Bringing issue up with my wife.

[Zeke]

I’ve never been in your position as I was divorced when I became dual ic, but knowing that far more women experience urge incontinence than men do I believe that you’ll find your wife far more understanding that you anticipate.

 

[newtothis2024]

I’ve never been in your position as I was divorced when I became dual ic, but knowing that far more women experience urge incontinence than men do I believe that you’ll find your wife far more understanding that you anticipate.

After two kids she has issues when sneezing or coughing etc. to what extent i don’t know exactly but I know she doesn’t use any protection against it so for her it must not be too much leakage

 

[Kbaby84]

How do I start the conversation with my wife though without being completely humiliated?

The whole point of being married and in a relationship is to be open and honest. Both her body and yours will start to change with age. It is a mutual understanding between 2 spiuse to support one another. This is not your fault. You cannot control it. The only thing you can control is get Dr. help, and use the tools available to manage it. Think about it as a reverse scenario. You would want to know if it was happening to her so she would have your support. It does not.make you less of a person.

 

[slimjiminy]

I wouldn't over think it. Get your medical appointments done and if your wife asks what they're about, you can explain it. There is no shame in that. If she doesn't ask about them then discuss it when you have the medical results back.

I've posted this before, but when I was having U-IC issues going shopping with an elderly relative during the pandemic, I needed to wear a pull-up. So on my first day I held a bleach white pull-up in my hands (on purpose) as she came into the bedroom to tell me something. Normally, she notices everything. But on this occasion she said what she needed to say and started to leave without noticing the pull-up! So I just blurted out "I'm going to put my diaper on and go shopping with xxxxx this afternoon". Heh heh heh, it did stop her in her tracks, but she then came back and allowed me to explain. After that, all was fine and was no big deal. Don't over think it.

 

[hbic60]

Sorry if I sound like a fool or am asking senseless questions but I’m very nervous about beaching the subject with her.

Sorry if this sounds harsh - but if you are yourself in such big trouble with deciding if you should talk to your wife or not it's in my opinion time to think about the status of your marriage! Sorry to say that, but in a regular, healthy relationship nobody should be ashamed about anything which happens with our minds or bodies and talking to each other (and of course supporting each other) is that what you usually promise to each other at the beginning!!! If now - just facing the really small problem of a leaking bladder - you are not able to rely on your wife's empathy and support, what should happen if you have a really serious problem?!?

 

[Wetshisbed]

My wife was brilliant when my incontinence problems started.

 

[iatec779]

From my experience when mine got bad enough to talk about it couple years ago, just be open and talk about it, you’ll feel so much better and it may even bring you guys closer talking about personal issues like this. Say it’s bad enough you think you need a pad or something cause your pants are wet all the time, I guarantee she will be supportive.
make a urology appt and have her go with you.
If you guys have kids together you’ve seen her body go through alot, it’s ok to be on the other side this once.

 

[allesindie]

Hello,
A doctor's appointement is certainly the first thing to do to understand hhy you have these issues and maybe find a way to geal the problem.
And i think you yhould absolutely talk to your wife openly, if there is a real issue with wet pants she will find out sooner or later anyway...
A good couple will not be affected by a medical condition, you are still the same person than before, no matter wich type of underwear you have to wear.
If your story is unreal and you just search for an excuse to wear diapers, this is an other story...
Good luck,
Allesindie
nota: my wife doesn't care that i prefer to sleep with a diaper than to get up 3 times a night (and wake her up) or have accidents in bed from time to time.

 

[surprise35]

Yeah book a doctors appointment and try to see a urologist if possible. I have had similar issues for years in the day and have been wearing padded underwear (from a company called Carer) that has helped a lot. I don't quite need diapers in the day, yet but I understand the stress of it maybe happening.
I am open with my partner about my issues, but I had some prostate issues back in 2019 and bed wetting has been an issue for years too. It is not the easiest conversation but hiding it is way worse.
As others have said you are very much not alone, look at the ever increasing incontinence shelves in any pharmacy or large store. Remember too that your stress and anxiety around the issue is probably making it worse too, it certainly does for me so sharing it with someone close to you should hopefully provide relief of some kind.

 

[Joeysms]

first you should schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor. things there need to be checked out and possible referral to a Urologist. marriage is for better and worse. the worse is if something bad is found by your doctor. but anyways having a simple chat with your wife that you are experiencing bladder/wetting issues shouldn't be a difficult one. having open conversations and knowing each other is what being life partners is all about. if you foresee this as being an issue for your wife i hate to say there are others concerns with the relationship than. life partners is about having each others back with love and support. i hope it goes well

 

[leakerABDL]

My wife was brilliant when my incontinence problems started.

She was brilliant … interesting… please explain.

 

[Username3]

I gotta ask, is your wearing of diapers only related to your incontinence, or have you been wearing as an AB or DL long before the incontinence issues started? Incontinence issues shouldnt be scary to talk to your wife about, but abdl stuff can be very intimidating.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

@newtothis2024 Welcome to ADISC, and I hope you'll find that the S (support) is the biggest letter in the alphabet soup site title.

@hbic60 and @Joeysms have hinted at this without quite getting to the word, but for this medical issue to be such a great concern, there is a profound insecurity in this relationship, and the medical concern is simply bringing it to the surface. This stressor is simply making it harder to ignore.

You're going to have to tell her sooner or later, and sooner is better, because if she finds out you've been hiding it, it will hurt her that you didn't think she could be trusted with the information. The good news is, when she reacts in compassion and sympathy, as she almost surely will, having some related struggles herself, it will strengthen your relationship immensely. Not only will the worry about "what will she think?" be over, but you'll have support as you deal with whatever comes next.

Please do tell us how it goes! All the best to you and your wife.

 

[NudistMD]

OK, from the perspective of a medical professional, you need an appointment with a urologist, ASAP. Incontinence is unusual in males of your age, and needs a thorough evaluation. Your primary care physician will not be equipped to do that kind of evaluation, and will likely just refer you to a urologist anyway.

 

[foxkits]

Who does the washing of your underwear. If you're underwear is stained she may already know.
I dribble after I go . Plus you only need something that will take care of your leak . They make pads that go in your underwear or underwear that hold pads see a Dr.

 

[fredy552]

Be open and honest with your wife my IC issue started the same way damp underwear then wetspots on my pants I let my wife know and she was very supportive I wore realfit for men from depends for a few months but I had to upgrade to taped diapers . My wife came with me for my first urologist visit and tests and she had done a bunch of research a head of time and insisted i skip the meds and simply wear a diaper to manage my IC issues. Let your wife know you are scheduling an urologist appointment to see what’s happening there is no shame in having bladder issues there are millions of us out there that need to wear 24/7 to keep our pants dry.

Just relax and let her know you are having leaks and need to wear protection to keep your pants dry while you wait to see the urologist to see if anything can be done. Ive been diapered for over 9 years now and my wife has supported my decision with out question and she reminds me to tell the urologist I do not want meds when I have my yearly checkup

Yes, exactly I have done the same as you mine started 3 years ago and managed it with diapers also and I also told my wife and we have talked a lot on this subject.