Two become one

**Sweep???** · 14-12-2008

This is only a preview to see if anyone likes it
---------------------------------------------

Ring Ring

Yawning, a girl with black hair and red highlights going through, blinked before getting up.

"Great, another day of school." grumbled Nina getting dress, walking out of her room she had a look of the pictures hanging on the walls.

One of them showed two young girls, age ten smiling at each other, the other picture shows a happy family grinning, soon though the pictures took a turn for the worse.

Looking down Nina grabbed some toast and run to school.

Somewhere else.

"Rise and shine pumkin." grinned a tall blond, looking down at her daughter, whose sandy blond hair was sticking out under the bed sheets.

"Mom." mumbled Mai, rubbing her eyes.

"Your wet!" shouted her mom cheerfully picking up her daughter, who was tall but not as strong as her mom.

Removing her daughter's diaper, she wiped Mai carefully, before letting her do her own thing.

"Thanks mom." said Mai getting her clothes and underwear out.

"Tina, I want to ask you something?" questioned Lily.

"Sure, what is it?" streched Mia by the door.

"Why dosen't Nina come around here anymore." whispered Lily.

Mia cluching her teeth glared at her mom, "It's none of your buissness!" shouted Mia rising her voice at her mom who frowned.

"Tell me now or else I'm not going let you go to the dance." replied Lily with a strict voice.

"It's complicated, she's a loser and well I'm popular." huffed Mai opening the door running to her friends.

----------------------------

What do you think?

Mitsukuni · 14-12-2008

Quite short, but I guess I'd be willing to read if you posted more.

~~babydiaper24~~ · 15-12-2008

it ok it could use little work and tell little more about person in story had hard time understand what the person like.

**soxfan08** · 16-12-2008

I like it, it needs more though. Also, I think you called the one character three different names (Mai, Mia, and Tina), fairly confusing.

Laram · 18-12-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by soxfan08

I like it, it needs more though. Also, I think you called the one character three different names (Mai, Mia, and Tina), fairly confusing.

Their All Different Characters. I Think? I Got Confused A Bit....

Good Story Though... So Far...

14-12-2008	#1 (permalink)
Sweep??? Lurker Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Walse Posts: 7 Threads: 4 Reputation: 0	Two become one This is only a preview to see if anyone likes it --------------------------------------------- Ring Ring Yawning, a girl with black hair and red highlights going through, blinked before getting up. "Great, another day of school." grumbled Nina getting dress, walking out of her room she had a look of the pictures hanging on the walls. One of them showed two young girls, age ten smiling at each other, the other picture shows a happy family grinning, soon though the pictures took a turn for the worse. Looking down Nina grabbed some toast and run to school. Somewhere else. "Rise and shine pumkin." grinned a tall blond, looking down at her daughter, whose sandy blond hair was sticking out under the bed sheets. "Mom." mumbled Mai, rubbing her eyes. "Your wet!" shouted her mom cheerfully picking up her daughter, who was tall but not as strong as her mom. Removing her daughter's diaper, she wiped Mai carefully, before letting her do her own thing. "Thanks mom." said Mai getting her clothes and underwear out. "Tina, I want to ask you something?" questioned Lily. "Sure, what is it?" streched Mia by the door. "Why dosen't Nina come around here anymore." whispered Lily. Mia cluching her teeth glared at her mom, "It's none of your buissness!" shouted Mia rising her voice at her mom who frowned. "Tell me now or else I'm not going let you go to the dance." replied Lily with a strict voice. "It's complicated, she's a loser and well I'm popular." huffed Mai opening the door running to her friends. ---------------------------- What do you think?

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14-12-2008	#2 (permalink)
Mitsukuni what is this i dont even Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Darkside of the Moon Age: 16 Posts: 752 Threads: 29 Gallery Uploads: 8 Wiki Edits: 1 Blog Entries: 2 Reputation: 13	Quite short, but I guess I'd be willing to read if you posted more.

15-12-2008	#3 (permalink)
~~babydiaper24~~ Regular Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 73 Threads: 9 Reputation: 1	it ok it could use little work and tell little more about person in story had hard time understand what the person like.

16-12-2008	#4 (permalink)
soxfan08 Lurker Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Somewhere in the USA Posts: 16 Threads: 1 Reputation: -1	I like it, it needs more though. Also, I think you called the one character three different names (Mai, Mia, and Tina), fairly confusing.