Some Poetry

mzkkbprmt · 30-08-2008

Well, just one poem to begin with. I'll post it, and if you like it I will try and produce some others. If necessary I'll raid some poems I did when I still had to do them for English at school - probably with one or two adjustments now that I am a little older. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated.

Well without further ado:

PERFECT

Systemic systematics
Procedural fanatics
Bureaucrats – domination
Your debts – consolidation

Heath and safety just isn’t fun
Lives spoilt by regulation
No time for experience
Even less for common sense

Qualified – show me some paper!
Prove to me your not a faker
Just show me A, not an E
Skills? They don’t matter to me.

Just got an angry letter
Lawyer says I’m the debtor
If I’m sued I have to pay
The truth hasn’t got a say

I am me!
Don’t you see?
Your red tape just ain’t for me.
Conformist – tried it, not nice to be.
Your perfect system works for computers, but me…
I’m a human being see!
Too many rules won’t give me safety.
It don’t matter, grade A or E.
I know this job is right for me.
It’s very simple – I won’t pay the fee.
The system – brakes…

Digital · 30-08-2008

Well, someone's been listening to Radiohead.

That's a compliment by the way, not bad at all.

Atsu · 30-08-2008

Wonderful ^^

tom · 30-08-2008

great! clever content...your intelligence never ceases to amaze me

mzkkbprmt · 31-08-2008

I felt a bit of a fraud for only doing one poem so I made sure I wrote something else today. Glad you like the previous one, hope this one is as good.

100% SAFE

The gate is shut!
Do not pass!
There are traps,
There is danger,
There is no way you’ll last.
The watchers keep back every foe,
And friends too,
If they stumble through.

They stand there with their double edged swords,
Defending and damaging in equal measure.
They are the guardians,
And they do there job well.
No danger gets in.
Curiosity is trapped.

They hear no argument,
They see no reason.
They have a job,
And they will complete it.
A pity no one tells them,
When the job is done.
When the stop protecting,
Because it means life isn’t fun.

They think they are right,
By not thinking at all.
They see they are right,
When they turn a blind eye.
When wrong they are right,
And when right they are right,
And the job description says they are in charge.

They are in control,
And they do what they can.
Showing no compassion,
Even though they care.
You can’t deal with their kind,
Or their imprisoned kin.
Don’t listen to there calls,
Or you become their captive.

So I’ll have you know that you are perfectly safe.
Don’t pass the gate and you will find no danger.
If you escape past the watchers they give you a message,
“Brush your teeth and tidy your room and never ever talk to a stranger!”

mzkkbprmt · 14-09-2008

I was having a bad day at school when I wrote this.

The Klaxon Calls

The bomb is coming,
It's going to fall,
To catch me with,
It's deafening call.
To rip me up,
In a mindless storm.
I want to hide,
from it's deadly form.
It's pitiless voice,
Follows behind me.
A gathering horde,
Crashing around me.
It reaches everywhere!

I hide in a corner,
but it finds me there.

mzkkbprmt · 02-10-2008

Another poem. Personally this was about the feeling I get from having AS some days, where I get overloaded and everything just starts to get to me. However, I imagine it could fit anyone's feelings after a long bad day that they want to escape from.

CURRENTLY UNTITLED
Considering ‘Vivid Pale World’, ‘Long Drain’ or ‘Feeling’

Jolted
The lightning runs through me
Screaming – off like a shot

In Cage
Surrounds the would I see
Try to escape - can not

Growing
Feel it build up inside
An assault to my head

Let go
It refuses to hide
Consumes me – brain feels dead

I’ve seen it before,
It’s always the same.
Searching end to end,
No way off this train.
Lose the date, lose your age,
Forget your own name.
Come with me now,
For the long drain.

Zombie
Sightless eyes seeing all
Pod bay doors are open

Shutdown
Ignoring the Earth’s call
Body taken over, then…

Laws broken, mirrors cracked!
Gravity lost – can’t fall!
You’re feeling the pressure,
Slow in the fast lane.
Take everything, nothing,
And you’re feeling it all.
Come with me now,
For the long drain

Fading
Thoughts go to nothing
Aware of everything

Full speed – not moving,
You’re here to stay.
You are with me now,
On the long drain.

Wrap yourself up tight,
Hide the world away.
You’ve lost it all,
On the long drain.

**PyramidHead** · 02-10-2008

Wow, nice.
You're really good....

mzkkbprmt · 03-10-2008

I was messing around with haikus. Any thoughts?

SOME HAIKUS

HEART
You gave me a heart.
The pain is unbearable,
When I don’t see yours.

BODY
You gave me a body,
But you do not understand,
That now it is mine.

MIND
You gave me a mind.
Do you respect its powers?
Or fear its problems?

ME
You made me unique,
And now you choose to complain,
When I’m not a sheep.

YOU
You gave me a life,
And you have tended it well,
But now it is mine.

Manveru · 06-10-2008

I like it all a lot, it seems like....a mash of Radiohead and Rise Against set to Daft Punk.

Keep writing, we need more good poetry. I'm glad to see that you can work around rhyme schemes - they always seem to get in my way, so I free style. But you managed to work rhymes in with your messages quite nicely.

30-08-2008	#1 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 900 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	Some Poetry Well, just one poem to begin with. I'll post it, and if you like it I will try and produce some others. If necessary I'll raid some poems I did when I still had to do them for English at school - probably with one or two adjustments now that I am a little older. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated. Well without further ado: PERFECT Systemic systematics Procedural fanatics Bureaucrats – domination Your debts – consolidation Heath and safety just isn’t fun Lives spoilt by regulation No time for experience Even less for common sense Qualified – show me some paper! Prove to me your not a faker Just show me A, not an E Skills? They don’t matter to me. Just got an angry letter Lawyer says I’m the debtor If I’m sued I have to pay The truth hasn’t got a say I am me! Don’t you see? Your red tape just ain’t for me. Conformist – tried it, not nice to be. Your perfect system works for computers, but me… I’m a human being see! Too many rules won’t give me safety. It don’t matter, grade A or E. I know this job is right for me. It’s very simple – I won’t pay the fee. The system – brakes…

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30-08-2008	#2 (permalink)
Digital Heart & Soul Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: In the shadowplay Age: 16 Posts: 330 Threads: 20 Gallery Uploads: 2 Wiki Edits: 1 Blog Entries: 4	Well, someone's been listening to Radiohead. That's a compliment by the way, not bad at all.

30-08-2008	#3 (permalink)
Atsu Have Hope Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oxnard, California Age: 16 Posts: 901 Threads: 33 Gallery Uploads: 10 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 1	Wonderful ^^

30-08-2008	#4 (permalink)
tom VIP Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Dorset, England Age: 16 Posts: 425 Threads: 30 Blog Entries: 1	great! clever content...your intelligence never ceases to amaze me

31-08-2008	#5 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 900 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	I felt a bit of a fraud for only doing one poem so I made sure I wrote something else today. Glad you like the previous one, hope this one is as good. 100% SAFE The gate is shut! Do not pass! There are traps, There is danger, There is no way you’ll last. The watchers keep back every foe, And friends too, If they stumble through. They stand there with their double edged swords, Defending and damaging in equal measure. They are the guardians, And they do there job well. No danger gets in. Curiosity is trapped. They hear no argument, They see no reason. They have a job, And they will complete it. A pity no one tells them, When the job is done. When the stop protecting, Because it means life isn’t fun. They think they are right, By not thinking at all. They see they are right, When they turn a blind eye. When wrong they are right, And when right they are right, And the job description says they are in charge. They are in control, And they do what they can. Showing no compassion, Even though they care. You can’t deal with their kind, Or their imprisoned kin. Don’t listen to there calls, Or you become their captive. So I’ll have you know that you are perfectly safe. Don’t pass the gate and you will find no danger. If you escape past the watchers they give you a message, “Brush your teeth and tidy your room and never ever talk to a stranger!”

14-09-2008	#6 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 900 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	I was having a bad day at school when I wrote this. The Klaxon Calls The bomb is coming, It's going to fall, To catch me with, It's deafening call. To rip me up, In a mindless storm. I want to hide, from it's deadly form. It's pitiless voice, Follows behind me. A gathering horde, Crashing around me. It reaches everywhere! I hide in a corner, but it finds me there.

02-10-2008	#7 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 900 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	Another poem. Personally this was about the feeling I get from having AS some days, where I get overloaded and everything just starts to get to me. However, I imagine it could fit anyone's feelings after a long bad day that they want to escape from. CURRENTLY UNTITLED Considering ‘Vivid Pale World’, ‘Long Drain’ or ‘Feeling’ Jolted The lightning runs through me Screaming – off like a shot In Cage Surrounds the would I see Try to escape - can not Growing Feel it build up inside An assault to my head Let go It refuses to hide Consumes me – brain feels dead I’ve seen it before, It’s always the same. Searching end to end, No way off this train. Lose the date, lose your age, Forget your own name. Come with me now, For the long drain. Zombie Sightless eyes seeing all Pod bay doors are open Shutdown Ignoring the Earth’s call Body taken over, then… Laws broken, mirrors cracked! Gravity lost – can’t fall! You’re feeling the pressure, Slow in the fast lane. Take everything, nothing, And you’re feeling it all. Come with me now, For the long drain Fading Thoughts go to nothing Aware of everything Full speed – not moving, You’re here to stay. You are with me now, On the long drain. Wrap yourself up tight, Hide the world away. You’ve lost it all, On the long drain.

02-10-2008	#8 (permalink)
PyramidHead Regular Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: House, Country Posts: 38 Threads: 2 Reputation: 2	Wow, nice. You're really good....

03-10-2008	#9 (permalink)
mzkkbprmt Consonants FTW Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom Age: 17 Posts: 900 Threads: 27 Gallery Uploads: 26 Blog Entries: 16	I was messing around with haikus. Any thoughts? SOME HAIKUS HEART You gave me a heart. The pain is unbearable, When I don’t see yours. *BODY* You gave me a body, But you do not understand, That now it is mine. MIND You gave me a mind. Do you respect its powers? Or fear its problems? ME You made me unique, And now you choose to complain, When I’m not a sheep. YOU You gave me a life, And you have tended it well, But now it is mine.

06-10-2008	#10 (permalink)
Manveru Cthulhu F'thagn! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Age: 21 Posts: 355 Threads: 38 Gallery Uploads: 22 Wiki Edits: 13 Blog Entries: 2	I like it all a lot, it seems like....a mash of Radiohead and Rise Against set to Daft Punk. Keep writing, we need more good poetry. I'm glad to see that you can work around rhyme schemes - they always seem to get in my way, so I free style. But you managed to work rhymes in with your messages quite nicely.