Dating / relationship advice please

[KrazyBaby]

Hey everyone!

A bit of background info as I think it will help.....

I suffered an abusing childhood and as such find a lot of comfort from wearing nappies and being an adult baby, it's my way of self soothing, unwinding and relaxing when life is hard.
I started doing this without really understanding it when I was around 5 years old or so. At least thats the earliest I can remember. I would stuff tshirts down my pants to pretend I had a nappy on.
I kept doing this for comfort and hit puberty when sexualised feelings and thoughts merged with this due to both happening when I was alone in my room. Masterbation was added to the scenario of wearing a make shift nappy.
Fast forward to adult life, I enjoy being an adult baby and wearing nappies for innocent comfort aswell as sexual enjoyment.
This is deeply ingrained in who I am and as a straight male in his late 30's.
I have been out of a long-term relationship for a year and a half now,my last long-term gf was also my mummy and fully embraced both sides of me being an adult baby, supported them both and met all my needs with this.
I have dated around 12 woman over this past year and a half, some for 1 date, some for a few weeks and some for a little longer.
Some of these woman were told about my baby side before the first date (messages / phone calls - yes I am quite open and forward as a person). Some were told after several dates and a few were not told at all.

Their responces include:

"You like to wear and use nappies!? You freak! Thats disgusting, get out of my house right now!"​

"Sorry, I don't think I can be with someone like that"
"I have never done this before but if it's really important to you we can try some of it, slowley and when I am ready, it's a lot to take in"
"This is new to me, but sure, tell me all about it, I want to understand and then we can try it"
"I understand, yes I can support you with this and we can try it together"
"Wow that sounds like a really good role play, do you have any nappies with you so we can try it now?"​

​

Having come out of a couple years worth of therapy for the issues my childhood left me with, learning a lot about myself, gaining emotional intelegence and relationship experiance I feel ready to settle down with the right woman and end this period of casual dating. I am also doing well with my career and feel I am now the best I have ever been.
Having used many dating apps and sites over the past year and a half I became frustrated with how hard it is to match fully with a total stranger, even when you both like the look and sound of each other. Propper deep matching is a lottery and during dating you find out stuff about each other that does not fit with who you are or who you want to date. So I have decided to pay for a proffessional match-making service, this is very expencive but both men and woman pay the same fees so I should only find woman who want to find their soul mate as they are paying a lot of money for this service. Also the matches are hand picked by a proffesional, so I should meet the needs of anyone they match me with and she should also meet all of my needs. I feel this is a much better foundation for dating as we will both already match on paper and its just seeing if there is any chemistry between us in person.
I am paying for several proffessional but casual photos, have recently lost a bit of weight, bought some new clothes and got a new haircut.

The only thing I am unsure of is when I should let her know about the nappies and baby stuff, both the innocent self soothing side and the sexual side.

I need your help and opinions with this please!

 

[digi]

I think it’s probably better not to drop it all at once on someone—because they barely know you and that’s a very personal and potentially damaging thing to speak about. I think when things get serious is definitely the longest you should wait. Because if they’re truly in for the long haul they would accept it.

 

[KrazyBaby]

I think it’s probably better not to drop it all at once on someone—because they barely know you and that’s a very personal and potentially damaging thing to speak about. I think when things get serious is definitely the longest you should wait. Because if they’re truly in for the long haul they would accept it.

Thanks for the input and opinion
Could you explain a little more about not to drop it all at once please? Like what would you bring up first? How long would you wait until explaining the next bit / all of it?

 

[digi]

I think maybe saying that it’s for comfort at first, and explaining why you need it would be a start for someone who may need to process. Only give what they ask in manner of questions (like if they ask if it’s sexual as well, don’t lie. Only answer what they ask you.) until they think they’re ready to know the rest.

 

[happy89]

Wait until it's a time when you're both discussing more serious matters; you've progressed from the stage of trying to decide if you like this person to really mutually evaluating whether you might have a future together. So this would be after the early dating phase, but before any commitments like exclusivity are made.

One thing to consider: if you are doing online dating, some services make an area for "Must Haves" and "Must Not Haves". I think it would be appropriate in this case to be honest in a generic sense. As in, I wouldn't just put "ABDL" on your profile, but something like "Must have: Openness to kink" and "Must not have: Aversion to exploration of various kinks" might be appropriate as an initial heads up, so that a prospective date who is very vanilla, not open to anything of the sort, might see that and move on. (Edit: I re-read and see you're using a professional matchmaker. Openness to kink as part of the matching seems like it would be important; I tend to doubt it's necessary to give the matchmaker more specifics than that - in my opinion.)

 

[KrazyBaby]

Wait until it's a time when you're both discussing more serious matters; you've progressed from the stage of trying to decide if you like this person to really mutually evaluating whether you might have a future together. So this would be after the early dating phase, but before any commitments like exclusivity are made.

One thing to consider: if you are doing online dating, some services make an area for "Must Haves" and "Must Not Haves". I think it would be appropriate in this case to be honest in a generic sense. As in, I wouldn't just put "ABDL" on your profile, but something like "Must have: Openness to kink" and "Must not have: Aversion to exploration of various kinks" might be appropriate as an initial heads up, so that a prospective date who is very vanilla, not open to anything of the sort, might see that and move on. (Edit: I re-read and see you're using a professional matchmaker. Openness to kink as part of the matching seems like it would be important; I tend to doubt it's necessary to give the matchmaker more specifics than that - in my opinion.)

Thanks for the input and advice

Yes, I think making it clear that I need a partner who is open minded sexually as well as generally (trying new foods, going new places, enjoying different opinions etc. etc.) is a great shout, thank you for that

I did speak to the initial matchmaker for an hour and a half (as is normal with this agency) and I did openly tell her after I plusked up a lot of courage and got very flustered, that I was an adult baby and this was a self soothing innocent thing as well as a kink for me. She thanked me for the open honesty and explained that sexual preferences are not something a match-maker would ask or need to know about. That it would be innapropiate for them to ask a person what sex toys they had, their favorite position, how ofthen they masterbated etc. etc. for example. Instead I should speak to any matches they find me me about this when it felt right. Just not 100% sure when this would be.

I think what I want to work out is when would be the best time for me to tell a new gf, with me having the greatest chance of acceptance. Becuase ultimatly no matter when I tell someone about this, if she is not ok with it, she wont be ok with it. I just think the idea of some level of connection being formed might go in my favour. For example I am not into BDSM at all, just not soemthing thats for me. But if on a first date a new gf told me, or pre first date I would probably not be that accepting or willing to give it a go. But if someone I started to care about told me I would be far more likely to give it a try for her, because I had feelings for her and she would be worth the effort and open mindness. If that makes sense?

 

[littlemoosey]

I’m surprised if you are paying allot of money for this why the vetting seems no more in depth than an online dating site? Which then begs the question, why are you paying so much more money?

If I were to have paid allot of money and then have to be the one to ferret out the details, only to find out their is a major show stopper for me, I would not be happy. It seems that because this is a major aspect to your personality and you have told them that. The onus should be on them to do the footwork. Otherwise… why pay the premium?

 

[KrazyBaby]

I’m surprised if you are paying allot of money for this why the vetting seems no more in depth than an online dating site? Which then begs the question, why are you paying so much more money?

If I were to have paid allot of money and then have to be the one to ferret out the details, only to find out their is a major show stopper for me, I would not be happy. It seems that because this is a major aspect to your personality and you have told them that. The onus should be on them to do the footwork. Otherwise… why pay the premium?

I have been using several onlien dating sites over the past year and a half, having dated over 12 women. Some of these sites are more in depth with questions and profile building than others. While it has been fun casually dating like this, there has been no success with me fidning the right person to settle down with, which requires a lot more than her being willing to date and adult baby and play the mummy role.

The match-making service psycho analyse you, with an awful lot more indepth questions and conversations, as well as their expert read on my answers. During the hour and a half convo with the initial person she identified I see a woman with more feminine energy than masculine energy, soemthing I agree with but never realsied on my own. Paying the large fee for this service ensures both me and her are very desiouse and dedicated, not just looking for soemthing casual and has the handpicked matches that actually match and compliment one another on a level far far greater than any dating site I have seen or used.

My take on dating sites is anyone can write a witty profile comments, add soem hobbies and interests, answer a few basic questions and post a couple photos, you actually get to know them deeper when dating. With match-making the deeper level of seeing if you two align and fit together has already been done, and not by me, but by someone who is experianced and skilled at matching.

Personally I can understand and respect why talking about kinks ahead of time would be inappropiate, as would sharing penis size or anything else too personal.

Cheers for raising this though, it's good to ask and I didn't really explain this very well initially

 

[BobaFettish]

Usually about a month to two months in after we've been fucking, and know we are compatible, usually the kink talk comes up.

I'll ask where is that deepest, darkest, dirtiest place you go in your mind when you are on the edge of climaxing to push you over the edge.

I asked my first Mommy/eventually wife this, and I've asked the same question to other Bigs.

They will tell me what they are into and will be like let's make this happen. This has got me into threesomes, adult breastfeeding, and more.

In inevitably they will ask me the same question. If I trust them I'll let them know it's a trustfall for me and I trust them. Usually by the next day they will try it and diaper me. Surprisingly this has been 100% with the ones I've trusted enough to tell.

I've had relationships or dynamics like this last from 3 months to 9 years.

 

[KrazyBaby]

Usually about a month to two months in after we've been fucking, and know we are compatible, usually the kink talk comes up.

I'll ask where is that deepest, darkest, dirtiest place you go in your mind when you are on the edge of climaxing to push you over the edge.

I asked my first Mommy/eventually wife this, and I've asked the same question to other Bigs.

They will tell me what they are into and will be like let's make this happen. This has got me into threesomes, adult breastfeeding, and more.

In inevitably they will ask me the same question. If I trust them I'll let them know it's a trustfall for me and I trust them. Usually by the next day they will try it and diaper me. Surprisingly this has been 100% with the ones I've trusted enough to tell.

I've had relationships or dynamics like this last from 3 months to 9 years.

Thanks for sharing

I think the baby stuff is my deepest darkest so it makes sense shring that when they share their deepest darkest.

 

[BobaFettish]

Thanks for sharing

I think the baby stuff is my deepest darkest so it makes sense shring that when they share their deepest darkest.

It lets them know that (unless it's as hard limit for you) you want to help facilitate and be a part of their fantasy.
When they see you willing and interested in their thing, they usually will be a lot more game for your interest.

Like no only am I getting what I'm into, I'm getting threesomes and other wild experiences of what they are into.

This has gone from 2 month into the relationship to more like a month in now.

 

[sjner2142]

Hey everyone!

A bit of background info as I think it will help.....

I suffered an abusing childhood and as such find a lot of comfort from wearing nappies and being an adult baby, it's my way of self soothing, unwinding and relaxing when life is hard.
I started doing this without really understanding it when I was around 5 years old or so. At least thats the earliest I can remember. I would stuff tshirts down my pants to pretend I had a nappy on.
I kept doing this for comfort and hit puberty when sexualised feelings and thoughts merged with this due to both happening when I was alone in my room. Masterbation was added to the scenario of wearing a make shift nappy.
Fast forward to adult life, I enjoy being an adult baby and wearing nappies for innocent comfort aswell as sexual enjoyment.
This is deeply ingrained in who I am and as a straight male in his late 30's.
I have been out of a long-term relationship for a year and a half now,my last long-term gf was also my mummy and fully embraced both sides of me being an adult baby, supported them both and met all my needs with this.
I have dated around 12 woman over this past year and a half, some for 1 date, some for a few weeks and some for a little longer.
Some of these woman were told about my baby side before the first date (messages / phone calls - yes I am quite open and forward as a person). Some were told after several dates and a few were not told at all.

Their responces include:

"You like to wear and use nappies!? You freak! Thats disgusting, get out of my house right now!"​

"Sorry, I don't think I can be with someone like that"​

"I have never done this before but if it's really important to you we can try some of it, slowley and when I am ready, it's a lot to take in"​

"This is new to me, but sure, tell me all about it, I want to understand and then we can try it"​

"I understand, yes I can support you with this and we can try it together"​

"Wow that sounds like a really good role play, do you have any nappies with you so we can try it now?"​

​

Having come out of a couple years worth of therapy for the issues my childhood left me with, learning a lot about myself, gaining emotional intelegence and relationship experiance I feel ready to settle down with the right woman and end this period of casual dating. I am also doing well with my career and feel I am now the best I have ever been.
Having used many dating apps and sites over the past year and a half I became frustrated with how hard it is to match fully with a total stranger, even when you both like the look and sound of each other. Propper deep matching is a lottery and during dating you find out stuff about each other that does not fit with who you are or who you want to date. So I have decided to pay for a proffessional match-making service, this is very expencive but both men and woman pay the same fees so I should only find woman who want to find their soul mate as they are paying a lot of money for this service. Also the matches are hand picked by a proffesional, so I should meet the needs of anyone they match me with and she should also meet all of my needs. I feel this is a much better foundation for dating as we will both already match on paper and its just seeing if there is any chemistry between us in person.
I am paying for several proffessional but casual photos, have recently lost a bit of weight, bought some new clothes and got a new haircut.

The only thing I am unsure of is when I should let her know about the nappies and baby stuff, both the innocent self soothing side and the sexual side.

I need your help and opinions with this please!

I strongly believe that the right answer to your question, based on the fact that you are looking to settle down with one partner, is to wait to tell them sometime around when you discuss becoming exclusive. I think this is so important because at this point, you already will know that you are right for each other for many other important reasons - how much you enjoy spending time together, your fundamental views about important things, etc. I do think it's ok to have a conversation about open-mindedness with kinks/trying new things BEFORE sharing that you're an ABDL, though! Divulging the actual details at that time may not be necessary, though.

IMO, the one and only downside to telling a partner when you are close to becoming exclusive is that sometimes it can (and should!) take a bit of time (1-3 months) to get to that point. So yes, this means that if your partner does not respond with open-mindedness and acceptance when you share your kink with them, it is probably a good idea to stop seeing each other, which means it may feel like you have wasted the last few months of dating. I truly do think that as annoying as that may be, it is still necessary because finding the right partner can take time and requires some significant trial-and-error for most people.

Although the "time-wasting" with this approach is a potential negative, I think the negatives of telling your partner at different times are much worse. Here are some examples:

Telling your partner "immediately" or telling them after a few dates (but before feeling confident you would want to be exclusive with them): The huge downside here is that you don't really know each other well yet, and your partner may be scared off by hearing about your fetish. Just like you mentioned about your thoughts on BDSM, your partner may not know if you are an otherwise good-enough match yet, so wanting to "deal" with a fetish that they very likely do not share or do not know much about is reasonable. After all, being an ABDL is secondary to the other important aspects of a relationship.

Once you have moved in together/after many months or years of dating: It may seem obvious, but this is a bad idea for many reasons. ABDL sounds important enough to you that you would probably feel like you are "hiding" something if you have not opened up to your partner after so long. Also, your partner may feel deceived or feel upset that you never told them about this important aspect of your identity. In terms of "wasting time" like I referenced above, this brings a tremendous risk and I would certainly not agree with waiting, however embarrassed or shy you may feel about being an ABDL.

 

[KrazyBaby]

I strongly believe that the right answer to your question, based on the fact that you are looking to settle down with one partner, is to wait to tell them sometime around when you discuss becoming exclusive. I think this is so important because at this point, you already will know that you are right for each other for many other important reasons - how much you enjoy spending time together, your fundamental views about important things, etc. I do think it's ok to have a conversation about open-mindedness with kinks/trying new things BEFORE sharing that you're an ABDL, though! Divulging the actual details at that time may not be necessary, though.

IMO, the one and only downside to telling a partner when you are close to becoming exclusive is that sometimes it can (and should!) take a bit of time (1-3 months) to get to that point. So yes, this means that if your partner does not respond with open-mindedness and acceptance when you share your kink with them, it is probably a good idea to stop seeing each other, which means it may feel like you have wasted the last few months of dating. I truly do think that as annoying as that may be, it is still necessary because finding the right partner can take time and requires some significant trial-and-error for most people.

Although the "time-wasting" with this approach is a potential negative, I think the negatives of telling your partner at different times are much worse. Here are some examples:

Telling your partner "immediately" or telling them after a few dates (but before feeling confident you would want to be exclusive with them): The huge downside here is that you don't really know each other well yet, and your partner may be scared off by hearing about your fetish. Just like you mentioned about your thoughts on BDSM, your partner may not know if you are an otherwise good-enough match yet, so wanting to "deal" with a fetish that they very likely do not share or do not know much about is reasonable. After all, being an ABDL is secondary to the other important aspects of a relationship.

Once you have moved in together/after many months or years of dating: It may seem obvious, but this is a bad idea for many reasons. ABDL sounds important enough to you that you would probably feel like you are "hiding" something if you have not opened up to your partner after so long. Also, your partner may feel deceived or feel upset that you never told them about this important aspect of your identity. In terms of "wasting time" like I referenced above, this brings a tremendous risk and I would certainly not agree with waiting, however embarrassed or shy you may feel about being an ABDL.

Thank-you for the opinions and comments.

Yea checking she is open minded early is a good shout too!

 

[Seasonedcitizen]

It would be easier if he or she wore diapers for a medical reason.

 

[PaddedRita]

It took me a good 6 month or more of dating before I had the never up to tell her that I had to wear diapers. I was one nerves wreck when I was ready to say something . I was so Bless with a very understanding and caring partner and mate now. She did say later on that should of I told here much sooner in our relationship ! I guess it all depend on that persons attitude !!

Do Hope it works out for like it did with use !!!

 

[varis67]

It's hard to say.
I think most would agree, that it shouldn't be before the first date or even during the first date.
I'm a bit old fashioned in that to me, 2 people who decide to have sex need to think first. If you have sex and safety measures (birth control/condom/etc.) fail, then she ends up pregnant. Now you could be stuck raising a child together for the next 18 years. (even if you're not living together, you still have to work together for the sake of the child).
To me this means that having sex requires me to ask: Am I good with spending the next 18 years with this person? That's quite the commitment. Because of this, I would think that if you feel you are ready to have sex, and potentially end up a parent, you better be ready to be open with that person. So I would say, your abdl side should be revealed before that point.
Would you really want to end up with someone who you KNOW doesn't accept you? or worse would use it against you?

 

[KrazyBaby]

It would be easier if he or she wore diapers for a medical reason.

Thanks for the comments
Yes, or even better if they were an adult baby / adult baby mummy already. But I think it's far more likely that she will have never tried it before, I'd settle for acceptance and he being willing to get into it for me. As I would be willing to accept most kinks she may have and have them be part of our lives too.

 

[KrazyBaby]

It took me a good 6 month or more of dating before I had the never up to tell her that I had to wear diapers. I was one nerves wreck when I was ready to say something . I was so Bless with a very understanding and caring partner and mate now. She did say later on that should of I told here much sooner in our relationship ! I guess it all depend on that persons attitude !!

Do Hope it works out for like it did with use !!!

Thanks!

Some of the woman I have dated have neen accepting and were happy to play the mummy role. Unfortunatly some were rather toxic and vile about it and shamed me. I just hope the next woman in my life is able to accept it and me for who I am.

Great that you have an accepting partner too

 

[KrazyBaby]

It's hard to say.
I think most would agree, that it shouldn't be before the first date or even during the first date.
I'm a bit old fashioned in that to me, 2 people who decide to have sex need to think first. If you have sex and safety measures (birth control/condom/etc.) fail, then she ends up pregnant. Now you could be stuck raising a child together for the next 18 years. (even if you're not living together, you still have to work together for the sake of the child).
To me this means that having sex requires me to ask: Am I good with spending the next 18 years with this person? That's quite the commitment. Because of this, I would think that if you feel you are ready to have sex, and potentially end up a parent, you better be ready to be open with that person. So I would say, your abdl side should be revealed before that point.
Would you really want to end up with someone who you KNOW doesn't accept you? or worse would use it against you?

Cheers for the input

Yea, being careful about accidental pregnancy is a concern.

 

[KrazyBaby]

UPDATE:
I think I like the idea of seeing how things go with her and when we get to the stage of having had sex several times and trying out a few kinks together I will ask her what her deepest darkest kink or fantasy is. Then I will do my best to facilitate this in as supportive way as I can, hoping she returns the favour. Seems the most natural and fair suggestion I have heard yet.

Ultimatly I have a few deal breakers and needs, I will need these to be met if I am to settle down with somone, other wise I will just keep searching.