Contrasting Desires and Finding a Suitable Partner

spacemanBEN · 21-08-2008

I am generally quite happy with who I am including my infantilism, however being an AB/DL does make things complicated sometimes. This is especially apparent when it comes to finding a wife/partner, because not only will this person need to be compatible with me in all the other ways, but they will also need to be alright with my infantilism. Pretty much I have two competing desires in this area; a desire to find a "mother" type to look after me and on the other hand a desire to find a wife I can look after.

Being a TB/DL, I have a desire to find some form of a mother who would enjoy looking after me and babying me. This is a very strong longing of mine, rooted I think in my desire to be loved by someone unconditionally. The majority of my sexuality is found in this desire to be babied. I don't really want to permanently regress or anything (though this is my main sexual desire), I just want someone who has a very mothering nature at times and enjoys looking after me. I would love to have someone who enjoyed acting as my mother when I am engaging in regression, though it is quite unlikely to find such a person, so I doubt this desire will ever be fully fulfilled.

A separate and equally strong desire of mine is to find a suitable wife. I have always loved the idea of marriage and have looked forward to finding a woman who would be my best friend forever. I like the idea of looking after a family and being a father. Again, I think this desire is rooted in my desire to be loved unconditionally. This longing is not so much sexual as it is a simple desire to be in a very close and loving relationship, though there is admittedly a sexual side to it too.

Unfortunately, these two separate desires don't exactly coexist well, because on one hand I want to be looked after and on the other, I want to be the provider. I'm still trying to figure out how I can make these ideas work together. Though there's no easy answer, I guess the best option would be to find a wife who is alright with me being an AB/DL and enjoys looking after to me from time to time, not that this is an easy person to find! I'm sure many others share these desires, so what do you think? How can these two desires both be somewhat fulfilled? This is one of the hardest parts about being an AB/DL for me, because I know full well that neither of these two desires can be easily fulfilled. I know it won't be easy for me to find a suitable wife, but I am certainly going to try!

diapermefast · 21-08-2008

It is probabbly unlikely that you will find a mummy or find someone who is a ABDL to have a relationship with you as the ratio of women:men is very onesided. The best way i would go about it is to get into a relationship with a person who may not know anything about the fetish / infantilism and once in a relationship introduce it to her, SLOWLY, i mean if she is that caring and loves you enough you can probabbly get her accept you for what you are, and gradually she may be more confident/willing to get more involved, or you could be really lucky and find someone who really likes it... just by chance. The other way that crosses my mind is look to date someone that advertises themself on another fetish site other than AB/DL sites (another fetish) and introduce yourself to one, she may be more accepting of you if you can be more accepting of others that have a different turn on/fetish? Well good luck as i feel im in the same situation, for me if i could not find anybody understanding enough i would probabbly drop the feitsh and get into a relationship, which i know would be hard but i would value a relationship and a family more than i would being a AB / DL.

Best of luck

Mugiwara · 21-08-2008

Just as Diapermefast says it can be hard to find someone who would be a mommy or abdl, its pretty rare. But eventually you should find someone who wouldnt care if she really loves you, that's what I hope for one day, to find a girl friend with a great personality, and she doesnt really need to baby me, I think aslong as she would be fine with it I would be happy, though I would like to be in her arms sometimes. well anyway Good Luck! to all of us!

KittyKat · 21-08-2008

If I were you I would find a woman that is truly in love with you and that isn't too narrow-minded. I would be honest with her once you become fairly close and tell her about your AB/DLism. If she doesn't accept you the way you are then you need to find another woman. Don't wait until your married to tell her.

For me, I want to find a loving husband and eventually have kids or adopt. My AB side wants a mommy though, but not in a sexual way. So I guess things are even more complicated for me

.

diapermefast · 21-08-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyKat

If I were you I would find a woman that is truly in love with you and that isn't too narrow-minded. I would be honest with her once you become fairly close and tell her about your AB/DLism. If she doesn't accept you the way you are then you need to find another woman. Don't wait until your married to tell her.

For me, I want to find a loving husband and eventually have kids or adopt. My AB side wants a mommy though, but not in a sexual way. So I guess things are even more complicated for me

.

Good luck

, adoption is also something that i would also be open for, i love the thought of giving a abandoned child a good start in life, their are so many babies/kids theese days that dont have parents, its kind of sad really.

DotDotDot · 21-08-2008

If she loves you, she will love you for who you are.

Maverick · 21-08-2008

baBBen, you and I are in the same boat. I also want to be babied occasionally by my wife one day and I also want to be a provider and a father for my family. Quite a contradiction. It's not an "all or nothing" matter, though. It's actually easy to please both sides of this contradiction. For the most part, you should be the provider, because it'd be very lazy and selfish to just sit around and have your wife baby you all the time. You'll probably be working and taking care of the kids. And when you and your wife have a little private time together, just ask her if she's in the mood to baby you. That's how I look at it.

I'm not sure of your personality, but I know my personality is already very difficult for others to accept. Combined with infantilism, I'm almost screwed. I just hope I find a special girl who can accept my personality and my infantilism. In reality, they are both the same thing. My personality is my infantilism. My infantilism is a big part of my personality and I consider anyone who has not accepted my infantilism to have not accepted my personality.

As Mugiwara said, good luck to all of us!!!

redtails · 21-08-2008

Whining left aside, true love knows a balance between desiring and giving. You seem to fully understand that. What you do not understand is thatyou do not "look" for someone who accepts you for who you are, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with "must" accept who you are to stay with you. Read any of my threads, especially my older ones, and you'll discover that true love can withstand anything, including being separated for a long time, and having to go through a struggle of acceptance and denial.

What you're looking for in life is unclear to me. But, the "one" in life for you will do anything for you as long as you offer something in return as well. Life isn't all about only getting, every second your caretaker spends with you is a second she will want in return to do something that she gets excited about

.

I'm not attacking you, if you're said anything I've already typed, that'll only make it better. cherio

spacemanBEN · 21-08-2008

Yeah, I do not expect to find a mother (I'd rather be married if there had to be a choice anyways), and I guess realistically my hope is that the person I love will simply be able to accept me for who I am. Of course, I would enjoy their involvement, but would never force them into anything. I am willing to make a lot of sacrifices for the sake of relationships, but I don't feel capable of giving up infantilism, at least at this point, and I am loyal to a fault, so once I find a girl, that might be it. That's one reason why I'm so worried about finding "the one". I do also believe that love can overcome all these obstacles, so it's more a matter of finding love I guess. So, I too wish good luck to all of us.

21-08-2008	#1 (permalink)
spacemanBEN Regular Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: British Columbia, Canada Age: 17 Posts: 543 Threads: 20 Reputation: 7	Contrasting Desires and Finding a Suitable Partner I am generally quite happy with who I am including my infantilism, however being an AB/DL does make things complicated sometimes. This is especially apparent when it comes to finding a wife/partner, because not only will this person need to be compatible with me in all the other ways, but they will also need to be alright with my infantilism. Pretty much I have two competing desires in this area; a desire to find a "mother" type to look after me and on the other hand a desire to find a wife I can look after. Being a TB/DL, I have a desire to find some form of a mother who would enjoy looking after me and babying me. This is a very strong longing of mine, rooted I think in my desire to be loved by someone unconditionally. The majority of my sexuality is found in this desire to be babied. I don't really want to permanently regress or anything (though this is my main sexual desire), I just want someone who has a very mothering nature at times and enjoys looking after me. I would love to have someone who enjoyed acting as my mother when I am engaging in regression, though it is quite unlikely to find such a person, so I doubt this desire will ever be fully fulfilled. A separate and equally strong desire of mine is to find a suitable wife. I have always loved the idea of marriage and have looked forward to finding a woman who would be my best friend forever. I like the idea of looking after a family and being a father. Again, I think this desire is rooted in my desire to be loved unconditionally. This longing is not so much sexual as it is a simple desire to be in a very close and loving relationship, though there is admittedly a sexual side to it too. Unfortunately, these two separate desires don't exactly coexist well, because on one hand I want to be looked after and on the other, I want to be the provider. I'm still trying to figure out how I can make these ideas work together. Though there's no easy answer, I guess the best option would be to find a wife who is alright with me being an AB/DL and enjoys looking after to me from time to time, not that this is an easy person to find! I'm sure many others share these desires, so what do you think? How can these two desires both be somewhat fulfilled? This is one of the hardest parts about being an AB/DL for me, because I know full well that neither of these two desires can be easily fulfilled. I know it won't be easy for me to find a suitable wife, but I am certainly going to try!

21-08-2008	#4 (permalink)
KittyKat Regular Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: California, USA Age: 19 Posts: 155 Threads: 10 Reputation: 5	If I were you I would find a woman that is truly in love with you and that isn't too narrow-minded. I would be honest with her once you become fairly close and tell her about your AB/DLism. If she doesn't accept you the way you are then you need to find another woman. Don't wait until your married to tell her. For me, I want to find a loving husband and eventually have kids or adopt. My AB side wants a mommy though, but not in a sexual way. So I guess things are even more complicated for me.

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21-08-2008	#2 (permalink)
diapermefast Regular Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK, Wiltshire Age: 20 Posts: 144 Threads: 3 Reputation: 1	It is probabbly unlikely that you will find a mummy or find someone who is a ABDL to have a relationship with you as the ratio of women:men is very onesided. The best way i would go about it is to get into a relationship with a person who may not know anything about the fetish / infantilism and once in a relationship introduce it to her, SLOWLY, i mean if she is that caring and loves you enough you can probabbly get her accept you for what you are, and gradually she may be more confident/willing to get more involved, or you could be really lucky and find someone who really likes it... just by chance. The other way that crosses my mind is look to date someone that advertises themself on another fetish site other than AB/DL sites (another fetish) and introduce yourself to one, she may be more accepting of you if you can be more accepting of others that have a different turn on/fetish? Well good luck as i feel im in the same situation, for me if i could not find anybody understanding enough i would probabbly drop the feitsh and get into a relationship, which i know would be hard but i would value a relationship and a family more than i would being a AB / DL. Best of luck

21-08-2008	#3 (permalink)
Mugiwara Regular Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Sweden Age: 17 Posts: 231 Threads: 1 Gallery Uploads: 2 Reputation: 2	Just as Diapermefast says it can be hard to find someone who would be a mommy or abdl, its pretty rare. But eventually you should find someone who wouldnt care if she really loves you, that's what I hope for one day, to find a girl friend with a great personality, and she doesnt really need to baby me, I think aslong as she would be fine with it I would be happy, though I would like to be in her arms sometimes. well anyway Good Luck! to all of us!

21-08-2008	#6 (permalink)
DotDotDot Regular Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: NY, USA Posts: 79 Threads: 1 Reputation: 2	If she loves you, she will love you for who you are.

21-08-2008	#7 (permalink)
Maverick The Little Nonconformist Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: New Jersey, USA Age: 15 Posts: 1,203 Threads: 25 Gallery Uploads: 4 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 1	baBBen, you and I are in the same boat. I also want to be babied occasionally by my wife one day and I also want to be a provider and a father for my family. Quite a contradiction. It's not an "all or nothing" matter, though. It's actually easy to please both sides of this contradiction. For the most part, you should be the provider, because it'd be very lazy and selfish to just sit around and have your wife baby you all the time. You'll probably be working and taking care of the kids. And when you and your wife have a little private time together, just ask her if she's in the mood to baby you. That's how I look at it. I'm not sure of your personality, but I know my personality is already very difficult for others to accept. Combined with infantilism, I'm almost screwed. I just hope I find a special girl who can accept my personality and my infantilism. In reality, they are both the same thing. My personality is my infantilism. My infantilism is a big part of my personality and I consider anyone who has not accepted my infantilism to have not accepted my personality. As Mugiwara said, good luck to all of us!!!

21-08-2008	#8 (permalink)
redtails Chemistry = Life Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: My backgarden Age: 17 Posts: 586 Threads: 9 Gallery Uploads: 21 Wiki Edits: 3 Blog Entries: 2	Whining left aside, true love knows a balance between desiring and giving. You seem to fully understand that. What you do not understand is thatyou do not "look" for someone who accepts you for who you are, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with "must" accept who you are to stay with you. Read any of my threads, especially my older ones, and you'll discover that true love can withstand anything, including being separated for a long time, and having to go through a struggle of acceptance and denial. What you're looking for in life is unclear to me. But, the "one" in life for you will do anything for you as long as you offer something in return as well. Life isn't all about only getting, every second your caretaker spends with you is a second she will want in return to do something that she gets excited about . I'm not attacking you, if you're said anything I've already typed, that'll only make it better. cherio

21-08-2008	#9 (permalink)
spacemanBEN Regular Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: British Columbia, Canada Age: 17 Posts: 543 Threads: 20 Reputation: 7	Yeah, I do not expect to find a mother (I'd rather be married if there had to be a choice anyways), and I guess realistically my hope is that the person I love will simply be able to accept me for who I am. Of course, I would enjoy their involvement, but would never force them into anything. I am willing to make a lot of sacrifices for the sake of relationships, but I don't feel capable of giving up infantilism, at least at this point, and I am loyal to a fault, so once I find a girl, that might be it. That's one reason why I'm so worried about finding "the one". I do also believe that love can overcome all these obstacles, so it's more a matter of finding love I guess. So, I too wish good luck to all of us.