjoy it, or parts of it, then I think that’s no bad thing.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[Wetshisbed]

Was it difficult to accept it?

At first I was depressed about it but soon realised actually I quite like this. So I just gave up trying to stay dry. Life is easier once you accept it.

 

[Wetshisbed]

Yep, my dr and I have been dealing with this for over a year now.

The best help I had was from the continence nurse

 

[EcoIncon]

This has been an issue for me too. The mental burden of not being able to do something that we were supposed to learn before we were 5 is taxing.

The most successful strategy for me has been one of reframing. Instead of being annoyed when I fail to get to the bathroom, I have decided to celebrate when I do. Does this work all of the time? No. Do I still get depressed occasionally when I fail? Yes. But I find myself better equipped to deal with failure when I focus on success.

Medical focuses so much on number of accidents. I had to report to my urologist the number of accidents I had. I refused to report the accidents and decided to report the total number of voids I had and the number of them that were in the toilet. I assume he can do the math. Reporting it this way made me happy that over two thirds of the time I succeeded at getting to the toilet. Did that mean I averaged 5 accidents a day? yes and when I look at it that way it depresses me. Did it also mean that I got to the toilet twice as often? Yes. I'm happy that way.

 

[Raven801]

So this is more of a mental health issue. To get a few things out of the way, I have spoken to a mental health professional, but like other things her and I have discussed, while she is a great listener and can provide insight, it's not the same as asking people possibly going through the same thing. Also, as I've acknowledged in the past, I love wearing diapers, I just don't necessarily love needing them. Also, I am not going to argue with anyone over whether or not I am considered IC. Am I completely IC? No, but I have urge IC that has been worsening and one thing I hate about this section is people who give others shit about posting. Okay with that out of the way...

One of the things that really really sucks is when the urge to go to the bathroom hits and I get up and am ready to run to the toilet and it's already too late. It's a kick to the mental health and I have found myself in tears on more than one occasion for being unable to make it. That leads to the obvious counter where I just accept what's happening, know I am going to be in diapers anyway and at least don't have the shame of not making to the toilet. However, that then leads to the feeling of shame over how I am just giving up instead of trying to fight this. Does anyone get where I am coming from? How do you handle these two arguments?

Ic is a mental battle more than anything, my situation isn't exactly the same as yours but the crying and feeling of failure I can relate too. Been there and honestly it sent me down a very dark road. Please if it gets that far ...get help ...I did I spent almost 3 weeks in a inpatient facility. It wasn't easy but it did help immensely. One of the things I did when it would really start to get me down was to take a couple days or even a week and take a break...so what I mean is I was diapered 24-7 anyways so I'd take some time and basically tell myself from this date to this date I'm not even going to try and make it to the bathroom. In taking back control the one way I can. During that time there is no close calls or stress from didn't make it or feelings of failure because your in control . Then when your back in a good head space do as you will. I have to say that it helped me immensely. I have been there and the struggle is real and the mental games in our own mind can definitely make it far worse than it needs to be . If you need someone to talk to my ear will happily bend your direction just remember your not alone and many people have had this same struggle and if it gets overwhelming there is help out there .. and even with ic life is worth living and it's just a matter of figuring out how to manage it physically and mentally. And most importantly live your life and don't let a condition control you .... Sitting home avoiding going out and avoiding doing things with friends and family is far more dangerous to your mental health than you realize.... Best wishes and regards... I have been down this path and if there is anything I can do please let me know

 

[Edgewater]

So this is more of a mental health issue. To get a few things out of the way, I have spoken to a mental health professional, but like other things her and I have discussed, while she is a great listener and can provide insight, it's not the same as asking people possibly going through the same thing. Also, as I've acknowledged in the past, I love wearing diapers, I just don't necessarily love needing them. Also, I am not going to argue with anyone over whether or not I am considered IC. Am I completely IC? No, but I have urge IC that has been worsening and one thing I hate about this section is people who give others shit about posting. Okay with that out of the way...

I have elected to not respond to your part two as with all the locked in corners, why should I chance crossing one of your lines drawn in the sand.
If you really dislike other's "shit" about posting, why post here?

 

[limelynx]

So this is more of a mental health issue. To get a few things out of the way, I have spoken to a mental health professional, but like other things her and I have discussed, while she is a great listener and can provide insight, it's not the same as asking people possibly going through the same thing. Also, as I've acknowledged in the past, I love wearing diapers, I just don't necessarily love needing them. Also, I am not going to argue with anyone over whether or not I am considered IC. Am I completely IC? No, but I have urge IC that has been worsening and one thing I hate about this section is people who give others shit about posting. Okay with that out of the way...

One of the things that really really sucks is when the urge to go to the bathroom hits and I get up and am ready to run to the toilet and it's already too late. It's a kick to the mental health and I have found myself in tears on more than one occasion for being unable to make it. That leads to the obvious counter where I just accept what's happening, know I am going to be in diapers anyway and at least don't have the shame of not making to the toilet. However, that then leads to the feeling of shame over how I am just giving up instead of trying to fight this. Does anyone get where I am coming from? How do you handle these two arguments?

Hi Princess. I have been where you are. I tried to maintain control, but lost the battle more than I won it. I did not find real peace until I accepted the fact that I was going to wear diapers for the rest of my life. It has been 4 years since I have even tried to make it to a bathroom. My diaper is my toilet. I am ok with that. You should be too.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

I accepted the fact that I was going to wear diapers for the rest of my life. My diaper is my toilet. I am ok with that. You should be too.

Simple, clear and direct. The original poster has IC issues (?). But, as usual...

I love wearing diapers

How about this...stop worrying and just wear your diaper. No more problem.

 

[ltaluv]

Trying to accept incontinence is a theme here with many people. Sometimes it seems like half the threads here are some variant of, "How can I accept needing diapers?" So the OP, and the other posters going through this struggle, are definitely not alone - is a struggle that many here face.

For me, I chose to fight to keep the control I have. I have severe urge most days, but I make it to the toilet most times. It's just a couple of times a week that the urgency and the pain of trying to hold back when my bladder is spasming are too much and I leak. That's often enough that I wear diapers on a daily basis, but at least 80% of them get discarded at the end of the day still dry. Sometimes I'll go three or four weeks between accidents, at least accidents that are more than a trickle that I could handle with a small guard.

Acceptance in my case has been the recognition that I need diapers every day, even if I haven't had a leak in weeks. The whole problem with my incontinence is that it's unpredictable, and even when it's been weeks since my last accident, I can suddenly find myself unable to hold it. Nothing's worse than being somewhere that I can't get to a restroom quickly enough, and not having a diaper on. Acceptance for me is making sure I'm prepared, even if I don't think I need to be at that particular moment.

I've been wearing long enough that I don't really think about my diaper most of the time. It's mildly embarrassing when I have a doctor's appointment, but I've even largely gotten used to that. Encarta embarrassing when I have an accident and need to change and clean up, but that's tempered by the realization that I would have been far more embarrassed if I'd had an accident and not been diapered.

The question to ask yourself is, what does acceptance look like for you?

 

[fredy552]

OK, Yes You know I have said this started in the Hospital when I had COVID-19. I wet the bed why? Because there were only so many nurses and to get in my room, they had to gown up separate from anywhere else on the floor. It would take forever I would be hurting and would wet the bed at 1st they would change the sheets and go about their job. Then It happened at about 1-2 in the morning I would be awake watching ESPN. The Nurse came with an armload of diapers and said we have a choice and we talked, and she diapered me up. When I went home, I had a diaper on, and they put an armload of diapers in the bags of crap that I accumulated during my stay. I attempted to stay dry as now I could get to the toilet 10 feet away. Sometimes yes and then again!!. Sometimes I was wetting in my sleep, and I would jump out of bed wetting my underpants running down my leg. I bought Pull-Ups and then I added Pads. And then I bought diapers and then plastic pants for two reasons one to help with a leak and two to help hold it all up. My Doctor says after a bunch of tests that they do not know why I can give you script NO I am not taking pills. As a Kid, I took Pills for what seemed like forever. Am I happy to be in Diapers at 69 years young? No, but I have I go about my life to meetings, the grocery store, and work, diapered and with plastic pants. I drive cars for a Rent-a-Car Co. I go all over the state sitting in the position I do in a car I can feel I have to potty and may spurt some, but I usually make it to the potty. Then these new diapers I can usually pee once and not leak. (For a Year now, I have not embarrassed myself out on the road.) Now I have given you this long story we all have our reasons for wearing be it an AB/DL in an Incontinence site it all comes down to whether you have to sooner or later admit it you're going to wear diapers. Or a Miracle happens, and you can control all your bodily functions. I have accepted I will be in Diapers and Plastic Pants until the end I am OK with my life and where I am at.

 

[Wetshisbed]

Hi Princess. I have been where you are. I tried to maintain control, but lost the battle more than I won it. I did not find real peace until I accepted the fact that I was going to wear diapers for the rest of my life. It has been 4 years since I have even tried to make it to a bathroom. My diaper is my toilet. I am ok with that. You should be too.

Most of the time I just pee in my nappy and always use the toilet for bowel movements

 

[shannara6767]

I know how you feel. I have had a go of it especially when covid hit. Always had problems holding it from oab/ic but was able to manage with full brief at night and thin brief/pullup during the day unless flaring. When covid hit most everyone closed their public restrooms and it became a struggle to find one when the urge hit. So I just started wearing my night time brief all the time and mostly gave up the hunt.

Now it feels weird and anxiety inducing to go out in public without having full protection on.

 

[mirrored22]

I've found it helpful to adapt a different frame for how I approach my problems with incontinence. Rather than "fighting to keep control" vs "giving up", I try and take myself out of it and look at it objectively. I know the condition I have and the symptoms it causes. I know some days are better than others. I know that these things are not completely in my control as well. So when I am having a bad day, I ask myself questions like "What symptoms do I have?", "What problems do these symptoms cause?" and "What is the most effective way for ME to manage these problems?". That can change depending on my situation and I can be flexible in my approach. For those who have the AB/DL side of it, it is important to separate that aspect from what is essentially managing a chronic condition.

Thinking about it this way has made it easier for me to understand what I need and apply it rather than getting caught in cycles of anxiety and shame about this issue. If we think about it as a personal failure when we fail to make it or fail to manage it properly we can be extremely harsh and add a lot of stress to managing this issue. I know for anyone who has these problems, stress exacerbates these issues too. Its helped me a lot to focus on how things are rather than how things "should" be.