Cautionary Tale

[LittleDavi]

I guess this could be a ong one, but I need to get it off my chest.

I was in a very tight relationship with a partner for almost 3½ years. We met during COVID and it's lockdowns, which shacked is up in the same house for months. I guess this accelerated our relationship. We basically skipped the dating part, and straight to living together domestically as a couple.
These were good times. We were both furloughed, and spent a lot of time together.
I told her about my baby thing about 5 weeks in. I thought this was a person I could trust. She didn't take it all that well. She told me she didn't understand, ect.
But then we went back to work, and things changed. Without telling me, she left her job not long after, and I became the main breadwinner. I wasn't comfortable with this at all. I ended up having to do more hours at work to cover the shortfall. I manage and am executive chef for two busy restaurants, so I became more and more stressed. Because she didn't approve of my baby thing, which has always been my main source of stress relief, I just started to comfort eat.
Things started to get worse. Our romantic and sexual relationship just stopped, which she blamed me for. She started to demand I work more hours to pay for all the crap she started buying. she started to rack up debt. I ended up selling an apartment I owned to cover it. I did it, because I thought we still loved each other. Over time, she became more emotionally abusive to me. Constantly belittling me, calling me grotesque and an embarrassment. Calling me a sicko for my baby thing. She alienated me from my friends, and even my family. She took all the money I earned. I didn't even have enough money to get a bus home from work, or buy some lunch.

Things came to ahead about 3 weeks ago, when after a really stressful Saturday, she found my childhood teddy bear in bed, which I used to get even a little comfort. She decided to end the relationship, but told me I would have to stay for another six months so I could cover her bills and debts while she found a job.
Those two weeks after that we're some of the worst weeks of my life. She threatened to tell everyone about my "baby shit", accused me of being a peadophile, telling me no one cares enough about me to help me if I were to leave.
On the night she told me all that, I was on the sofa downstairs, by myself, contemplating killing myself. Worst night of my life.
The next morning I came into work, and broke down. I told the business owner everything. She saw all the red flags.
I spent that night at my sister's, and told her about my little side. She didn't give a shit, she said on a scale of 1 to 10 of weirdness, for her it was a 1. I told my parents, to which my mother said she'd known I was the way I was since I was 8. My dad didn't care one bit.

My sister called my family and friends, and the next day they gave me the courage to go back to the house, and leave. My ex tried every form of abuse to get me to stay. From belittling and humiliating me, confronting my dad shoving my teddy bear in his face and saying "your son is a freak" (seriously), to flat out hitting me. I don't think she was expecting me to actually leave her. I think she expected me to bend to her will and throw out all the baby stuff I had and overnight have the body of Chris Hemsworth.

Turns out I still have loads of friends. I'm currently living at a friend's house, who now knows about my little side. It's like the floodgates have been opened. I have my bears openly out on my bed. Baby stuff out in my room, nappies in my drawers, sippy cup on my nightstand and a paci clipped to my shirt. I'm so much happier now. I'm better at work, I'm friendlier, I smile more. I go out with my friends again. I'm just happy that I'm finally being allowed to be me.

I will never be in a relationship with anyone who at the very least doesn't accept my baby side. I owned it. She threatened to tell everyone, but I got there first, and all the people I love in this world accept it as a part of me. I've finally realized that I'm allowed to be happy.

Sorry for the long post, but it's been a weird couple of weeks.

 

[sbmccue]

The moral of the story: If someone cannot accept this part of you, they're not the 'right' one for you.

Unfortunately, many women cannot undo the life conditioning they've received, and many male ABs and DLs press ahead anyway, convinced that the 'cute' factor or sheer force of love will eventually win the lady over. That never works. When someone tells you 'this can't be part of our life together,' calls you names, or tells you that they 'don't understand,' you should assume that's a firm negative response and move on. This means it is incumbent on the AB or DL to have 'the talk' with their prospective Significant Other early enough in the relationship to be able to exit the situation quickly, if need me.

The thing I've found is that most ABs, in particular, genuinely suck at presentation. They interpret the bemused response they receive as blanket acceptance and encouragement, and allow visions of someone changing diapers to crowd out the negative reaction they receive. They press on with detail after detail, which - in many cases - only provides the lady with significant ammunition to use against them.

Leopards don't change their spots, women don't change their minds, and no amount of prayer, alcohol, drugs or anything else will help you be rid of the AB or DL desire. 'No' means no. Accept it and move on. There are other fish in the sea.

 

[Chimera]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. She sounds like a pure narcissist and I feel for any man who dates her next. If you're the main breadwinner because she left her job, the least she could do is shut her trap about your stress relief methods. At least this gave you the opportunity to find out your friends and family are on your side all the way.

As sbmccue said, there is plenty of other fish in our sea of existence. I wish you the best! My main job is working in a restaurant as maintenance, so I can kind of understand the fatigue you feel at the end of the day. And being little at home afterward helps a lot!

One of my friends some time ago mentioned that chefs rarely ever get a full nights rest, they take two big naps...is that true? He described it as going home at midnight or so, sleeping until about 5, then you gotta be there for the food service truck to put everything away and rotate stock, then they go back home and sleep until they're needed for the lunch service...It's like man...a lot of you guys don't get paid enough for the amount of work you guys do.

 

[Nowididit]

This is one of my biggest fears about coming out to anyone. I mean my wife knows but she didn't find out till almost 14 years into our relationship. Thankfully she has accepted this part of me but when she first discovered it and for a few years after I felt like I was walking on broken glass barefooted. I was just waiting for the shoe to drop and her exposing me to family, friends and co-workers. Thankfully she never did and our relationship is quite strong today.

I believe the emotional blackmail shit is the worse and even though I don't know you're ex, I hate her for it. You had to be going thru emotional hell everyday and I'm sorry you went thru that. I'm also relieved you were able to escape it too. I'm glad you're mentally stable and enjoying life as you should be.

 

[Mommasboy]

Im really sorry that happened, i had a similar experience in ny first marriage. Pretty much ruined my life for a good while, its really nice to hear you were able to get so much acceeptance and took the impact out of what she was trying to do. I think youre absolutely right that many of us are too quick to see acceptance and run away with it.
I hope this ends up being a whole new wonderful chapter in life for you, and that the healing process from that exlerience is as quick as it can be

 

[SoakedinTexas]

The moral of the story: If someone cannot accept this part of you, they're not the 'right' one for you.

That is one moral. The other is that in reality most people do not care that you like wearing diapers and enjoying little stuff. Do not be scared to be yourself. Life is short, enjoy it.

 

[Subtlerustle]

The moral of the story: If someone cannot accept this part of you, they're not the 'right' one for you.

Unfortunately, many women cannot undo the life conditioning they've received, and many male ABs and DLs press ahead anyway, convinced that the 'cute' factor or sheer force of love will eventually win the lady over. That never works. When someone tells you 'this can't be part of our life together,' calls you names, or tells you that they 'don't understand,' you should assume that's a firm negative response and move on. This means it is incumbent on the AB or DL to have 'the talk' with their prospective Significant Other early enough in the relationship to be able to exit the situation quickly, if need me.

The thing I've found is that most ABs, in particular, genuinely suck at presentation. They interpret the bemused response they receive as blanket acceptance and encouragement, and allow visions of someone changing diapers to crowd out the negative reaction they receive. They press on with detail after detail, which - in many cases - only provides the lady with significant ammunition to use against them.

Leopards don't change their spots, women don't change their minds, and no amount of prayer, alcohol, drugs or anything else will help you be rid of the AB or DL desire. 'No' means no. Accept it and move on. There are other fish in the sea.

This should be a sort of 11th commandment. We generally really do suck at explaining ourselves. My advice would be to become well versed with one’s AB/DL self before telling an SO. Preferably as early in adulthood as possible. It takes time and the results are not linear.

 

[Subtlerustle]

I guess this could be a ong one, but I need to get it off my chest.

I was in a very tight relationship with a partner for almost 3½ years. We met during COVID and it's lockdowns, which shacked is up in the same house for months. I guess this accelerated our relationship. We basically skipped the dating part, and straight to living together domestically as a couple.
These were good times. We were both furloughed, and spent a lot of time together.
I told her about my baby thing about 5 weeks in. I thought this was a person I could trust. She didn't take it all that well. She told me she didn't understand, ect.
But then we went back to work, and things changed. Without telling me, she left her job not long after, and I became the main breadwinner. I wasn't comfortable with this at all. I ended up having to do more hours at work to cover the shortfall. I manage and am executive chef for two busy restaurants, so I became more and more stressed. Because she didn't approve of my baby thing, which has always been my main source of stress relief, I just started to comfort eat.
Things started to get worse. Our romantic and sexual relationship just stopped, which she blamed me for. She started to demand I work more hours to pay for all the crap she started buying. she started to rack up debt. I ended up selling an apartment I owned to cover it. I did it, because I thought we still loved each other. Over time, she became more emotionally abusive to me. Constantly belittling me, calling me grotesque and an embarrassment. Calling me a sicko for my baby thing. She alienated me from my friends, and even my family. She took all the money I earned. I didn't even have enough money to get a bus home from work, or buy some lunch.

Things came to ahead about 3 weeks ago, when after a really stressful Saturday, she found my childhood teddy bear in bed, which I used to get even a little comfort. She decided to end the relationship, but told me I would have to stay for another six months so I could cover her bills and debts while she found a job.
Those two weeks after that we're some of the worst weeks of my life. She threatened to tell everyone about my "baby shit", accused me of being a peadophile, telling me no one cares enough about me to help me if I were to leave.
On the night she told me all that, I was on the sofa downstairs, by myself, contemplating killing myself. Worst night of my life.
The next morning I came into work, and broke down. I told the business owner everything. She saw all the red flags.
I spent that night at my sister's, and told her about my little side. She didn't give a shit, she said on a scale of 1 to 10 of weirdness, for her it was a 1. I told my parents, to which my mother said she'd known I was the way I was since I was 8. My dad didn't care one bit.

My sister called my family and friends, and the next day they gave me the courage to go back to the house, and leave. My ex tried every form of abuse to get me to stay. From belittling and humiliating me, confronting my dad shoving my teddy bear in his face and saying "your son is a freak" (seriously), to flat out hitting me. I don't think she was expecting me to actually leave her. I think she expected me to bend to her will and throw out all the baby stuff I had and overnight have the body of Chris Hemsworth.

Turns out I still have loads of friends. I'm currently living at a friend's house, who now knows about my little side. It's like the floodgates have been opened. I have my bears openly out on my bed. Baby stuff out in my room, nappies in my drawers, sippy cup on my nightstand and a paci clipped to my shirt. I'm so much happier now. I'm better at work, I'm friendlier, I smile more. I go out with my friends again. I'm just happy that I'm finally being allowed to be me.

I will never be in a relationship with anyone who at the very least doesn't accept my baby side. I owned it. She threatened to tell everyone, but I got there first, and all the people I love in this world accept it as a part of me. I've finally realized that I'm allowed to be happy.

Sorry for the long post, but it's been a weird couple of weeks.

Mate, I’m really saddened to hear this happened to you. This is a support group and trust me when I say we have a lot of collective experience here. Some of it like yours. I’m glad to hear you kicked this evil parasite to the curb. In the end she was a witch but all the other people in your life showed their love. From the bad came some good. Look after yourself and do stick around here. This place is safe and inclusive.
Welcome.

 

[LittleDavi]

Mate, I’m really saddened to hear this happened to you. This is a support group and trust me when I say we have a lot of collective experience here. Some of it like yours. I’m glad to hear you kicked this evil parasite to the curb. In the end she was a witch but all the other people in your life showed their love. From the bad came some good. Look after yourself and do stick around here. This place is safe and inclusive.
Welcome.

Thank you all for your replies.

I was always fearful of getting into the ABDL community simply because over the past 3 odd years, I've never felt more ashamed about this part of me. I feel so liberated now.

 

[Littledozer]

Sounds like your partner had more of a problem than just your abdl, sounds like she would have found something to belittle you about regardless. I thought it was great that your family accepted it. I've felt like telling a few of my siblings a few times. I did mention to my sister that if I ever past she needed to clean my fetish stuff out prior to my other very religious sister finding it. She did not seem surprised, but more concerned on what she'd find, but I assured her that it was not anything that would hurt others. I found it interesting and kinda amusing that your mother had that 6th sense. I think good mother's just understand, love, and accept their kids for who they are. My brother and I found out after my mom pasted that she had bought graves next to her since she thought we never get married, funny thing is she bought them when we kids. To this day, neither of us got married. I guess mothers just know. Kinda makes me wonder if my mom knew about my DL, strong chance she knew since I've been periodically wearing since I can remember as a kid. Glad to hear the bad turned out to be good.

 

[Littledozer]

Thank you all for your replies.

I was always fearful of getting into the ABDL community simply because over the past 3 odd years, I've never felt more ashamed about this part of me. I feel so liberated now.

I've been reluctant to join myself included for some time but your post compelled me to. I've also wonder how a future partner would react to abdl. It comforts me knowing we are not alone. I also am a business professional and look at it this way, business only stay in business if the supply and demand are present. Obviously enough demand is present to keep these businesses afloat to cater to the community. Which tells me alot of abdl are out there its just most are hesitant to tell anyone given experiences like you had.

 

[Alecsam]

You got the good ending.... but seriously you could have recorded her and let her dig her own grave while getting ready to slap her with a domestic abuse and revenge porn lawsuit.... but still im glad everything worked out for you either way.

 

[lilSorcerer]

That does not sound like it was a fun time. On the plus, it sounds like you're better off now than before.

I assure you abdl was not the problem here. That was a top notch c#$% you had as a partner there. What an unbelievable amount of nerve for an unemployed bum to judge her f#%@%$^# sole supporter. Even if you weren't abdl I'm sure her shit would have messed your life up anyway. The entitlement and nastiness... just ... wow.

You're better off alone then with someone like that.

 

[Aby]

I’ve had similar reactions from people I slept with. It’s hard to find someone that gets this, but don’t give up hope.

 

[CrazySmoker]

I've conceptually similar experience with a woman, which completely destroyed my existence: I ended with very problematic Ford Escort, without any cent, homeless and emotionally sick... May still I'm - from that time I'm unable to engage longtime relationships with any woman - may it's because I turned to be very selective.

Relationship with that woman ended in 2010. I was trying to find some GF, but all those affairs always ended after longer or shorter periods of dating.

 

[odd1inSyde]

She sounds like a nightmare of a human being. I’m glad you’re out of that relationship, that you’re safe, and that you have friends and family who are supportive.

 

[Seasonedcitizen]

You were conned by a psychopath. I married one.

First you are love bombed. She makes herself into the best thing since MegaMax. Once you are hooked, the claws come out.

There is a slight difference between a narcissist and a psychopath. A narcissist cares about themselves first but can care about others. The psychopath just uses people to further their needs. They are cold, vindictive, manipulative and perfect liers.

Get your head together and rebuild your life. Make each day better than the last. You appear to be a hard worker and you can do it.

My ex quickly found herself another victim, someone old enough to be her father.

 

[CrazySmoker]

My ex is still single, because she's really asshole... I still ask myself what I was smoking when I started with her... It'd very good material.

 

[Ian16545]

Wasn't that a real rollercoaster. I'm sorry this happened to you—but am I glad to know you had the support you needed to show your ex what for.

 

[mistykitty]

I'm very sorry you had to deal with this situation. It's unfortunate that she not only tried to take advantage of you but threaten you as well and tried to use your own family against you. That's a special type of evil right there. I'm glad you are out of that situation though and that your: family, friends, and even employer were helpful and understanding. Quoting what you said "you have some good friends and family".
I wish you much positivity for the future