My Boyfriend Problems

**staircase** · 30-05-2009

I recently told my boyfriend of 5 months about my infantilism fetish, his intial reaction was that he though it was gross but said it woulnt change anything between us. Though for the past month he hasn't mentioned it all, and when I mentioned it again a few days ago he replied 'I don't want to talk about it'. I replied 'You don't like it do you?'

We then got into a huge fight where he told me that he thought the whole thing was weird and too pedophilic even though I explained to him that it isn't. He said that we should wait until were furthr into our relationship to discuss it further since its still early days, but were basically at the stage where it feels like weve been going out for a year or more. He then tried to guilt trip me when I said he was being unreasonable by saying he'd been nothing but nice to me so it say that wwas bullshit.

I told him that I hadn't even told him to particpate in it at all just to understand, accept and take it on board and his reply understand from an outsiders persective. After our fight to don't if he's the person I thought that he was. Is it too much of him to ask to accept my fetish like other unordianry things? I'm starting to feel he's just like the other all the other narrow-minded, shallow people out there.

I don't know if I'm just being over senstive, but its also the fact that the previous boyfriend I had blabbed it to all his friends who all agreed with him that I was a freak who should not be associated with. I really

don't know the best way to appraoch this situation.

Any advice?

Chillhouse · 30-05-2009

edit

**Charlie F** · 30-05-2009

He definitely seems to be being unreasonable if all you're asking for is acceptance...

I'd give him a few days, and then give him some information on infantilism. Here might help: Understanding Infantilism

Perhaps just send him that link and ask him to read through it and understand it better. If he still doesn't accept (or worse: doesn't bother read it) then you might want to let him go. To have somebody blatantly ignore an important part of you isn't going to be good...

Trevor · 30-05-2009

Although I'm obviously pro-diaper and certainly the vast majority of the audience here is as well, I think it's worth remembering that this is pretty left field to some people. Dan Savage, a popular US sex advice columnist who is not narrow or lacking in experience personally finds diapers a "fetish too far" and beyond the bounds of "GGG" (the expectation that someone in a relationship should be Good, Giving, and Game with regard to weirdness).

It's his personal reaction, which I think illustrates that it can be much more a matter of how something strikes you rather than just narrow vs. broadminded or accepting. I can't see how a relationship would ultimately work if he can't come to some kind of reasonable understanding, so I hope you can get things clear.

Calico · 30-05-2009

Lose the boyfriend if he is going to be too ignorant to even listen. People are just stupid.

Siege89 · 30-05-2009

I would write him a note. Add some links he can look up. An give his space. If after a few day he still is closed minded as he so far has been. Dump him. He doesn't have to be a part of it. But should at least wanna know what it is. To be honest he doesn't love you "unconditionally" if this is such a big problem

ForrestD · 30-05-2009

I would let it settle for a couple of days and then try to set up a conversation where both of you can be comfortable talking about it.

If you want his acceptence, and he is not giving it to you, then he is 100% being un-reasonable. Everyone needs someone who accepts you for who you are, and this needs to be something that he can accept you for.

Like, have him come over to your house and set together on the couch and talk to eachother about it. Try to be as honest as possible with him for any questions he asks you. If he asks questions then he probably wants to know or he wants to know about that specific question at least. Tell him about what it means for you, and what it does for you.

Hopefully everything will go well. I wish the best of luck to you.

balancedchaos · 30-05-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by staircase

I recently told my boyfriend of 5 months about my infantilism fetish; his initial reaction was that he thought it was gross, but said it wouldn't change anything between us. For the past month he hasn't mentioned it all, so when I mentioned it again a few days ago, he replied, "I don't want to talk about it." I asked him, "You don't like it, do you?"

We then got into a huge fight where he told me that he thought the whole thing was weird and too pedophilic, even though I explained to him that it isn't. He said that we should wait until we're further into our relationship to discuss it further, since it's still early days. To me, we're basically at a stage where it feels like we've been going out a year or more. When I said he was being unreasonable, he tried to guilt trip me by saying he'd been nothing but nice to me. I said that was bullshit.

I told him that I hadn't asked him to participate, just to understand, accept, and take it on board. His reply? "Understand from an outsider's persective." After our fight I don't if he's the person I thought that he was. Is it too much of me to ask he accept my fetish like other unusual things? I'm starting to feel he's just like all the other narrow-minded shallow people out there.

I don't know if I'm just being over-sensitive, but my previous boyfriend blabbed it to all his friends who agreed that I was a freak who should not be associated with. I'm really sad and I don't know the best way to approach this situation.

Any advice?

Quoted for grammar. The mad copy editor strikes again.

babibear · 30-05-2009

Many people find AB/DL to be a touch beyond 'Way out There' and even those who could handle just about everything else can't handle this paraphila. I've not come across anyone who softened on it given time. That's not to say your boyfriend can't be the exception.

I am reluctant to give relationship advice really. From a personal point of view I don't feel the need to tell everyone about my fetishes. Only those of whom I have a close relationship get to know. Unless you really feel this boyfriend is going to be a LTR I don't know that there is a really good reason to tell all.

ForrestD · 31-05-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by balancedchaos

Quoted for grammar. The mad copy editor strikes again.

YAY! Thank you, you elusive hero you.

30-05-2009	#1 (permalink)
staircase Lurker Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Melbourne Posts: 9 Threads: 3 Reputation: 0	My Boyfriend Problems I recently told my boyfriend of 5 months about my infantilism fetish, his intial reaction was that he though it was gross but said it woulnt change anything between us. Though for the past month he hasn't mentioned it all, and when I mentioned it again a few days ago he replied 'I don't want to talk about it'. I replied 'You don't like it do you?' We then got into a huge fight where he told me that he thought the whole thing was weird and too pedophilic even though I explained to him that it isn't. He said that we should wait until were furthr into our relationship to discuss it further since its still early days, but were basically at the stage where it feels like weve been going out for a year or more. He then tried to guilt trip me when I said he was being unreasonable by saying he'd been nothing but nice to me so it say that wwas bullshit. I told him that I hadn't even told him to particpate in it at all just to understand, accept and take it on board and his reply understand from an outsiders persective. After our fight to don't if he's the person I thought that he was. Is it too much of him to ask to accept my fetish like other unordianry things? I'm starting to feel he's just like the other all the other narrow-minded, shallow people out there. I don't know if I'm just being over senstive, but its also the fact that the previous boyfriend I had blabbed it to all his friends who all agreed with him that I was a freak who should not be associated with. I really don't know the best way to appraoch this situation. Any advice?

30-05-2009	#2 (permalink)
Chillhouse Hakuna Matata Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Trawno Age: 18 Posts: 2,515 Threads: 136 Blog Entries: 60 Reputation: 104	edit Last edited by Chillhouse; 30-05-2009 at 02:33 PM. Reason: wrong thread, sorry

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30-05-2009	#3 (permalink)
Charlie F Easter Mew Donor Senior Staff Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: England, UK Age: 19 Posts: 3,182 Threads: 48 Gallery Uploads: 7 Wiki Edits: 50 Blog Entries: 109 Reputation: 101	He definitely seems to be being unreasonable if all you're asking for is acceptance... I'd give him a few days, and then give him some information on infantilism. Here might help: Understanding Infantilism Perhaps just send him that link and ask him to read through it and understand it better. If he still doesn't accept (or worse: doesn't bother read it) then you might want to let him go. To have somebody blatantly ignore an important part of you isn't going to be good...

30-05-2009	#4 (permalink)
Trevor Enunciate! Donor Staff Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Seattle, WA USA Posts: 1,289 Threads: 28 Gallery Uploads: 2 Wiki Edits: 7 Blog Entries: 2 Reputation: 67	Although I'm obviously pro-diaper and certainly the vast majority of the audience here is as well, I think it's worth remembering that this is pretty left field to some people. Dan Savage, a popular US sex advice columnist who is not narrow or lacking in experience personally finds diapers a "fetish too far" and beyond the bounds of "GGG" (the expectation that someone in a relationship should be Good, Giving, and Game with regard to weirdness). It's his personal reaction, which I think illustrates that it can be much more a matter of how something strikes you rather than just narrow vs. broadminded or accepting. I can't see how a relationship would ultimately work if he can't come to some kind of reasonable understanding, so I hope you can get things clear.

30-05-2009	#5 (permalink)
Calico VIP Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon) Age: 24 Posts: 747 Threads: 49 Reputation: 24	Lose the boyfriend if he is going to be too ignorant to even listen. People are just stupid.

30-05-2009	#6 (permalink)
Siege89 More DOTS!! Join Date: May 2009 Location: USA Age: 22 Posts: 704 Threads: 50 Gallery Uploads: 3 Blog Entries: 22 Reputation: 11	I would write him a note. Add some links he can look up. An give his space. If after a few day he still is closed minded as he so far has been. Dump him. He doesn't have to be a part of it. But should at least wanna know what it is. To be honest he doesn't love you "unconditionally" if this is such a big problem

30-05-2009	#7 (permalink)
ForrestD Regular Join Date: May 2009 Location: Maryland, USA Age: 15 Posts: 237 Threads: 8 Gallery Uploads: 5 Blog Entries: 14 Reputation: 5	I would let it settle for a couple of days and then try to set up a conversation where both of you can be comfortable talking about it. If you want his acceptence, and he is not giving it to you, then he is 100% being un-reasonable. Everyone needs someone who accepts you for who you are, and this needs to be something that he can accept you for. Like, have him come over to your house and set together on the couch and talk to eachother about it. Try to be as honest as possible with him for any questions he asks you. If he asks questions then he probably wants to know or he wants to know about that specific question at least. Tell him about what it means for you, and what it does for you. Hopefully everything will go well. I wish the best of luck to you.

30-05-2009	#9 (permalink)
babibear Regular Donor Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: San Fran, USA Age: 41 Posts: 412 Threads: 3 Gallery Uploads: 3 Reputation: 6	Many people find AB/DL to be a touch beyond 'Way out There' and even those who could handle just about everything else can't handle this paraphila. I've not come across anyone who softened on it given time. That's not to say your boyfriend can't be the exception. I am reluctant to give relationship advice really. From a personal point of view I don't feel the need to tell everyone about my fetishes. Only those of whom I have a close relationship get to know. Unless you really feel this boyfriend is going to be a LTR I don't know that there is a really good reason to tell all.