Feeling like life is not fun anymore

[Cammer]

I hate what my lack of bladder control has done to me. Lately it’s been getting to me pretty bad. Although I have had problems for a while, being fully incontinent in diapers is still pretty new to me (about 9 months or so). It made my passion for bull riding about impossible, took the ease and fun out of going down to the river for a swim because I don’t know how to get there and get into water without a diaper or without changing out of one in front of friends. Incontinence took my confidence in dating and in day to day activities. Now I have to pack a bag just for supplies working weeks out of town, having to worry about changing during the day while working in the field, and worrying about leaks, people seeing my waist band and rashes. Somedays I wake up or am going to bed and just lay there and think how easy it was to just get in/out of bed. Now it’s a 5 min diaper change and the thoughts of why is this happening to me.

 

[richieboy]

I hate what my lack of bladder control has done to me. Lately it’s been getting to me pretty bad. Although I have had problems for a while, being fully incontinent in diapers is still pretty new to me (about 9 months or so). It made my passion for bull riding about impossible, took the ease and fun out of going down to the river for a swim because I don’t know how to get there and get into water without a diaper or without changing out of one in front of friends. Incontinence took my confidence in dating and in day to day activities. Now I have to pack a bag just for supplies working weeks out of town, having to worry about changing during the day while working in the field, and worrying about leaks, people seeing my waist band and rashes. Somedays I wake up or am going to bed and just lay there and think how easy it was to just get in/out of bed. Now it’s a 5 min diaper change and the thoughts of why is this happening to me.

So sad to read of your problems, have you seen a Urologist? Perhaps he/she could help.

 

[Moo]

Once you've done all the preparation you can reasonably do, you have to force your brain to move on and focus on something else.
Ideally, focus on something positive in your life.

If you sit around worrying about a problem constantly, that constant worrying will destroy your quality of life.
If your brain seems to constantly throw new problems at you, determined to find something to be anxious about... then you may have an anxiety issue that you could talk to a professional about.
If you feel like you just can't enjoy anything in your life anymore, then definitely consult a professional, as anhedonia is a depression symptom.

Confidence is a learned thing. As more and more time passes without major problems, your confidence should increase.
If you need to change with friends around, do it. Don't let your embarrassment cause you to leave medical needs unmet.
As you get older, you will find more and more of your friends have medical issues of their own. You shouldn't be embarrassed about yours, any more than they should be about theirs.

 

[Cammer]

So sad to read of your problems, have you seen a Urologist? Perhaps he/she could help.

I have talked to one but they can’t find anything immediately. I am trying to save up some money for the expensive tests they want to try

 

[Cammer]

Once you've done all the preparation you can reasonably do, you have to force your brain to move on and focus on something else.
Ideally, focus on something positive in your life.

If you sit around worrying about a problem constantly, that constant worrying will destroy your quality of life.
If your brain seems to constantly throw new problems at you, determined to find something to be anxious about... then you may have an anxiety issue that you could talk to a professional about.
If you feel like you just can't enjoy anything in your life anymore, then definitely consult a professional, as anhedonia is a depression symptom.

Confidence is a learned thing. As more and more time passes without major problems, your confidence should increase.
If you need to change with friends around, do it. Don't let your embarrassment cause you to leave medical needs unmet.
As you get older, you will find more and more of your friends have medical issues of their own. You shouldn't be embarrassed about yours, any more than they should be about theirs.

Thank you. I try and be a positive person but it’s just wearing me out right now.

 

[Eclectic]

Yes, it can be hard sometimes, especially when you are young and new to this. I can give you some ideas about changing discreetly, especially around water. Do you know what a surfers change is? I have my diapers and supplies in a small gear bag. Lately I've been using suitcase travel packs that are roughly the size of a book. I keep that pack in my backpack or dry bag. I also have a large towel and change of shorts. A surfers change is when you wrap the towel around you above your waist and you discreetly take off your pants under the towel and put another pair of pants on. It takes some practice, but I've done this in busy parking lots many times.

If you are diapered when you arrive, you do a surfers change (maybe behind a car or something), take off your diaper and put on your swim shorts. You shouldn't need to worry about wearing a diaper in the water, unless you have fecal IC. It gets a little more difficult getting back into a diaper when you get out and dry off. One way to do this is use a pull-up and then change into a proper diaper when you can find a restroom. Pull-ups are pretty bad for moderate to severe IC, but they are good for short periods of time when you want something more discreet. I use them all the time when exercising.

 

[richieboy]

I have talked to one but they can’t find anything immediately. I am trying to save up some money for the expensive tests they want to try

Tough that you have to save for tests not having ample insurance sucks! Hope you find some comfort in the meantime.

 

[Cammer]

If you are diapered when you arrive, you do a surfers change (maybe behind a car or something), take off your diaper and put on your swim shorts.

Thank you I will definitely keep that in mind

 

[PrincessNozomi]

I sowwies it been problematic. I have been incontinent all my life and never minded, but I understand that it is harder on some people depending one who the person is and/or where they come from.

 

[Moo]

Thank you. I try and be a positive person but it’s just wearing me out right now.

When I was younger and struggling, I used to hate it when people told me to 'be positive', because that just wasn't how I was. I tried to be a more positive person on the outside because I thought that was clearly what other people wanted, even though I was not feeling it on the inside.

It wasn't until much later in life that I realized its not really about how you appear to others. It is really about how you think inside your own head. How you talk to yourself, what thoughts you try to focus on, etc. Yeah, life can tire you out but if you focus on how tired / worn out you feel, you will feel worse. Instead, if you make an effort to remind yourself regularly of the good things you enjoy, especially the ones you are grateful for, you will naturally feel better. Being a positive person is not about what you say, or whether you smile. Its about how much control you have over your own mind and whether you can guide your own thoughts away from things that make you unhappy, towards just enjoying the moment.

The point of this is that you shouldn't let incontinence, or fear, run your life. Personal growth and getting past life challenges often requires you to be uncomfortable to make progress.

 

[hbic60]

Cammer, I feel with you struggling about the things which are now much more difficult being incontinent. I'm now UIC since about one year and am happy, that most of my activities (traveling, bicycle tours, hiking tours) with my wife are still possible without significant limitations, thanks to existing high quality diapers. For sure live needs some adjustments and a little bit more of planning, but it's still possible to live a happy, fulfilled life with being IC. Some things, for example visits in a wellness sauna landscape which I (and especially my wife) enjoyed so much in the past are now nearly impossible for me - I can't stay reliably dry for a 4 hours period, so I had to give this up. but there is still enough enjoyable stuff we can share and do together (and also for myself), so I don't struggle too much with my condition but am more happy about that what still is possible!

 

[Edgewater]

Welcome to the Incontinent Forum, a place that Everyone is Wearing a Diaper!

That may seem a hard statement when one is fighting with the emotions of needed to wear a diaper.

The reality is: It Sucks!! Yes, but when you read within the Forum, you will find that you are clearly not alone, as stated up front, everyone here is wearing a diaper.

As has been stated above, accepting yourself as just one of many can help to know you are not alone by any means! The World is filled with others that like you and us, need to wear everyday. Many with disabilities that vastly limit their abilities to get out and about without the help of others.

Want to be invited and excepted? Try a different approach! That person that steps forward and helps others is more commonly invited in the future! I found early-on that my wearing diapers was not limiting in being out and about. Everyday, others need help with any number of things that you can do with ease. Older individuals, those that have disabilities, those that do not have the tools or equipment need help. We get snow in our area and we own snow shovels and s snowblower. After finish our driveway, we will dig out those around us.

Point being, your first step is the hardest. You will quickly find that no one cares that you're wearing a diaper! They will care that you help and are willing to help!

 

[mickdl]

Hello Cammer,
I think what you are experiencing is something that many of us have experienced or are still experiencing. When it started for me, it was quite a shock. It took me a while to come to terms with it. I had a lot of ups and downs of emotions. At the beginning I thought that it could be treated well and I hoped that it would be over soon. I was able to get rid of a number of problems and always thought - now I've done it - but I had the bad luck that new health problems kept coming up. This had put a lot of psychological strain on me - especially when it became clear to me that the current problems can unfortunately no longer be remedied and that there is a danger that sooner or later I will end up in a wheelchair.

But I think it is just like Moo and others have written here. The whole thing takes place mainly in your own head. At some point there was a moment when I said to myself that I don't care what others think and I want my life back. I was so annoyed by my situation that I simply decided to put at least this problem out of my mind. It just didn't make sense for me to put so much energy into it and think about what others might think and hide at all costs. I mean - in the end I can't change it anyway. That was a real gamechanger for me, because all of a sudden I realized that a lot of what I thought was a problem was not a problem at all. On the contrary, I was amazed at how understanding people were. I think it takes a while to get to this point and there is no manual for it, but in the end you can accept it and live with it. There are really much worse things than incontinence - even if at the beginning you think the world will collapse because you find the whole thing incredibly embarrassing at first.

 

[slimjiminy]

I hate what my lack of bladder control has done to me. Lately it’s been getting to me pretty bad. .... Somedays I wake up or am going to bed and just lay there and think how easy it was to just get in/out of bed. Now it’s a 5 min diaper change and the thoughts of why is this happening to me.

I sympathize fully with the hassle aspect of what you're talking about and the limitations that it presents. All of us IC at this site are afflicted in various ways and to varying degrees. I think a combination of compromise and change in interest may lie ahead for you. On one hand you might learn to work around some changing issues and on the other hand there may be interests that change over time. Those that promote the idea that you can do anything or be anything you want are dreamers. It's ok to dream but all of us must deal with a certain aspect of reality on our journey.

I think you'll find that over time, life is still good. You'll just find new ways to enjoy it. Try not to let it get you down.

 

[PaddedMI]

Cammer, hope you know that you are not alone in this. I understand all of your frustrations, especially the cost for various tests. I had to forego tests and treatments for years due to finances, and I have good insurance.

 

[richieboy]

Even though you might feel that life isn’t fun anymore. It is surely worth living, I almost lost mine 2 years ago,twice, sudden cardiac arrest, saved by a neighbor and a policeman, took being paddled 3 times. Then pericarditis with tapenade, caused by meds saved by a surgeon, point being, life is precious, try to cope as well as you can, you can overcome anything!