Coming to terms with stress IC

[LittlePrincessLG]

Since having my son (almost 11 years ago) I’ve developed stress IC and it only seems to have gotten worse through the years. To the point I can cough or sneeze and literally “leak” so much it’s more like voiding my bladder fully. Like without something (pull up or diaper) on I will soak whatever it is I’m sitting on to the point there’s been a puddle left on my leather couch more times than I can count. It’s super embarrassing and I cannot even cough a tiny little cough without peeing my pants. The problem is I also have COPD with severe allergies. So I cough a LOT. Daily. All day. The diaper use honestly started as a kink/lifestyle choice for me and my husband. Once he bought me some cheap pull-ups from a local grocery store and joked that I should wear it all day. So I did. The INSTANT security I felt when I coughed and didn’t have to check if you could see I just peed my pants was such a relief. He knows now that I enjoy wearing not just for our mutual fun but because I actually need them. For ten flipping years I have had to throw away jeans because of destroying them from having so many accidents in them the material wears down. I don’t know what to do. Should I just suck it up and wear the pull-ups daily? Or literally pee my pants every day bc I feel stupid for needing them at a measly 31 years old. Uggghhh I’m sorry this is so long. But I’m just now learning that stress IC is actually a thing. And that this is a medical condition. I’m not insane. I’m not broken. It’s a real thing. But where do I go from here? How do I talk to my doctor about this? About two years ago when I told him, his answer was “do your kegels”

 

[Pino]

About two years ago when I told him, his answer was “do your kegels”

Hi, if you have got issues for over 10 years, "do your kegels" is not a very good advice from a doctor.

You said you are loosing bigger amounts already, this is an indication for surgery (in Germany).

Go to an urologist, ask for Urodynamics to get checked how bad it really is already. Ask for a TENS unit or buy it yourself (100 Euro).
Perhaps try weights for the pelvic floor, if low on budget, start with "sex toys" instead of the medical stuff, it works the same way.
And, of course, do some Kegels to support, but this is BASIC and it does not sound like this will solve the problem alone at all.

The kink does not have to rule your UIC, it just happens this way.

 

[ltaluv]

Everything @Pino says is exactly right. If you're leaking a few drops after childbirth, "Do your kegels" is good advice to start with before you move on to trying other things. Once it's a longstanding problem, and you're losing large amounts of urine, you're way past the point of being able to fix it just with some Kegels.

See if you can find a urogynacologist. A regular urologist can help if that's who's available, but a urogynacologist has additional expertise in the specific issue you're having.

It's so frustrating to have doctors just shrug off issues that deeply impact their patients' quality of life. Whether it's a woman being told to just do a zillion Kegels and hope for the best instead of getting a proper diagnosis and treatment plan, or a man being told that everyone has some level of PMD and not to worry about the big wet spot on his trousers, it really amounts to medical neglect if not outright malpractice.

 

[daylight]

It is a hard subject to bring up and can be intimidating. If you can self-refer then make an appointment to a urologist. If not, set an appointment for your PCP or gynecologist for a general check up and then bring up your concerns.

Lastly, If it is impacting your quality of life then be persistent.

 

[LittlePrincessLG]

Thank you all! My main concern is how do I explain to my doctor that this isn’t just a few drops? It’s full on soaking myself. I’m embarrassed to bring it up and embarrassed to tell them I can’t do kegels. Like I don’t feel them.

 

[LittlePrincessLG]

After reading your replies I just bit the bullet and called. I told them I was concerned and that I needed to be seen to discuss stress IC. She was super sweet and understanding. They can’t get me in until mid September. And told me they can write me a script for DMEs? I’m not sure what that means. I’m assuming briefs of some kind. And although I’m glad I sucked it up and made the appointment, now I can’t stop crying. When it was my secret that’s all it was. But now that I’m actually reaching out for medical help for it… it just feels so real. Like dang this is really happening. I texted my mom and found out when I was younger the doctor told her I had a very small bladder but it would eventually catch up. So maybe that has something to do with my issues too. I just… how is this my life? And how the hell do I explain it to people who may ask?

 

[Petya217]

After reading your replies I just bit the bullet and called. I told them I was concerned and that I needed to be seen to discuss stress IC. She was super sweet and understanding. They can’t get me in until mid September. And told me they can write me a script for DMEs? I’m not sure what that means. I’m assuming briefs of some kind. And although I’m glad I sucked it up and made the appointment, now I can’t stop crying. When it was my secret that’s all it was. But now that I’m actually reaching out for medical help for it… it just feels so real. Like dang this is really happening. I texted my mom and found out when I was younger the doctor told her I had a very small bladder but it would eventually catch up. So maybe that has something to do with my issues too. I just… how is this my life? And how the hell do I explain it to people who may ask?

I feel you. When my issues first started I also tried to manage it with some pull-ups on my own, naively thinking it will go away. "Hey, if it started for seemingly no reason, it can go away too without doing anything, right?" Wrong. Learned it the hard way: my pull-up leaked. Badly. On my way home from work. On a busy train. In khaki pants. Whatever. That day I made two decisions: one, I immediately switched from pull-ups to tabbed diapers. Two: I will see a doctor. It was awkward to say the least. Being there, a seemingly healthy, 29 year-old male, describing to another man in great details how I wet myself uncontrollably, with little to no warning before it happens and with no ability to stop the flow. When I felt I could not humiliate myself any further, he asked me to undress and get on his table. I took off my pants and a very wet Tena diaper. I felt like this is the end of my life, I am most probably die right there from shame. It probably showed on me, because the doc did something I never will forget: he asked me if I was ok, reassured me that everything will be fine, and I should not worry. He helped me up to his table and kept talking to me the whole time he performed his assessment on me. And his voice, confidence and empathic manner took away my anxiety. By the time we were finished, I could smile again and look into his eyes. He acted like putting on a diaper was the most normal thing a grown man could do. And at that moment I actually felt like it was.
What I wanted to tell with my story, is that I know it is hard at the beginning, embarrassing and degrading, since we are conditioned that wetting ourselves and wearing diapers is not ok. But these doctors are usually very professional and caring (I've seen like 6 different doctors regarding my incontinence and only one was a jerk. But I filed an official complaint against him with the hospital and now the a-hole has it on his record). Like you said, your doctor was very understanding in the phone. That is already a sign she's not going to be a jerk about your issues. I know it is hard at first, but please don't put too much pressure on yourself as you don't deserve to feel miserable over something beyond your control.

 

[furry121]

Since having my son (almost 11 years ago) I’ve developed stress IC and it only seems to have gotten worse through the years. To the point I can cough or sneeze and literally “leak” so much it’s more like voiding my bladder fully. Like without something (pull up or diaper) on I will soak whatever it is I’m sitting on to the point there’s been a puddle left on my leather couch more times than I can count. It’s super embarrassing and I cannot even cough a tiny little cough without peeing my pants. The problem is I also have COPD with severe allergies. So I cough a LOT. Daily. All day. The diaper use honestly started as a kink/lifestyle choice for me and my husband. Once he bought me some cheap pull-ups from a local grocery store and joked that I should wear it all day. So I did. The INSTANT security I felt when I coughed and didn’t have to check if you could see I just peed my pants was such a relief. He knows now that I enjoy wearing not just for our mutual fun but because I actually need them. For ten flipping years I have had to throw away jeans because of destroying them from having so many accidents in them the material wears down. I don’t know what to do. Should I just suck it up and wear the pull-ups daily? Or literally pee my pants every day bc I feel stupid for needing them at a measly 31 years old. Uggghhh I’m sorry this is so long. But I’m just now learning that stress IC is actually a thing. And that this is a medical condition. I’m not insane. I’m not broken. It’s a real thing. But where do I go from here? How do I talk to my doctor about this? About two years ago when I told him, his answer was “do your kegels”

Hugs 34 same with stress incon always had stomach issues born 24weeks so. ... just wear the pullups better than wet pants really it is...

 

[LittlePrincessLG]

Hugs 34 same with stress incon always had stomach issues born 24weeks so. ... just wear the pullups better than wet pants really it is...

It def is. This current brand sucks and leaks. So hoping to find something better

 

[LittlePrincessLG]

Hugs 34 same with stress incon always had stomach issues born 24weeks so. ... just wear the pullups better than wet pants really it is...

Yes this is my problem! The pull-ups all leak!

 

[furry121]

Yes this is my problem! The pull-ups all leak!

Diapers work better quility brands are better

 

[surprise35]

My overnight bed wetting has gotten so bad that I need full on adult brief diapers and nothing else will do. It was a struggle and journey to get to self-acceptance but the lack of sleep and stress was actually really hurting my health so I just tried them. I would never go back now and have to wear pull-ups in the day too to avoid wetting my pants and no one has ever said anything to me ever about them.
I have a family doctor and urologist and we did all the tests to see if other options could work and this is the best solution for me.
I'm sorry to hear your doctor isn't more supportive or knowledgeable, getting proper sleep and not being stressed is the most important thing in the world (other than food/water of course). I don't understand why proper protection is seen as the worst thing in the entire world, doctors need to get with it and see what is best for patients.

 

[slimjiminy]

My overnight bed wetting has gotten so bad that I need full on adult brief diapers and nothing else will do. It was a struggle and journey to get to self-acceptance but the lack of sleep and stress was actually really hurting my health so I just tried them. I would never go back now and have to wear pull-ups in the day too to avoid wetting my pants and no one has ever said anything to me ever about them.

What you describe is pretty much my daily normal. Pull-ups by day and brief over night.

As much as I tried in the beginning, pull-ups were a disaster for overnight. Wearing a diaper, I've not yet had a wet bed. However, there were a couple of times where the waist line of my PJs got a little damp.