I was amongst the "roughest" guys in my area from my teens until I was hammered with a sever, debilitating chronic health issue stemming from my time in the Army in 2004. I have bench pressed 505 and did 17 reps of 1240 on a vertical leg sled (same exercise as a squat except you don't have a ridiculous amount of weight on your spine) and bulked up my just over 5' 7" frame to 232. Hell, I came out of basic training and AIT @ Ft Benning, from June through August weighing 17lbs more than I did when I got there. 214! I had to run 5 miles (minimum)/night while wearing trash bags to make myself sweat more just so I could wrestle 189 my Jr & Sr Seasons.
So yes, I often questioned my "manliness" when I'd see myself in a mirror. Only real difference here is I never used a pacifier or any other objects. Don't beat yourself up man, you are DEFINITELY "MANLY"! Anyone crazy enough to ride a fucking bull HAS TO BE a "M A N" man!
If you want someone to talk to who has been through what you're going through, hit me up. Unfortunately I have to wear these days as I'm substantially disabled with a lot of lower spinal destruction, nerve damage, severe chronic pain, a 24/7/365 chronic headache NO ONE can do ANYTHING with (and I have seen the best there is!) but I am thankful that I at least still have decent control of my bowels though with how my spine is going, I'm worried about that for the future.
CptKirk